My 16 year old daughter needs help

[Flier]

If you guys are being honest with each other, you might want to find out if she is starving herself, or if she is binging and then starving herself. Binging seems like the only way she could be starving herself AND staying heavy. Whatever your daughter might be going through, I know it sucks. It took a caring girlfriend (now wife) to pull me back from anorexia. I really hope she gets this sorted out, because self loathing and bad eating habits are all-consuming and miserable.

If she does have an eating disorder, keep your eye on her, because she is right...a lot of lying goes on.

It is great that you guys are communicating!

I am pretty sure we are open and honest with each other at this point.
If you have sen what we have been through and the changes that have happened here in our house the last 2 weeks, I think you would agree.
I guess she was starving herself when I was not watching.
The time we spent together this summer, home and vacationing she was eating properly.....or as I write this, maybe not.
We are spending time in hotels, and sometimes she and friends run down for breakfast before me, and I don´t really know what she eats....and so on...
Wow...a male anorexic. I have just never heard of it. Usually we think we are too skinny. I will admit even at 250lbs during my first and last cycle this year, I kinda still thought I looked skinny....hehe. Maybe at 300lbs I would look thick enough.
A lot of lying HAS been going on, but I really think we are past it.
She put all the cards on the table yesterday, because I told her she might as well, I know everything anyway.
So she told me she has also been drinking at the parties, Smirnoff which a friend brought. But she tells me she "acts" drunk instead of being, and I believe her, and I understand. When everybody else are drinking, what u supposed to do?...be an outcast?
I´ve seen pics of her friends at dinners, they ALL....ALL have beer or those girlie drinks (smirnoff ice, zima..etc) in front of them. These girls are all 16, but they started at least 1 year ago, some 2. And I know who the early starters were.
What the fukk is wrong with parents??
This girl that brought Smirnoff to share with my daughter has always had easy access to alcohol.
"It takes a village to raise a child"....and this village is fukked up!
We do have a unique drinking culture in Scandinavia. We drink to get waisted, not to have good time.
If you vacation in Europe...Italy, France, Spain, Austria...and you hear drunken yelling, puking, singing, stumbling...I guarantee they are Scandinavians, not locals.
Like I said, I just spend 2 weeks in Italy, staying up past midnight almost every night...not one drunk person. Try the same in Scandinavia.

Man the plot thickens. So sorry to hear.

Also something I want to mention. Once this new program starts I suggest you honestly ask her how you are to react to her eating. In other words, you want to make sure you do not come across as a "food cop." And this means whether she is doing something good or bad. For example just saying something as simple as, " I am so happy to see you are not putting butter on your baked potato" could trigger a reaction from her even though you were complimenting her. This is going to be an emotional challenge since you will be involved. Many people who have eating disorders react to just about anything said to them when it comes to someone mentioning anything about their food choice.

Just giving you head's up so you are prepared in dealing with this. You might talk this out with her and ask her what you are to do and how involved you are supposed to be. Are you to ask her if she ate and what she ate? Are you to ask her if she was cardio? Are you to comment on anything regarding food period? And if not, then what is your role? And if actually allowed to be involved, is there some kind of wording or code you might both agree upon when mentioning something regarding food/exercise since most anything could trigger her the deeper you get into this.

I hope for both of you this does not present itself as an issue. But just warning you about this possibility.

I know what you mean.
I guess I have been a foodcop for years. It is very tiring when I´ve faced so much resistance. We are vacationing, and I love eating myself, trying different restaurants and foods, and I always want her to have a good time too, but it puts a damper on the mood if I have to pick her menu all the time, so I let it slide a lot.
I can not force anything. Like you say, she has to decide how much involved I should be. Thats why I love it now, that she comes to me and asks what, when, how much. I printed pretty much all in this thread to read, except for when we discus her emotional health...etc.
The same with my dog, or dogs. You have to let the dog come to you, to get acquainted. You approach the dog too abruptly, you will get bit.
I come with some careful suggestions, and watch her response. Like when I suggested gym/personal trainer. No resistance whatsoever, she immediately said yes, with some enthusiasm..

She woke me up this morning to make her the Oatmeal shake.
3/4 cup oats, half banana, 1 scoop of my Casein powder, and about 1,5 cup 1%milk (didn´t measure).
She downed it in 2 minutes, and said it tasted great.
Awkward though, I kinda felt she didn´t have a proper breakfast. But she did, right?
I´m just used to this thing about solid foods and a large breakfast since it´s the "most important meal of the day".

Gonna shop for your recipe now, and see what I find for dinner.

[JohnnyVegas]

I am pretty sure we are open and honest with each other at this point.
If you have sen what we have been through and the changes that have happened here in our house the last 2 weeks, I think you would agree.
I guess she was starving herself when I was not watching.
The time we spent together this summer, home and vacationing she was eating properly.....or as I write this, maybe not.
We are spending time in hotels, and sometimes she and friends run down for breakfast before me, and I don´t really know what she eats....and so on...
Wow...a male anorexic. I have just never heard of it. Usually we think we are too skinny. I will admit even at 250lbs during my first and last cycle this year, I kinda still thought I looked skinny....hehe. Maybe at 300lbs I would look thick enough.
A lot of lying HAS been going on, but I really think we are past it.
She put all the cards on the table yesterday, because I told her she might as well, I know everything anyway.

Believe it or not, there are a LOT of male anorexics.

Communication is important. My wife was supportive of me not eating because she knew I had lost 70 pounds and tend to have an "over-do it, or don't do it" mentality. She became nervous when I was finally honest about taking laxatives any time I ate more than a few bites of food. I was 160 pounds and still losing pretty fast...and thought I was still fat. I was unhealthy and she started to realize that. She really helped a lot after that, mostly with support rather than being bossy (which I don't respond to). Eating was a challenge for a while, but then I over did it the other way and started eating too much. Obviously my relationship with food is a mess, but getting back into the gym last December (six years off from a back injury) brought stability back into my life.

I hope you daughter gets that stability. She will be so much happier.

[Flier]

Believe it or not, there are a LOT of male anorexics.

Communication is important. My wife was supportive of me not eating because she knew I had lost 70 pounds and tend to have an "over-do it, or don't do it" mentality. She became nervous when I was finally honest about taking laxatives any time I ate more than a few bites of food. I was 160 pounds and still losing pretty fast...and thought I was still fat. I was unhealthy and she started to realize that. She really helped a lot after that, mostly with support rather than being bossy (which I don't respond to). Eating was a challenge for a while, but then I over did it the other way and started eating too much. Obviously my relationship with food is a mess, but getting back into the gym last December (six years off from a back injury) brought stability back into my life.

I hope you daughter gets that stability. She will be so much happier.

Informative post. I´m gonna let her read it.

Oatmeal shake for breakfast again today. (2/3 cup oatmeal, half banana, some strawberries, some cinnamon, 1 scoop Casein, mixed with water....I think, I was sleeping)
Don´t know what she took for lunch.
This shake is really working, awesome, it even tastes good, and so fast to prepare and drink.
I think we will order Sushi for dinner today, she asked yesterday. When in the US, we probably have Sushi 3-4 times/week, Lunch or dinner.

Long talk yesterday. I explained our joint efforts towards a new healthy lifestyle is apart from her new restricted life as a result of the broken trust from throwing parties, drinking alcohol, and a dozen other things she did against our house rules.
You will think I am way too tough on her, but hard to explain a relationship 16 years evolving.
She is not to go to any parties again until 18. (1,5 years from now).
What she is to do now, is school, dance, and home where she will do homework, take care of the dog and herself. Not one of her friends that attended her parties, are to set foot in my house again. She can see her friends during the day, cafe, park whatever.
Tough, but "out there" in "real life", if you lie and manipulate, you loose friends, you loose jobs, you loose your partner. Better learn at 16, when you make a choice, that choice has consequences. Everytime any of us are facing a choice, that choice will lead us down 2 different paths, we will only experience 1 of them. Which one do we choose?
Life becomes easier, in my mind, if we become amateur visionaries, the ability to view the paths and see the end result of our choice.
....ah ranting...sorry...lol