Appeasing the wife

[Honkey_Kong]

Armykid, seriously bro, you done fvcked up by getting married while you're in the army. Don't make it worse by getting a child involved in it.

Look at it like this, a good portion of your career in the military is going to be spent overseas in deployment. What kind of father or husband would you be to them if you're never there? You really want to see your kid grow up in pictures instead of being there? I think you should consider this when thinking about having a baby. And God forbid you die in your deployment for whatever reason. Sure your family gets insurance money for it, but does that replace having a father?

Besides, you're a kid yourself. I don't mean that as an insult either. You at this point in your life are just learning yourself and who you are. I know when I was 19/20, I had different aspirations and goals than what I have now. Having a child is a big responsibility. You can't discover yourself, when that might jeopardize somebody else who depends on you. So in other words, you're going to get stuck in to a life you might not necessarily want 10 years down the road.

When you're in your 30's or older, you're usually more financially solvent. Domestically, you're more settled. You've given yourself a chance to pursue your interests and you've discovered yourself. You become more settled, wiser and more responsible. I'm sure you're thinking to yourself you're all of those things. But believe me 10 years from now, you're going to think about how you at 20 was still just a child. You'd be better off doing your army service and using the GI bill to get yourself an education and a steady career before you decide to have kids.

[lovbyts]

Everyone is different as it's obvious by all the responses here BUT I could not imagine #1 being in the military at 19 and being married let alone trying to raise a family and not being there most ever night.
Just being in the military and getting to travel would be like a kid put in charge of watching a candy store but not being able to sample any of the candy.

I'm SO glad I finally got my sh*t together and did some real traveling a few years back when I was single. It doesnt meah life is over by any means though. Live is whatever you decide to make it and what makes you happy. You never know what the future holds either.

[Armykid93]

I guess everyone is different because I know a ton of people in the army right now married and very happy with it. Multiple deployments and children and they are very strong as a family. I went into my marriage not considering divorce as an option anyways as did my wife. If she doesn't like it that much I can get out of the army in less then 3 years from now. I plan on that anyways to go to school.

[lovbyts]

I guess everyone is different because I know a ton of people in the army right now married and very happy with it. Multiple deployments and children and they are very strong as a family. I went into my marriage not considering divorce as an option anyways as did my wife. If she doesn't like it that much I can get out of the army in less then 3 years from now. I plan on that anyways to go to school.

The longer you are in the army the more divorced people you will know also. lol
Sorry but thats always has been one of the biggest downfall of military life. History shows there is a higher divorce rate of military persons than most any other demographic. When the cats away the mice will play so to speak. Funny how so many guys become fathers when they have been deployed for over 10 months but somehow the wife convinces them it's theirs. lol

Also once the husband gets out of the military the wife decides to bail. I'm sure all/most of the guys you know are young newlyweds also. I said most, not all.

[DB1982]

You named your son after a mortal kombat character?

Exactly but not exactly. Several people around us wanted us to name him Aiden or Caiden which both are to popular for my taste I wanted something more unique and Raiden fit .

[DB1982]

OK I need to know. I have NEVER know a Kim that was not crazy in some way. I'm not sure WTF I was thinking because I had decided LONG time ago I would never hook up with another Kim when not long after my 2nd marriage I realized my wife Karlie had legally changed her birth name. It was Kimberly (Kim). Big red flag. lol

Oh Kim my wife is Bat shit crazy lol . But went they all

[red_hulk]

Exactly but not exactly. Several people around us wanted us to name him Aiden or Caiden which both are to popular for my taste I wanted something more unique and Raiden fit .

Definitely a cool choice haha

[gixxerboy1]

I guess everyone is different because I know a ton of people in the army right now married and very happy with it. Multiple deployments and children and they are very strong as a family. I went into my marriage not considering divorce as an option anyways as did my wife. If she doesn't like it that much I can get out of the army in less then 3 years from now. I plan on that anyways to go to school.

nobody plans on divorce. But thinhs happen you cant always foresee. I got separated from my wife for almost 8 months. i never planned on that.
Honkey brought up a great point about the kids. Do you really want to miss your kids first steps or first words? Or come home and your baby has no clue who you are.
Also if you really planing on going to school after the miltary, its better you dont have a kid. A career right out of college isnt guaranteed. Or you can take some more risk with careers or jobs because you dont have a child counting on you.

[Armykid93]

The longer you are in the army the more divorced people you will know also. lol
Sorry but thats always has been one of the biggest downfall of military life. History shows there is a higher divorce rate of military persons than most any other demographic. When the cats away the mice will play so to speak. Funny how so many guys become fathers when they have been deployed for over 10 months but somehow the wife convinces them it's theirs. lol

Also once the husband gets out of the military the wife decides to bail. I'm sure all/most of the guys you know are young newlyweds also. I said most, not all.

Well I sure hope my wife doesn't cheat on me. That would be pretty shitty. If that happens it will just mean i'm divorcing her. I'm not stupid so I don't think i've got anything to worry about. If she cheats then she's gone. I know she won't so i'm not worried about it.

[Lunk1]

The fact that you guys are even giving this young man the impression that his wife will cheat while he is deployed serving his country is just fkn retarded. Step back and think about how hard this is going to be on him and his family...what is needed now are word of encouragement and support not threats of infidelity and hardship!

You guys should be ashamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Armykid...Glod bless you and your wife with all the strength and courage needed to get through the difficult times ahead and thank both of you for your sacrafice. The men deployed are not the only ones who are going through hardships and making sacrafice!

[Armykid93]

The fact that you guys are even giving this young man the impression that his wife will cheat while he is deployed serving his country is just fkn retarded. Step back and think about how hard this is going to be on him and his family...what is needed now are word of encouragement and support not threats of infidelity and hardship!

You guys should be ashamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Armykid...Glod bless you and your wife with all the strength and courage needed to get through the difficult times ahead and thank both of you for your sacrafice. The men deployed are not the only ones who are going through hardships and making sacrafice!

Thanks brotha. Appreciate the support.
I understand people are probably trying to warn me somehow about what I'll most likely go threw, maybe just going about it the wrong way lol

[gixxerboy1]

The fact that you guys are even giving this young man the impression that his wife will cheat while he is deployed serving his country is just fkn retarded. Step back and think about how hard this is going to be on him and his family...what is needed now are word of encouragement and support not threats of infidelity and hardship!

You guys should be ashamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Armykid...Glod bless you and your wife with all the strength and courage needed to get through the difficult times ahead and thank both of you for your sacrafice. The men deployed are not the only ones who are going through hardships and making sacrafice!

Lunk nobody knows his wife. I dont think anyone is saying his wife will do it. But it is a possibility. The kid is 19, yes i think he needs to hear the possibilities. Denying them isnt helping him either. And add a kid into the mix the odds go up.
So yes it could be a very real possibility that he comes home from deployment with a possible ex wife and a kid he gets to see on the weekends. It sucks but is a big reality. Dont try and tell me 19 year olds always make smart decisions and his girl couldnt slip either.
The chance for a kid will still be there in a year when he comes home or 5 years when he finishes school.

[Lunk1]

Lunk nobody knows his wife. I dont think anyone is saying his wife will do it. But it is a possibility. The kid is 19, yes i think he needs to hear the possibilities. Denying them isnt helping him either. And add a kid into the mix the odds go up.
So yes it could be a very real possibility that he comes home from deployment with a possible ex wife and a kid he gets to see on the weekends. It sucks but is a big reality. Dont try and tell me 19 year olds always make smart decisions and his girl couldnt slip either.
The chance for a kid will still be there in a year when he comes home or 5 years when he finishes school.

I agree 100% Gixx...i cant count the number of times I have seen it happen. Hell, I have had to be the one to deliver the news (talk about a frienship breaker). My point is that the last thing a young impressionable 19 year old newlywed on the verge of deployment needs to hear is repeated posts of how his wife might cheat while he is serving his country.

Reality is that can happen to any one of us at any given time...hell my wife might be with someone now instead of at work...maybe I should go check up on her lol.

Some guys (most posting) have no idea the tricks your head plays on you when your deployed and you see the guy who sleeps next to you getting that "Dear John" letter! I just think that more supportive advise could be offered undeer the circumstances. Perhaps words of encouragment and stories of success instead of all the woe is me and bad things can or will happen posts!

There are times when the truth and reality are best just not spoken and instead just encouragment and support!

[gixxerboy1]

Lunk i def see your point and i agree 110% if he wasnt asking about appeasing his wife by having a kid now. I think with that decision in the air he needs to hear the truth.

And i could not imagine what it would be like to get that letter while away.

[spywizard]

don't know if the military will give you a vasectomy without children they wouldn't me til i had 2... but it is very reversible (after 24 yrs i had one done) and she doesn't need to know..

or wrap it up..

[Lunk1]

Lunk i def see your point and i agree 110% if he wasnt asking about appeasing his wife by having a kid now. I think with that decision in the air he needs to hear the truth.

And i could not imagine what it would be like to get that letter while away.

The truth about if having a kid or not at this stage is going to add to hardship...sure, fair enough.

But like so many other posts on here involving relationships...the women haters, failed relationship regretters and marriage bashers want to bring someone else down because their marriage didn't work! So they talk of infedelity, $ wasting and divorce. Just seems counterproductive considering the OP will already have these mind games working against him soon enough!

Are those facts important at times as well...sure, this just isn't THAT time! Like I said, I have delivered that news and seen that letter opened. Devistating! Consider the divorce rate in the us Military is 3.7% up from 3.5% in 1999. This is the highest reported. The national average is between 40-60% which is a slight decrees from the 90's. While I am rambling now , my point is still that the last thing we should be telling the OP is the chances of losing his new wife while he serves! Not very patriotic of us as a community!

[binsser]

You couldn't be more wrong on this one! I was married a week after turning 19, had our daughter by 21 and have 0 regret! As a matter of fact my wife and I love the fact that we have already lived through things that most married cpl's our age are just now experiencing.

Believe me, I missed out on very little...I simply have had a partner in crime the whole time

The other benifit is that I will be 40 and an empty nester, healthy and mature. In a position where I can still enjoy life while others my age are changing diapers and playing soccer dad! Meanwhile I am able to take vacations and do whatever I want with more financial and mental security than I ever had in my 20's.

What did I miss out on? Banging whores and wasted time on dumb relationships. Knock yourself out...it's all meaningless in the end!

Good fckin post this reply is class and very true!!!

[Armykid93]

Lunk i def see your point and i agree 110% if he wasnt asking about appeasing his wife by having a kid now. I think with that decision in the air he needs to hear the truth.

And i could not imagine what it would be like to get that letter while away.

I might be young but I'm not stupid I'm going to know if my wife cheats. If she leaves me when I get out its her loss. The purpose of this thread wasnt asking how many different ways will the military fvck my life. I just wanted to hear some other funny stories from people, not just about having kids, about anything women get worked up over. I wasn't even asking for advice. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it but i'm fully aware the divorce rate, the unfaithfulness and all the other garbage that comes along with the life. I have many different people back home, some still in the military who I talked to before I enlisted and asked questions. They all told me about what you guys talk about, they told me the horror stories.

[Armykid93]

The title of the thread was a joke btw

[gixxerboy1]

I might be young but I'm not stupid I'm going to know if my wife cheats. If she leaves me when I get out its her loss. The purpose of this thread wasnt asking how many different ways will the military fvck my life. I just wanted to hear some other funny stories from people, not just about having kids, about anything women get worked up over. I wasn't even asking for advice. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it but i'm fully aware the divorce rate, the unfaithfulness and all the other garbage that comes along with the life. I have many different people back home, some still in the military who I talked to before I enlisted and asked questions. They all told me about what you guys talk about, they told me the horror stories.

I'm sorry, i wasnt trying to give you a hard time or wish you anything bad. I hope everything does work out for you what ever you decide.

The title of the thread was a joke btw

I though it was serious not a joke.

[Lunk1]

Armykid...ya still gotta remember it's the lounge, you will get an answer or response from every end of the spectrum.

Like Gixx...I thought the thread was serious as well, hence me feeling so strongly about the responses!

Everyone here I am sure wishes the best, the only one who wouldn't isn't here any longer lol.

At the end of the day, I know this. It's up to us to be happy with whatever decisions we make. Joining the military, getting married, having kids, changing jobs and so on. We are only as happy or unhappy as we allow ourselves to be. We get to be in control of that. Sometimes it's more difficult than others but it is still ultimately our choice! Best of luck!

If ya need any help watching the wife while your gone, you will have plenty of volunteers here lol j/k!!!

[Armykid93]

holy crap. My bad guys. I really did want to hear stories from others but no the title was a joke. If I hadn't wanted the cat we wouldn't have gotten it lol

[wmaousley]

I told my wife to enjoy the first few marriage first and lets get to know each other before we have kids, and do some traveling without a major responsibility. Worked for me