Depressed? A healthy way out!

[Nephets]

Depression can do funny things to you. As shitty as it is, ive come to learn a lot about myself and how broken your thought process can be without even realizing it.

From the outside my life looked perfect. Had a good job, beautiful wife, 4 kids. I had all the toys. Audi, corvette, Harley, 14 rental properties as a second income. On the outside life was grand. I had one tenant that completely destroyed a building. My side business was in jeopardy. The only way I could survive it was to work 15hr days for the next yr. I was exhausted. Spent little time with my family. Diet was shit and I was gaining weight. At the 9 month mark I was very confident I wasn't going to be able to save the business but I had to complete the Reno to have any chance. This was the first time in my whole life I honestly considered suicide. Not the casual way some people describe it in passing but the dirty hows whens and wheres. How could I do it with the least impact to my family etc. Some real dark shit. I learned a lot about myself during that time. It's funny looking back now but my wife watches all the "fat people" shows. The biggest looser, my 600lb life etc. She looked at me once and said why do these people still keep eating when they know it's hurting them. I thought back to my depression and shitty eating and I finally understood them. I said, they are depressed and feel no joy in probably anything they are going to do that day. The chicken wings bring them tematary joy and fuck you for trying to take away the one thing that may bring them joy that day.
Today I'm not great, but I'm considerably better. Business failed, shit got ugly, but I got my head out of my ass long enough to realize that the worst thing that would happen is im going to lose some stuff. I will live, I will have my family and a wife who loves me. I hung on to that for a long time. It helped me when I was going through the shit. Most people have no idea what I have gone through with depression but I am very open about it if someone asks. I think to myself, if I could have those thoughts then maybe the person asking about it does too. I'm sure it would be nice for them to know they are not alone.... even if they think they are.

[MuscleScience]

Depression can do funny things to you. As shitty as it is, ive come to learn a lot about myself and how broken your thought process can be without even realizing it.

From the outside my life looked perfect. Had a good job, beautiful wife, 4 kids. I had all the toys. Audi, corvette, Harley, 14 rental properties as a second income. On the outside life was grand. I had one tenant that completely destroyed a building. My side business was in jeopardy. The only way I could survive it was to work 15hr days for the next yr. I was exhausted. Spent little time with my family. Diet was shit and I was gaining weight. At the 9 month mark I was very confident I wasn't going to be able to save the business but I had to complete the Reno to have any chance. This was the first time in my whole life I honestly considered suicide. Not the casual way some people describe it in passing but the dirty hows whens and wheres. How could I do it with the least impact to my family etc. Some real dark shit. I learned a lot about myself during that time. It's funny looking back now but my wife watches all the "fat people" shows. The biggest looser, my 600lb life etc. She looked at me once and said why do these people still keep eating when they know it's hurting them. I thought back to my depression and shitty eating and I finally understood them. I said, they are depressed and feel no joy in probably anything they are going to do that day. The chicken wings bring them tematary joy and fuck you for trying to take away the one thing that may bring them joy that day.
Today I'm not great, but I'm considerably better. Business failed, shit got ugly, but I got my head out of my ass long enough to realize that the worst thing that would happen is im going to lose some stuff. I will live, I will have my family and a wife who loves me. I hung on to that for a long time. It helped me when I was going through the shit. Most people have no idea what I have gone through with depression but I am very open about it if someone asks. I think to myself, if I could have those thoughts then maybe the person asking about it does too. I'm sure it would be nice for them to know they are not alone.... even if they think they are.

Wow man, this literally made me choke up and tear up. What you described about the down and dirty of it was something I was contemplating for many many months. I even researched my life insurance policy to see what impact would have on my beneficiaries. It's so scary to think back on that. Especially when all my life I have been a get shit done, put on your boots and get to work. It's so humbling how stress can literally change the person you are.

Thank you for sharing that, and thanks everyone else for sharing. It really helps knowing that others have these struggles too. I don't feel so guilty about it or ashamed. One thing I've been working on is understanding that I'm a human. I use to deal with adversity by going into robot mode and pounding though things. If I made a mistake I was very hard on myself. I guess what I'm trying to discover is that I to am a human and not imperfect.

[Obs]

Depression can do funny things to you. As shitty as it is, ive come to learn a lot about myself and how broken your thought process can be without even realizing it.

From the outside my life looked perfect. Had a good job, beautiful wife, 4 kids. I had all the toys. Audi, corvette, Harley, 14 rental properties as a second income. On the outside life was grand. I had one tenant that completely destroyed a building. My side business was in jeopardy. The only way I could survive it was to work 15hr days for the next yr. I was exhausted. Spent little time with my family. Diet was shit and I was gaining weight. At the 9 month mark I was very confident I wasn't going to be able to save the business but I had to complete the Reno to have any chance. This was the first time in my whole life I honestly considered suicide. Not the casual way some people describe it in passing but the dirty hows whens and wheres. How could I do it with the least impact to my family etc. Some real dark shit. I learned a lot about myself during that time. It's funny looking back now but my wife watches all the "fat people" shows. The biggest looser, my 600lb life etc. She looked at me once and said why do these people still keep eating when they know it's hurting them. I thought back to my depression and shitty eating and I finally understood them. I said, they are depressed and feel no joy in probably anything they are going to do that day. The chicken wings bring them tematary joy and fuck you for trying to take away the one thing that may bring them joy that day.
Today I'm not great, but I'm considerably better. Business failed, shit got ugly, but I got my head out of my ass long enough to realize that the worst thing that would happen is im going to lose some stuff. I will live, I will have my family and a wife who loves me. I hung on to that for a long time. It helped me when I was going through the shit. Most people have no idea what I have gone through with depression but I am very open about it if someone asks. I think to myself, if I could have those thoughts then maybe the person asking about it does too. I'm sure it would be nice for them to know they are not alone.... even if they think they are.

Its amazing how it doesn't have to be chemical. Poor mental habits and negative outlooks can spawn a depression that swallows your life.
I used to be extremely negative mentally as you described. I still am at times but It is sooo much better today.
I look at posessions now as a passing thing. I expect all things to pass so I enjoy them while I can.
Its not so good for longevity of my posessions though. I rod the piss out of everything, use things like they are disposable, because they are.

Family is all it takes. Someone to share your darkest and brightest moments, to hell with all the other stuff. Good job Stephen.

[BG]

Depression can do funny things to you. As shitty as it is, ive come to learn a lot about myself and how broken your thought process can be without even realizing it.

I think to myself, if I could have those thoughts then maybe the person asking about it does too. I'm sure it would be nice for them to know they are not alone.... even if they think they are.

Its crazy when you think that most people have no idea how it feels. My heart goes out to those who suffer, super tough shit.