Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"


A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"


"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"


A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all,"

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.


An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."


A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.


This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.

Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."


A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used as I was dozing off after the anaesthetic injection" he answers.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.



While shopping for holiday clothes, my husband and I passed a display of swim wear.

It had been at least ten years and a few kilos since I had even considered buying any so I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in- one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."


Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old grand daughter and beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterward...!