Thread: Best Friend As Your Roomate??
08-05-2004, 04:31 PM #1
Best Friend As Your Roomate??
Well guys I need some input..... I am faced with a tough decision and I don't know what to say/do. I am going to be buying my first house within the next month, and I am very excited about it. However here is the problem:
I can afford the mortgage payment and cost of living to live in the house by myself with no problem.... I might not be able to waste money like I do now on stupid things but I will be able to live comfortably without a roomate. However, my best friend who I have known since I was in 5th grade wants to move out with me and has been bugging me about it for months prior to even thinking about getting a house. There are a couple reasons I don't want him to move in with me even though having someone else to pay towards the mortgage payment would give me even more room to live comfortably.... but here are the reasons why I don't want him to live with me:
1. He has a problem with alcohol....and is alwasy getting drunk
2. He used to be heavy into drugs and still occasionally smokes pot which I don't want in my house (and how could I be sure it doesn't happen when I am not there)
3. He does have a few enemies from a while back when he was into drugs which worries me....
4. He is my best friend and I don't want to be around him anymore than I already am or we will start to clash heads.
5. He always wants me to go out and do things with him etc... he is a person who can't stay home one night of the week, and having him live with me would be worse because I can't use half the excuses I do now and when I do give in to going out it would be spending money that I can't afford to spend.
There are a few other reasons, but overall it would help a great deal moneywise to have him as a roomate, and he is a person I would trust with my personal belongings (even though I do have a safe)
I just don't know what to do / say...... it's hard to tell your best friend who REALLY wants to move out and has the money to do so that you don't want them living with you. I almost feel like an asshole about it, but I have to look out for myself and my best interests first.
What would you guys do....would you tell him that he can move and hope all goes well just to have the help money wise.... or would you tough it out and go it on your own and just think of a way to break it to your friend? I feel bad, but I really don't think having him live with me is a good idea...
I am completely torn in this decision as he is kinda like my older brother, and has been that way with me for years. Any input is greatly appreciated
08-05-2004, 04:37 PM #2
DUDE! NO! I did the same thing like three years ago, and we were never friends again. This guy sounds like a carbon copy of the friend that rented from me. Put an ad out, ask around campus... anyone BUT a "friend" like that, or any friend for that matter.
08-05-2004, 04:44 PM #3
...oh, and don't do the "okay, you can live here for a few weeks" thing! Digging a hole man.
08-05-2004, 04:46 PM #4
Yea that's another thing I am worried about..... I don't want a friend to live with me because they will expect that if one month they can't make rent I won't push the issue. Not that I think he would do that because he makes plenty of money, but I just don't want to have to deal with it. I want someone with no attachments that if they f*ck around I can tell them to get out with no remorse or ill feelings
It's harder to kick a friend out
08-05-2004, 04:46 PM #5
Never have a friend for a roomate. Keep business and friends seperate. Trust me, its the best way to keep a friend.
08-05-2004, 04:47 PM #6Originally Posted by Lozgod
I know but I am worried I will really hurt him if I tell him I don't want him to live with me. And most of my main reasons I would never dare say to him because it would really hurt our friendship.
08-05-2004, 04:48 PM #7
Its not worth the risk of losing a best friend for a little extra discretionary income each month. I would be honest with him and tell him you don't think it would be a good idea. If he's your best friend like you say he is, he'll respect your decision.
08-05-2004, 04:52 PM #8ttuPrincess Guest
did you not learn anything from the TMNT's threads???? my roommate (splinter) was my best friend for years.. havnt spoken in months.. didnt even speak for the last 3 months we lived together .. BLHA ..
08-05-2004, 04:53 PM #9
wow that sounds like my old roommate too, needless to say he stiffed me on the last months rent and havent spoken in about a year
08-05-2004, 04:53 PM #10Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
Nope never read the thread..... I will search for it
08-05-2004, 04:57 PM #11ttuPrincess GuestOriginally Posted by LeanMeOut
08-05-2004, 04:59 PM #12Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
LOL I don't remember Was I lol..... I found your TMNT Part 2 thread.... but I can't find the original.
08-05-2004, 05:08 PM #13ttuPrincess GuestOriginally Posted by LeanMeOut
best friends.. moved in to gether , when i started working out and taking care of myself it all changed and we havnt spoken in months now.. grrrrr i dont like her.. i wouldnt suggest moving in together with a close friend
08-05-2004, 05:10 PM #14
Yea....my dad told me flat out he doesn't want my friend moving in with me. That will pose another problem in itself if I let him move in with me..... but either way I really don't want him there just the fact that I am not into some of the $hit he does and I don't want to be in any kind of a problem with my best friend.
I just have to figure out how I am going to tell him I don't want him to live with me
08-05-2004, 05:11 PM #15
I live with my best friend, known him since 4th grade. Ive lived with him for 2.5 years out of 4 years of college. Lived in the dorms together for a year and a half then he moved in a year ago. We get along fine but we are one in the same and he doesn't have too many habits that I don't....if he is into **** that you aren't in to, don't do it. My bud got into coke a while back and there was no way I would be around him....If you got problems with him now, then don't do it cause they'll only annoy/piss you off more
08-05-2004, 05:12 PM #16
my two best friends are moving in with me this summer. frankly I am alittle worried about it. But i hate living with anyone other than a friend. if you can afford to live by yourself bro then do it. I know I would.
08-05-2004, 05:15 PM #17Originally Posted by PrairieDawg
See that is my point.....if I can live by myself why not do it and struggle a little money wise? I mean it is just too risky and a pain to have someone live with you that isn't part of your family. Not only that but what if I get a girl friend again in the near future and I want her to move in with me down the road? Then I would have to kick my friend out because there is no way in hell I will have another guy live with me and my girl. And there are just 100 other reason why I don't want him there. Now it is just figuring out how I tell him I don't want him there....without hurting his feelings
08-05-2004, 05:27 PM #18Originally Posted by LeanMeOut
You see my point? If you think you're going to have problems with this guy then you probably are, speaking from experience, there's a good chance you two won't come out of it as good a friends as you were. If he can find another place no problem then make up something to keep him out. Say something like a realative might be moving in for awhile and you want to keep the room open in case they do. He'll get over you telling him no in no time.
08-05-2004, 06:08 PM #19
Yeah LMO, it sounds to me like you already know what you have to do. It is possible to be great friends with someone on a different maturity level than oneself, but to live with someone, you need to have very similar lifestyles.
I have a friend who bought a house recently, and he didn't want a friend moving in with him, so he interviewed potential roomates, and found someone he felt would be a good match. Now he and his new roomate are great friends. Put an add out if you have to, but don't put yourself in a situation you KNOW is going to go sour.
08-05-2004, 06:16 PM #20
I would tell him that your friendship is more important to you than being roommates. Tell him you asked advice from a lot of people and that's the conclusion you came up with. If he is truly your friend he'll get over it. If not well............you know
08-05-2004, 06:25 PM #21
[QUOTE=rocco78]Yeah LMO, it sounds to me like you already know what you have to do. It is possible to be great friends with someone on a different maturity level than oneself, but to live with someone, you need to have very similar lifestyles.
08-05-2004, 07:35 PM #22
it all depends on the person in question bro it can be done with success.
how big is the house? if its big enough to where his shiit wont bother you
if you do decide to let himlive with you then let him know straight up you wont deal with any bull crap and you will have to let him go so to speak but i bet he will still smoke its easy to fall back into it.
Your on your own on this one but id say due to the reasons youve listed then somewhere down the line is gotta some form of hassle.
08-05-2004, 08:18 PM #23
Don't do it!!!!
It will change your friendship for sure. I moved in to my new place 8 months ago and decided to get a roommate just to make life a little easier financialy.
My good friend of 15 years moved in and our friendship has not been the same since. He expected low rent because I was his friend and felt it was expected. He wouldnt give me first and last months rent because I was his friend and when he moved out, he gave me 1 weeks notice with no payment for the last month because "I wasn't a real landlord"!! This is just the tip of the iceberg.....I could write a novel on all the things that screwed up our friendship.
We do still talk but things certainly are not the same as they were. If you want to keep this guy as your best friend....don't live together!
08-05-2004, 08:23 PM #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2003
I have some very close friends that I would prolly lay my life down for, but I couldnt live with them.
08-05-2004, 08:27 PM #25
I wouldnt do it, I cant stand being around the same person for anylonger than 3 or 4 days, not sure how you are.
A few of my friends had a place together, was a bad situation, like you said, they thought they could slip up on rent etc... Now they dont even talk to each other.
Better off telling your bro the truth.
Last edited by Jef-El; 08-05-2004 at 10:33 PM.
08-05-2004, 08:28 PM #26
Thanks for all the input guys......it has definitely helped me make up my mind and I think I know what I am going to say to him about it. Today at the gym he said something about me looking at houses and I just shrugged it off and said yea I have been looking and changed the subject. Tomorrow I am going to talk to him while we lift and lay it out on the line, and I am also going to tell him that I am not going to be hanging out with him as much for a while. He asked me today what we are doing this weekend and I told him I have no clue and he is starting to get pissy since I haven't hung out with him outside the gym for a few months since I have been saving for my house. I don't have the desire / extra money to go out right now, every penny I have I am saving for the house and he needs to understand that. So all in all tomorrow we are going to have a nice long chat and I will post back and let you all know how it goes.
Like it was said up top.... if he is a real friend he will understand. Which I think he will.....it's just hard to tell your best friend no with something of this nature
08-05-2004, 10:28 PM #27
I have a buddy that's looking for a place to rent. PM me if you're interested.
08-05-2004, 10:36 PM #28
If you want an enemy, let your best friend move in with you. Common phrase.
08-06-2004, 12:07 AM #29Originally Posted by bermich
My bestfriend reminds me exactly how you described yours. Especially the drinking part. The only thing that was different at first, was that I wasnt big on health so the drinking didnt bother me that much, at first. Also, him moving in with me just involved us sharing a dorm first semester for freshman college.
He pushed us sharing a dorm more. I was unsure even though we were bestfriends, just because I am more anal when it comes to studying and cleaning. We bothed loved to party and I didnt really want to tell him no. When it actually went down, we only got in 3 big @ss fights out of a whole semester which I dont consider bad. We both came to the realization that everytime we get irritated at the other persons living habits, we have to realize that in the big scheme of things, its so retarded to lose a friendship over. We both transfered out of that college as best friends.
The story continues though. When I came back, me and my younger brother decided to rent out the upstairs of a duplex from my parents who lived underneath. Last year, my bro left outta state to play baseball for a college while I stayed local. My bestfriend recently got out of his lease with another good friend. He wanted to move in my bros old room so bad. The help on rent woulda been great. BUT after seeing stuff that happened with his old roomie and other friends who moved in houses/apartments together; words get ALOT MORE HEATED once both sides are chipping in money. Your bestfriend could be coming at you, yellin about how he pays rent too, so how is it your business to regulate what he does, who he invites over, etc. This is what made me come clean and tell him that I just couldnt do it at this time. He was sore about it for awhile, but I just insisted it had nothing to do with our friendship, just how our lifestyles have changed.
IMO, break it to him easy that its not cool, especially if you can afford it without him.
08-06-2004, 09:49 AM #30
my best friend wants me to move in with him in the fall, after his lease is up...After reading this thread I will really have to consider..Id dont think I could do it.. And in your case, id say NO
08-06-2004, 10:10 AM #31
Do, like I do, tell him that you are a bastard to live with, and that you really prefer to live alone, tell him he is welcome at your house, but that the only room mate that you will consider is a split tail.
08-06-2004, 01:47 PM #32
Best advice is: Get a good job so you NEVER need a room mate. Dont even let your wife or girlfriend move in.
08-06-2004, 01:48 PM #33Originally Posted by bermich
Yea I am actually thinking about getting a part time job as a trainer at my local gym so that I can use that money for my leisure money and use my other job / internet job money pay for the house and other bills.
Still gotta have that talk today... not looking foward to it
08-06-2004, 02:13 PM #34
Wait untill after your workout, not during it might mess up your mindframe.
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