Thread: Any advice on Divorce?
04-25-2002, 10:03 AM #1
Any advice on Divorce?
Well, I know this isn't about juice but I figured some of you folks have been here before.
My wife has made it impossible to save our marriage. To give both sides of the story would take forever and I'm a little bummed right now. The gist of it is this, she will not make an effort in the marriage. I can't take the lies, deceit, and frankly just can not wait any longer for her to put forth the most basic effort.
We have been together 7 years. Since November the 1st I have been the one insisting that we go to a marriage counselor to try to resolve both of our issues. I can not take it anymore, all I have asked from her has been for her honesty and a commitment to actually put forth her best effort to make this work. All she has done is make me into this horrible person to everyone we know. I just recently found out how bad she has been manipulating the situation. She has been making up stuff about me and telling it to our mutual friends, her family, and everyone she knows. I have had to go back to save face and give my side of the story, call her on the lies, and then confront her with the lies to save face with our friends.
I've been busting my ass to be there for her. She misses marriage counselor appointments (3 out of 8), has been talking to her X boyfriend from college, and the only time she comments to me about anything is to say something negative. I have never met a more confrontational and argumentative person in my life.
I can't take it anymore. I told her that if she could not commit to being honest and not slandering my name that I wanted a divorce. She has held the D word over my head for 4 months now. I now see that it is because it gave her power over me.
I know this is sort of rambled out there and not very well written, I just needed to get this shit off my chest. What really hurts me is that this is NOT the person I married in any way. Honesty and friendship was the foundation of our marriage. I took a vow and have stood by it until this point, I cannot keep letting her rip me to pieces.
Anyway sorry to vent my crap, I just needed to get it out.
04-25-2002, 10:25 AM #2
Dude, that's what we're here for, the occasional "venting of crap" and for advice
Sorry to hear it's not working out with you bro, fortunetly I'm only 19 and haven't had to go through things like that yet. But well, it doesn't always workout. That's all I can really say. People change over time, and there is no reason for you to have to put up with this kind of bullshit. You've tried over and over to make things work, and it always seems to be her not putting enough effor into it. You only have one life to live bro! Do what makes you happy!!!
LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! Not hers
Hope this helps.
04-25-2002, 11:38 AM #3
Do you guys have any kids?
if not then talk to a lawyer or a mediator and split the bills, cash and stuff down the middle. the go your seperate ways. (doesn't have to be hard)
With kids be honest with them (as a kid I went through 2 of them and we always knew when there was a problem and it didn't seem that bad when we were kept in the loop) and try and work out a fair custody agreement. Or buy a duplex and you each live in your own half but the kids get maximum exposure to their parents.
04-25-2002, 11:51 AM #4
Thanks guys, no kids thank goodness. I wish to god this wasn't happening but I see no alternative. Splitting the money is kind of funny in a way, both myself and a good friend got layed off not too long ago. At least she has a good carreer and can support herself. It looks as though I'm keeping the house which is a blessing and a curse all in one. Between bills and housework it looks like I will have to find a roomate or rent the house out and crash at my brothers until I get back on my feet.
I gotta go work out and get rid of some of this rage.
04-25-2002, 11:53 AM #5
damn bro, sorry to hear that. first off, do not try and let her run the procedings, "you take care of it baby, we arent going to screw each other", uh uh. go 100% by the book, let your lawyer handle it all the way. if she where your freind you wouldnt be in court. not trying to be the voice of doom, just going by mine, and everyone else i know who has had a divorce's experiance. no give at all, just let the lawyers and courts handle it.
it is hard at first being seperated like that, but it gets easier with time. like all bad things, this to will pass brother...keep your head up.
04-25-2002, 11:54 AM #6
Sorry to hear this, bro. Like justme asked, any kids, if so that will make things a little more difficult. If not, my advice would be to go ahead and get a lawyer and begin divorce proceedings. If she is not willing to put any effort into making this work, there is nothing more you can do. If you continue to hang around and let her manipulate you and hold this over you, it will take a toll on you mentally and emotionally. In situations like this, it is best to get out as clean and early as possible. My sister did this same crap to my brother-in-law two years ago, and she twisted him to the point where he agreed to give her everything, kids, car, house...everything. She had him so messed up he didn't know what to do. I hope this isn't bringing you down, I am only trying to encourage you to do what you think is best for you. If there are kids, do what is best for them. In no case should you worry about what is best for her. She has made it clear that she's only looking out for herself, now it is your turn to do the same. Good luck, man.
04-25-2002, 12:07 PM #7
bro , good luck and sorry to hear about this, it will probably help you in the long run when your finally over all this, live with your bro cause family is always there for you and get your head back on ur shoulders, stand tall and dont worry, the best always comes in the end. it sounds like she is having a power trip, she loves the attention she is getting. people like to push your buttons to see how far you will go, stay away from these people, the only reason they really do it is becasue they are unhappy within themselves, u know what you have to do man, do it and remember who ur true friends are, go to them bro, and get huge too. make her jealous of what she is loosing. good luck man
04-25-2002, 12:24 PM #8
Some how I knew this was the right place to post this. These are things I need to here. I am amazed at how some women can mind F*** people out of selfishness. Not all women thank god, but some. Just as easily men do it too. About the only thing that gives me comfort is that I can HONESTLY say I gave this all I had, 130%, no questions asked. It's warped that even then this person who dedicated her life to our marriage through better or worse, sickness and health, is being such a ...............(insert shit I won't say here).
I've always been a believer in that people get what is comming to them. I wish her nothing but the best, I just don't think that is what she is going to find. At the end of the day, I WILL be happy one day without her, don't know when, but it will happen. Right now the pain of her being here outweighs the pain of moving on and throwing in the towel. It's hard to give up on something you believe in SO much, having to do this goes against the fucking grain of who I am.
I realized something last night, actually I knew it before but just wouldn't admit it to myself. Someone who is rude to your waiter, but nice to you, is NOT A NICE PERSON. That line came from movie, and it couldn't be more true.
Why do I care so much about what she is going to do, WTF is wrong with me! How have I come to a place where I continously put her ahead of me, NO MATTER WHAT. That is flat out WARPED. How in the hell can I stop worrying about her and start worrying about me? I just re-read that and it is pathetic I let it come to this.
Arrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggg. I need to buy a punching bag really, really, REALLY bad. My fists hurt from a tree out back with a towel I wrapped around it. I cannot remember the last time I got this upset. I know you guys don't know me that well, I would NEVER do anything physical to her or anyone else. Thats not the kinda person I am at all. Just wanted to make sure you guys knew that.
I'm going to go lift untiil I can't move anymore. I have to vent this in a proper fashion, the poor pine tree doesn't deserve the abuse .
04-25-2002, 02:11 PM #9
Dude man, don't beat yourself up... Like i tell everyone who has been in a long term relationship, you loved her for 7 years.. You loved the girl, of course you are always gonna think about her and stuff. And i know it seems hard and i am not saying to go out and sleepw ith maany woemn but try and go out.. clubs movies, have some fun.. yah know, Don't sit there htinking babout her, or at least try nt too. And remeber theere is nothing warped with still loving the girl.. It will take you a while.
And by the way i dunno if this is right brining this up, but her sudden change in mood makes me feel like she has some ulterior motives... unlss she has acted like this for 7 years... you get what i am saying.. anyway good luck man
04-25-2002, 02:21 PM #10
HEY THATS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT .........LIVE AND LEARN
PUT EVERYTHING TAHT YOU WANT TO KEEP INTO YOUR MOTHERS NAME SO SHE CANT TOUCH IT
MY BEST FRIEND SOLD HIS MOTORCYCLE TO HIS MOTHER FOR A
$1.00 LOL SO HIS WIFE COULDNT TAKE IT AND SELL IT HE PUT ALL HIS STOCKS IN HER NAME TOO
SORRY TO HEAR !! BUT MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER!
04-26-2002, 03:49 AM #11
It sounds like you already know what you want, which makes me feel like you're in control of the situation. Just remember that she is a different person than the woman you married. You're going to have to experience more hurt during this process and maybe witness her emotional pain at the same time. I hope you've already realized that you deserve better - and better won't come until you move on. Good luck bro, and keep venting here if it helps.
04-26-2002, 03:51 AM #12
...and take it easy on the poor tree, ok?
04-26-2002, 07:42 AM #13New Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2002
- San Jose
Hope you feel better, guy.
Now get a lawyer.
04-26-2002, 09:11 AM #14
Well, our marriage counsler called me. Said to get out now, that Cynthia is headed for bad times and refuses help from anyone. The MC said she would never say such a thing but that Cynthia had proven without a doubt that she was unwilling to take any part in resolving her issues, let alone ours.
I'm so tired of this shit. As soon as I feel "ok" doing what I gotta do (hell, she is the one who really wants this) she try's to trap me into her emotions and make me feel sorry for her. I have always fallen for it. She's been VERY cold through this whole thing, well this morning reality kicked in for her, she had second thoughts. I told not to bother that this time I was taking matters into my own hands, we are getting a divorce, and you can go deal with your emotions on your own.
Sounds like cold words from me, I had to do it though as she plays me like a flute. Had I NOT taken a firm stance the cycle would have gone around again with the end result her hurting me yet again. I'm done with it. I told her to find an apartment this weekend, call whomever she wants and get out of my house. I have an appointment Wednesday with my Attourney unless he can get me in sooner. I filled out the application to get her car refied out of my name. And I've started calling all the CC companies to get each other off of each others accounts.
Why oh why do I have to be SO faithful. Girl at the Gym yesterday just absolutely was trying to hook up with me. I won't do it, even now, until the divorce is final. That would make life MUCH better to actually just go out with another female and TALK about ANYTHING. Geez, now I know it's time. It's been freaking YEARS since I was able to have a conversation with Cynthia without her turning it into some type of aurgument.
Thats my soap opera for today, tune in tommarow for more of the juiced and the psycotic!
04-26-2002, 09:14 AM #15
It's hard but you will be better off. (going by what you have told us.)
04-26-2002, 09:41 AM #16
Yea, Justme, I know I have only posted part of one side. Just out of principal when I have enough time I'll post an unbiased account of both sides as best I can. That has been a big complaint of mine about her, the fact that she has trashed my name to all of her/our friends and her family and made up HUGE lies about me, things I've said and done. I haven't done that, I don't make stuff up about her to make me feel better. Going back to everyone we know and setting the record straight has helped considerably.
Heres a pic just because:
Last edited by DiMensionX; 04-26-2002 at 09:44 PM.
04-26-2002, 11:03 AM #17
yeah man def get rid of those pics. Shit when m and my girl of 4 years broke up.. I clingend on to those pics and letters and emails forever. I'll tell you why you have ot delete them.. Cause you'l look at them and say.. hey we had soo many good times... you'll start thinking about her and how much you love her.. and you'll start to break down.... Get rid of them... When i finally did it iwas great.. It must have been divine intervention cause i was always flirting witht he idea of egtting rid of everything then one day i had all the emails highlighted and always used to think about deleteing them, or i would delete them then get them back.. one day i deleted them and when i was going to get them back the computer hung... i was soo upset .. i could not get them back.. the next day i felt great. I had no way of thinking about her. my friends would come to my house when i was not looking and take any pics or letters they saw lying around. now months later man i am sooo much better.. I have completeley gotten over. Even though she was not my wife of 7 years.. i think the same principle applies... good luck man
04-26-2002, 11:05 AM #18
hey guys sorry my damn posts are always sooooo damn long!!!!!
every damn time lol
05-20-2010, 09:16 PM #19
Great first post!! Being this thread was started 8 years ago he has probably already remarried and got divorced again. How in the hell do you manage to dig up an 8 year old thread in the lounge to make your first comment?
05-20-2010, 10:00 PM #20
05-20-2010, 10:22 PM #21
05-20-2010, 10:47 PM #22
05-21-2010, 01:44 AM #23
fuk sake old threads.
btw, the OP turned gay and lived happily ever after. The end.
05-21-2010, 02:31 AM #24
He lasted only for a few hours.
Anyway, time is relative...
05-21-2010, 02:47 AM #25
He lasted one post because he is a scammer. There is a link in his post to scam people with. Now then this needs to be locked. I shouldnt have even posted this. I mean its 8 years old
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