Thread: mild humor for my buds
05-08-2002, 08:53 AM #1Female Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2002
mild humor for my buds
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Have a nice day
05-08-2002, 09:07 AM #2
05-08-2002, 09:12 AM #3
Oh hell!!!!!! The ones at the bottom brought tears to my eyes I was laughing so hard!! lmao! That's funny stuff!
05-08-2002, 09:14 AM #4
Good stuff, Mrs. T!
I liked the one about handicapped parking spaces at a skating rink.
Not that they can't be used by persons with a disability, but it reminded me of when I drove tractor-trailers. Down in Florida, the rest areas on the interstates have - I kid you not - handicapped parking spaces for tractor-trailers, despite the fact that, under the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Regulations, most disabilities for which such a parking space would be required disqualify people from getting commercial drivers licenses.
Go figure . . .
05-08-2002, 10:04 AM #5
LOL... good stuff
05-08-2002, 10:11 AM #6
Great post, Mrs. T!
05-08-2002, 11:02 AM #7
05-08-2002, 11:22 AM #8Associate Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2002
Very funny! The only problem is I have a complex about the answering machine and call waiting! I guess no ones really brought that to my attention before?
05-08-2002, 02:39 PM #9Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2002
nice. I've heard some of those in an email before as well, good stuff. God bless the USA.
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