Positive Aspects of Pollution

[Nathan]

First and foremost, I feel we should all recognize that without pollution the world wouldn't have nearly as many physical abominations as it does. Deformities provide us with countless hours of pure, unadulterated entertainment. I think we can all enjoy an eight-toed, cyclopsian child that lacks any visible genitalia whatsoever every now and then.
Without pollution, we would never see that beautiful multi-colored sheen floating delicately across the surface of our lakes and oceans. The world would be free of the periodic surprises our children have grown accustomed to finding when frolicking freely in our parks. Where would little Johnny be now without that used syringe he found while playing on the playground at school? Lying face down, dead and raped in an abandoned mine shaft, that's where.
Once upon a time, our ozone layer was nothing more than a boring, simple sphere encompassing our great planet. But thanks to pollution, it now has fun and interesting holes that are sure to make any alien on-lookers think, "Man alive, I wish we had some sweet holes like those in our ozone layer." And while those aliens were thinking that we'd punch them in the junk.
You see, life isn't about purity and perfection. Rather, it's about all those things that make this world different and unique. It's about leaving a steamer on the hood of your neighbor's car simply because she's fat and gross. It's about showing up at an AA meeting high as a kite and then leaving drug peraphernalia around because they're probably fat too. And, above all, life is about grabbing Nature by the balls and saying, "If I could, I'd shit in your mouth."