marriage problems..

**O.fO.shO** · 02-15-2005, 06:45 PM

get lost tukkus

**geoneo** · 02-15-2005, 06:53 PM

hey bros sorry about the **** your going through. But sounds like your wife needs to see a psychologist or pysciatrist(sp), she definetly isn't all their, i know most will tell you to dump her, which i agree with, but first you should have her go through a mental status exam. Good luck bros and congrats on your kids, if their all yours

**spywizard** · 02-15-2005, 07:02 PM

dude..

i'm not going to lecture you... you already know what needs to be done.. and you want to be the good guy..

a dna test can be taken with both children.. it is a swab that you put in thier mouth, and one for you.. send it in.. $500 each test..

you get the results.. she never needs to know you did it..

Sorry life turns out like this..

don't be like me and stay with her for the kids... i did for 16 years.. you will hate yourself for not being true to you..

**Hot-Rox** · 02-15-2005, 07:05 PM

OFS - Bro, I am sorry to hear about your difficult marriage. Its definitely sounds like things with your current wife aren't very positive. But Bro, you have to take responsibility for your own life and the decisions you have made. I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse. But, for your life to change - YOU HAVE TO CHANGE! You talk about how your wife talked you in to marriage (like you weren't part of the decision). You talk about how she has been a person of poor character both before and after getting married. You have to stand up, find out what the hell she is doing all day (hire a dam-n PI if you have to), and decide what you are going to do. How can you be any good to your children in your current state? IMO you are doing to right thing now by asking difficult questions. Now following up the answers with ACTION and make a positive change in your life!

**Commando_Barbi** · 02-15-2005, 07:10 PM

For the first child, there's always a paternity test.

In the second case you need to sit down and clear the air. Then I would suggest counseling for both of you sep and together. I know money is an issue so you might try a local church.

You gotta take care of you or you won't be there to take care of your kids.

Its time for stone cold direct conversation and honesty. Good luck.

**Monkeytown** · 02-15-2005, 07:11 PM

I agree with Geoneo, have you wife see a shrink. Find out why she lies all the time. Maybe it's a mental condition that medication or therapy can help. Also, if you don't want to work it out and the doc says she has mental problems then you should have no problem getting the kids. Then she can pay you child support.

Sorry to hear about you pain Bro, keep us posted and I hope things get better.

**needmorestrength** · 02-15-2005, 07:33 PM

Some people are chronic liars bud. Its actually like a disease, they can't help it.. If its possible get her into some type of mental therapy, and also for the both of you marriage counseling.. Don't give up just yet!! Keep you chin up bro

**O.fO.shO** · 02-15-2005, 07:34 PM

thx for the replys . I think i will deffinatly get a pateranty test for the coming baby .

As for my first child with my old girlfriend....im almost without a doubt posative that shes not really mine . No need for a test unless i plan on doing somthing about it . But ive kinda resolved in my mind im not going to....and to treat her as mine .

I know my wife used to goto therpay years ago when we were first dating .

What do i do.....say "i want a divorce because my wife dosnt goto collage"?lol

I have no proof of anything , and she wont talk . I honestly dont think she would cheat on me . Ive known her for 6 years , and my friends think the same way . But ive seen this before where the man has my attitude . I realise i may just be a chump .

I got alot to sleep on tonight , thx again

**goodtobeapimp** · 02-15-2005, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by spywizard

dude..

i'm not going to lecture you... you already know what needs to be done.. and you want to be the good guy..

a dna test can be taken with both children.. it is a swab that you put in thier mouth, and one for you.. send it in.. $500 each test..

you get the results.. she never needs to know you did it..

Sorry life turns out like this..

don't be like me and stay with her for the kids... i did for 16 years.. you will hate yourself for not being true to you..

I'd also like to add not to stay with her because you "love" her. If she "loved" you. You wouldn't have all these doubts and she wouldn't be doing this sh*t. I honestly have compassion for anyone with SEROIUS relatonship problems and this is very seroius....Sorry man... It's better to accept things will never be the same and live on,then try to live for what used to be...IMO She already has or she wouldn't be doing this.

**ginkobulloba** · 02-15-2005, 10:34 PM

Sounds like you need to divorce this one, bro. There's always more chicks out there, baggage or not. If that's an issue, man there's always Russian broads. They're hot as hell and are not in a position to be too picky. There's Latinos from central america, dude the list goes on and on.

I know this doesn't sound like very serious advice or anything...not really advice anyways, but dude, it's a viable option. It's what I told my Pops when he got divorced and he didn't take it seriously either.

**Sierra_Breeze** · 02-16-2005, 01:07 AM

Geez, I really hate trying to make assumptions about people I don't know, but it sounds like she's allready left sweetie....at least mentally.

I know a guy who's very much like her in the sense that he tells these out landish lies ALL THE TIME, and anyone who knows him, can vouch for this... None of us can figure out WHY he does it we've just accepted it and deal with it on a lie-by-lie basis anymore.

For instance: I went to North Carolina with him and my friend one weekend to the casino there.....okay I took 50$ cash with me........I spent 5$ of that money, and came home with 185$........(The truth) Okay I'm in my yard one night (pulling weeds out of my flowers) And I hear him telling another friend of ours who pulled up that I went and I put 20$ in one machine and won 5 THOUSAND dollars on my first try!!!! (The LIE) Seems harmless enough I guess it's just very irritating always wondering if he's telling the truth or a lie!

However, she's not just telling a lie she's living ONE, she's given everyone the impression that she's going to school when she's not, she's giving you the impression she's seeking employment which you found out she is not, she's setting in the park in very bad weather conditions???

My suggestion is if you don't want to know the truth keep asking her questions........and if you really want to know what's going on....shut up and listen........and I'm not being a smart ass....honest, but you find out alot more when you stop asking and start watching.

It is just my humble opinion that she's not just telling a few white lies, she has progressed from lying to full blown deception. I hope you two work things out.....good luck to you...

**GORILA-UNIT** · 02-16-2005, 02:30 AM

Bro first of all i feel ur pain n with the 3rd kid on the way i could only imagine wat u r goin through. My first advice would b to try to get some professional help for her n find out the root of all these lies. If u love her n she loves u then u guys could work thing out no matter how hard they could b at times. At the worse scernario if u feel like she ain't worthed u could leave her n just take care of ur kids. By the end of the day thats wat matters. GOOD LUCK BROTHA

**GORILA-UNIT** · 02-16-2005, 02:39 AM

Bro first of all i feel ur pain n with the 3rd kid on the way i could only imagine wat u r goin through. My first advice would b to try to get some professional help for her n find out the root of all these lies. If u love her n she loves u then u guys could work thing out no matter how hard they could b at times. At the worse scernario if u feel like she ain't worthed u could leave her n just take care of ur kids. By the end of the day thats wat matters. GOOD LUCK BROTHA

***xxx*** · 02-16-2005, 03:11 AM

sorry to hear that. but u should really start to change your life! get that dna test, even if u love the lil girl, u can t end up paying for a child that isn t yours! and if u r on that way, test your other kids too.
and go see a specialist with your wife. something isn t right with her. and before that, try to watch her for a day, follow her, find out what she is doing and then confront her with it.

**bermich** · 02-17-2005, 08:08 PM

I love liars. Helps me find all the attributes of liars. Their vocal intonations, eye movemtent, stance, etc. It helps when you know the person is lying to begin with. Just study when you know they are lying vs when you know they are telling the truth.

Plus, it takes your mind off the fact that they are lying out of their ass and gives you something else to do while they spout off bull****.

**Pale Horse** · 02-17-2005, 08:39 PM

Kill her and dump the body in a mine shaft

**Commando_Barbi** · 02-17-2005, 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by 1victor

Kill her and dump the body in a mine shaft

And say a prayer over her cold corpse?

**Pale Horse** · 02-17-2005, 09:37 PM

If you so choose. It is my standard relationship advice for the evening!

**Psychotron** · 02-17-2005, 09:43 PM

That's quite a pickle. I say follow her and find out what she is truly doing.

**Jdawg50** · 02-17-2005, 10:24 PM

Give her the walking papers bro, get custody of the kids, get a lawyer

**MER** · 02-17-2005, 11:39 PM

Bro trust me. You're not getting any younger. I'm currently in a huge bind with my girl. She had lied to me in the past and she is making a huge effort now to change and gain my trust back. Now, even though I see her crying and putting in so much effort I still don't know if I can picture spending the rest of my life with her. I use to though. She is great though. My car has major probs right now as some of you know and she gave me her whole paycheck to help me out. I am still her because I know she loves me and is trying her best. If I was in your situation though bro, it sounds like you've talked to her many times about her lies and deception yet she still continues.

I wouldn't trust a thing she says bro, I really wouldn't. Your gonna get a wake up call one day and it's gonna hit you harder than anything in your life and your gonna wish you had taken care of this sooner.

I feel for you bro I really do. You need to set the **** straight with this girl. If you divorce her or even tell her you want a divorce I'm sure it will hit her and she will begin thinking. Set the **** straight and seek counsel or end this bro. It's gonna be hard bro either road you choose but life is too short and your messing with your children's lives while your all screwed up with yours. You need to put those kids first but for you to be able to do that you need to get your life straight!

Peace bro!

**Juggernaut** · 02-18-2005, 07:24 AM

Drag her ass to counseling...and don't take no for an answer. See if you can get some help for both of you....if that doesn't help then you need to make some changes....hard choices but you've got to take care of yourself as well m8.....and staying for the kids, like Spy said, isn't the answer....trust us...we both know this for fact. Luck bro

**Pale Horse** · 02-18-2005, 08:16 AM

Kill her and dump her body in a mine shaft

**Benches505** · 02-18-2005, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by 1victor

Kill her and dump her body in a mine shaft

Vic thats two days and two posts for you on this thread....same reply

Do you need to tell us about something you did recently?

**Diesel** · 02-18-2005, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by O.fO.shO

As for my first child with my old girlfriend....im almost without a doubt posative that shes not really mine . No need for a test unless i plan on doing somthing about it . But ive kinda resolved in my mind im not going to....and to treat her as mine .

You are a true man just with this single statement IMO.

Knocking a girl up doesn't make you a father....raising them does. Even if she wasn't yours, you wouldn;t want to know after 8 years. It's not the kids fault.

On your other issues.....Wife def. needs help bro. But considering all that she has lied about, she may not go unless you go with her. (If that is something you are willing to do)

One of the things you need to do (it's tough) is to ask yourself what you truely want to do about your marriage. Take out any intangibles...money..etc, etc....

Some of the happiest people in the world don't have two nickels to rub together.

**Juggernaut** · 02-18-2005, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by Diesel

Some of the happiest people in the world don't have two nickels to rub together.

He's talking about me...but I still get sad now and then. hahaha

**Pale Horse** · 02-18-2005, 09:03 AM

ummmmm............no?

**O.fO.shO** · 02-18-2005, 10:23 AM

Well , i found out that she hasnt been going to school for the last year and a half!!!

Supposably she was going for her masters......well she hasnt even gotten her undergrad yet!! She's been going to school for at least 5 years.....and now says she needs 2 more years for her undergrad!! I was planning a vacation to flordia to find her a job.....and she cant even get 1!!!!!And she wasnt going to tell me , not like i have the money to go down there for no reason!

So pretty much ive been rearranging my schedule for her to goto school for over a year , turning down side jobs so i can watch the kids , for no reason!

Now its got me thinking back to her bankruptcy.......30K in debt in one year and nothing to show for it(i found the papers...wasnt 45K like i thought) . She dint spend it on me....and theres no way i can look around and find 30K worth of **** she bought.....maybe 2K , but sheesh .

Ive talked to the couple close friends i have and they all say they dont think shed cheat on me . Shes really possesive of me . But that must mean she's just plain crazy!!

If you see me on the 6oclock news....i may have taken victors advise .

**needmorestrength** · 02-18-2005, 10:29 AM

Honestly bro she sounds like she has mental issues.. Not her or your fault.. Get her some help NOW

**Diesel** · 02-18-2005, 10:38 AM

30K with nothing to show for it?

Were these on credit cards? If so you can alwasy request a history.....

If they were cash advances on a credit card......and she isn't cheating.....I'm thinking drug problem?

**Commando_Barbi** · 02-18-2005, 10:53 AM

Hmmmmm it gets worse and worse. So ... just WHAT has she been doing while she was supposed to be at school and you were watching the kids?

I'm with the others...she needs HELP. NOW. You have kids to worry about. They will learn what being an adult is.....from HER. She's not setting a great example. It's time to lay down the law. Get in counseling or I will divorce you and I will file for sole custody of these children based on the fact that you are an unfit mother. Either get straight or get out!

Harsh but man....it's a harsh situation.

**Pale Horse** · 02-18-2005, 11:04 AM

Man leave now. LEAVE it can't get worse. I have been there I know.

**profbiv** · 02-18-2005, 11:19 AM

hire a PI to trail her or gps tag her vehicle (do this for a three week period)
start keeping tabs on phone bills (cellular ,home)
hide a caller id box on your residence line
Stay calm with any information you discover and jump to no quick conclusion.

Things to consider;

How’s your relationship with her after her trips?

Will she engage you sexually after when returns?

After a confrontation did she that night or next day show abnormal affection ?

Is she still wearing her wedding ring?

Has her wardrobe seem inapproate for her planned actions on that day?

Changes in style of hair, makeup, Panties, heels, ect?

PO boxes

Instant message chats

Email accounts

Unexplained absences

Late night hang-ups/wrong number/ no response telephone calls

Beside from teaching, (BIS and information assurance courses), I used to do some other work on the side just thought I would give some advice…

**O.fO.shO** · 02-18-2005, 11:49 AM

Thing is were ALWAYS together . My truck broke down moths ago , so we only have a mini-van until its fixed . Only time were ever apart is when she went to "school" .Except when im working , and then she wouldnt have a car , and would have our daughter . (last 4 moths anyway)

She has taken her rings off a few times because thier "getting tight" . She is prego , dont know if i should read into that .

She will always "roll over" for me if i want it.....she's kinda lazy and i lost intrest in sex with her long ago , although once in a while she surprises me. (feel bad saying that , lol) ( i do roll her over often btw)

I have all phone records , nothing out of the ordinary . I know this computer like the back of my hand , nothing hidden on here .

We did have distrubing phone calls from an X of hers who is phsyco(not really an X , she was like 14....more or less childhood boyfriend/girlfriend deal). He called my house like 20 times between 11pm and 2am and left the exact same message . "to get ahold of her and catch up" Was a wierdo.....i called him told him its not a very good idea to call my house in so many words , we made a police report . That was it.

We then were missing a cat wich ended up in our shed....skinned!!!He was into hunting i guess.....but it all blew over , i think a racoon musta did the skinning lol .

Anytime we go out , were together . Shes very insecure , jealous .

O and about the drugs....naw , im the druggie if anything . She will do them with me , but never alone .

I really cant see her cheating.....i kinda wish she was because it would then be easy . I could say c-ya easy then . But if shes not....then i dont know.Id like to find out answers really .

So the last few days i havnt spoken to her......but the house is spotless . lol

I just hate liars . And thats what i got . I know i have to start taking steps and following some of the advise given . What im going to do im not sure yet .

**Sta11ion** · 02-18-2005, 12:04 PM

Another women is telling you the facts, if you cant see it then its your life and be miserable until death do you apart.

Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi

Hmmmmm it gets worse and worse. So ... just WHAT has she been doing while she was supposed to be at school and you were watching the kids?

I'm with the others...she needs HELP. NOW. You have kids to worry about. They will learn what being an adult is.....from HER. She's not setting a great example. It's time to lay down the law. Get in counseling or I will divorce you and I will file for sole custody of these children based on the fact that you are an unfit mother. Either get straight or get out!

Harsh but man....it's a harsh situation.

**Commando_Barbi** · 02-18-2005, 12:41 PM

WTF is she doing when she's at "SCHOOL" Answer that question. How does she account for those hours????

You are enabling her to continue this behavior by your lack of action. The results and the impact on you and your kids....is YOUR responsiblity. 15-20 yrs from now when your kids are going down the same path.....you won't need to ask why...come back and read this tread.

**books555** · 02-21-2005, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by O.fO.shO

Well here goes my long ass pathetic story . I really dont know where to start so bare with me . I dont have many friends so i guess im gonna turn to a bunch of strangers .

I got married last august...wich she really pushed for . Ever since ive known her shes been a lier . (together 6 yrs)I know it sounds kinda harsh but she lies about stupid **** , sometimes for no explainable reason .

Well we have 1 child together (2yrs old), and one on the way (2months prego) . I have a daughter from a previous realitionship (7yrs old), i was 19 then and stupid . Im going on 28 now .

Ive always kinda busted her in lies and let it go . The biggest one was right after we got married . She ran up 45K$ in debt and declared bankruptcy right before we married . I found out somthing was up....not knowing what i confronted her......she starts freaking out crying saying im gonna divorce her if she tells me . It in no way effects me , that i know of , and i was very good about it . I told her thats the last time she can lie to me , and she promised she never would again .

As i look back in time i can think of at least half a dozen times shes lied to me and i find things out later . Some of them possabley worse than what i believe them to be . But i move on with my life .

Now weve been considering moving south for better jobs . She's going to school for her masters for teaching . She hasnt gotten a job in a couple years...although we kinda need money she refuses . Actually one lie was she mailed out resumes , wich she adressed and stamped(like 20 of them)......and threw them out behind my back .

So she goes to school for a few hours on monday and wednesdays....leaves at 9-9:30am home by 12noon . Well today at the gym im working out with my buddy who mentions he saw her . He saw her 30 miles from school.....

I confronted her about it when i got home and she lied to my face again . I finally got it out of her that shes not enrolled this semester....for the last couple months.....who knows , maybe not even last semester for all i know .

I asked her why she lied to me and shes crying and says she dosnt know . I can never get ANYTHING out of her unless i have undenyable proof , wich then she has no other option to either tell me....or make up another lie i guess .

SHE EVEN MAKES UP STORYS ABOUT NEW FRIENDS SHES MADE AND WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT!!!

The wierd thing is....i told her maybe she should take a semester off because my truck is broken down....im currently laid off , and if i get called back im gonna need the car . But she said no!!?!?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON!!!!!!!

my first child im 95% sure isnt mine . I was young and dumb . I asked the girl i was with at the time and she got all pissy as if i insulted her , we broke up a little after she was born......ive just acted like im clueless for almost 8 years and take her every weekend and pay her mother child support . I dont want to hurt this little girl.....i love her .

My second child , with my wife , im almost 100% sure is mine . And now theres one on the way .....wich who knows now .

I asked her where she goes every day...she says she goes to the park and sits in her car and waits to come home.........its like between 10-30 degrees out every day here so i know shes not outside .

Is she cheating on me????? I dont know . Is this unborn baby mine???? Im having doubts bad now .

Ive been in bad depression the last couple years . I dont take anything for it , i feel its probally just me . I finally was just starting to straighten out when this happened . I was looking forward to this new child.........nothing makes me happier than when im with my kids and were all happy having fun . That is what i was planning my future around . Having alot of kids , people i can trust and love .

This all just happened to me today , i dont have many friends like i said.....so i dont even have anywhere to go to get away .

Why would she want to marry me if shes with someone else? Maybe she isnt and theres other reasons.....but bottom line i cant trust her anymore . And she wont tell me anything .

I just feel sooooo trapped now.....im gonna have 3 kids soon . If i end up divorcing im screwed . Ill be poor . And ill never find anyone who wants that baggage . I cant just run away.....i cant be some scumbag deadbeat dad . And the kids are the ONLY thing that has rissen my spirits to keep going these last couple years .

I just have such a bad headache right now and i cant think straight or focus . I dont even know where to go from here???? What the hell do i do???
I just wish all this pain would go away .

Anyway , if anyone actually read all this mess thx . It feels good to at least write it down .

Maybe the problem is your extremely paranoid. Maybe he or she is not lying. You said yourself that you are depressed.

**maxex** · 02-21-2005, 06:37 PM

Hey bro, i know exactly where your coming from, your not paranoid, if she lied to you in the past and you caught her chances are she is always going to lie to you. I divorced my sons mother because she lied and im currently with another women who constantly lies about small sh*t. Once you catch thenm in a lie you might as well just pack up and leave because your never going to trust them again. i constantly catch this current girl in lies and she just denies denies denies, for the time being i tell her i trust her, but ill never trust her shes just a temp.

**maxex** · 02-21-2005, 06:42 PM

Come to think of it, im going to delete these posts because im going to show her this thread when she gets off work. Or she at work hmm. Im starting to wonder if this girl has a job too.
Anyway OBO, as bad as it seems sh*t always gets worse before it gets better, dont worry so much and just try to take'em as they come.