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  1. 04-17-2006, 11:17 AM #1
    BOUNCER
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    The *real* Chuck Norris.

    The truth hurts!.

    1.It is no happy coincidence that Chuck Norris and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together.
    2.Chuck Norris likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.
    3.Chuck Norris was in the Hitler Youth.
    4.Chuck Norris has 11 scrapbooks full of "Love Is" cartoons.
    5.During the initial filming of Dodgeball, Chuck Norris gave a thumbs down to continuing the 6.match because he's a big fan of the Purple Cobra.
    7.The National Weather Service once mistakenly issued a Volcano Warning in response to 8.Chuck Norris flushing his toilet.
    9.Chuck Norris loves hemorrhoids. He calls them "speed bumps."
    10.When Chuck Norris gets angry, he finds a revolving door and attempts to slam it shut. Inevitably, the door swings around and kicks his ass.
    11.Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.
    12.Chuck Norris came over for dinner once and raped me. It was the worst forced sex I have ever had.
    13.Chuck Norris once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.
    14.Chuck Norris is the leading cause of abstinence.
    15.Chuck Norris once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.
    16.Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.
    17.Chuck Norris was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.
    18.In preparation for his future role as a gay cowboy, a young Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy on the set of "Walker, Texas Ranger."
    19.One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.
    20.A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris.
    21.Stephen Hawking once beat Chuck Norris in a foot race.
    22.Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy.
    23.Chuck Norris employs a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the manly wilderness that is his back.
    24.Chuck Norris starred in "Firewalker," a film in which he does not walk on fire.
    25.Chuck Norris is the only person whom the Lynx Effect Deodorant Spray will not work on.
    26.Chuck Norris is an avid reader. He proudly owns all first edition copies of "The Babysitters Club."
    27.Chuck Norris quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of "the intimidation, harassment and bullying."
    28.Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.

    29.Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
    30.Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I’m right-handed. I'm also a girl.
    31.Chuck Norris cried during The Notebook.
    32.Chuck Norris once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, "Sorry, no professionals."
    33.Ronald Reagan didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so Ronald Reagan just told the world that he had Alzheimer's.
    34.No matter how many fortune cookies Chuck Norris opens, they always say "Fight like a girl."
    35.Chuck Norris shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.
    36.Mr. T pities Chuck Norris.
    37.Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears. These tears dont cure cancer.
    38.Chuck Norris was once seen following a girl out of a bedroom at a party saying, "Listen, I'm sorry, that doesn't usually happen..."
    39.Chuck Norris fans get upset because Anti-Chuck Norris fans don't spend hours coming up with witty rebounds. They just remember flicking through "Walker, Texas Ranger" and coming up with thousands of true, funny things to say about Chuck Norris. For instance, Chuck 40Norris is a martial artist who wears a cowboy hat in Texas and sports a ginger beard and tight jeans.
    41.If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."
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  2. 04-17-2006, 11:19 AM #2
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    C_Bino
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    Chuck Norris throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I’m right-handed. I'm also a girl.

    For some reason that one made me burst out laughing...
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  3. 04-17-2006, 11:30 AM #3
    BOUNCER
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    13.Chuck Norris once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.
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  4. 04-17-2006, 11:31 AM #4
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    Did you hear about the toilet paper invented by Chuck Norris? It didnt work out because it didnt take any SHIT......
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  5. 04-17-2006, 12:18 PM #5
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    This one cracked me right the fvck up.

    19.One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.

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  6. 04-17-2006, 12:22 PM #6
    bball_playa
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    f.....in Chuck Norris
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  7. 04-17-2006, 12:26 PM #7
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    farrebarre
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    lol @ chuck norris

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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  8. 04-17-2006, 12:32 PM #8
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    helium3
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    chuck norris is gonna round house all your asses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  9. 04-17-2006, 12:34 PM #9
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    i heard that behind chucks beard there is another fist........

    and that him and lance armstrong hada a contest to see who had more balls and chuck won by 3.
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  10. 04-17-2006, 01:15 PM #10
    ect0m0rph
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    Chuck throws them fists so hard that if he don't hit you still get knocked out by the wind.
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  11. 04-17-2006, 01:20 PM #11
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    this is blasphemy!!
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  12. 04-17-2006, 05:14 PM #12
    aadrenaline
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    Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.

    bwaahahaha...

    i own this shirt actually..
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  13. 04-17-2006, 09:24 PM #13
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    Thou shalt not take Chuck Norris' name in vein!
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  14. 04-17-2006, 10:13 PM #14
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    bite your tongue, heathen
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  15. 04-18-2006, 08:26 AM #15
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    Brokeback, isn't just the name of a mountain, it's also the name of the pile of dead Ninja's in Chuck's front yard!!!
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  16. 04-18-2006, 08:26 AM #16
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    Brokeback, isn't just the name of a mountain, it's also the name of the pile of dead Ninja's in Chuck's front yard!!!
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  17. 04-18-2006, 08:27 AM #17
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    farrebarre
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigen12
    Brokeback, isn't just the name of a mountain, it's also the name of the pile of dead Ninja's in Chuck's front yard!!!
    now im worried about tai..
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  18. 04-18-2006, 10:54 AM #18
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    11.Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.

    That one made me laugh out loud!
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  19. 04-18-2006, 01:59 PM #19
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    We are not having a global warming.....Chuck was cold so he turned the sun up!
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  20. 04-18-2006, 02:00 PM #20
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    Chuck is so bad he can slamb a revolving door!!
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  21. 04-19-2006, 05:16 PM #21
    Flextime333
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigen12
    Brokeback, isn't just the name of a mountain, it's also the name of the pile of dead Ninja's in Chuck's front yard!!!
    YOu heard that on 105.3 the buzz Kick ass music bro
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  22. 04-19-2006, 05:17 PM #22
    Flextime333
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smedman101
    We are not having a global warming.....Chuck was cold so he turned the sun up!
    Also 105.3 the buzz
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