Funny sex story?

[chest6]

Some guys like to have girls puke on them.....it's some kind of fetish guys have.

ahh gross not mine

[collar]

LOL, he bitched about that for weeks... He even said something in front of his mom like " why did you need that much vasoline?". What is funnier is his mom replied " maybe because his johnson is bigger than your little birdy", I started laughing and his sister chimed in "yeah, (girls name here) said the same thing"... He stopped talking about the vasoline after that day.

hahaha good one.

[collar]

the one that comes to mind is,
i was on my lunch break in classroom going at it with this girl, and the teacher walked in .

[STYLE74]

ahh gross not mine

Me neither...i don't like that kind of stuff at all.

[slob]

when i was younger my father walked in on me and my ex (we were makin on the couch in the living room), but we had a blanket over us - so we just sat there with my penis inside her for like 30min before he finally left and we could put our clothes back on and move

LOL that is TOO funny.

[Icon]

I've fallen asleep going down on a girl.

Nothing like getting punched in the forehead while in between a girl's legs.

[slob]

I was going down on my gf one time, not long after she had 'her time of the month' and all of a sudden I just stood up and ran straight to the bathroom and spewed my guts up for 5 minutes. I came back and she asked what was wrong and I didn't want to make her feel bad so I just said "oh, nothing, don't worry, must have been something I ate"...
I am prrrrretty sure she found out what that something was, once she noticed the large red stain that was left on my mattress =S
ewwww

[pumpd4lif]

i was having sex with my girl at the time her legs in the air im going to town like i stoll something and it slipped out and went rite up her WOOPSEEE!she pushed me off like a loaded slinky kinda crawled on her back to the bathroom repeating i hate u i f in hate u johnny.so trying not to smile i ask her r u alright (what kinda ? is that )she says i cant here anything ,i think im gonna pass out i run get her a glass of water i try to give it to her her face turns green she flailes back smacks the glass outa my hand and is out like a light.im smacking her in a panic trying to revive her (thought i killed her at this point ) i saw thru the window that my neibor was on his way over so before he can knock on the door i hurry up and open it and tell him it isnt a good time talk later and slammed the door in his face i runn back in hurry put on my close then carry her to the bed room and she still wont wake up now im really in a panic,so when there is no more options what else to do but call ur mother so i did just that my mother pics up the phone and all in one breath i said mom me and ***** were having sex and my grrr slipped out and went up her a$$ no the bitch dont start laughing at me i hang up on her and tried one last time to revive her smacked her really hard this time and she starts to come thru and i said to her hey u r right do u remember what happened and she says(keep in mine im fully dressed so it looks like i raped her : /)what do u mean and how the hell did i get in here and were the fu$% r my close and last but not least y does MY ASS HURT.roflmfao i couldnt beleive it she didnt remember any of it just the left over pain.but i know one thing for sure she aint never talked any shit after that lol.how many of use can say they knocked a girl out muhuhahahaha with there meat whistle.

[Tren Bull]

We have a thread devoted to the kinkiest thing u ever did.. so what is i guess your sex blurper.. i have a few but it's because im a clutze..

I once was on top and hit my head on the head board and almost broke my nose.. my nose was black and blue for 2 weeks.. wose off i had just started a new job and had to tell everyone i had walked inot a door

oh no. im sorry the happened.

i admit though, that is pretty funny.

now that i think about it, i do have a pretty funny sex story.

back when i was 16, i was dating this girl, and i snuck out to see her late at night on a wednesday or something. she and i went behind her appartment complex and i started going down on her. we figured that because there was some thick grass between us and the road (which was about 100 feet away from us) that no-one would see us. besides, it was 3 am. who would be looking for that?

well, we were wrong. after awhile this truck drove by, and they obviously saw us, cause they stopped in the middle of the road and turned the high beams on us.

[chest6]

oh no. im sorry the happened.

i admit though, that is pretty funny.

now that i think about it, i do have a pretty funny sex story.

back when i was 16, i was dating this girl, and i snuck out to see her late at night on a wednesday or something. she and i went behind her appartment complex and i started going down on her. we figured that because there was some thick grass between us and the road (which was about 100 feet away from us) that no-one would see us. besides, it was 3 am. who would be looking for that?

well, we were wrong. after awhile this truck drove by, and they obviously saw us, cause they stopped in the middle of the road and turned the high beams on us.

ahhh I've been watched having sex like 5 times..stupid friends..always find us and takes me like 5mins to realize those ****ers are right htere watching

[Tren Bull]

ahhh I've been watched having sex like 5 times..stupid friends..always find us and takes me like 5mins to realize those ****ers are right htere watching

haha thats funny.

a few years ago me and this girl were hooking up in my friends room (everyone else had left to go get into a fight or something)

but they eventually came home, and they all came into the room where amanda and i were at... haha, we were both completely naked

that was pretty funny too

[Bastard Samurai]

I was going down on my gf one time, not long after she had 'her time of the month' and all of a sudden I just stood up and ran straight to the bathroom and spewed my guts up for 5 minutes. I came back and she asked what was wrong and I didn't want to make her feel bad so I just said "oh, nothing, don't worry, must have been something I ate"...
I am prrrrretty sure she found out what that something was, once she noticed the large red stain that was left on my mattress =S
ewwww

same thing happened to me (except for the throwing up part). I was going to town and I got thirsty so I went to the bathroom to drink some water and I looked in the mirror and saw all this blood on my face. I looked like I got my ass kicked. Since I get nose bleeds every now and then I thought maybe I had one right then. I jammed some toilet paper up my nose to plug it up but when I pulled it out it was completely clean (white). At that moment I realized I had just earned my RED WINGS!!!

BS

[SVTMuscle*]

After prom at an outdoor party where we all sleep in tent, my gf at the time gave me a BJ and spit it out in the corner of a random tent, and a kid i hated with a passion then slept in it not knowing what it was lol

[Mizfit]

I was going down on my gf one time, not long after she had 'her time of the month' and all of a sudden I just stood up and ran straight to the bathroom and spewed my guts up for 5 minutes. I came back and she asked what was wrong and I didn't want to make her feel bad so I just said "oh, nothing, don't worry, must have been something I ate"...
I am prrrrretty sure she found out what that something was, once she noticed the large red stain that was left on my mattress =S
ewwww

Wow.. how can a woman not know

[Bastard Samurai]

My ex-gf was riding me on the floor of my apt. It had that cheap ass carpet and she was grinding the shit out of her knees. By the time we got done my room looked like a murder scene from CSI.

[Tren Bull]

After prom at an outdoor party where we all sleep in tent, my gf at the time gave me a BJ and spit it out in the corner of a random tent, and a kid i hated with a passion then slept in it not knowing what it was lol

oh man, thats pretty bad.

kinda reminds me of that latest american pie movie where stiffler's little brother jacks off into some sunscreen and then some guy he doesnt like puts it on his face

[Tren Bull]

My ex-gf was riding me on the floor of my apt. It had that cheap ass carpet and she was grinding the shit out of her knees. By the time we got done my room looked like a murder scene from CSI.

yea its funny how you can not notice things like that.

i remember one day i was holding liz in my arms, and i was also sitting on one knee on some cement. my knee was fu_ked up after like half an hour... no blood, but it still looked bad

oh well though... it was worth it

[Timm1704]

erm, i injured a girls hip about a month ago whilst ****ing her real hard (lol she asked me too!) she walked with a limp for nearly a week.

oh yes, and when i was 18, was nailing my girlfriend at the time. she was ontop, reverse cowgirl, sliding and bouncing away, and was about to cum, panting and yelping. all good, except id already cum afew minutes before (woops) and it was really starting to hurt, plus, she must have been at a funny angle, as my dick was killing me. i lay there, in great discomfort, loving the view of her sexy, 17 year old ass riding me, out of nowhere, i burst out laughing! needless to say, she stopped, got all paranoid, turned the waterworks on, and stormed off to the bathroom. took some explaining that did.

thats all i can think of right now

[slob]

Wow.. how can a woman not know

she thought she was all good. She thought the time had come and gone.
ehehe.

[Timm1704]

oh yes, and an ex of mine was giving me head, swallowed (good girl) and then looked like she was choking. she then squeaked "that was well thick" and started drinking the water id just got her. lol she said she could feel it in her throat for 4 days hehehe. must have eaten extra egg whites that week

[slob]

oh yes, and an ex of mine was giving me head, swallowed (good girl) and then looked like she was choking. she then squeaked "that was well thick" and started drinking the water id just got her. lol she said she could feel it in her throat for 4 days hehehe. must have eaten extra egg whites that week

oh man that post made me cringe

[big daddy k de]

i was fvckin a hooters girl last week and i was bangin her so hard on my bed that my headboard broke and fell on top of her - hitting her in the head. she got pissed @ me for laughing but I just pulled out and painted her face

god !! my rents went away ..they have this weet huge old bed all carver and shit i remeber my mom telling me that it cost allllot of cash ....well i was goin at it with my girl at the time and well crack the thing broke ..i droped the shit to the floor...i told them i was so tierd from a workout i kinda threw myself on the bed and it cracked....and then when they took all the sheets off and martress they found a condom wrapper ...woops !

[bor]

i was having sex with my girl at the time her legs in the air im going to town like i stoll something and it slipped out and went rite up her WOOPSEEE!she pushed me off like a loaded slinky kinda crawled on her back to the bathroom repeating i hate u i f in hate u johnny.so trying not to smile i ask her r u alright (what kinda ? is that )she says i cant here anything ,i think im gonna pass out i run get her a glass of water i try to give it to her her face turns green she flailes back smacks the glass outa my hand and is out like a light.im smacking her in a panic trying to revive her (thought i killed her at this point ) i saw thru the window that my neibor was on his way over so before he can knock on the door i hurry up and open it and tell him it isnt a good time talk later and slammed the door in his face i runn back in hurry put on my close then carry her to the bed room and she still wont wake up now im really in a panic,so when there is no more options what else to do but call ur mother so i did just that my mother pics up the phone and all in one breath i said mom me and ***** were having sex and my grrr slipped out and went up her a$$ no the bitch dont start laughing at me i hang up on her and tried one last time to revive her smacked her really hard this time and she starts to come thru and i said to her hey u r right do u remember what happened and she says(keep in mine im fully dressed so it looks like i raped her : /)what do u mean and how the hell did i get in here and were the fu$% r my close and last but not least y does MY ASS HURT.roflmfao i couldnt beleive it she didnt remember any of it just the left over pain.but i know one thing for sure she aint never talked any shit after that lol.how many of use can say they knocked a girl out muhuhahahaha with there meat whistle.

I haven't this hard in a while! BEst story ever!

[pumpd4lif]

lol i tell it every chance i get lmao

[2.minutes]

I never had sex

[steve0]

i bang chick in barn once thats was pretty cool.

[Hunter]

I have been with the same girl my entire life 7 years and the first time we had sex i tried being romantic by touching her face and poked her in the eye with my thumb. It was pretty akward watching her blink and the eye water for like 2 minutes

[Timm1704]

I have been with the same girl my entire life 7 years and the first time we had sex i tried being romantic by touching her face and poked her in the eye with my thumb. It was pretty akward watching her blink and the eye water for like 2 minutes

dude.... ur seven years old?

[Superhuman]

dude.... ur seven years old?

lmao

[kyjelly]

I was about 11. Ya know, the young age, hormones going, and horny. I found the vacuum cleaner... and used it... it was cool until I was caught... My mom walks in the closet and flips out. I was nude in the closet with a vacuum on my dick.

Talk about feeling like shit. I never looked at a cleaning device the same ever since.

[Timm1704]

I was about 11. Ya know, the young age, hormones going, and horny. I found the vacuum cleaner... and used it... it was cool until I was caught... My mom walks in the closet and flips out. I was nude in the closet with a vacuum on my dick.

Talk about feeling like shit. I never looked at a cleaning device the same ever since.

you are one sick puppy. but, with a very dust-free dick

[kyjelly]

you are one sick puppy. but, with a very dust-free dick

lol, I was 11!

Cut me a little slack.

It was one of those experimenting times...

[Beefyman]

NOT really a sex story but it is funny... when i was younger about 16 i was jerkin off in my room (i remember my big ass SLOW new super sonic fast but really a pos computer with ahuge ass box tv for a scree) i had pics up just jerkin and my dad and mom bust in the room with out knocking and there i am on my stoll with my cock in my hand and my mom and dad are just looking at me... i DID not TALK to them for about a month or so nor did i jack off till i was 17 and another time i was in the shower and my two brothers broke in on my while i was jackin and they had a big ass jug of COLD water and i just was like... **** IN A this shit happens too much... i have bad luck when jerkin

[Doc.Sust]

I never had sex

sorry to hear that

[Doc.Sust]

when i was at my prom,iwent to an after party at my cousins house. my 3 friends and i ended up getting this girl(the school tramp) to strip in the laundry room(same place where all the kegs of beer were at,also we were all very very drunk) well the rest of the party was getting angry beacuse we were not letting anyone else in the room and they wanted to drink, so we came up with the idea to throw this girl in a cedar closet for a few minutes while everyone got there refills, my two friends stayed to fill up the other peoples beer,and i sat with the naked girl in the cedar closet, well one thing lead to another and ended up having sex with her, while she was laying on top of a giant card board box filled with clothes,well while we were hooking up the box collapsed and we both fell on the floor, clothes were everywhere, i was fighting to get my footing and kept slipping on the lose clothes, i eventualy triped over some lose object and ended up falling on and breaking a rocking chair that was in this closet. but this didnt stop me. well when it finaly ended,(closet destroyed) i turned around to see that the door to the closet was half open and just about the entire party witnessed this debacle and i was so drunk i didnt even realize it.

the next day i woke up and these HUGE hickey all over my neck from this girl, so i decided to try to sneak out of the place whithout seeing anyone,as i was leaving i got caught by my aunt who insited i have something to eat before i leave, so i had to sit across the breakfast table with these huge marks all over my neck, so now i am even more ashamed.

finaly i get the fck out of there. i figured i had a few days before i had to go back to school so this whole thing would just blow over. well i was wrong. i got to school monday, before i got out of my car,even my foot hit the pavement, a group of guys that were at the party started to scream" there is the porn star, fck any girls in a cedar closet in front of the whole school lately?? well i got back in my car and went home and took an entire wk of school because i didnt want to face the music or the girl for that matter. it was a rough few wks and i got my balls broken for quite some time

[T3/T4 GSR]

Almost 5 years ago my current GF and I were having sex for the first time and she was a virgin at the time. So we went out and came back to my house and no one was home so I was like sweet I am gonna try and nail this chick. So one thing leads to the other and I got her naked on my bed. So I was about to go in and she is like do you have any condoms. Thinking I do but they are in my car so I am like yeah **** i'll go get em. So I throw on pants and run out to my car and come back in. Now I have two condoms here...one was a trojan extended pleasure and the other was a trojan supra. Both I got from friends since my last GF was on the shot so I never used a condom before until now. So I figured I would try the extended pleasure....mistake numero uno. What they don't tell you is extended pleasure condoms have some kind of topical novicane like shit inside them. So I put it on and start having sex and suddenly I am like holy shit I can't feel my dick. About a min later the thing is numb as hell and goes totally limp. So I look at the girl and explain and I am like well maybe you can suck me back up. So she start giving me head and finally it goes back up and I am like damn this shit is sitll kinda numb....then she looks at me and says in this I just got back from the dentist getting a tooth pulled voice and says if you think thats bad now I can't feel my whole mouth!

[Joey2ness]

i bang chick in barn once thats was pretty cool.

did you see any animals watching!

[Snrf]

I was nailing my ex when my mom walks in, i cover up really quick, then cuz she doesnt have her glasses on she doesnt know what was going on so she walks closer then suddenly goes "who is that" I was like Muuuuuuuuuum get the **** outta here...

I also once passed out on top of the same ex.

[big daddy k de]

ok wel thers this resturaunt in town called Mt Fuggie... well its on a hill and b4 dinner i banged my ex ..so i had sex on Mt Fuggie ...when i nailling her i guess she like dripped on my back seat ..left a white mark ..next day my dad goes to me "son u got a white stain on your seat what is it" ..im like ohh idk day ... so i walk out to my carr and hter he is my old man like scraching the vag juice on my seat and spraying it with cleanner ..i thought it was funny as hell

[IronFreakX]

Well one time we were watching a movie at my friend's house and then I thought the movie was boring so I went to his comp and found lots of porn I was 15 or 16 I think, I was so horny so I went to his bathroom, jacked off and went back to watching the movie.

Later on his sister came in the house and then she went to the bathroom and could smell my cum so she said who jacked off in the bathroom???

LOL I always got shit for it when I saw her during parties, "you're the guy that jacked off in my bathroom"

A couple of years down the road, she starred in a big movie in egypt and is famous over there.



Another one, we were in a parking lot and somehow I managed to get her on my lap in the passengers seat but she got kinda stuck and I was hard and her moving I felt like she would break my dick.

So I told her to wait a bit till it goes down but seeing her on top of me, I couldnt keep my hands off her so we kept making out and feeling each other up for close to an hour before I got a semi and then she got off

I got some more but Ill post em later...