I cant Live with her kid anymore

**D-bol** · 05-31-2002, 11:36 AM

my girl moved in cause were in love and got engaged, but i cant live with her kid anymore. she is a total bitch, granted shes only 4 but shes spoiled rotten. shes says crap like "make me" " i dont care" right to me and her mothers face, at first i was like "listen im not her father i cant get involved, ill just try to be a good role model and answer questions and help her with stuff" but i cant not get involved shes ruinin my life. i hate to be home. she ruins my stuff. i honslety love kids but this one is a total brat, my girl let her do whatever she wanted cuase she was a young mom and treated her like a friend not a daughter, now the girl does not treat us like parental figures. i want them both to leave. i love my fiance more than anything, i felt i was lucky as hell to have her, but im done with this shit, its horrrible. the kid is always yellin at me. what the fuck can i do about it? nothin. i tried to get her to put her in time out, dosent work, the child dosent give a damn, shell spit on the wall when shes there, she yell and scream, my fiance dosent want to hit her and i agree its not the answer but there is ano answer and i want out, this sucks, thx for lettin me vent lol, this sucks goat balls

**BiosThornton** · 05-31-2002, 11:56 AM

Trust me I understand. Raising a child is the hardest thing in the world. It takes time to figure out what works with a kid. Don't give up on them if you love your fiance. Try other things like taking something away the little girl likes. Maybe no disney movies until she can treat you with respect. Lock up her favorite toy when she is bad. Sooner or later you will find here "weak spot". Hey i'm not saying it's easy, but don't give up. A spanking every now and then is NOT child abuse either. I don't think hitting is always the way to go, but when I acted up I got a good smack and I deserved it.

**Pete235** · 05-31-2002, 11:57 AM

Have you and your fiance spoken about this in detail? I think you may want to consider outside intervention before making a possible life altering decision. Set up an appointment with a pediatrician or childhood behavior specialist and the 3 of you go in together. Start making notes of the episodes that make you angry so you can present them if asked...but be accurate...do not accentuate her behavior. I would also send a PM to TNT if I were you. Good luck bro...don't give up just yet.

**Vegas Kid** · 05-31-2002, 11:58 AM

Shit bro. You should talk to the woman about disciplining the kid more. She should be more strict with the kid and take away her priveledges (ie. tv,toys,)shit like that. When the brat has nothing left in her room except for a bed maybe she'll catch on and staighten up. Tell the woman how you feel and that you're ready to roll if this keeps up. The kid is obviously spoiled but I'm guessing most of this is due to jealousy. The kids jealous that you're taking time away from her by being around her mom. Times have changed so you can't bust her upside her head like my mom used to do to me.
Good luck.

**MinnieMe** · 05-31-2002, 12:00 PM

Gee.. i'm really sorry to hear this crap.. but let me just say that .. once you committed yourself into your fiance's life.. you also committed yourself into her childs life aswell.. which means.. there's nothing wrong with showing a child guideance......and since your fiance doesn't seem to be doing any reienforement..then perhaps you should... using good judgment of course.......regardless, it sounds like it's time to put your foot down............Good Luck..

MinnieMe...

**D-bol** · 05-31-2002, 12:12 PM

thx for your responses, the probelm has all started because now my fiance is treating her like a child, we tryed takin away the tv, toys, its hard, she wont change, she told my fiance she wants to go live with her grandparents cuase they let her do what she wants, this is comin from a four year old, crazy, i think your defintly right pete, we need out side help, worst thing to happen would be this child havoin a horrible life, need to get her help, im just at my breakin point, thx again though guys

your right about jealousy vegas, my fiance has said it and i see it, your alos right about not hurtin her, i went through that big time as child,

for more info, when i met my fiance she lived with 3 other girls, so if the child didnt get something form one girl she would go to the other, always ending up with what she wanted, also with family, she has her fathers parents, 2 sets cause his parents are divorced who will each spoil her, and my fiance used to spoil her on top of that, she dosent care, and she has a mean streak in her that reminds me of those morry povich shows where the kids are so bad they hurt their parents and do crazy stuff, i can not live like that!!

**Billy Boy** · 05-31-2002, 02:32 PM

I,ve had the same thing one thing I think we all forget is that the child feels threatened.She,s had her mum all to herself and suddenly this guy turns up and then the 100% effection she once had is not all hers any more.She is misbehaving for one reason and that is for attention.

My g,f boy does it as well if I,m spending time with him on his own he's good as gold yet with his mother and I he tries to wind us up against eachother by being a pain in the ass.Taking the toys away works for so long and he if he does play up now we just tell him he will not be going out with his Grandad and he normally sorts his attitude out.

Kids are kids we all wound our parents up and we all pissed them off.It is very hard to try and work through this and it was the reasons I split with my girlfriend but I love her and we work to try and sort things out.

Sit down with your g,f and discuss this and both make some ground rules so that if she plays up you both take the same action.One of our biggest mistakes was that I would tell him something and then he would go behind my back and tell his mother and she would tell him that he could have what ever he asked for after I had just said no.Since the rules have been in place he knows that he will get the same answer from both of us so he does not bother anymore.

Stick in there I,ve been dealing with this for 2 years and I,m still hanging in there!

If you want bro drop me an e-mail

**DC24** · 05-31-2002, 02:52 PM

Dude reading this just made me realize how lucky I am to have a daughter like I do.

It's hard being a parent, let alone trying to help raise someone elses child. My advice, don't leave you woman man. Give it time and work through it, the child will come around, all in due time. I'm not one to tell someone how to raise their kids man, other than to love them with your whole heart, they are a gift.

**Iron horse** · 05-31-2002, 03:06 PM

Out talk to an outside counsellor about it. I bet they could help, and even talk to the child as too why she acts the way she does.

You must show her that you two are in control of the house, not her.
It's alot easier to do that (and safer) than to have to that when she's 14!! you no what I mean?

also, when all three of you are together, involve her as much as your soon to be wife so your all having fun and no one's competing.

if she wrecks your stuff, then wreck hers,

lol, or make sure theres very stern punishment, and tell her it hurts you when she does that in a calm voice.

try not to make the house hold environment a scream match, surprise the shit out of everyone, and talk a set frequency (monotone), you'll have everyone's attention if there not used to it. try talking, not yelling, even if the kid yells, just talk even quieter. try it, seriously.

**D-bol** · 05-31-2002, 05:26 PM

my girl is readin this to, u guys are helpin us alot, shes not happy with me sayin im thinkin about gettin out, but i say it to her face, its nothin new, only so much i can take, today was hell, we are still tryin to get her to clean up a mess she made like 5 hrs ago, she took a rose, my girl keep one of the roses of the first ones i gave her, it was old and she crumbled it all over the bedroom floor lol, she will not clean it, shell just sit there yelling, were still taking turns watchin her, she wont do it, its hell, everyone one of you guys make greats points, this is tuff, im doin my best not to lose my cool, but damn, my life is hell now, lol , the kid even mad dogged me when i was walkin to the kitchen, wtf lol, we have agreed to not let her up till she cleans the rose pieces all up, tonight will suck but were holdin our ground, i have a new respect for people whos kids are outta control, they are in hell,

**D-bol** · 05-31-2002, 06:03 PM

damn u guys were right, i flat asked her "do you not like that me and mommy are togther?" and she said "yes" so i said "why" at first she said she didnt want to answer that right now and started crying, but me and her mom convinced her she could say anything and not get in trouble it was ok, her exact words were "i dont want mommy giving you all the attention" it was a shock, even though everytime we hug she jumps on us, and my fiance mentioned it, it was still a shock, i guess were gettin somewhere, she cleaned up the roses, gonna be tuff, but i wont make her feel like im gettin in the way of her and her mom anymore, im consisous of it now

**Iron horse** · 05-31-2002, 06:22 PM

maybe get her and mom to have a "girls day" or something after she starts to behave a bit more. If she got to have that much fun now she could feel rewarded for being bad.

she would see that she's still a big part of her mothers life. Perhaps get her mom to talk about you with her too. Make sure the mother tells her daughter that you love them BOTH and that there isnt competition for love in this family. She should tell her daughter that she loves to spend family time together and one on one with just her daughter as well, but the girl must understand her mother and her soon to be step-dad need time alone just like she wants time alone with mom sometimes.

just be stern, when she cools off and shows respect, show her you appritiate it.

hold your ground!

**freakout** · 05-31-2002, 08:06 PM

I guess you've got all your answers now, D-bol.

I think it is much easier to understand a kid when he or she knows how to make noises... Imagining dealing with a kid who is always quiet and sad, you would like to know what is happening but he just shuts you out of his world... now that is worst....

One easy way is to be thinking like her and find out her motives... The other way is to ask for help if you have reached your stress limit and you simply cannot take it anymore.

Your fiance should be going through this with you. It is her kid in the first place and no one else could understand her own kid better.

All the best! Stay positive! Dun give up!

**Ajax** · 06-01-2002, 03:20 AM

That's tough one! It's going to take you and your GF working together and 100% commited to make this work. Hey--that sounds like marriage!

Talk to your GF and set up some basic ground rules. Her daughter can do this, this and this, she can't do that, that and that. Decide on apropriate rewards & punishments and, though I am not acounsellor, it seems that BOTH of you will have to take a role in enforcing the rules. (If the kid sees you as powerless, she won't ever respect you, and if you are going to be a father-figure--if she lives with you, you are--she must have soem respect for you).

Reward the postive behavior, punish (not severly or maliciously, but firmly and unemotionally) the negative ones. STICK to a pattern and don't confuse her! (Her Mom wil be more likely to cave-in then you are, so she has to be strong & commited.)

It will take time. If you love you fiancee, stick to it. DON'T threaten to move out. That shows a real lack of commitment on your part. Better to show that you are committed to the realtionship--and her child (it's apackage deal!) than to sit with one hand on the eject button--that won't make your fiancee feel good about the whole situation...

**Billy Boy** · 06-01-2002, 10:37 AM

Like I said D-bol I have had the same problems he would wind us both up we would argue and he would cry-not good but if we are happy and getting on he will be noisy,disruptive and a total brat so that we tell him off.Once he has the attention that he wants and we are not talking to eachother he is quiet again.If my g/f and I talk he will also put his face in front of his mums so we can,t speak!

The bottom line is grin and bare it if it winds me up I laugh at him and go out for a walk once I show him he has achieved what he wanted in winding me up he knows EXACTLY how to do it and what buttons to push.

Try ignoring the little girl when she is naughty let her get on with it don't make a fuss or when she throws herself to the floor let her get on with it.Once she knows it has no effect even a child will realise there is very little point in doing it.Doesn't sound nice but it works.

Also you take her out for the day and get to bond with her,I know its hard but it may put a different perspective on it and she may tell you why she behaves the way she does.

As for your g,f if you were not committed to her you would not have posted what you did on here so obviously you must think there is still a future there.