Who wants to listen to me whine about my relationship?

[J-Dogg]

I’ve been dating the same girl for the last 3 years, I started dating her when I was 22 (do the math I’m 25 and the juggernaut!) We’ve always gotten along good, we have had our bumps, really just one. We broke up for a few months a little over a year ago, but we are fine now. I really love her, I love taking care of her and have few problems with her.

It is really weird though because the most important thing to me for a girl to have is a career mindset. I work really hard, set high standards on where I want to be and I’ve always wanted a life parter to work with me on that. It is just appealing to me….to have a girlfriend/wife who is interested in the same goals as me. I guess I just wanted work to be my life….but my wife/girlfriend to enjoy doing that too. I want to share that life with someone and I want them to enjoy it.

I started buying/selling homes and renting homes in 2002. I’ve been able to accumulate 9 rental units and am currently remolding a home to sell after I live in it for 2 years to get it tax free. I work a full time job while I’m doing all this to help save money for more homes and invest in the ones we have. I work full time +, I never work less than 40 hours a week. I also pick up siding/roofing jobs and do work for other landlords in the area. I’m the president of the Landlords Association in town here and have meetings for that every month and meetings with the City Manager and Planning Commission on a regular basis.

While things could get ugly if we split up, I don’t care. My girl always says she wants kids, I want my family to be work orientated. I want my kids to be involved with my business, and I would want a wife to be involved too. I would like to teach my kids everything I learned, not just be some spoiled brat. I want to show them how they can make their own money. I want us at a team to do this, as it is, she would give them everything they want….and I would do the opposite and when Mom and Dad don’t stand as a team…kids loose respect.

Right now my girl never works over 30 hours a week. When she is not at work, she is not cleaning or cooking either. I love this girl, but I just wish she had some work ethic. She is so beautiful, so caring and such a sweet heart but just has zero drive. She is on Antidepressants and I know it is simply just because she is unhappy with her life right now. She wants to be a cosmetologist which is fine….but she just won’t shift into gear to do it. If I set it all up for her…I do that in vain because she has to do it herself.

The best advice I can get is to talk to her, and I have. She says I should just accept her for what she is, she does that for me. It sounds arrogant, but honestly how can she not accept me for what I am? I have very few flaws. I work hard, make the money for us to live, I clean the house, cook for her and do not ask for anything in return. I’m not exactly ugly I lift 4 days a week and run 4 miles 4 days a week. I treat her well, I absorb all the stress just so she does not have to take any of it. If we are in financial trouble, I don’t even try to let her know about it. If she finds out….all the pressure is on me and I always find a way out and she never has to lift a finger.


I know too though, I can’t just tell her my dream and expect her to fit into the equation, but what the **** can a brother do to get a bitch to work?!

Sorry, only spot to vent....

[THE_DOME]

damn my girl is the same way i go to school full time work full time, my girl works 30-40 hrs loves money but she needs to get somes goals and drive. as in career aspirations and goals. why is it that some women decide not to have goals and just are content on being a house mom

[Katelette81]

Wow.. sounds like you're caught between a rock and a hard place.. .. I'm not going to give you any advice because I cant, and I'm not too sure you'r elooking for it, more just venting it seems.. but I can tell you about my brother.

Him and his gf have been together for 6 years. She's always been a touch overweight and on anti-depressants.. she smokes, drinks and has zero drive for anything.. and I mean anything. She will sit around and whine about being hungry for hours until someone gets her somehting.. and not MAKES her something, it has to be takeout... even though she works, my brother pays for everything... he's good looking, successful, hard worker and treats her like a queen.. I don't get it. She complains about being unhappy, depressed etc etc. and does nothing to change it. She even kicked my brother out because he does too much for her and she wanted to try to live on her own... and he still took her back. Now she's anorexic and thinking she's all hot shit ..

Anyway, point is... you can't change people, they can only change themselves. And if your gf is the way she is, then maybe you should just accept it if you love her that much... does the good outweigh the bad? or is it the opposite?

Good luck dude.. sounds like you love this girl a lot, and that you guys get along well... count your blessings.

[Katelette81]

damn my girl is the same way i go to school full time work full time, my girl works 30-40 hrs loves money but she needs to get somes goals and drive. as in career aspirations and goals. why is it that some women decide not to have goals and just are content on being a house mom

Good question... I wonder this about women all the time. Life if not about coasting.. but some women are just co-dependant and always willl be.

[lucabratzi]

well u sound like ur doin good...its very respectable what ur doin, workin hard, making a living, finding time to train and want ur kids to learn to make money and go into the fam. business...i know what u mean when u say u want a goal oriented woman...it is a very attractive thing when a girl is driven to do something...but if its not in her personality now it most likely never will be...u will either have to put up with it, which in the long run isnt worth it. or break up...these being the options if she doesnt change...and honestly u shouldnt have to deal with it, as hard as it may be breakin up may be a good thing, cause there are woman out there that are goal oriented like u and can support ur work habits and raise a family better...its hard though to just throw a gf that u really do love away...its goin to be a tough desicion...just whatever u do dont let it interfere with ur goals or hold u back from what u want/need to do...

[J-Dogg]

Are you my sister? lol

I guess it's just hard to give up on your dreams....I have everything in my life I want but I'm confused because my Wife/family will not fit in the equation properly. She is very good with kids, really loves them but I don't think she has the same idea of being a parent as me. I'd want to teach my kids to fish...not give them fish.

To be honest too, at times I am bitter because I work so hard to get the things I want. Right now, it is really hard. I always have a lot of wieght on my shoulders, i carry all the burden and don't ask anyone to help me. I will end up living very well for the work and time I devote. I just feel some times she knows she can take it easy because she will be able to share that life I have worked for.

[SwoleCat]

Ain't no romance w/out finance!

Seriously though, I hope it works out for you brutha.

~SC~

[J-Dogg]

Your defiantly right SC, if the finances are not set, the relationship will suffer and that is why it is important to me to take care of that before having kids.

I don’t always want to work like this, I would like to get to the point I don’t HAVE to but have the option too if I want. At that point is when I would like to have a family.

It is hard to just throw a girl you love out for something like this. You might regret it later. My Ex was goal oriented, but was a huge bitch and too moody. I guess maybe it is wrong for me to expect a girl to be pretty, hard working and loyal? To be honest though, if I had to trade in her looks for work ethic I would do it….dating a 7 instead of a 9-10 with no work ethic would make me happier.

[lucabratzi]

Your defiantly right SC, if the finances are not set, the relationship will suffer and that is why it is important to me to take care of that before having kids.

I don’t always want to work like this, I would like to get to the point I don’t HAVE to but have the option too if I want. At that point is when I would like to have a family.

It is hard to just throw a girl you love out for something like this. You might regret it later. My Ex was goal oriented, but was a huge bitch and too moody. I guess maybe it is wrong for me to expect a girl to be pretty, hard working and loyal? To be honest though, if I had to trade in her looks for work ethic I would do it….dating a 7 instead of a 9-10 with no work ethic would make me happier.

agreed....but u gotta comprimise with them with everthing...so ur goin to either comprimise with a hot loyal girl.....or....dump and find someone that has similar characterists as u instead of just looks...

[Mizfit]

I’ve been dating the same girl for the last 3 years, I started dating her when I was 22 (do the math I’m 25 and the juggernaut!) We’ve always gotten along good, we have had our bumps, really just one. We broke up for a few months a little over a year ago, but we are fine now. I really love her, I love taking care of her and have few problems with her.

I love the way you phrase this.. you compliment the gf, and then say she is almost perfect.. but...heres what is wrong with her....

Stop trying to create the perfect woman, because although i see you have list a slew of qualities you feel yourself possesses, I really have to wonder what all this time you spend working and doing this extra stuff for a life you hope to create has on your relationships. Do you spend anytime with her at all? What type of relationship does she feels she has with you currently? After all the items you listed that your currentyl trying to achieve and working on.. I bet the little bit of time you do spend with your gf, you tell her all the things she could be doing better and seeing as you have outlined your future life in detail, I would be willing to be you have a detailed list of all the things your gf is doing wrong as well.

It is really weird though because the most important thing to me for a girl to have is a career mindset. I work really hard, set high standards on where I want to be and I’ve always wanted a life parter to work with me on that. It is just appealing to me….to have a girlfriend/wife who is interested in the same goals as me. I guess I just wanted work to be my life….but my wife/girlfriend to enjoy doing that too. I want to share that life with someone and I want them to enjoy it.

You have just outlined your ideal woman and appear to beleive that if a woman doesn;t stand up than she is not for you. If the gf you are currently with lacks alot of these qualities - then she is not the right woman and move on. I

Right now my girl never works over 30 hours a week. When she is not at work, she is not cleaning or cooking either. I love this girl, but I just wish she had some work ethic. She is so beautiful, so caring and such a sweet heart but just has zero drive. She is on Antidepressants and I know it is simply just because she is unhappy with her life right now. She wants to be a cosmetologist which is fine….but she just won’t shift into gear to do it. If I

Maybe she is unhappy because the person who is supposed to support her is instead telling her all her faults over and over again and making her feel like she doesn't measure up.

If she is on anti-depressants and your not supportive, then it will only make her condition worse. If a person already feels worthless and their mate is making them feel more worthless because they feel they do not contribute - how effective do you think this is for her treatment?

The best advice I can get is to talk to her, and I have. She says I should just accept her for what she is, she does that for me. It sounds arrogant, but honestly how can she not accept me for what I am?

Exactly why should she expect you to accept her for the way she is when all you do is nag her about what she is not? You have said you talk to her.. sounds to me like you preach to her.

I have very few flaws.

I just spit up my orange juice.. I see so many flaws just in this one peice of writing..

I work hard, make the money for us to live

You work hard for yourself.. not for her. Do not kid yourself..

I know too though, I can’t just tell her my dream and expect her to fit into the equation, but what the **** can a brother do to get a bitch to work?!

Move on and go rent a bride from some foreign country where they will be a bit more submissive and you can mold the "Bitch" (You want a dog.. so good term) as you wish.

[stocky121]

the trouble is you want your girl to be perfect. good looking great job dose everything you want but in reality it aint like that. nobody's 100% perfect and if a relationship was i would be quite disappointed with it.

[thegodfather]

Love isn't about your girl conforming to every single idealistic notion you have about what a woman should be. I love my girlfriend to death, we have been on and off for the last 6 years and now we live together. Shes sleeping a few feet away from me right now and when I look at her it makes me happier than anything in the world. That being said, theres points that we disagree on, for instance, I'm taking summer courses to try and get my ass out of college quicker, and she doesn't want to. She kind of just wants to coast, where as I'm killing myself taking way too many classes and being stressed out with college pretty much year round non-stop. So what though? I love her regardless of what her goals are, if she said she wanted to be a career waitress I would love her, wouldn't agree with her, but I dont think that would change her much as a person. Now, obviously I would never start dating a career waitress, but after you're already involved with someone to kick them to the curb becuase their ambitions aren't "up to par" with yours is ridiculous, you should be happy that she works at all. I could name a slew of other things where me and her butt heads, but honestly, I dont fixate myself on the flaws in the relationship, I try to enjoy the positive points. You sound like you're being a little too anal about this, however, if you want a robot for a wife then by all means dump your g/f, I guarantee you'll regret it in 10 years though...

[taiboxa]

post too long for tai

[lucabratzi]

post too long for tai

bwhahahahh...arghhh long post make tai head hurt...

[taiboxa]

bwhahahahh...arghhh long post make tai head hurt...

like da dickens!

[Mizfit]

like da dickens!

I will give you the quick version..

dude thinks he is perfect and that he loves his gf, but she has alot of faults.

[taiboxa]

I will give you the quick version..

dude thinks he is perfect and that he loves his gf, but she has alot of faults.

well then he shud A. Dump her or B. get a reality check

[USfighterFC]

You know what you should do. break up with her and keep all the money you make LOL. J/k but obviously you have a real good work ethic but she is right just try to accept her for what she is. Dont push her all you'll end up putting the relationship in trouble. She'll figure out what she wants to do sooner or later.

[J-Dogg]

I might be a little defensive, another one of my flaws but,

Boy Miz you sure have me figured out after reading a vent post on a message board.

If it was important to me, I would rebuttal, but if it makes me a over controlling dick to want a woman with work ethic, I’m a dick in your eyes.

[Mizfit]

I might be a little defensive, another one of my flaws but,

Boy Miz you sure have me figured out after reading a vent post on a message board.

If it was important to me, I would rebuttal, but if it makes me a over controlling dick to want a woman with work ethic, I’m a dick in your eyes.

Nah im not going to coddle you as you seem to think one should.. there is always two sides to every story - All you have describe is your work ethic and need to make money - You never once addressed the way you might treat her - except to push her to try to achieve WHat you want - maybe your the cause of her unhappiness and since she appears to cause you so much distress - Walk away.

[J-Dogg]

I'm really just looking for a slave girl to work all day for me, you busted me

[Testostack]

I love the way you phrase this.. you compliment the gf, and then say she is almost perfect.. but...heres what is wrong with her....

Stop trying to create the perfect woman, because although i see you have list a slew of qualities you feel yourself possesses, I really have to wonder what all this time you spend working and doing this extra stuff for a life you hope to create has on your relationships. Do you spend anytime with her at all? What type of relationship does she feels she has with you currently? After all the items you listed that your currentyl trying to achieve and working on.. I bet the little bit of time you do spend with your gf, you tell her all the things she could be doing better and seeing as you have outlined your future life in detail, I would be willing to be you have a detailed list of all the things your gf is doing wrong as well.





You have just outlined your ideal woman and appear to beleive that if a woman doesn;t stand up than she is not for you. If the gf you are currently with lacks alot of these qualities - then she is not the right woman and move on. I





Maybe she is unhappy because the person who is supposed to support her is instead telling her all her faults over and over again and making her feel like she doesn't measure up.

If she is on anti-depressants and your not supportive, then it will only make her condition worse. If a person already feels worthless and their mate is making them feel more worthless because they feel they do not contribute - how effective do you think this is for her treatment?



Exactly why should she expect you to accept her for the way she is when all you do is nag her about what she is not? You have said you talk to her.. sounds to me like you preach to her.



I just spit up my orange juice.. I see so many flaws just in this one peice of writing..



You work hard for yourself.. not for her. Do not kid yourself..





Move on and go rent a bride from some foreign country where they will be a bit more submissive and you can mold the "Bitch" (You want a dog.. so good term) as you wish.

Kinda shrink Miz?

'Sup btw?

[Testostack]

well then he shud A. Dump her or B. get a reality check

Harsh but true!

[DamnYouMSN]

I'm really just looking for a slave girl to work all day for me, you busted me

aren't we all???

[Mizfit]

Kinda shrink Miz?

'Sup btw?

[Testostack]

Still chased by Rob ??

[J-Dogg]

lol, I'm not really looking for a "slave girl". I was just a smart remark, Miz I think kind of judged me and nothing I can do to change that.

[taiboxa]

lol, I'm not really looking for a "slave girl". I was just a smart remark, Miz I think kind of judged me and nothing I can do to change that.

i want a slave girl ..

[Testostack]

i want a slave girl ..

what an avy!!!

[BARLOW]

ok mizfit...
Tai and me havin issues...
all he does is play with his friggin fish, and he kills them somehow
how does he expect to take care of me if he kills his fish

[Mizfit]

lol, I'm not really looking for a "slave girl". I was just a smart remark, Miz I think kind of judged me and nothing I can do to change that.

I was harsh to prove a point - you can't make the perfect woman.. when the person your with is right for you - they will seem perfect - even with thier flaws..

[J-Dogg]

I'm not asking her to be perfect, infact I'm asking her nothing....which is why i was venting on a message board and not to her. For some reason you took that as I'm a unsupportive ass that just beats her down.

Like stated in my orginal post, she wants to be a cosmotoligist, and i'm fine with that. I just want her to do it, and think that would help her with her depression.

[Testostack]

poor j-dogg.........some much trouble......