I'm having problems with my wife

**stayinstacked** · 06-20-2006, 02:35 PM

My wife and I recently got married almost 2 months ago. We had the ceremony and reception, but have yet to sign the marriage license b/ of certain issues such as a good interest rate on a home loan(wifes credit is shot to shit), possible financial aid for her if she goes back to college this fall, etc. So we arent legally married yet. Anyways, when we first got together, and up until 4 months ago, she was working at this business her mother and she had co-owned, so she was bringing home a check. Her mom had brought my wife's stepfather in to work there, and this guy had basically strong armed his way into running the place and my wife and her mother are now out, and they're name is whats on the legal papers, how ****d is that? My wifes mother is a piece of shit, she lets this guy run everything, she couldnt stand on her own two ****ing feet if her life depended on it. So I'm the one paying for everything now, and I've been for the past 4 months. My wife is showing no ambition to get off her ass and get a job, I'm the one cutting out newspaper adds for employment for her, telling her about jobs!! She keeps saying"there isnt anyplace hiring right now!!!" but I'm trying to drill it in her head that all we need is a paycheck right now, anything until things get better and she can find something better. To make a long story short, I'm miserable lately, I'm busting my ass to get us by and I'm never home. It wouldnt bother me so much if I really thought she was trying her best but I'm not seeing it. Sitting at home for her is too easy. And when I try to explain to her how fed up I am and how hard it is on me, now all of a sudden I'm the asshole. I was 110% sure the day I asked my wife to marry me that I wanted to go through with it, but now is the first time I'm seeing how she handles things when shit gets bad, and its almost like she gets so depressed she doesnt do shit about it!!! I dont know wether or not I should give it some sort of time frame to see if she does anything or what. If it gets to be a year or something and she still isnt working I'm done with all of this. I'm definitely not content with signing any marriage license right now. I love her and besides for this we get along great, but this is the real world and it's hard to make it off one persons income nowadays. I dont want to be the guy who never has anything because I'm held down by somebody who has become lazy on me and stopped giving a ****. Anybody ever go through something like this or can add any input or suggestions?

**Hackamaniac** · 06-20-2006, 02:57 PM

I would try to give her a dead line bro be firm but not an asshole and yes you shouldn't have to be miserable and bust your ass so she can sit at home and watch soaps so i wish you the best of luck brotha.

***Doc.Sust*** · 06-20-2006, 03:09 PM

man i have delt with lazy girls who depended on me for everything and i never could take it, every relationship like this , i had to break off, i couldnt be with someone who cant take care of themself and pushes all the responsibility on me. it isnt fair to you. if i was you i would have it out with her, tell her EXACTLY how you feel, if she makes an effort to change than it is worth staying, if she doesnt do anything again, you are in a tough spot

**Panzerfaust** · 06-20-2006, 03:10 PM

Damn, this sucks major ass. I would also lay down a timeframe, that is bullshit. I would tell her to pick her ass up and go fry some hamburgers if she has to, either that or start packing her shit.

I won't support a dead ass, no way no how.

**cfiler** · 06-20-2006, 03:20 PM

Give her a time frame, and stick to it. Let her know that she has X amount of time to get a job. If she's still unemployed, then she's out.

**goodcents** · 06-20-2006, 04:18 PM

Run

Why should you pay for everything? By the way, I don't understand when you say we got married, but it's not official yet and we are not married. I reread the part about not signing the liscense, but I thought you had to do that first. I would get the hell out of there, it will just get worst, you can do alot better. better to leave now that later when she gets fat and takes your kids w/ her

**Carlos_E** · 06-20-2006, 04:20 PM

Have you tried sitting her down and calmly explaining how you feel? If you're telling her when you're upset or yelling she won't listen. She'll tune you out and call you an asshole.

**Carlos_E** · 06-20-2006, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

Run

Why should you pay for everything? By the way, I don't understand when you say we got married, but it's not official yet and we are not married.

Ceremony but no legal papers signed yet.

**Mizfit** · 06-20-2006, 04:30 PM

It's not what you bought.. return it...

**biglouie250** · 06-20-2006, 04:42 PM

well first off if your wifes and moms name is on the papers to the business and this is a store front change the locks and tel daddy to take a walk. i really dont follow how that happened but nonetheless. if your wifes name is still attached to the business depending on how the business is structured she may be held personally liable for any debts incurred by the business. which means that as soon as she signs the marriage license YOUR stuff is now her stuff and YOUR stuff can be taken away in any lawsuit involved in the business. again this depends on how its structured.

PM me details of the business and how its structured. i can give you advice and talk to you about potential legal ramifications.

oh and for the other stuff.....i like carlos E's idea. sit and talk. honesty about your feelings in a calm manner is the best route.

**chest6** · 06-20-2006, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

Have you tried sitting her down and calmly explaining how you feel? If you're telling her when you're upset or yelling she won't listen. She'll tune you out and call you an asshole.

exactly.

**spound** · 06-20-2006, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

Have you tried sitting her down and calmly explaining how you feel? If you're telling her when you're upset or yelling she won't listen. She'll tune you out and call you an asshole.

Yep, carlos is right, that is what girls do.

Damn carlos, you always have great girl advice man, how do you do it? I think I need to find a gay friend lol

**Katelette81** · 06-20-2006, 06:26 PM

If she doesn't want to do it for herself, she isn't going to do it for you. I would give her a chance, maybe if she konws it's a deal breaker she'll get off her ass and do somethignabout it... but thenyouwould know that it was the fear and threat tht made her do it.. bandaid solution to a real problem... her lack of drive.

**Carlos_E** · 06-20-2006, 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by spound

Yep, carlos is right, that is what girls do.

Damn carlos, you always have great girl advice man, how do you do it? I think I need to find a gay friend lol

I have 3 older sisters and had to hear them complain about their boyfriends growing up. I know what pisses women off.

**spound** · 06-20-2006, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

I have 3 older sisters and had to hear them complain about their boyfriends growing up. I know what pisses women off.

Yea, I got two olders sisters, I feel I know a good bit, you have some great insight....I guess that extra sister helps!! lol

**Rookie1974** · 06-20-2006, 09:04 PM

sorry to hear bro....I had to let one go (six year relationship) cuz' of somthing very similar.

After you have that calm sit-down, look at it this way. If she cares for you and values the relationship she will want to help-out. If not...well he motives/intentions have changed and are nolonger allinged with yours. It be then time to cut your losses and find someone with a vlaue system more in line with yours.

The business is their responsibility, if they choose to give it to this guy...well their loss. That my friend is out of your hands.

Best Wishes and Good Luck Bro

**SwoleCat** · 06-20-2006, 10:48 PM

Doesn't sound like a self-sufficient strong woman, and I'd be outta there quicker than shit.

Perhaps I am wrong about her, but I am just giving the opinion to which I am entitled as to what I would do in this situation.

There is no way in blue hell I am going to be miserable the rest of my life.

~SC~

**C_Bino** · 06-20-2006, 10:58 PM

Im with Swole on this one. Just no way, and i mean NO WAY anyone will ever hold me back. I have no time for lazy and unmotivated people, I like to surround myself with people that bring me up and push me forward not slow me down like an anchor.

Also like Swole said though, I dont know your wife so I am merely basing my opinion on the facts you put infront of me. Im sure she is a lovely lady in many aspects for you do have married her. But listen man, you always seem like a straigh up bro from reading your posts. That's how you gotta be with her, no bullshit just tell her EXACTLY what you just told us. If you cant sit her down and tell her everything than to me that is just one more reason she is not the one for you.

Best of luck.

**firmechicano831** · 06-20-2006, 11:20 PM

I have something similar. My gf for 9 years tells me that I work to much and that I'm never home. Then again she works but brings in a miserable pay and I told her that I could get her a better job that would help us be together more and I woulndn't have to work as hard because her pay would help me out. So she doesn't listen and I think that she doesn't want to succeed in life or something so I work harder and work later at night then i have too. But goog luck

**Wrath** · 06-21-2006, 12:46 AM

Originally Posted by stayinstacked

My wife and I recently got married almost 2 months ago. We had the ceremony and reception, but have yet to sign the marriage license b/ of certain issues such as a good interest rate on a home loan(wifes credit is shot to shit), possible financial aid for her if she goes back to college this fall, etc. So we arent legally married yet. Anyways, when we first got together, and up until 4 months ago, she was working at this business her mother and she had co-owned, so she was bringing home a check. Her mom had brought my wife's stepfather in to work there, and this guy had basically strong armed his way into running the place and my wife and her mother are now out, and they're name is whats on the legal papers, how ****d is that? My wifes mother is a piece of shit, she lets this guy run everything, she couldnt stand on her own two ****ing feet if her life depended on it. So I'm the one paying for everything now, and I've been for the past 4 months. My wife is showing no ambition to get off her ass and get a job, I'm the one cutting out newspaper adds for employment for her, telling her about jobs!! She keeps saying"there isnt anyplace hiring right now!!!" but I'm trying to drill it in her head that all we need is a paycheck right now, anything until things get better and she can find something better. To make a long story short, I'm miserable lately, I'm busting my ass to get us by and I'm never home. It wouldnt bother me so much if I really thought she was trying her best but I'm not seeing it. Sitting at home for her is too easy. And when I try to explain to her how fed up I am and how hard it is on me, now all of a sudden I'm the asshole. I was 110% sure the day I asked my wife to marry me that I wanted to go through with it, but now is the first time I'm seeing how she handles things when shit gets bad, and its almost like she gets so depressed she doesnt do shit about it!!! I dont know wether or not I should give it some sort of time frame to see if she does anything or what. If it gets to be a year or something and she still isnt working I'm done with all of this. I'm definitely not content with signing any marriage license right now. I love her and besides for this we get along great, but this is the real world and it's hard to make it off one persons income nowadays. I dont want to be the guy who never has anything because I'm held down by somebody who has become lazy on me and stopped giving a ****. Anybody ever go through something like this or can add any input or suggestions?

Edit this post...soften it up, take out the curse words and read it to her..it has some sound reasoning in it. See if she doesn't have some other issues such as depression, etc going right now.Not many of us that chimed in are married, including me ...but I feel like you need to give it a little more time.

PEace

**Carlos_E** · 06-21-2006, 02:36 AM

Originally Posted by SwoleCat

There is no way in blue hell I am going to be miserable the rest of my life.

~SC~

Then I suggest you don't get married.

**SwoleCat** · 06-21-2006, 03:33 PM

I already am married (for 8 years), and I am far from miserable.

My wife is my buddy and my best friend as well as my lover.

We are both very well educated (not saying anyone else isn't) and we both have our respective careers and interests in those departments, with nothing but pure drive to succeed in each of our respective areas.

I got to know her for a few years before we tied the knot, and I just knew she was the one. They always say you end up marrying a lady like your Mom most of the time, and I've found many of those great qualities in her and it's true. It's a truly wonderful thing.

~SC~

**Carlos_E** · 06-21-2006, 03:39 PM

Did you live together before getting married? I think that is a good idea. You really get to know the person.

**SwoleCat** · 06-21-2006, 03:43 PM

Yeah, totally!!

U have to get to know how bad her shit stinks after she uses the bathroom!

~SC~

**bigbouncinballs** · 06-21-2006, 06:12 PM

the majority of marital breakups occur via money issues... now you're one of the clan!

its been said, sit down and tell her. and change the locks on the storefront.

**JamieStyles** · 06-21-2006, 06:39 PM

get out of there while you have a chance....this is just the beginning

**needmorestrength** · 06-21-2006, 09:53 PM

It doesnt sound like this is the normal her though, if she was always working steadily before? Give her time, sounds like shes in a state of depression.. When the going gets tough, you dont just quit... that goes for both of you! And ya Carlos advice is right on the money!