relationship stuff, legal advice

**F4iGuy** · 06-24-2006, 06:12 PM

I've been a member of this board for a couple months now. In that time I've read hundreds of posts and benefited from everybodys advice. I'm glad I've found this site. Normally I would feel strange posting relationship issues on a public message board but I need some input....

I was in a relationship for 7 years. I loved the girl and still do. I put a ring on her finger and we even purchased a house together. We met in highschool and stayed faithful to each other the entire time (with the exception of a 2 week break up) We have so many great memories together but I began to notice that she has control issues. At first I thought it wasn't too bad and people were exagerating. When we moved in together, for a very brief time, It got worse. She wanted to see her friends and not mine. She would complain that we don't do anything but when I asked her to do stuff she would refuse. She didn't want me going to parties or to the bar or she would give me shit for it. Most family holidays were spent with her family. And when I was studying for school she would keep me on the phone until she was ready for bed, despite the fact that I had to get up super earyly. She messed with my head pretty bad. After realizing that she would not compromise I asked to postpone our wedding.

The problem is I didn't feel an emotional connection with her. I still find her attractive, but I just never felt intellectually connected. Shes intelligent but we seem to have grown apart somehow. I also started to see how controlling she was. I wanted to wait till I finished school to purchase a house and get married. She persisted and at the time it felt right so I decided to buy the house. And she began planning the wedding, by herself for the most part. 3 months prior to our wedding date I began to freak out and feel like she wasnt the one for me. I felt like I would be living a lie. Sure, I could have a beautiful girl willing to cook and work lots of hours, but at the same time I would have to live life her way or face arguing constantly, which I grew tired of.

After asking to postpone she told me to go see a counselor and come back when I knew what I wanted. She became irrational, stubborn, and extremely angry. She told me she does not want me back in the house or she will change the locks. She won't talk to me and if she does its nothing but her blaming me for shit and calling me an asshole. She goes out to the bar all the time, which she never used to do. She says that shes over me and wants me to leave her alone. I told her I just wanted to talk and I never meant to hurt her, i just needed more time before we got married. She said that I had my chance and were done. She also told me I should leave her alone. This has been going on for over a month.

Now the war begins. I am paying half of the mortgage, taxes, etc. for her to live in the house. This needs to end. Here are how the numbers play out. She put down 15, ooo. I paid the closing cost of 7,500. We split the mortage 50/50 each month. Our home was purchase for 220,000 as a fixer upper and now, 9 months later it will probably go around 260,000. Our names are both on the title. She thinks I'm just going to take my name off and give her the house. Fu*K that! I didn't invested over 15,000 and countless hours into this place for her to hang out with her friends. I do not want to contact her any more, she is nuts. I would prefer to have a third party intervene. As I metioned before she's irrational. What options do I have? What would you guys do in my situation, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

**Mizfit** · 06-24-2006, 06:18 PM

contact a lawyer - both your names are on the deed

**USfighterFC** · 06-24-2006, 06:20 PM

Wow I thought I was in some pretty situations. I dont even know what to tell you to be honest. Get a lawyer if you have to and get your half of the money back and get the hell out of there.

**beuleux** · 06-24-2006, 06:21 PM

welcome to the real world bro... get urself a lawyer, sure it will cost but ur getting screwed anyway, oh yeh and go out and get urself some hot chicks to play with that allways helps

**F4iGuy** · 06-25-2006, 01:52 AM

The lawyer option seems like the way to go. Damnit, the hardest part is letting go. I know once I go this route it's over. She was a damn good woman but she has issues that I don't believe she will ever be willing to work on. It sucks, there are so many things I love about her but I can't get her to compromise. I think I'll send her one last e-mail explaining my position and give her a week to respond, if not I'll lawyer up and move on.

I started talking to a girl I met in college recently. She asked me out to dinner. Not sure if it's a friend or more but we seem to be hitting it off pretty well. If I do decide to take her out should I pay for dinner or is 50/50 the way to go? She just purchased a house, went to school for the same thing as me, makes tons of money, is beautiful, awesome personality, etc. etc. I just don't know how to play my cards. She asked if I was seeing anyone at the begining of my semester and I was honest and told her I was engaged. Now that the situation has changed I don't know what to expect. We talk all the time. I'm not crossing the line till I sort out my current relationship though.

Gotta love the old saying, when god closes a door he opens a window.... Don't want to treat the new girl as a rebound though. She's an awesome person. Right now It's a matter of letting go of the old relationship. I mean, 7yrs, It's a lot to swallow. One things for sure, my diet/training have kept me from going down a dark path. Thanks to everybody on this board for helping me with training/diet advice, it's kept me going through hard times.

**l2elapse** · 06-25-2006, 02:00 AM

tape record some of your conversations and show the court she she is a bia!

**F4iGuy** · 06-25-2006, 02:16 AM

One more Q, Is it oK to mention in an email to her that I will contact a lawyer to resolve the house issue?

**beuleux** · 06-25-2006, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by justinandrews7

tape record some of your conversations and show the court she she is a bia!

good idea thats what i had to do... just remember she says anything about u and the judge will swallow it but u say anything about her and its... "oh yeh prove it buster"

WTF course u should pay for dinner lol do u want us to chose the menu for u too

**Grappler13** · 06-25-2006, 10:55 PM

Originally Posted by F4iDom

One more Q, Is it oK to mention in an email to her that I will contact a lawyer to resolve the house issue?

Just have your atty make the call. Don't do any recording before you check with the state laws alllow for that type of thing. Federall, you can do it.

**cfiler** · 06-26-2006, 12:00 PM

Definately contact a lawyer. I would not let her know though, otherwise she will contact one aswell. You want her as little prepared as possible. I'd keep her in the dark as much as possible. Don't contact her without your lawyers knowledge.