men and women

[Timm1704]

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

LOL at all, but lOALBL (LaughingOutALittleBitLouder) at the bold

[audis4]

hahahah love #8....great post

[KhrisiGirl]

Funny and in most cases true.

[Phreak101]

.

6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

HAHAHA! Rarely do I ever laugh out loud at things that are typed, but this one had me roaring.

[UpstateTank]

lol...so true

[PROTEINSHAKE]

good stuff timm

[cfiler]

OMG that's so funny, and completely true!

[chest6]

vaguely aware of some short people in the house

[stewie]

omfg lool
10. wtf ??!!!

[NOREGRETS]

Funny shit

[lucabratzi]

hahaha all of them were classic but #11 is the best...cause its the funniest and scariest...u come home with a chick from a club and even if ur sobe she looks good, next morning ur biting ur arm off to get urself unattached...

[spencer]

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

i have this problem with my tight arse mate.
we went for an indian, me, him and waz. it came to about25 quid so we said just put a tenner each down and he was pulling his face, mind you.. he is scottish lol
hes like that everywhere too, my mates kid was crying and he wouldnt let my mate dip his kids dummy in his ice cream because it was nearly gone..

[slob]

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

that made me crack up

[Andorious]

ROFL! i almost spit up my beef when i read #6

[QuieTSToRM33]

ive read that somewhere ........... nonetheless ..... it's some funny shit