Depression..Advice Please

[Grappler13]

In the last year, I got accused of something I did not do an was forced to resign my day job which was my bread and butter. So, I through myself into my construction company and due to a variety of factors, it has gone down the crapper. I then finished a huge 4500 square foot house that I built by hand and put it on the market to sell and the basement promptly flooded forcing me to take the house off the market and completely refinish the basement. I kinda tuned out for a while a wallowed in self-pity and just chose to sit on the couch for a few months and then I kinda snapped out of it, got back to the gym, back into jits and a week later, my beloved sailboat sunk......like really sunk to the bottom of the bay (cost me $3000 to raise it not to mention what it will cost to fix the engine).

I've always worked hard and think I'm a good person but I feel cursed and my motivation level is absolutely zero. I know that I need to puul myself up by the bootstraps but I don't see the point. Everything I've worked for for the last year has gone to shit. I'm not used to failing and I'm not equipped for dealing with faillure, epecially one right after the other. What is the point? I can fix my boat but hell, it might just sink again, I can mow my yard, but it will just need mowing again next week, I can get a job, but I know that an unfounded slight can take that away from me in a second. I am depressed and unmotivated and don't know where to start or even bothering to start as my goals are gone. Anyone been here?

[spywizard]

yep, that's depression.. best advice i can give you.. is make a change..

Any change that will hold your interest, and develop you..

remember, if you don't love yourself.. why should anyone else..

[Hackamaniac]

YES,Push yourself everyday to do things you don't like is the only way imo...Do more and more everyday and you should be back on track eventually...Good Luck you can do it...

[Doc.Sust]

been here, itsucks, you have to do something to snap out of it, take a trip somewhere you never,were, do something crazy, you have to have fun to get out of the depresssion, fck all the bad shit, there is alot of good shit out there too. let you inhibitions goand enjoy life, one way i look at things, when you bottom out, and you feel low, there is only one place to go form there, back to the TOP!!! life is peaks and valleys, and you control that as much as you dont think you can, so you lost som money, and a job , screw that, there are many more jobs and more money to earn, life is mre than money and where you work. as long as you have loved ones, family, friends andyour healt, what more can you ask for ???life is what youmake, now get out there, do something insane and get yourself out of this slump now!!!dont even type another post, shut off the fcnkn computer and get out there in the real world and rip some shit up, get in your car, and just go!

[PROTEINSHAKE]

We have all had ups & downs bro. some moreso than others. the things that you are talking about, your house,your boat etc..are material things & can be replaced.And although financially taxing & thats definitley difficult.Keep things in perspective, you are healthy.you are not sick w some ungodly disease, not crippled or a quadrapelegic or something. Keep your head up...remain strong & in the end you came into this world alone & you will be standing alone in the end...so its up to you how you handle it...you can either rise up & make the best of it or you can begin your downward spiral...up to you.

FAILURE IS ESSENTIAL TO DISCOVER YOUR STRENGTH..

[Grappler13]

been here, itsucks, you have to do something to snap out of it, take a trip somewhere you never,were, do something crazy, you have to have fun to get out of the depresssion, fck all the bad shit, there is alot of good shit out there too. let you inhibitions goand enjoy life, one way i look at things, when you bottom out, and you feel low, there is only one place to go form there, back to the TOP!!! life is peaks and valleys, and you control that as much as you dont think you can, so you lost som money, and a job , screw that, there are many more jobs and more money to earn, life is mre than money and where you work. as long as you have loved ones, family, friends andyour healt, what more can you ask for ???life is what youmake, now get out there, do something insane and get yourself out of this slump now!!!dont even type another post, shut off the fcnkn computer and get out there in the real world and rip some shit up, get in your car, and just go!

I'm going now. Gonna mow the yard, work on the pile of paperwork I have to tackle and go to jits tonight and get the crap beaten out of me. Thanks, I've been wallowing in self-pity for too long now.

[Beefyman]

sounds like bad bro... best advice i can give to you is to talk to someone in real life... go see a doc.... i get depressed every now and then but when i talk to my mom or dad i feel way way better... like 100lbs have been taken off of me... make some friends n go out and have fun

[Beefyman]

We have all had ups & downs bro. some moreso than others. the things that you are talking about, your house,your boat etc..are material things & can be replaced.And although financially taxing & thats definitley difficult.Keep things in perspective, you are healthy.you are not sick w some ungodly disease, not crippled or a quadrapelegic or something. Keep your head up...remain strong & in the end you came into this world alone & you will be standing alone in the end...so its up to you how you handle it...you can either rise up & make the best of it or you can begin your downward spiral...up to you.

FAILURE IS ESSENTIAL TO DISCOVER YOUR STRENGTH..

some people love money like a loved one... and there is nothing wrong with that... it only means that he/she will have things to pass down to their kids so that they can have a better life

[Doc.Sust]

drive to bethesda and grab a few drinks or take a trip to annapoliss and cause some trouble. do anything, or even go furthur ,maybe somewhere you have never been. get out of your environment , and do something that is 100% unlike you would normaly not do.

when i got fcked up like this, iwent to new orleans , took me about 1 day to get in my car, grab a buddy and go, i went there acted like a jerk, got arrested, once i got of the clink a day or 2 later, i felt alot better, packed my bags went home andchanged my life for good, i havent had a real bad day since and that was about 3 years ago. sometimes it take you to hit rock bottom" before you bounce back,but YOU have to want to get back, YOU have to help yourself, if you cant do ths no one else can do it for you

[Doc.Sust]

I'm going now. Gonna mow the yard, work on the pile of paperwork I have to tackle and go to jits tonight and get the crap beaten out of me. Thanks, I've been wallowing in self-pity for too long now.

THAT THE SPIRIT BRO!!!!!! GOOD JOB!!!!! NOW GET OUT OF THERE AND GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!GRAB THE BULL BY THE HORNS ETC ETC ETC!!!!!!!IT IS YOUR WOLRD ,TREAT IT LIKE YOU OWN IT!!!!

[Bojangles69]

In the last year, I got accused of something I did not do an was forced to resign my day job which was my bread and butter. So, I through myself into my construction company and due to a variety of factors, it has gone down the crapper. I then finished a huge 4500 square foot house that I built by hand and put it on the market to sell and the basement promptly flooded forcing me to take the house off the market and completely refinish the basement. I kinda tuned out for a while a wallowed in self-pity and just chose to sit on the couch for a few months and then I kinda snapped out of it, got back to the gym, back into jits and a week later, my beloved sailboat sunk......like really sunk to the bottom of the bay (cost me $3000 to raise it not to mention what it will cost to fix the engine).

I've always worked hard and think I'm a good person but I feel cursed and my motivation level is absolutely zero. I know that I need to puul myself up by the bootstraps but I don't see the point. Everything I've worked for for the last year has gone to shit. I'm not used to failing and I'm not equipped for dealing with faillure, epecially one right after the other. What is the point? I can fix my boat but hell, it might just sink again, I can mow my yard, but it will just need mowing again next week, I can get a job, but I know that an unfounded slight can take that away from me in a second. I am depressed and unmotivated and don't know where to start or even bothering to start as my goals are gone. Anyone been here?

the cause of depression isnt situational, if you werent depressed before than that rules out biological
its how you interpet your situations, what meaning you pull from those situations, and how you attach that meaning to you identity.

understand CONFIDENCE and ESTEEM are 2 different things.
you can be confident and have low esteem.
Low Esteem IS the cause of depression.

I found the best way to conquer depression is first accept that fact you are depressed and that will most likey not just go away unless you CHANGE some aspect of how you interpet your reality.

But a simpler way to alter your reality which i wont explain the logistics of is the following:

make a list of EVERY one of your fears from least to greatest. Im not kidding write them down on paper right now.

Start tommorow or ASAP working on conquering your first fear. When you've finished on that move up to your next fear. But you MUST start with the little fears because gives you the ESTEEM necessary to conquer the larger fears.

I GUARANTEE if you do this and give it a few months and ACTIVELY engage in this process you WILL be releived of a great deal of your depression.
The only question is are you willing to do the footwork?

[PROTEINSHAKE]

some people love money like a loved one... and there is nothing wrong with that... it only means that he/she will have things to pass down to their kids so that they can have a better life

i understand that. I have been on both sides of the coin...I was poor once...now I'm not. but I am still the same person....money isnt everything. I saw my mother die in a fkn hospital bed with tubes & pipes & morphine & all kindsa shit..so when u think life is bad -remember that shit. money is money...you can make more. life is life--you only got one-make the most of it..b/c b4 you know it........i will be too late or over. thats reality.

[V_Vandetta]

been there and like yourself it was bad no matter were i turned it was bad ... I started my first business and it started ok and than it just went down hill .... lost my girlfriend the bank started forclosure on my home they repoed my car and to top it all off I got in a bad bike wreck all with in 4 months .... and when I think things cant'get worse My mom dies ........ I hit rock bottem .... i didnt even want to get off the couch .......... but i got through it with fatih in GOD and a good friend I got through ............. here is what helped me ............

my best freind of a long time came to my house said get dressed we are taking a trip ...( and he is a former BB and a big guy that you have pick and choose your fights with him) So i did... not knowing where he was taking me

we arrived at a home were disabled people lived and he donated or time for the day it was so depressing So i thought........ there were kids that were mentaly retared people with bad disabilities like dieabities So bad they lots limbs take off and soo.... on but after a few hours it was AMAZING how happy they were full of life given some have life threating problems ....... I was blown away talking with kids and adults about all the things they are going to do.... than a guy in a wheel chair asked me to play basket ball..... i was ok.. AND MAN He was good in that chair ...

than my freid came to me and said ......... how can you feel down about life when your problems have nothing to do WITH LIFE ........... I felt like shit I was complaing about money a home ,,,, wrecking my bike ........ when i have the greatest thing a healthy life ..... when there were people overcoming things I hade no idea it changed me for ever...........

i than came back harder than ever through gods grace and not giving up.... I got my business back up and running and I might add have several bussiness now ........ my body healed i saved my home .... I found my soul mate ... we are about to have our own family with a baby on the way.............. SO some times in our darkest hours there is always hope .... we just have to push through ....

there is a book in the bible the book of JOB even if you are not christian or religious .... it is agreat read for giving hope when you think all is lost ... and where through faith and never giving up ... things will get better ...

[goodcents]

In the last year, I got accused of something I did not do an was forced to resign my day job which was my bread and butter. So, I through myself into my construction company and due to a variety of factors, it has gone down the crapper. I then finished a huge 4500 square foot house that I built by hand and put it on the market to sell and the basement promptly flooded forcing me to take the house off the market and completely refinish the basement. I kinda tuned out for a while a wallowed in self-pity and just chose to sit on the couch for a few months and then I kinda snapped out of it, got back to the gym, back into jits and a week later, my beloved sailboat sunk......like really sunk to the bottom of the bay (cost me $3000 to raise it not to mention what it will cost to fix the engine).

I've always worked hard and think I'm a good person but I feel cursed and my motivation level is absolutely zero. I know that I need to puul myself up by the bootstraps but I don't see the point. Everything I've worked for for the last year has gone to shit. I'm not used to failing and I'm not equipped for dealing with faillure, epecially one right after the other. What is the point? I can fix my boat but hell, it might just sink again, I can mow my yard, but it will just need mowing again next week, I can get a job, but I know that an unfounded slight can take that away from me in a second. I am depressed and unmotivated and don't know where to start or even bothering to start as my goals are gone. Anyone been here?

That's funny in a warped way. Best saying: kick a man when he's down, if he gets up he's a man, if not, fuk him (I've been kicked alot lately myself )

[V_Vandetta]

BUMP for more advice ^^^^^^^^^^

[THE_DOME]

a set back is a set up for a comeback

[cj1capp]

i belive that there is such a thing as situational depression , here is a link to explain more. http://www.mhsource.com/expert/exp1120301c.html

[cj1capp]

i hope you get better ive been where you are and here is some info on where to get help and ( if you dont have any close friends you can PM me and we can talk, just bro to bro)
HOW TO HELP YOURSELF IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED fom the NIMH

Depressive disorders make one feel exhausted, worthless, helpless, and hopeless. Such negative thoughts and feelings make some people feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these negative views are part of the depression and typically do not accurately reflect the actual circumstances. Negative thinking fades as treatment begins to take effect. In the meantime:

Set realistic goals in light of the depression and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
Participate in activities that may make you feel better.
Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or participating in religious, social, or other activities may help.
Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
It is advisable to postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. Before deciding to make a significant transition change jobs, get married or divorced discuss it with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
People rarely "snap out of" a depression. But they can feel a little better day-by-day.
Remember, positive thinking will replace the negative thinking that is part of the depression and will disappear as your depression responds to treatment.
Let your family and friends help you.
How Family and Friends Can Help the Depressed Person
The most important thing anyone can do for the depressed person is to help him or her get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment. This may involve encouraging the individual to stay with treatment until symptoms begin to abate (several weeks), or to seek different treatment if no improvement occurs. On occasion, it may require making an appointment and accompanying the depressed person to the doctor. It may also mean monitoring whether the depressed person is taking medication. The depressed person should be encouraged to obey the doctor's orders about the use of alcoholic products while on medication. The second most important thing is to offer emotional support. This involves understanding, patience, affection, and encouragement. Engage the depressed person in conversation and listen carefully. Do not disparage feelings expressed, but point out realities and offer hope. Do not ignore remarks about suicide. Report them to the depressed person's therapist. Invite the depressed person for walks, outings, to the movies, and other activities. Be gently insistent if your invitation is refused. Encourage participation in some activities that once gave pleasure, such as hobbies, sports, religious or cultural activities, but do not push the depressed person to undertake too much too soon. The depressed person needs diversion and company, but too many demands can increase feelings of failure.

Do not accuse the depressed person of faking illness or of laziness, or expect him or her "to snap out of it." Eventually, with treatment, most people do get better. Keep that in mind, and keep reassuring the depressed person that, with time and help, he or she will feel better.

WHERE TO GET HELP

If unsure where to go for help, check the Yellow Pages under "mental health," "health," "social services," "suicide prevention," "crisis intervention services," "hotlines," "hospitals," or "physicians" for phone numbers and addresses. In times of crisis, the emergency room doctor at a hospital may be able to provide temporary help for an emotional problem, and will be able to tell you where and how to get further help.

Listed below are the types of people and places that will make a referral to, or provide, diagnostic and treatment services.

Family doctors
Mental health specialists, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, or mental health counselors
Health maintenance organizations
Community mental health centers
Hospital psychiatry departments and outpatient clinics
University- or medical school-affiliated programs
State hospital outpatient clinics
Family service, social agencies, or clergy
Private clinics and facilities
Employee assistance programs
Local medical and/or psychiatric societies

[Bojangles69]

i belive that there is such a thing as situational depression , here is a link to explain more. http://www.mhsource.com/expert/exp1120301c.html

Yeh i hate to be a dick but the psychologists who write that BS are morons. This is what I do with my life, and I've ran into professors who taught "situational depression" and I've explained to them one simple phrase that caused them to reexamine BS textbook explanations to those who are new to dynamics of the mind.

Its called "the map is not the territory" an NLP presupposition.

What this means is that NOBODY, NOT ONE PERSON in this world responds to reality. People respond to thier "MAPS" of reality.

I'll put it this way.
Imagine a territory. This territory IS reality. But for this given territory there is handfuls of different maps, topographic maps, satellite maps, thematic maps, etc. These maps refer to the way each of us individually interprets reality.

We can not see the territory, because the territory of "reality" is non-existent, its a cognitive construct of our mind. Most of us are fortunate enough to recieve an outline of this territory when we are young. Yet as we grow our maps are individualized to our predispositions in responding to reality, and how we attribute meaning from our outside world or "percieved reality" and how we attach that meaning to our identies.


Situations cant cause depression. One trend to notice is the response to incarceration. One thing you will see is a rapid change of thier interpretation of reality. It usually takes about 2-5 years. But most of the new prisoners are angry, hostile, and belligerent. The lifers however are actually extremely content, happy, and at peace with themselves.

The have changed the way they responded to their situation. They havent changed the situation itself. This is the core concept of what Im talking about.

Now people may think well "prison is a place to be depressed in"
and i have a response "who the fvck are you to say how anybody should feel in a situation if your not them?" Generalization isnt the foundation of psychology. The most functional and healthy response to all of "reality" as we know is to change the way we interpret it to our advantage, NOT disadvantage. Anyone else who "thinks" people need to respond a certain way to a situation is just someone who has little insight to the fact that our worlds do not create our minds but our minds create our worlds.

[STYLE74]

Hey bro just keep your head up and keep busy and things will be fine. We all have problems and issues but we have to be strong and live life the best we can. We are here for you man!

[cj1capp]

Yeh i hate to be a dick but the psychologists who write that BS are morons. This is what I do with my life, and I've ran into professors who taught "situational depression" and I've explained to them one simple phrase that caused them to reexamine BS textbook explanations to those who are new to dynamics of the mind.

Its called "the map is not the territory" an NLP presupposition.

What this means is that NOBODY, NOT ONE PERSON in this world responds to reality. People respond to thier "MAPS" of reality.

I'll put it this way.
Imagine a territory. This territory IS reality. But for this given territory there is handfuls of different maps, topographic maps, satellite maps, thematic maps, etc. These maps refer to the way each of us individually interprets reality.

We can not see the territory, because the territory of "reality" is non-existent, its a cognitive construct of our mind. Most of us are fortunate enough to recieve an outline of this territory when we are young. Yet as we grow our maps are individualized to our predispositions in responding to reality, and how we attribute meaning from our outside world or "percieved reality" and how we attach that meaning to our identies.


Situations cant cause depression. One trend to notice is the response to incarceration. One thing you will see is a rapid change of thier interpretation of reality. It usually takes about 2-5 years. But most of the new prisoners are angry, hostile, and belligerent. The lifers however are actually extremely content, happy, and at peace with themselves.

The have changed the way they responded to their situation. They havent changed the situation itself. This is the core concept of what Im talking about.

Now people may think well "prison is a place to be depressed in"
and i have a response "who the fvck are you to say how anybody should feel in a situation if your not them?" Generalization isnt the foundation of psychology. The most functional and healthy response to all of "reality" as we know is to change the way we interpret it to our advantage, NOT disadvantage. Anyone else who "thinks" people need to respond a certain way to a situation is just someone who has little insight to the fact that our worlds do not create our minds but our minds create our worlds.

a lot to think about, im going to read it again
Situations cant cause depression. One trend to notice is the response to incarceration. One thing you will see is a rapid change of thier interpretation of reality. It usually takes about 2-5 years. But most of the new prisoners are angry, hostile, and belligerent. The lifers however are actually extremely content, happy, and at peace with themselves.

The have changed the way they responded to their situation. They havent changed the situation itself. This is the core concept of what Im talking about." but this intersiting " and also looked up nlp
http://www.nlpls.com/articles/positiveIntent.php

[cj1capp]

grapphler 13 how are you doing today?

[Grappler13]

I went to Jits last night and got the crap beaten out of me for about two hours. I'm all bruised and sore as hell and feel better for it. My wife dragged me out of the house this morning and we went on a hike in the woods. And, last night my Dad called me and told me he had cleared his schedule for the next week and he's coming into town just to hang out and help me get some of those nagging problems I have in my life organized.

I'd like to thank everyone who responded here. I love this board in all its aspects and it's nice to know that people out there have been "here" and gotten through it. I've had a pretty lucky life: I have never really failed at anything before that I set my mind to but in the past year, I seem to have just f'ed everything I've touched up. I'm being a little dramatic but this is the first time in my 34 years that I've had to start developing the skills to cope with major setbacks. I've talked to some friends, all of whom are about 32-36 years of age, and we all seem to be going through some sort of early mid--life crisis. Maybe today's generation just goes so fast it hits us early. I'm not going to make any big decisons yet but I'm going to keep in shape, get on a schedule, make sure I don't sit around the house all day and keep sober (within reason as a night out with the boys can be healthy).

THANKS A MILLION BROS! I'll keep y'all posted on my progress.
PS: About a week ago, the doc prescribed me lexapro 10mg/ed so here goes a SSRI experiment. I'll report on that as well.

[cfiler]

Good luck man! Best thing you can do it try to sort out the things that are bothering you one by one. Don't think about everything, and focus on just one issue. That helps me when ever I lose focus.