What's the difference between Flirting and Cheating?

**PaRiS2005** · 12-12-2006, 07:44 AM

What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST

My last blog entry raised the question of why men cheat, and thousands of you weighed in--not just on the whys of cheating, but on what, exactly, constitutes cheating. In fact, one woman said she considers it cheating if her man so much as looks at another woman. Huh? You mean he's not even allowed to scope, peek, glance, admire, or notice another beautiful woman? Now, it's one thing to hold a man's words, actions, or nether regions to a high standard. But his eyes, too? That seems to make about as much sense as our societal obsession with Britney's apparently empty underwear drawer.

While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating). Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he didn't know existed.

Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence; that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)

Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up" messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself, but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a relationship no-no.

Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now) coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already) and intentions honorable.

Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger (or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed off-limits.

Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half? Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and it's nice to see another woman naked."

**biglouie250** · 12-12-2006, 09:57 AM

dont worry paris i wont tell anyone about the PMs you send me. oops.

**stunner5000pt** · 12-12-2006, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by biglouie250

dont worry paris i wont tell anyone about the PMs you send me. oops.

she's been sending me PMs too!

what is going on!

i need an explanation!

**dhriscerr** · 12-12-2006, 10:00 AM

Maybe this is way out there, but I think guys cheat for sexual reasons only and females for the most part cheat for the emotional reasons, maybe they dont get enough attention, they want something new, something like that. Just my .02 Ive cheated alot on gf's and been cheated on alot, and thats what I've found to be the case.

**Tren Bull** · 12-12-2006, 01:49 PM

i always considered cheating to be something that your significant other would have a problem with you doing. however, i dont think its necessarily that bad to be a little flirty when your girlfriend/boyfriend isnt around as long as it does not eventually lead to a legitamit sexual hook up

**Schmidty** · 12-12-2006, 04:35 PM

she danced for me at my **ay party.LOL. I think its cheating if their is emotional or physical contaced

**beuleux** · 12-12-2006, 04:47 PM

There is no difference between flirting and cheating according to every woman I know

**collar** · 12-12-2006, 04:48 PM

i dont cheat or flirt.

**Flagg** · 12-12-2006, 04:49 PM

Its a one way street as men are total wankers if they even look at another girl.

Basically, if you know it will REALLY hurt and devestate your partner, then dont do it.

**PaRiS2005** · 12-12-2006, 04:54 PM

SORRY, this wasn't any actual QUESTION I was just posting the article. Whoops. I just found it interesting and was wondering what everyones views were because of a lot of the different relationship threads right now!

ALSO, you boys better stop it or you might not ever get an ACTUAL pm!

**Schmidty** · 12-12-2006, 04:58 PM

I dont flirt or cheat. Seeing hiow the only way I have ever been abel to flirt is when I drink and the only way I can get laid by someone other then my gf is when im drunk. And seeing how i dont drink anymore and dont really want to. I dont see myself cheating any time soon

**Schmidty** · 12-12-2006, 04:58 PM

You never pm me anymore. What happened between us

**Tren Bull** · 12-12-2006, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by PaRiS2005

SORRY, this wasn't any actual QUESTION I was just posting the article. Whoops. I just found it interesting and was wondering what everyones views were because of a lot of the different relationship threads right now!

ALSO, you boys better stop it or you might not ever get an ACTUAL pm!

you mean cheating?

ive been friendly towards other girls while i was in a relationship, but i never actually hooked up with them. thats not so bad, right?

**Tren Bull** · 12-12-2006, 07:17 PM

i think cheating is wrong. i could never cheat on any of my girlfriends because i care about them and their feelings. id hate to know i caused my woman so much pain. its so much more fun when my woman is smiling and happy

**bbplaya21** · 12-12-2006, 07:38 PM

the difference
flirting=dancin,huging,grindin,shit like that
cheating=stickin my penis in her

**omni** · 12-12-2006, 07:54 PM

just the tip

**stunner5000pt** · 12-12-2006, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by PaRiS2005

SORRY, this wasn't any actual QUESTION I was just posting the article. Whoops. I just found it interesting and was wondering what everyones views were because of a lot of the different relationship threads right now!

ALSO, you boys better stop it or you might not ever get an ACTUAL pm!

oooo someone's had an extra serving of carnation instant biatch this morning

**Hunter** · 12-12-2006, 08:27 PM

cheating is simple anything you would not do in front of your significant other.

**J0KER** · 12-12-2006, 08:35 PM

i always considered cheating to be something that your significant other would have a problem with you doing

Bingo. Everybody is going to have different levels of tolerance/acceptance so I think that's probably the best description.

Cheating sucks. I'm going through a shit storm right now because of it

***Doc.Sust*** · 12-12-2006, 09:09 PM

Originally Posted by beuleux

There is no difference between flirting and cheating according to every woman I know

they are all wrong!

***Doc.Sust*** · 12-12-2006, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by bbplaya21

the difference
flirting=dancin,huging,grindin,shit like that
cheating=stickin my penis in her

yep that sums it up

**cfiler** · 12-12-2006, 10:05 PM

It's only cheating if she finds out.

Seriously though, I don't condone cheating. A hug, or kiss on the cheek can be fine depending on the scenario.

**Bojangles69** · 12-12-2006, 10:15 PM

flirting = hey baby
cheating = let me take my c*** out and f*** you.
Need we really read reports about it?

**AnabolicAndre** · 12-12-2006, 10:21 PM

the only person I have been cheating on is Mary the palm and her 5 sisters

**chest6** · 12-12-2006, 10:31 PM

flirting can be viewed differently. How I talk to some of my friends that are girls could be viewed as flirting by someone else. It really depends on the type of flirting(if that makes sense?)

**Bojangles69** · 12-12-2006, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by chest6

flirting can be viewed differently. How I talk to some of my friends that are girls could be viewed as flirting by someone else. It really depends on the type of flirting(if that makes sense?)

I think fllirting is cheating that doesnt leave the anticipation stage.

Once you relieve that anticipation and elicit any kind of sexual contact, imo thats cheating. But what Ive noticed is hystrionic type people who always need to flirt are also the most likely to cheat, because they're always testing other peoples boundaries, most of the time because they lack thier own.

***G-1000*** · 12-12-2006, 10:45 PM

The difference of the two, getting cought or not.

Get cought you cheated. Dont get cought you did not do any thing wrong.

**chest6** · 12-12-2006, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

I think fllirting is cheating that doesnt leave the anticipation stage.

Once you relieve that anticipation and elicit any kind of sexual contact, imo thats cheating. But what Ive noticed is hystrionic type people who always need to flirt are also the most likely to cheat, because they're always testing other peoples boundaries, most of the time because they lack thier own.

That is very true. I know several girls that do that. They'll flirt and wait for the other person to make a move, and then be more likely to accept it. Flirting is a way of "testing the waters" like you said..

**LAW** · 12-12-2006, 10:58 PM

I think cheating is different for young adults then it is older adults. For me my guy can go out and dance with another women when im not with him. He can speak to other women and other women hit on him. He doesn't have sex with her, he doesn't make out with her although one time he did but he was drunk and he told me and I was fine with it . We have a very open relationship and if we go out seperate from each other we discuss absolutely everything that happened.
Sometimes Im turned on when he gets hit on. But when we are together we are totally together. If I see a guy that turns me on I tell him and he tells me if he sees a women that turns him on. Totally natural instincts and healthy! IMO

**MuscleScience** · 12-12-2006, 11:39 PM

coitus!

**slob** · 12-12-2006, 11:57 PM

The difference of the two, getting cought or not.

Get cought you cheated. Dont get cought you did not do any thing wrong.
__________________

hahaha! yeah boi

**beuleux** · 12-13-2006, 01:59 AM

Originally Posted by MuscleScience

coitus!

Surely you mean clitoris

**MuscleScience** · 12-13-2006, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by beuleux

Surely you mean clitoris

Coitus

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/coitus

**Kärnfysikern** · 12-13-2006, 05:37 AM

flirting is inviting to cheating.

I dont care if my girl hangs out with male friends. But flirting is out of the question.

**PaRiS2005** · 12-13-2006, 07:45 AM

Flirting can sometimes turn into flirting, but that doesn't make it harmless, nonetheless. There's a line that a lot of people cross, and that's when the get into trouble. IMO

So, this raises the question, what constitutes flirting?

**sonar1234** · 12-14-2006, 12:36 PM

Thats a lot of licking

**The OutLord** · 12-14-2006, 12:49 PM

the diffrent is!!

No one have got the whole way and that is something that it is importent for a human in a entire life..

Can you visualize a human as a munk just becouas she or he have a partner!.
Now I am not taking about cheating....

It`s all about trust!!
And if she dont give trust you have "Not" lost some one!!

And i dont understand people that get jealous when some one porrn surff on the net!!.
But I can understand if a human feel that thay dont is good enough as thay allredy is.. "And element 22 of beauty Operation is not fare a way"