Woman should be issued this when they recieve the wedding certificate

[SVTMuscle*]

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:

Subtle hints don't work.

Strong hints don't work.

Really obvious hints don't work.

Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the #### they're saying anyway.

Check your oil.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Check your tire pressure.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!

[QuieTSToRM33]

[chest6]

Very nice.

The first one annoys me. Growing up I always shared a bathroom in btwn my room and my sisters room. She would always bitch if I left the toilet seat up.

Wtf? I wanna know where it is written in stone that the toilet seat remain in the down position at all times. It goes up and down. It is up when I use it, down when you use it. I leave it up, you flip it down. You leave it down, I put it up.

Its not a hard concept.

Wtf do women think the universal position is down?

Ghey.

[spywizard]

good one, here's another...

[G-1000]

95% true

[WEBB]

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Best one for sure.....also a big fan of Spy Wizard's too

[RuhlFreak55]

rofl....that was quite hilarious.....and pretty true i do believe

[ect0m0rph]

I like the "if you dont want us to solve your problem go to your girlfriends they are there for sympathy." I always struggle with that my fiancee wants me to just hold her and I am giving suggestions on how to fix it.

[Andorious]

many are pretty funny, agree again with the toilet seat even tho I'm used to putting it down now.

dont really agree with the hair thing, long is not always better.

[Snrf]

many are pretty funny, agree again with the toilet seat even tho I'm used to putting it down now.

dont really agree with the hair thing, long is not always better.

[HansVonSchnittchen]

The first one annoys me. Growing up I always shared a bathroom in btwn my room and my sisters room. She would always bitch if I left the toilet seat up.

Wtf? I wanna know where it is written in stone that the toilet seat remain in the down position at all times. It goes up and down. It is up when I use it, down when you use it. I leave it up, you flip it down. You leave it down, I put it up.

Its not a hard concept.

Wtf do women think the universal position is down?

Ghey.

It's just another example of the entitlement mentality that most of these little girls adhere to. That's all. It's a woman's world.

[Superhuman]

personally I always leave the lid and seat down because I think it looks better and I don't want germs from the toilet bowl to be floating out and into the room all day lol

[chest6]

gawd ur paranoid

I just got done making fun of my roommate for leaving all of it down. Im like Hey jeff...im about to take a piss OH WAIT..I CANT cuz u put that shit down..and i gotta expel unnecessary energy to lift it up

[Bruce000]

I Must be half Chick. I don't mind sitting. I think the reason why chicks moan is because they don't look before they sit. So they pull down their pant and sit on a cold toilet rim.