Bouncer Stories

**mattman** · 11-26-2007, 07:13 PM

I know there has to be a handfull of guys on here who works a part time gig as a bouncer. Im a bouncer on the weekends, and I cant began to tell you how many times Ive had some dumb drunk walk up to me and grab my arms and say the dumbest stuff like (whats the qualifications for this job hahaha) or (do you have to take steroids to have this job??) If you have a funny bouncer story post it here... HOLLA!

**Hoggage_54** · 11-26-2007, 07:49 PM

Last Friday night, some guy tried to fight me while I was heading over to the coat check because he thought I stepped on his hat when it fell on the floor. My hands were full from carrying jackets to the coat check, so I used one hand to keep him off of me until the bouncers came. One bouncer grabbed me by the collar and tore my shirt slightly, then gave me a little shot to the nose (all the while my hands are full with coats and trying to hold off this other guy), and when he realized I wasn't the one causing the trouble he let me go. Kind of funny how much effort he had to put into moving me (I'm 6'5" 240), and my arms were full from trying to carry jackets to the coat check so I couldn't even defend myself from anyone!

**Dizz28** · 11-26-2007, 08:05 PM

I'm not a bouncer but got a funny storry....My buddy bounces at a club on the weekends and it sorta under a major bridge between two cities. Well he was standing outside the door in his usual spot collectin the cover charge and these two chicks were standing next to him smoking. The next thing he knew, a half dozen eggs come flying down from the bridge and two land on his face and shoulder and the others smashed all over those two chicks.

They sent some people up to the bridge, but of course, whoever did it were gone by then.

true story, swear on my life

**sphincter** · 11-26-2007, 08:12 PM

I just kick it in the club and spen all night hitting on chicks and then occasionally throw out a drunk fuk. My club is more like a Lounge with live music and a DJ every night with a really mixed crowd.

I always love it when the Ugly Lights come on at the end of the night and when you see some of the reactions when people see how the chick/dude they've been chatting up all night and/or kissing on REALLY looks!! it's is really quite funny sometimes!

last week had a fat chick who was quietly sipping her drink as we were clearing the bar at closing.. her and her mand sat there like it didn't apply to them. I hit them up and was askingthem to leave andwas getting ignored... I was then forced to be a little more firm and the dude got up and started moving but the chick just sat there sipping slowly... I told her to get her fat ass up outta my bar and stop acting like she's soo good looking the rules don't apply to her... snatched her drink and her dood hot all butthurt.

He was all, "you don't have to be like that!" I told him to get the **** out and stop being pissed since he's too much of a bitch to check his fatass bitch so I had to do it for him.... they left in a huff but I didn't have to break him off though so a pretty good night...

**mattman** · 11-26-2007, 08:23 PM

bro its almost scary sounding the way you just wrote that, thats exactly how it is at my place. the ugly lights and the people who think there vip. sitting after the music stops, lol

Originally Posted by sphincter

I just kick it in the club and spen all night hitting on chicks and then occasionally throw out a drunk fuk. My club is more like a Lounge with live music and a DJ every night with a really mixed crowd.

I always love it when the Ugly Lights come on at the end of the night and when you see some of the reactions when people see how the chick/dude they've been chatting up all night and/or kissing on REALLY looks!! it's is really quite funny sometimes!

last week had a fat chick who was quietly sipping her drink as we were clearing the bar at closing.. her and her mand sat there like it didn't apply to them. I hit them up and was askingthem to leave andwas getting ignored... I was then forced to be a little more firm and the dude got up and started moving but the chick just sat there sipping slowly... I told her to get her fat ass up outta my bar and stop acting like she's soo good looking the rules don't apply to her... snatched her drink and her dood hot all butthurt.

He was all, "you don't have to be like that!" I told him to get the **** out and stop being pissed since he's too much of a bitch to check his fatass bitch so I had to do it for him.... they left in a huff but I didn't have to break him off though so a pretty good night...

**J-Dogg** · 11-26-2007, 09:12 PM

lol, ugly lights, that's the first time I've heard that.

And no, I really don't get out much.

**PROTEINSHAKE** · 11-26-2007, 09:23 PM

I've seen some pretty good stuff in the place I work at.... from girls totally drunk gettin fingered by some jerkoff, people dancing on the lounge chairs, the owner gettin head in the bathroom while I stood guard on the door, to myself (37) makin out with a 18yr old hottie....

theres lots more but I aint got all nite...

**eacman65** · 11-26-2007, 09:31 PM

Ive bounced at 3 different bars around where I live and all of your stories sound the exact same to the shit ive dealt with, I really hate the people that wont leave after we are closed. They are the worst.

**PEWN** · 11-26-2007, 09:34 PM

yea it was fun being a bouncer .... alot of good memories ... but never want to do it again .... glad i have a real job now ...

**MeanMachine2000** · 11-26-2007, 09:42 PM

A couple weeks ago a couple of the guys were removing some dude, he was being a difficult arrogent prick so they locked him up, took him out and threw him on the ground. The dude was on his back and reached up to grab one of the bouncer's by the balls. He grab the fabric of the crotch (polyester dress pants) and tore them off front to back. (completely removed one leg) So my buddies standing there infront of the club in his underwear. The dudes girlfriend grabs the pant leg (with his wallet in it) thinking it belongs to her boyfriend and they take off. So after the initial embaressment my buddy runs to his truck (about 5 blocks away) and on the way gets pulled over by the cops
"Why arn't you wearin any pants son?"

**peteroy01** · 11-26-2007, 11:23 PM

im a bouncer and if your one you probably hear the same thing from all your friends like "if i get in a fight do you have my back?" i always say yes. well one of my friends say ......... he was in a good mood so i say yes thinking he was just drunk and ****ing around. well he no shit took 2 steps and crow hopped and hit this dude that had been talking shit. well then 3 of the other guys friends pile up on him and then 3 of my other friends jump on so i start throwing people out of the pile. the last guy that is on top of somebody turns out to be my cousin and hes got his knee in the guys throat just punishing that shit talker. the funny thing is that my cousin is 6ft and maybe 175 but he is the scappiest bastard ive ever seen fight. anyways these 3 dudes kept talking shit so i thew'em out.

**peteroy01** · 11-26-2007, 11:32 PM

i was working the door and saw that one of the other bouncers throw this guy out for falling into the wall(drunk). well he tries to come in and i tell him to leave. he leaves then comes back in 3min. saying i really really need to go in there!!!! i tell him no and offer to call him a taxi and he refuses. well he says "if you dont let me in im going to pass out right here right now in 5,4,3,2,1 and falls down. he was trying to do a fake fall but his body was so limp and his head slapped the floor hard a hell. i just look at him for a sec thinking he f'in around. well his girl friend starts screaming do something. so i grab the guy by his collar and drag his ass outside to the curb. well the a cop comes and asked the dude how many drinks hes had a says 27. so the cop was being nice and was probably going to just take him to detox but the guy realized that the man helping him walk was a cop so he tried to hit'em and that was the worst thing ever. cops from all over beat him pretty good.

**ThisBigBastard** · 11-26-2007, 11:40 PM

I've worked at 2 different clubs and they both sucked. I have no desire to ever do it again. I used to leave at the end of the night and be disgusted by the way these sad excuses for humans beings conduct themselves in public.

**MeanMachine2000** · 11-28-2007, 05:44 AM

At the end of the night after we're closed someone forgets to lock the front door. An older man walks in and says he needs to use the washroom. We tell him that we are closed and its not a public washroom...so no. He asks again... and again I say no. This went on for a couple minutes and he starts to get angry, starts sweating ect. Well finally he loses it and says "You guys are f*ckin assh*oles... I just sh*t myself because of you!!" and storms out the door. Sure enough I look down and theres a little stink nugget sitting on the floor.

**bossman_1986** · 11-28-2007, 07:03 AM

on saturday some girl was in a area where she's not allowed to be so i told her you have to clear this area, she rolls her eyes and walks away then later on she's in an area where she's not supposed to be again and i go up to her and tell her she needs to move outta the way and she rolls her eyes and gives me attitude and says "where am i supposed to go then" and i was like "anywhere but here", i walk walk and let her move on her own, then i see that she didn't move and i started getting really ****in angry but i still waited to see if she would move but she wasnt so i snapped and went up to her and said "listen bitch how many times have i told you you cant be in this area, if you don't wanna listen you can leave the ****in club", so she rolls her ****in eyes and gives me attitude and left the club...i swear i was so close to slapping that bitch

**godkilla** · 11-28-2007, 05:49 PM

i cant bounce anymore. the drunk morons really started getting on my nerves after while and i ended up breaking some arms and even went as far as choking a couple mofos. got to the point where i was just waiting for a reason to physically remove someone just so i didnt have to talk to there drunk ass. on a brighter note i def had more good times than bad

lotsa parties and tonnes of *****.

**goodcents** · 11-28-2007, 07:34 PM

Damn guys, I know they piss you off but they are customers, hopefully repeat customers.

**godkilla** · 11-28-2007, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

Damn guys, I know they piss you off but they are customers, hopefully repeat customers.

yeah but the club i worked at had a line up down the block, so i wasnt really concerned about customer relations.

**dece870717** · 11-28-2007, 10:11 PM

Originally Posted by getnjakked

I've seen some pretty good stuff in the place I work at.... from girls totally drunk gettin fingered by some jerkoff, people dancing on the lounge chairs, the owner gettin head in the bathroom while I stood guard on the door, to myself (37) makin out with a 18yr old hottie....

theres lots more but I aint got all nite...

Jailbait much?

**MeanMachine2000** · 11-28-2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

Damn guys, I know they piss you off but they are customers, hopefully repeat customers.

If they're that annoying, arrogent, drunk to piss you off, 9 times out of 10 you don't want them to come back. Chances are if they piss you off the are pissing off other customers aswell. Anytime I have to physically remove someone from the bar thats it, they are not welcome back. I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression though, I know bouncers get stereotyped as agressive meatheads, but I would much rather (and 95% of the time i do) talk them out.

**paulzane** · 11-29-2007, 02:20 AM

Originally Posted by ThisBigBastard

I've worked at 2 different clubs and they both sucked. I have no desire to ever do it again. I used to leave at the end of the night and be disgusted by the way these sad excuses for humans beings conduct themselves in public.

Do you mean the punters or the bouncers????