Need Some Guiddance

**kman** · 02-24-2008, 11:05 PM

My grandma has not been not doing that great for the past year or so. She has lived 2 miles away from me since I was kid. She just took a trip to florida to visit my aunt and the grandkids!!! So tonight my grandma called me up and gave me her words of wisdom like she always does, then tells me this will be the LAST time we will Talk. I broke down. They say she has a couple of days left!!!
I am having a real hard time dealing with this for some reason!!! I feel pissed off, angry, sad as hell, and am having a hard time breathing. I have support here with my girl and my family, but for some reason I just want to be left alone. I turn to you guys that have experienced a loss of your loved ones, and ask you, how did you cope with it??? I would never turn to the bottle or other drugs, but I am in so much pain and I want it to go away...I can't sleep or function.. Guys I don't want to sound like a puss, but I really don't know how I am going to take this or get through!!!!! Please help a brother out

**Cun0144** · 02-24-2008, 11:51 PM

So delete

**kman** · 02-25-2008, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by Cun0144

well, when i broke up with my gf to help get over her i would go to the strip club but then realize these skanky hoes just want my money.....just keep busy all day doing something that way i dont think of her. Try not to sit idle and do nothing because once you do that youll start to think and then get all sad and depressed.

It's 1am, and I just took some ambien to try and get some sleep!!!!! Its like a panic attack every so often I'm getting, when something reminds me of her I lose it. They want to operate on her to clear fluid out of her heart, but she declined it, and she just told me its her time to go!!!!! The doc said the surgery won't do to much, but I am in denial,,I think I might fly down and see if I can help somehow, find a better doc,,right now I am just looking for a miracle and delaying the inevitable

**rockinred** · 02-25-2008, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by kman

It's 1am, and I just took some ambien to try and get some sleep!!!!! Its like a panic attack every so often I'm getting, when something reminds me of her I lose it. They want to operate on her to clear fluid out of her heart, but she declined it, and she just told me its her time to go!!!!! The doc said the surgery won't do to much, but I am in denial,,I think I might fly down and see if I can help somehow, find a better doc,,right now I am just looking for a miracle and delaying the inevitable

Brotha, I am sorry to hear about this... she is her own person and makes her own calls.. support her with your love and go see her and be with her and hold her and love her and tell her anything you ever wanted to say and tell her how much you love her with all your heart... then you need to be strong for her and your family and hold your head up like a strong man... there is no easy way to deal with this and nothing anyone says will really help... those who have lost close ones can only say like Kale did in his daughters thread and i did to others when I lost my daughter is that you have no choice but to deal with it.

this might sound superficial but what doesn't bring you down only makes you stronger. also, stay busy at the gym like cun said above.... that is how I released a lot of energy. also... and always, I say look to God for answers... not sure where you stand with that. I am sure there are people in your family that will have stuff to say about that too. PM me if I can help you get through this in any way. ... your grandma sounds like a very strong person... medicine can only go so far for us. respect her choice... be silent when necessary.take care. Peace

**SayIWont21** · 02-25-2008, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by kman

My grandma has not been not doing that great for the past year or so. She has lived 2 miles away from me since I was kid. She just took a trip to florida to visit my aunt and the grandkids!!! So tonight my grandma called me up and gave me her words of wisdom like she always does, then tells me this will be the LAST time we will Talk. I broke down. They say she has a couple of days left!!!
I am having a real hard time dealing with this for some reason!!! I feel pissed off, angry, sad as hell, and am having a hard time breathing. I have support here with my girl and my family, but for some reason I just want to be left alone. I turn to you guys that have experienced a loss of your loved ones, and ask you, how did you cope with it??? I would never turn to the bottle or other drugs, but I am in so much pain and I want it to go away...I can't sleep or function.. Guys I don't want to sound like a puss, but I really don't know how I am going to take this or get through!!!!! Please help a brother out

Bro i know how you feel, i too lost friends, and family, been to too many funerals at my age, but grief always comes with it, its not fair at all and life isnt fair, everything is in gods hand, i know it hurts a lot, but you have to come to realize that we dont all live forever, and one day our time will be up, we just have to accept it for what it is, a few things that helped me out was turning to lifting, it has always been there for me, when im sad, angry,happy or what not, i would go to the gym, it was like my get away from everything and i would zone out and just lift my pain away until i was dead ass tired, shuting down isnt good, its nice to know you have friends and family that are there for you and support you all the way, same as when you log on here, were all here for you bro, another good thing i did, was pray.. it might sound dumb but it helped out, hope you can get through this bro and were all here for you k.

**gixxerboy1** · 02-25-2008, 10:37 AM

I'm sorry Kman. Try and keep busy thats all i can say. Your going to cry your going to be mad. There isnt anything wrong with that.

I found a letter from my ex that passed yesterday cleaning. It was a letter she wrote me after a fight. Saying how she was sorry and how much she loved me. I was in tears for a long time after reading it.

If you want to talk pm me i'll give you my number

**bigtwin** · 02-25-2008, 11:07 AM

no bull shit, have a good cry and let it out. stay with your family. take that built up emtoion and anger, and blast it away in the gym.

**kman** · 02-25-2008, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by rockinred

Brotha, I am sorry to hear about this... she is her own person and makes her own calls.. support her with your love and go see her and be with her and hold her and love her and tell her anything you ever wanted to say and tell her how much you love her with all your heart... then you need to be strong for her and your family and hold your head up like a strong man... there is no easy way to deal with this and nothing anyone says will really help... those who have lost close ones can only say like Kale did in his daughters thread and i did to others when I lost my daughter is that you have no choice but to deal with it.

this might sound superficial but what doesn't bring you down only makes you stronger. also, stay busy at the gym like cun said above.... that is how I released a lot of energy. also... and always, I say look to God for answers... not sure where you stand with that. I am sure there are people in your family that will have stuff to say about that too. PM me if I can help you get through this in any way. ... your grandma sounds like a very strong person... medicine can only go so far for us. respect her choice... be silent when necessary.take care. Peace

Thanks for your support and wordS of wisdom. Sorry for your loss as well.

**kman** · 02-25-2008, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

I'm sorry Kman. Try and keep busy thats all i can say. Your going to cry your going to be mad. There isnt anything wrong with that.

I found a letter from my ex that passed yesterday cleaning. It was a letter she wrote me after a fight. Saying how she was sorry and how much she loved me. I was in tears for a long time after reading it.

If you want to talk pm me i'll give you my number

Thanks bro, appreciate the offer.. So sorry to hear about your Ex. I know losing a lost one is tough. I was fortunate enough to not have it happen for such a long time, but when I heard the news It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I really had No idea how much pain and sorrow would be felt. My heart goes out to those who have lost someone close to them, cause without going through it, it is almost impossible to describe the feelings involved. I am off to the gym to let of some steam, looks like it might be my savior..

**-DedicateD-** · 02-25-2008, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by kman

Thanks bro, appreciate the offer.. So sorry to hear about your Ex. I know losing a lost one is tough. I was fortunate enough to not have it happen for such a long time, but when I heard the news It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I really had No idea how much pain and sorrow would be felt. My heart goes out to those who have lost someone close to them, cause without going through it, it is almost impossible to describe the feelings involved. I am off to the gym to let of some steam, looks like it might be my savior..

sorry for your loss,

i can relate as my grandfather passed 3 years ago.

very difficult to see what you know to be a strong person laying in a hospital bed. My grandfather always said he was alright and never wanted to show weakness. he started by taking care of his brothers and sisters after his father left, continued by going off to war in ww2, and then raised his own children and grandchildren working 50+ years in a factory.

the last time i saw him in the hospital bed he was maybe 85lbs and was on a feeding tube. when i walked in and he went to shook my hand he squeezed it just as hard as he did when i was 10 years old. i will NEVER forget that moment

what helped me was the gym, and music. i dont know if you like the heavier hardcore music but the lyrics below still give me a shot of adrenaline on their own...add in the the emotion and i get goosebumps for the entire song..you need to channel and focus the pain, energy and emotion into something constructive...

i personally like http://www.lyricstop.com/r/roseofsha...tchengage.html
(the song refers to the death of one of the band members mothers)

for me its the last set of squats, curls, bench, whatever.... when i cant imagine another 5 reps, the song comes on and think to myself if grandpa can show enough strength to squeeze my hand laying in a hospital bed, failing is not an option

it maybe a warped way of thinking about it but it helped me get through it and still motivates me 3 years later

stay strong

**Tock** · 02-25-2008, 07:29 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It sucks, big time, when someone you love passes away. Been there, done that, and it never gets any easier.

Here's something that may help you understand your feelings right now:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief
You're only human, and you'll need to have a few good crys to work through your loss.

After a while, the pain subsides, and you're left with a void where that person used to be. It'll help if you fill that void with memories -- photos, letters, trinkets that once belonged to them. You'll never forget your grandma. Never.

**DSM4Life** · 02-26-2008, 05:42 AM

Best solution is to surround yourself with family and friends but as tock mentioned it only gets easiser with time.

Good luck.

**Bigen12** · 02-26-2008, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by kman

My grandma has not been not doing that great for the past year or so. She has lived 2 miles away from me since I was kid. She just took a trip to florida to visit my aunt and the grandkids!!! So tonight my grandma called me up and gave me her words of wisdom like she always does, then tells me this will be the LAST time we will Talk. I broke down. They say she has a couple of days left!!!
I am having a real hard time dealing with this for some reason!!! I feel pissed off, angry, sad as hell, and am having a hard time breathing. I have support here with my girl and my family, but for some reason I just want to be left alone. I turn to you guys that have experienced a loss of your loved ones, and ask you, how did you cope with it??? I would never turn to the bottle or other drugs, but I am in so much pain and I want it to go away...I can't sleep or function.. Guys I don't want to sound like a puss, but I really don't know how I am going to take this or get through!!!!! Please help a brother out

I know what you're going through,

I found out just before Christmas that my father has cancer. It originated in his sinus, and has spread to his liver, he's stage 4 going through Kemo, but it doesn't look good. It kills me to talk to him and hear that he's in pain or nauseated. He's such a great man, it doesn't seem fair at all that he's having to go through this. Everyone talks about how tragic it is when someone dies in an auto accident, but looking at my dad in pain, shows me exactly what tragic is.

To top that off we had to put my mother into a nursing home this past week, she has Alzheimer's and just can't stay by herself any more.

Luckily my wife is a damn good woman, and I have my brother to help with mom, as I'm trying to help dad as much as possible.

As it has been said by Tock, over time it gets easier to take.

**Ajc330** · 02-26-2008, 09:45 AM

i'm sorry for your loss, stay strong, she is in a better place now..

my grandmother passed away this past november, and ironically last night i had a dream.. i saw some unfamiliar cars in my driveway and i thought my mom brought one of her guy friends over the house so i storm in the house pissed, it turned out to be my grandmother and my dream ended with me hugging her not letting go and crying