ms. right vs. ms. wife(help!!)

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 11:36 AM

What in the hell do you do when Ms. Right comes back into your life after 6yrs?(There is always a BUT!) But, you have already been married for 2yrs. Ms. Right has been on your mind the whole time and due to circumstances beyond your control(relationships, jobs, distance, not being ready to settle down, etc.) it just wasnt ever the right time! Now, she's back, the timing is perfect for us both, except the whole married part!!!! We still love each other more than ever! Help a bro out with some good advice.(Anyone ever been in my shoe's, please let me know).

**Ryanhallmark** · 10-08-2002, 11:38 AM

Dude, why did you get married to some one, if she wasnt "ms.right"...? I dont know what to tell you, is it worth giving up on every thing else that you have with your wife now?

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 11:43 AM

ryan,
Kinda just threw my hands up after awhile and said WTF? She is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and we get along great! Everything was fine until SHE came back around!(Which I never expected)

**superbeast** · 10-08-2002, 11:44 AM

Originally posted by Ryanhallmark
Dude, why did you get married to some one, if she wasnt "ms.right"...? I dont know what to tell you, is it worth giving up on every thing else that you have with your wife now?

My thoughts exactly. And if Ms. Right is really right, then wouldn't the time have been right also? Right?

SB

**nuke** · 10-08-2002, 11:45 AM

Wow bro..Thats a tough one.
You could go with the true love angle and marry your tru love. But your going to kill your current spouse...

I dont know.... ( Good Luck !)

**silverfox** · 10-08-2002, 11:48 AM

I think the "Mrs. Right" was really mrs. right it would have worked out 6 years ago.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 11:49 AM

Originally posted by superbeast

My thoughts exactly. And if Ms. Right is really right, then wouldn't the time have been right also? Right?

SB

That's not always the best case. She was just coming out of a 10yr marriage and the timing wasnt right. We both knew the potential, but trying to settle back down is alot to deal with!

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 12:00 PM

Originally posted by nuke
Wow bro..Thats a tough one.
You could go with the true love angle and marry your tru love. But your going to kill your current spouse...

I dont know.... ( Good Luck !)

Nuke,
you are totally correct! This would absolutely destroy my wife! I am a firm beliver in marriage, that is why nothing has been acted on in anyway! We do talk alot but the subject of leaving or divorce never comes up, however we both know it is in each other mind!

**Balducci** · 10-08-2002, 12:08 PM

Bro that is a crazy situation, and I am sure you will get mixed reviews on this.. Me personally, I am not married, but if I were I dont think I can do that to her.. What goes around comes around!!!!
I am no Melfi (Soprano's), but if you really fell that way about this other chick, you may need to re-evaluate your marriage brother.. Good luck in what ever you choose to do!

**desrin** · 10-08-2002, 12:12 PM

dude you only have one life, dont waste it. if she is ms.right then go for it, why waste away what little time you have with someone who isnt the person you want to be with?

yeah it will hurt your wife, but its better than lying to her, its better than pretending that she is the love of your life when she isnt.

i say think about your own happiness.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 12:41 PM

balducci,
this is a crazy situation. What comes around does go around! This would destroy my wife,( I dont think I could handle that!) because everything was good until "SHE" came back!

desrin,
I wish I could tell you how many times I have thought that exact same thing! My best friend said and I quote, " I dont know why they get so mad, there was only a 50% chance that we would make it and they knew how we were before we got married and we were pre-determined to fail at this whole marriage thing!!"

**nuke** · 10-08-2002, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by desrin
dude you only have one life, dont waste it. if she is ms.right then go for it, why waste away what little time you have with someone who isnt the person you want to be with?

yeah it will hurt your wife, but its better than lying to her, its better than pretending that she is the love of your life when she isnt.

i say think about your own happiness.

Desrin - Dont know you bro, but that is rough. I couldnt imagine doing that do my wife.

If she really loves him she should let him live his life..

Be Strong- It all washes out in the end...Your current marriage will work if its meant to.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 01:01 PM

Nuke,

I know what you mean. I know for sure that I could easily live my life with my wife and it would be great. But, I also know that I have thought about this girl for six years and probably will everyday for the next 50yrs. I guess we all have "the one that got away".

**ripped4fsu** · 10-08-2002, 01:11 PM

In a situation like this there are going to be casualties...
You KNOW if you stay with the current wife you will "what if" yourself insane. But if you go for Ms. Right you’re going to crush the wife...
Dude, be strong in whatever you decide, do it soon~~ and don’t look back…

Of course, if you’re a crafty bro you could become a Mormon and Keep 'em both!

**Arnold_Is_God** · 10-08-2002, 01:14 PM

your married. Stick with it, it isn't just something you undo. You made the decision to get married and it isn't fair to your wife to just up and leave because some woman you loved earlier popped up in your life again.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 01:18 PM

Originally posted by Arnold_Is_God
your married. Stick with it, it isn't just something you undo. You made the decision to get married and it isn't fair to your wife to just up and leave because some woman you loved earlier popped up in your life again.

I tend to here that over and over again bro!! It seems to be the consensus!

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 01:20 PM

Originally posted by ripped4fsu
In a situation like this there are going to be casualties...
You KNOW if you stay with the current wife you will "what if" yourself insane. But if you go for Ms. Right you’re going to crush the wife...
Dude, be strong in whatever you decide, do it soon~~ and don’t look back…

Of course, if you’re a crafty bro you could become a Mormon and Keep 'em both!

I am already "what if-ing" myself to death! I dont think either of these women would share! They hate each other!

p.s. do you know of any job opening in UTAH?

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 01:26 PM

Originally posted by Diesel
Hmmm.
I know where you are at bro.

You have to do what makes you happy in life.

However, if you decide to get together with ms. right, be a man and be straight with your current wife. Unless she is some sort of witch, she deserves at least that much.

D

Diesel,

I have never cheated on my wife! I have always known friends of mine who have cheated and I have given them more grief than their wives would have if they got busted. Now I wish I would have kept my mouth shut! BTW, my wife is about as far from a witch as you can get! If she was(a witch)this would be the easiest decision I have ever had to make!

**clockworks** · 10-08-2002, 01:26 PM

Originally posted by Ryanhallmark
Dude, why did you get married to some one, if she wasnt "ms.right"...? I dont know what to tell you, is it worth giving up on every thing else that you have with your wife now?

yeah really. sounds like your settled and then a better opportunity came along? anyways, i'd stick with the one who loved me more...=)

-clocky baby

**Warrior** · 10-08-2002, 01:26 PM

Dude - I left my ex because we had nothing in common besides constant argueing and a whole mess of issues. Forget about the other chick and ask yourself where you marriage is going?

Don't leave your wife for another woman - leave her because you do not love her and you two married under poor circumstances.

Do you love your wife? Do you support her and she supports you? Do you want to grow old with her? Are you just having a midlife crisis from routine and just trying to shake the boat?

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 01:33 PM

clockworks,
I dont know if it is a better opportunity or not. But I have never been able to shake!

Warrior,
I do love her. We do support each other. I am not having a mid-life crisis. I am very focused on every aspect of my life. I have got my shit together you might say! But, I can not shake this echo in my head for some reason!!

**desrin** · 10-08-2002, 02:04 PM

well ill quip in again....

man do what you know is right, i mean everyone always knows what the right answer is, they just dont want to admit or they know that following one path will be harder than the other.

i think you already know that you should give ms.right a go, if it wasnt the right decision you would be over with it by now and on with your life....

no matter how great you think your life is right now you will always be thinking how much better it would be with ms.right...

sorry man, but i really think you should do what you feel and stop thinking.

**nuke** · 10-08-2002, 02:52 PM

Originally posted by BE_STRONG
Nuke,

I know what you mean. I know for sure that I could easily live my life with my wife and it would be great. But, I also know that I have thought about this girl for six years and probably will everyday for the next 50yrs. I guess we all have "the one that got away".

Hell yes we do ! I have one that got away, but you know what her loss. I love my wife and even if my former Ms. Right came back into my life I could never leave my wife...

In a nutshell your heart speaks volumes bro...Turn it up and listen.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 03:06 PM

Originally posted by nuke

Hell yes we do ! I have one that got away, but you know what her loss. I love my wife and even if my former Ms. Right came back into my life I could never leave my wife...

In a nutshell your heart speaks volumes bro...Turn it up and listen.

It's just a totally screwed up situation. I'm not trying to sound like i'm bragging(so please dont take it that way) I have dated more than enough women to know what I want. I was a bad boy for a long time. I have had plenty of chances to cheat since I have been married and I have never done so! But, this woman knows me better than I know myself and she always has. It's a feeling that can not be descibed. I am not even talking about anything physical, it everything! i have never meet a woman that I could not walk away from, until her!

**Cali** · 10-08-2002, 03:11 PM

I agree with "if she was Ms. Right she would have been Ms. Right six years ago." The grass is always greener on the other side and people are constantly changing. She may not be the same person you fell in love with all those years ago and if she loved you she would respect your marriage and stay away. Personally it would piss me off if I were happily married and someone from the past decided to pop back into the picture and confuse me. Don't do anything you'll regret.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 03:18 PM

Originally posted by Cali
I agree with "if she was Ms. Right she would have been Ms. Right six years ago." The grass is always greener on the other side and people are constantly changing. She may not be the same person you fell in love with all those years ago and if she loved you she would respect your marriage and stay away. Personally it would piss me off if I were happily married and someone from the past decided to pop back into the picture and confuse me. Don't do anything you'll regret.

cali,

We have been talking for about 10months. Like I said she was coming out of a 10yr marriage back then. She wasnt ready and I was a little wild and thought it was really to much baggage back then. We are just really good friends and talk about everything but getting together. But, we both know it is in the others mind! Actually she didnt even know I was married when she came back! Thanks for a female perspective.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-08-2002, 03:49 PM

Thanks for everyone's help!! It is greatly appreciated!!!

**BIGBOD** · 10-08-2002, 04:08 PM

you've recieved a lot of info bro! i for one am going through the same thing right now actually. ms.right had been out of my life for about 5 years now and i'll be seeing her soon and always want to hook up with her again. she feels the same about me, BUT i am now married myself. have been for over 3 years now. so we are both in the same boat in a twisted sort of way. i'm sorry to say it but i would have to leave everything i have now and go with ms. right. life is based on your mistakes that is why we make so many in the first place.

**cooksbrut** · 10-08-2002, 04:25 PM

I am guessing that you have no children involved. If you do, i think you know the right answer. If you don't then don't be distant from your wife while you are in the process of making up your mind, she will be able to tell your heart is somewhere else. Be very careful, you could wind up losing both. It seems that its nice because its kinda new again, that will soon fade. If you love your wife with ALL your heart, then don't go for the Ms. Right. just my 2 cents

**kreper69** · 10-08-2002, 05:51 PM

damn that's a tough situation bro. i would agree with the others that said if she was mrs. right you would of been together 6 years ago. bro, it sounds to me that you already made up your mind about this. like said you will crush your wife,and you'll drive yourself insane with the what if's.
it's sounds like your current wife is great, and you have a good marriage why would you want to ruin that by going for a past girlfriend. everyone has that one that got away, but i always think what is in the past should stay in the past, and go forward with your life why would you want to go back again. old flames should stay in the past. you're putting all this thought into this woman when you should be putting it into your marriage.

**tigress** · 10-08-2002, 05:52 PM

The grass is always greener over there! Yea right, we all know it only seems that way.

If you have a good marriage, consider yourself LUCKY because most people don't!

Like you said, we all have one that got away. Don't do anything you will regret later.

***Shredz*** · 10-09-2002, 10:16 AM

Originally posted by tigress
The grass is always greener over there! Yea right, we all know it only seems that way.

If you have a good marriage, consider yourself LUCKY because most people don't!

Like you said, we all have one that got away. Don't do anything you will regret later.

my thoughts on this exactly. You married your current wife for a reason. Take a step back and remember those reasons. Is this so called Ms. Right really that right?

**BE_STRONG** · 10-09-2002, 11:53 AM

Originally posted by cooksbrut
I am guessing that you have no children involved. If you do, i think you know the right answer. If you don't then don't be distant from your wife while you are in the process of making up your mind, she will be able to tell your heart is somewhere else. Be very careful, you could wind up losing both. It seems that its nice because its kinda new again, that will soon fade. If you love your wife with ALL your heart, then don't go for the Ms. Right. just my 2 cents

No! No children involved. There are no problems at home, we are still extremely close. Thanks for the input!

**BE_STRONG** · 10-09-2002, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by tigress
The grass is always greener over there! Yea right, we all know it only seems that way.

If you have a good marriage, consider yourself LUCKY because most people don't!

Like you said, we all have one that got away. Don't do anything you will regret later.

Tigress,

I am way to old to fall for that " the grass is always greener" bullshit. I know better than thinking that way. And you are correct, most people dont have a good marriage. I do have a great marriage. But, I cant not seem to that girl out of my head.(I wont let her know that!) If that was my case(bad marriage), this would be an easy thing to deal with. Thanks alot!

**BE_STRONG** · 10-09-2002, 12:01 PM

Originally posted by Shredz

my thoughts on this exactly. You married your current wife for a reason. Take a step back and remember those reasons. Is this so called Ms. Right really that right?

shredz,

I think about those reasons everyday! That is precisely why we havent hooked up! I have way to much respect for her to fuck around!!

**Pete235** · 10-09-2002, 12:11 PM

Bro, no offense meant but you're not in high school or University anymore...you're a grown up, so you absolutely have to do the grown up thing. I think you already know what that is.

**BE_STRONG** · 10-09-2002, 12:20 PM

Originally posted by Pete235
Bro, no offense meant but you're not in high school or University anymore...you're a grown up, so you absolutely have to do the grown up thing. I think you already know what that is.

Pete,

I have read enough of your posts and replys to know what you opinion is on this matter! You are correct, I do know what the right thing is. That is probably what will be done, but it is always nice to have someones opinion who doesnt know any of us. Thanks bro!

**Babyweight** · 10-09-2002, 12:52 PM

Too much of these situations are going on lately that it's making me ill. I feel for you and wouldn't want to be in your situation any day of the week.
But.....there is nothing in this world that hurts a person more than dishonesty. You made your vows when you wed.. so IMO, as hard as it may seem, I'd talk to your wife and just tell her how you feel. It would probably be the hardest thing in the world to do, but at least you will be honest with yourself and your wonderful wife, (as you say she is). If she's your best friend, she'll value your opinion to be up front and open with her. It will hurt her, but in the long run, she will always remember you as being unselfish and NOT self centered. Let her live her life too. Don't take that from her. If you have stronger feelings for someone else you need to let her know, so she can move on as well.
That being said.....I think you will find in your heart what to do.
And....you may never know...you may open up a situation where she may really understand where you are coming from. (But we all know...it's not likely).

Take care
Babyweight

I just don't believe in leading people on to believe what is not real.
Peace!

**BE_STRONG** · 10-09-2002, 01:10 PM

Originally posted by Babyweight
Too much of these situations are going on lately that it's making me ill. I feel for you and wouldn't want to be in your situation any day of the week.
But.....there is nothing in this world that hurts a person more than dishonesty. You made your vows when you wed.. so IMO, as hard as it may seem, I'd talk to your wife and just tell her how you feel. It would probably be the hardest thing in the world to do, but at least you will be honest with yourself and your wonderful wife, (as you say she is). If she's your best friend, she'll value your opinion to be up front and open with her. It will hurt her, but in the long run, she will always remember you as being unselfish and NOT self centered. Let her live her life too. Don't take that from her. If you have stronger feelings for someone else you need to let her know, so she can move on as well.
That being said.....I think you will find in your heart what to do.
And....you may never know...you may open up a situation where she may really understand where you are coming from. (But we all know...it's not likely).

Take care
Babyweight

I just don't believe in leading people on to believe what is not real.
Peace!

BW,

I have read your replys to a number of situations and problems that have been posted in the past and once again you have spoken with maturity and class, not to mention from the heart. I appreciate your honesty and open-mindedness. Not many females would look at it from the angle you have. As far as talking to my wife about it, I just cant do that. We have an extreme amount of trust and respect for each other and I dont want to ruin that. Like I said before, nothing has happened between me and MS. RIGHT and it never will as long as I am married. So no sense in causing a problem when there is none! Sometimes you just need to vent when you have a crisis and I guess thats what I did with this thread. I have a great marriage and I guess some things are better left in the past!! Thanks so much for your opinion!

**Babyweight** · 10-09-2002, 01:50 PM

Anytime sweets......Good choice.....BW

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