Some outside input needed:

**J-Dogg** · 12-02-2008, 12:24 PM

I was dating a girl for 6 years, really she was my first true love (I’m 28, she’s 26) and I was hers.

A year ago, almost to the date, she was moving to attend school in another town. It put some pressure on our relationship and I never really wanted her to move. I felt I could not tell her that, because I had to support her career choices also. It put strain on the relationship, and I just had this feeling it would not work if we were that far apart. I finally just called it off with her even though I still loved her.

Fast forward 1 year (present day):
In the past year, I’ve dated 4-5 girls. I’ve never committed to any of them because I was still in love with my ex. I always thought about her, talked with her and compared her to them. She lives in town again now, and she has a “girl friend” who I know as well. They are both real nice girls, they don’t really have there shit together, but nice girls.

For the past 3 months, all she has wanted to do was work things out with me. Any time I saw her, she would cry and just ask “why won’t you just try”. The fact is, I had a girl friend, and she did too. I don’t want to be a unloyal person, and I don’t want to cause heart break for her girl friend.

I broke up with my other girl friend though, I just was not happy with her. I finally did talk with my ex, confessed I still loved her. She wants to work things out, so do I. We spend time together, and she stays at my house 2-4 days a week for the past 2 weeks.

The catch:

She has not told her girl friend. She says she does not want to break her heart before the holidays. I try to stay out of it, but finally spoke up today. I just think it’s better to break her heart before the holidays, than to 2 time and cheat on her through the holidays. She knows she wants to live/be with me, but is putting it off. I think it’s selfish, and it’s just because she does not want to deal with it. Some times people cheat, because it’s easier to get caught than to have “the talk”.

But hey, I’m narcissist, I think I’m always right. What do you guys/gals think?

**inky-e** · 12-02-2008, 05:14 PM

Just tell her she can't have it both ways...that you aren't comfortable with her still being with her girlfriend..its basically cheating..on you..and on the girlfriend....she's obviously Bi-sexual..which I personally don't believe in the term...so you always will have that in the back of your mind..."Is she dabbling with chics?" while she's with you...she doesn't have a problem cheating so...take that into consideration also. Good luck though.

**redz** · 12-02-2008, 05:26 PM

Invite her friend in for the holidays.

**J-Dogg** · 12-02-2008, 05:42 PM

Thanks Inky, and happy b-day btw

She says she cares about this girl, and wants to just do things right. I just said "kind of late for that".

She asked why, and I explained that she is cheating on her with me. I went on to tell her, she's not doing this girl any favors by faking a relationship, or cheating on her through the holidays. She said she just does not want to break up with her during the holidays, the advice comes from her Sister (17 years old) who had a boyfriend break up with her the day before thanksgiving.

Better to break up with her though, than cheat on her the day after thanksgiving? I mean I'm at her house for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I'm not threatened by her girlfriend, I don't know why, but I should be maybe. I like her girlfriend, and mostly worry about how she is being treated.

I finally called her and told her I don't want to see her again until she is single. I told her she may think what she is doing is okay, but I want no part of it.

**gst528i** · 12-02-2008, 06:32 PM

So your gonna be serious with a girl that is bi- sexual?
I'm sorry but i don't believe in that. You gotta pick a team, i can understand wanting to spice up a couple's sex life but if she got a girlfreind that's not long term relation material.
Again thats my opnion. Do you think 10 years down the line she will still want your wand and no girls beaver?
Besides she will just compare you to a girl and think why can't you be as understaning or compassionate as a woman?

I don't know her, but if your willing to go through another heart ache if it doesn't go as planned than yea go for it.
G/l

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-02-2008, 06:40 PM

J-Dogg,

If she really cares about this girl, she will be honest with her. The longer she draws it out the worse it will be. I do want to ask you, do you not worry that she will want to return to that part of her life at some point? Would you be ok if she wants to fill those needs in anyway?

**J-Dogg** · 12-02-2008, 07:20 PM

We are a complicated pair, but I'm hesitant to say anything because I don't want it to appear that I'm making an excuse for her.

I talked with my sister (it's her best friend) and her Mom (Her = my ex). They both feel she is not bi-sexual, that she was seeing this girl because if she moved on with a guy, that might scare me off. I honestly feel we have loved each other for the past 6 years + the year we were apart.

We never quit talking, and to be honest, we never really quit "hooking up". I've never cheated on her in the 6 years we were together, never even thought about it. But I've cheated on 4 girls in the past year with her.

They call their relationship one of those (what ever it is when 2 girls are together and don't have sex, i forget the name).

But either way, I would not really be worried. There are times I miss things about other girls I’ve been with. Maybe they had a better set of tits, maybe gave better BJs or would take it in the butt. I would not go back to them if I loved the girl I was with. There is a chance she might not be the same as me, but I can say that about any girl I meet for the rest of my life, and end up a hermit with a bunch of money and illegitimate kids spread across the state.

**Commando_Barbi** · 12-02-2008, 07:25 PM

Sounds to me like she's the one you want to be with. I would give it another try....just take it slow and be careful.

**JiGGaMaN** · 12-03-2008, 03:28 AM

oddly enough the JiGGaMaN has a girl thats like that.. all ****ed in the head, still wants to be with me bs. id say **** her, you can do better. sounds like this girls going nowhere in life anyhow.

**Kale** · 12-03-2008, 03:35 AM

Originally Posted by inky-e

Just tell her she can't have it both ways...that you aren't comfortable with her still being with her girlfriend..its basically cheating..on you..and on the girlfriend....she's obviously Bi-sexual..which I personally don't believe in the term...so you always will have that in the back of your mind..."Is she dabbling with chics?" while she's with you...she doesn't have a problem cheating so...take that into consideration also. Good luck though.

Can I ask you why ?

**CSAR** · 12-03-2008, 05:06 AM

She's taking advice from her 17-year-old sister? Bastion of wisdom there...

Two girls together in a relationship without sex? Are they vampires? You should jump in on that. I've been watching True Blood and that vampire sex is mad CRAZY brah!!

Seriously, you need to smack her upside the head with four inches of white fury and hopefully knock some sense in her.

Man, I'm just funnin'...don't pay me no mind.

**J-Dogg** · 12-03-2008, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by JiGGaMaN

oddly enough the JiGGaMaN has a girl thats like that.. all ****ed in the head, still wants to be with me bs. id say **** her, you can do better. sounds like this girls going nowhere in life anyhow.

It would be easy to just move on, but i honestly still love the girl. I tried NOT to for a year, but it just did not work.

She does not have her own career together, but she is always very supportive and caring about me and my career. If somthing is bothering me, I tell her about it and she is more upset than I am some times about it. She really cares about me and stands behind me on everything. When I walk in a room, she always smiles, it's really cute because she kind of shrugs her shoulders up and smiles cause she is excited to see me. She was like this the entire time we were together.

I can look past her career faults or other faults, and I can be there to listen and support her while she works on them.

I know I could probably find a girl with out those faults, but I'll definatly be able to pick about any girl apart if I look for the bad things about them, instead of embracing the good qualities they carry.

**firmechicano831** · 12-03-2008, 11:42 AM

bro, tell her to talk to her gf and say that if she loves her she will accept you as well. Then you can do both. LOL

**inky-e** · 12-03-2008, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

Thanks Inky, and happy b-day btw

She says she cares about this girl, and wants to just do things right. I just said "kind of late for that".

She asked why, and I explained that she is cheating on her with me. I went on to tell her, she's not doing this girl any favors by faking a relationship, or cheating on her through the holidays. She said she just does not want to break up with her during the holidays, the advice comes from her Sister (17 years old) who had a boyfriend break up with her the day before thanksgiving.

Better to break up with her though, than cheat on her the day after thanksgiving? I mean I'm at her house for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I'm not threatened by her girlfriend, I don't know why, but I should be maybe. I like her girlfriend, and mostly worry about how she is being treated.

I finally called her and told her I don't want to see her again until she is single. I told her she may think what she is doing is okay, but I want no part of it.

THAT my friend shows integrity!