Family vs. Career

**F4iGuy** · 05-21-2009, 05:43 PM

Are you a workaholic? According to a men's health study 79% of men would prefer a career they love over a happy marriage. I'm sure many of us are faced with this conflict... how do you deal? Divorce rates are sky high. I have two friends who recently divorced because they became non existent to their wife. Basically running a business and in order to grow/be successful they were tied up working crazy hours with no end in sight. Has this happened to any of you? Lost somebody you love due to working WAAAAAY to many hours? I know some will say 'make time' but lets be honest... thats not always realistic. I, along with many of my close friends, feel that being a good provider for your family is numero uno on the list of being a good father. I can see my life going one way where I'm making 6 figures with very little free time but I enjoy my career, or another where I'm making decent livable money but have plenty of time for family/friends. What if you had to choose one, no other options: A career you love, lots of money, very little free time for friends/family OR Lot of time with the fam/friends, a career you can deal with and moderate income?

**Matt** · 05-21-2009, 05:45 PM

Bodybuilding wins hands down....

**F4iGuy** · 05-21-2009, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by MAD MATT

Bodybuilding wins hands down....

Good point. I never thought about the number of times I said "Can't, leg day"

**peachfuzz** · 05-21-2009, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by F4iGuy

Are you a workaholic? According to a men's health study 79% of men would prefer a career they love over a happy marriage. I'm sure many of us are faced with this conflict... how do you deal? Divorce rates are sky high. I have two friends who recently divorced because they became non existent to their wife. Basically running a business and in order to grow/be successful they were tied up working crazy hours with no end in sight. Has this happened to any of you? Lost somebody you love due to working WAAAAAY to many hours? I know some will say 'make time' but lets be honest... thats not always realistic. I, along with many of my close friends, feel that being a good provider for your family is numero uno on the list of being a good father. I can see my life going one way where I'm making 6 figures with very little free time but I enjoy my career, or another where I'm making decent livable money but have plenty of time for family/friends. What if you had to choose one, no other options: A career you love, lots of money, very little free time for friends/family OR Lot of time with the fam/friends, a career you can deal with and moderate income?

this is a very good question...its easy to get wrapped up in work and forget about other priorities. i dont have a family of my own but i can see how a man can take pride in his work and concern himself with it day in and day out, but i would think he would take more pride in his family.

***D7M*** · 05-21-2009, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by F4iGuy

Are you a workaholic? Has this happened to any of you? Lost somebody you love due to working WAAAAAY to many hours? I know some will say 'make time' but lets be honest... thats not always realistic.

workaholic, yes.

did I ever loose someone b/c of working too many hours? No. But I definitely passed some good opportunities for companionship, because, at the time, I was consumed with my career.

**vpchill** · 05-21-2009, 06:12 PM

I do work too hard and at times I have to step back and analyze. I sometimes put work before everything keeping pressure on myself to get the job done.

**ni4ni** · 05-21-2009, 06:46 PM

workaholic

**Theatrix** · 05-21-2009, 07:03 PM

Plan and communicate! Been there and done that and failed to plan for children and communicate with my spouse my dreams. If I had to do over again, I would make sure that my spouse and I were on the same page in terms of building businesses and careers. We would agree to both put the petal to the metal before having children. As it turned out, we had children without a plan and I worked 100 hour weeks to build a business. The marriage and the children suffer because of someones ambitions and its difficult to slow it down when you are in the middle of it. I now spend much of my time making for those lost years. I also find myself constantly advising my children to do it differently and build their careers first and then their relationships. You can have it all if you plan.

***RAGE*** · 05-21-2009, 07:07 PM

look at my post count need i say more...

**F4iGuy** · 05-21-2009, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Theatrix

Plan and communicate! Been there and done that and failed to plan for children and communicate with my spouse my dreams. If I had to do over again, I would make sure that my spouse and I were on the same page in terms of building businesses and careers. We would agree to both put the petal to the metal before having children. As it turned out, we had children without a plan and I worked 100 hour weeks to build a business. The marriage and the children suffer because of someones ambitions and its difficult to slow it down when you are in the middle of it. I now spend much of my time making for those lost years. I also find myself constantly advising my children to do it differently and build their careers first and then their relationships. You can have it all if you plan.

Solid advice. I know lots of parents tell kids to finish school, focus on career, then think about settling down. I never really thought about why.... or what the consequences of doing the family first or family and career at the same time might be. Nice, I learned something today lol. If parents/family/friends shared this advice the divorce rate might drop, you think?

**jbm** · 05-21-2009, 07:50 PM

bodybuilding saves my life...

**jbm** · 05-21-2009, 07:51 PM

**mho** · 05-21-2009, 09:10 PM

Cuddle time with the Mrs. doesn't pay the bills.

**Chitown Raider** · 05-21-2009, 10:18 PM

If I had to choose it'd be to have a moderate income w/ a loving wife and family. I feel there should be a balance in life. Plus it would be nice to grow old w/ someone and watch your children grow up.

**Tigershark** · 05-22-2009, 03:16 AM

I know I work too many hours but I have 2 kids to provide for and my oldest understands that if she wants to go to college I need to put in the hours. I have always said suffer early so you can relax later.

**collar** · 05-22-2009, 09:32 PM

a balance/comprimising and to know that you need both but must have time for family is very important thing for me.
So i do not overwork or kill myself, so then i have no time for anyone else, otherwise you will have no one around you left.
My training has certain time, work has certain time and family gets the rest.

**CBGB** · 05-22-2009, 10:22 PM

I feel like time with my family must be earned. I could not justify spending time with my family if they were hungry or in need. I am the sole provider for a family of 4, not counting myself. I must work to be a good husband and father. But I also have to be home to be a husband and father. I have to keep myself in check to make sure that work, training, family, and sometimes fun time all get their fair shake. At one time in my life 100 hour weeks were normal. Now, no more than 65-70.

**ghettoboyd** · 05-23-2009, 10:28 AM

ive faced that same decision a few years back. i owned my own bussiness and worked everyday exept for 3 holidays. i was working 80+ hrs a week. i made a lot of money but as the years went on i just wasnt happy.i knew that if i carryed on like this i would eventualy loose my family.i did this for 6 years and basicaly missed the first 5 yrs of my daughters life. i felt like a bad father and husband because even though i could provide pleanty i wasnt there for there other needs.i started getting depression cus the guilt was wearing on me to the p[oint of actuall suicide. thats when i realized what was most inportant to me. my daughter whome is the love of my life,my wife whome is my best friend and me whome always came last. the lesson i learned is that money was not as inportant to me than my family. i sold my business and got a job where i can have actuall days off and vacations.spend quality time with my family and just be happy again. and i found that it was the best decision that i ever made cus it actually made everyone happy not just me. now life is fantastic. things have never been better with the wife(exp. in the sack) and i have an awsome relationship with my daughter . so long story long i choose happiness over money. to each there own though......and for those who choose the money just dont let it ruin you family life cus years down the road you may regret it.for the record this was all before i started lifting so that was never a factor

**Nicotine** · 05-23-2009, 10:46 AM

if i had a family worth while - then i'd find the balance.

money isn't everything. you can't take it with you.

SUCCESS isn't just how much money you have, or your fancy car or massive home that's bigger than you need.......

**ni4ni** · 05-23-2009, 11:16 AM

"SUCCESS isn't just how much money you have" TRUE however it does the calm the nerves

**Kratos** · 05-23-2009, 11:55 AM

they're one in the same...guys who have been married awhile with kids are driven to their career by their money grubbing wife and needy kids that always have their hand out. The office is a nice escape and keeps eveyone happy when the money is rolling in. Most marriages fail over money problems. When you're home everyone wants you to do something...fix this or that, take me to the movies, drive me to my friend's house, go pick up pizza, mow the law...you know what we should do? renovate the bathroom...sara's room needs painting. wtf, I'll just hide out at work.

Me, I'm happy working as few hours as possible...but if my gf was at my house all the time...I might just take the long way home.

**ni4ni** · 05-23-2009, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Kratos

they're one in the same...guys who have been married awhile with kids are driven to their career by their money grubbing wife and needy kids that always have their hand out. The office is a nice escape and keeps eveyone happy when the money is rolling in. Most marriages fail over money problems. When you're home everyone wants you to do something...fix this or that, take me to the movies, drive me to my friend's house, go pick up pizza, mow the law...you know what we should do? renovate the bathroom...sara's room needs painting. wtf, I'll just hide out at work.

Me, I'm happy working as few hours as possible...but if my gf was at my house all the time...I might just take the long way home.

very well said.
ALMOST nothing better than taking to long way home