emotional baggage

**Gears** · 06-08-2009, 10:07 PM

So this has been bothering me for awhile. There is this girl I have been dating for about 7 months now who I have very strong feelings for. A few weeks ago after digging into it a little bit, I found out that last summer she was drugged and molested by two guys. She went into a lot of detail she found out from her friend after I dug some more (she didn't want to talk about it). Apparently no cloths came off, but she had bruises all over her body, they tried to stand her up and take off her shit but she couldn't stand. It eventually stopped when she started throwing up all over herself.

She was so embarrased about it that she didn't do anything about it. This has seriously been bothering me for weeks. I want to find these guys, but she won't even touch the topic anymore and I don't know what to do or how to handle this emotionally.

Any advice?

**number twelve** · 06-08-2009, 10:38 PM

damn bro...thats a pretty horrible thing to happen to someone...best thing i think u could do is not pursue it any further and let her talk about it when she is comfortable with it...and if u ever see those guys that did it stomp them out but i wouldnt seek them out

**number twelve** · 06-08-2009, 10:39 PM

that being said every time i see this kid around that had sex with my gf (before i knew her) when she was wasted i want to step on his throat, so i can only imagine what your feeling

**Hunter** · 06-08-2009, 10:49 PM

I wouldnt push the subject with her. Most guys including me have a very habit of thinking we can fix everything when we cant. This holds espicially true with woman, they arent cars, boats or motercyles but people which are far more complex.

As for finding the guys and possibly kicking the shit out of them, that is what they deserve and I understand why you feel that way. As far as your g.f goes its not going to make her feel better chances are and its more for yourself becouse in your eyes its justice.

I would recomend honestly being a great guy to her and show her the good in people when she so clearly got the worst of what people can do. Imo lots of time tlc is the best thing for someone that has been hurt in the way she has. She will talk to you about it when she's ready.

**collar** · 06-08-2009, 11:06 PM

i would just be there for her and comfort her in every way she wants to be comforted, also i would not push the topic but make her aware that you are there for her.

knocking those guys teeth out or really damaging them is not really going fix any problems, it has happened now and nothing can change that.

All you can do is show her how to have a good great life and try put pleasent memories in her head, and the only time she will be good to move on and get over the situation is when she is ready talk about it.

This may take time, sometimes months or years, sometime outside proffesional advice or help is very good.
But just be her support and her back bone, and show her how much you care for her by treating her good and making her happy, rather than trying kill those guys .

Also she may feel its her fault, she needs to know from her friends and yourself thats its not her fault. you didnt ask for that..

And sorry to hear if this situation, some people are pigs ..

**Tigershark** · 06-08-2009, 11:07 PM

That sucks to hear. At least she was not raped, thank God for that. Don't push the subject though. If you keep bringing it up it will only continue to scar her and it will drive you two apart. Just let her open up about it at her own pace.

**bushido3374** · 06-08-2009, 11:09 PM

I agree with everything MN fighter said, and would like to add this: If I were in your shoes, I'd strongly recommend that she talk to a counselor about it. Kicking the shit out of them would be really tempting to me also, but at this point, may cause more harm than good for her coping.

**Hunter** · 06-08-2009, 11:17 PM

Also I agree with the other members, counseling would be a very wise choice.

Referring to it as a scar is a great analogy and imo here is why. You bring it up and push the subject its like taking the stitches out to early or picking at the scab it causes more damage and a larger more apparent scar but if you give it time to heal and change the dressing, take care of the stitches it heals much faster.

However you need to know the depth of the injury you dont want this to be a cut that requires stitches and you only put a band aid on it that is why I would really recommend counseling.

just my two cents anyway.

**Gears** · 06-09-2009, 11:26 AM

I wanted to recommend counseling, but I can't even touch the topic now, it's something she would just rather forget about. I just can't help it, this has enraged me to the point I have never seen myself. I lost sleep over it for a week... I seriously stopped my test/tren cycle just to calm myself down (can't wait for PCT).

**Dancer** · 06-09-2009, 11:53 AM

People deal with pain diff ways.

Like everyone else said about being there and how to deal with those guys.

Being on cycle hightens my emotions and makes rage a lot easier.

If she doesn't wanna talk about it then let her be.

There is really no easy solutions to this. There are no solid right or wrong answers.

I feel for you.

**vpchill** · 06-09-2009, 11:53 AM

If you are serious about her then her baggage is your baggage. Its just a like a women who has been heartbroken by someone she loves, the next guy will sometimes have to endure issues just to get through.
Its a tough one, Dont push the issue but let her know you care and if she needs, your there for her.

**Jfew44** · 06-09-2009, 12:23 PM

I feel you on this topic. A previous gf was drugged and woke up naked next to a guy she didn't know. Obviously she was raped and believe me, if she doesn't handle it correctly, there's a definate possibility she will be messed up in the head. I couldn't handle her emotional trainwreck anymore so we stopped seeing each other. If you care about her, just let her know you're there for her and if she wants to talk about it, she'll talk.

**Hunter** · 06-09-2009, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

I wanted to recommend counseling, but I can't even touch the topic now, it's something she would just rather forget about. I just can't help it, this has enraged me to the point I have never seen myself. I lost sleep over it for a week... I seriously stopped my test/tren cycle just to calm myself down (can't wait for PCT).

People espicially woman in my experiance pick up on emotions. If you manage to calm down and she can see and more importantly feel how much you love/care for her it will help in her healing process.

**higherdesire** · 06-09-2009, 02:54 PM

She needs to know that she didn't desrve that and that you know that. Your actions need to support that. her feeling tension form you wanting to do something about it, while it is understandable to us around here, only reconfirms to her how bad it was and that it happned to her. You need to move on for her sake bro. She can't if oyu can't for sure.

Oh and if you ever happen to find out who they were, handle it discreetly without her ever knowing. I did soemthing stupid one time and my girl wound up seeing me as a monster and we didn't make it through it.

Good luck, sucks for both of you bro, but mostly for her you know? Peace.

**Lightsout2184** · 06-09-2009, 03:20 PM

bro i feel ur anger. just reading this and not even knowing u or ur girl really pissed me off. a lot of people have already given some good advice. good luck with whatever avenue u end up taking

**Matt** · 06-09-2009, 03:36 PM

Its a terrible thing lol but you have to respect her feelings, maybe in time she will face her demons and you will be there to help her...

**Chitown Raider** · 06-09-2009, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by collar

i would just be there for her and comfort her in every way she wants to be comforted, also i would not push the topic but make her aware that you are there for her.

knocking those guys teeth out or really damaging them is not really going fix any problems, it has happened now and nothing can change that.

All you can do is show her how to have a good great life and try put pleasent memories in her head, and the only time she will be good to move on and get over the situation is when she is ready talk about it.

This may take time, sometimes months or years, sometime outside proffesional advice or help is very good.
But just be her support and her back bone, and show her how much you care for her by treating her good and making her happy, rather than trying kill those guys .

Also she may feel its her fault, she needs to know from her friends and yourself thats its not her fault. you didnt ask for that..

And sorry to hear if this situation, some people are pigs ..

Excellent post!

**hrbp9501** · 06-09-2009, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by collar

i would just be there for her and comfort her in every way she wants to be comforted, also i would not push the topic but make her aware that you are there for her.

knocking those guys teeth out or really damaging them is not really going fix any problems, it has happened now and nothing can change that.

All you can do is show her how to have a good great life and try put pleasent memories in her head, and the only time she will be good to move on and get over the situation is when she is ready talk about it.

This may take time, sometimes months or years, sometime outside proffesional advice or help is very good.
But just be her support and her back bone, and show her how much you care for her by treating her good and making her happy, rather than trying kill those guys .

Also she may feel its her fault, she needs to know from her friends and yourself thats its not her fault. you didnt ask for that..

And sorry to hear if this situation, some people are pigs ..

Your Awesome, your words are so true, she will come around when she is ready.
Just be there for her and comfort her, your understanding will make all the difference in the world to her, if you truly care for her show her in everyway you can.

**Nooomoto** · 06-10-2009, 12:24 AM

86 her dude. Rape chicks have crazy baggage. I dated one and she fking lost it and went on a hardcore downward spiral with alcohol and what not. Not worth the problems IMO.