How old were you when you reached "independence"?

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 09:54 PM

(people here know I type a lot but I really need to get this shit off my chest)

I ask cause I REALLY need to live alone, this is my last semester in college, and I'm just worried that when I get my BA that nothings gonna change. (I'll be going for my masters but def need to start some kind of career in psychology).

I posted that thread about my brother having OCD like a week back. And tonight we had an all out brawl. I knew he had off and would be drinking with his buddies over watching the Jets, so I went to the gym, did food shopping, went tanning and when I came home they were just leaving.

Problem is he tampered with my shit for the last time. (it'll happen again I'm sure). But he had thrown 2 soap dishes and a toothbrush holder I bought (they were nice, spent like $30 on the shit) in the garbage. His OCD is moving things

Does my brother need to see a psychotherapist?

But from time to time he also will throw valuable things away cause he thinks its "cleaning". When realistically I've never seen him actually clean anything in his life. (even dishes he just leaves in the sink). So I went to the trash, took my soap dishes out and toothbrush holder and put them back in the bathroom.

He has the fvckn audacity to tell me "that stuff is garbage get it out of the bathroom".
It had been building up all week but I was still VERY calm. I said "**I** bought that shit, you threw MY property away, if you EVER touch anything of mine again, that will be the LAST thing you ever touch". (very calmly I say)

He has the nerve to storm into the bathroom (he had drank a 6er but really wasn't drunk imo, prob a bit buzzed) take MY SHIT again, and pitches it into the trash completely missing. So I started verbally tearing his ego to pieces. (I might be a little too good at it actually) But I went on about how he needs to see a therapist, he has a serious problem with his brain, that his friends always use him for his money, his gf too, that hes a loser and waste of life etc.

Hes just screaming the entire time and making hollow threats. There was a lot that happened in between but long story short he squares up on me and I'm thinking "he were go - I'm really not in the mood for this shit". So I somehow swallow my ego, walk into my room and lock the door. Hes banging on the door and I'm telling him "you NEED HELP, you are NOT RIGHT in the head, YOU'RE A FVCKN LOSER" etc etc.

He starts slamming the door, I know its gonna break and **I'm** gonna be the one who goes to Home Depot to fix it. I'm like this is it if that door breaks I'm killing him. I'm not giving him a second to think once that door gets kicked in.
I'm standing there still very calm and strategic. Door breaks in, the second his head popped in that was it, his nose exploded and he was on the floor. I knocked the garbage on top of him cause he was lying next to it, then ran out the door and got in my car.

The whole time I'm thinking "I'm done, I don't care how cool we use to be, hes fvckn dead to me" over and over in my head.

I'm honestly not fraught at all. Even during everything I wasn't really emotional cause I have so little respect for him anymore. Hes an awesome kid and I love him to death, but he doesn't realize one fvckn bit that he has a problem.

So I need to move out and am gonna give myself 6 months to get my shit together. I'll be done with school but I CAN NOT move back to my parents house. I guess my question is more "how many people actually found a good career soon after graduating?" I really don't know whats gonna happen if I can't become self sufficient very soon. If this happens again someones going to the hospital and it will prob be me (I really got lucky this time cause I was calm and he was a bit buzzed).

I don't need to talk about what happened today anymore, but I really need to start planning things out. I don't know if I should stay in the shit job I'm in now (I make so little I don't even wanna say) or if I should be looking for something better, or if I should wait till I graduate then look. But any guidance would really be appreciated. I'm 27 and its time I get my own place, I did fine with my other brother (where I lived before) but his girl moved in and they'll be getting married soon so I didn't feel right being there anymore. Im not in bad mood or anything but I'm just not sure if I need to be doing more right now or if I should wait till I graduate..

**Vitruvian-Man** · 10-04-2009, 10:00 PM

With a psychology degree? B.A. or BsC?

In either case... there aren't many options for you...

Hate to break it to you.

I'm currently getting my Masters in Psych.

**peteroy01** · 10-04-2009, 10:05 PM

wow, dont know what to tell you dude. sounds like your in a sh1t sandwich. you could keep living there and buy a heavier door with a lock on it and keep everything inside your room kinda like you are living in a dorm. it would suck but you could stay there until you get that better job. or look for a very cheap apartment.

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by Vitruvian-Man

With a psychology degree? B.A. or BsC?

In either case... there aren't many options for you...

Hate to break it to you.

I'm currently getting my Masters in Psych.

A B.A.

And see this drives me crazy.
The entire time I've been in college it seems like 50% of people say "oh you'll be fine its not hard to get a job in psych you can do marketing research or blah blah blah" then the other 50% says "you really can't do shit in pysch unless you get a masters etc".

So what are you doing right now? If you don't have your masters yet? I guess its not related to psych?

**TJ09** · 10-04-2009, 10:09 PM

Hey man thats life im 29 and had to move home again when me and the ex broke up, I know it sucks not having your own place but it will come, im just trying to save hardcore right now, so I feel ya but I dont have to punch anyone out where I live lol

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 10:11 PM

Originally Posted by peteroy01

wow, dont know what to tell you dude. sounds like your in a sh1t sandwich. you could keep living there and buy a heavier door with a lock on it and keep everything inside your room kinda like you are living in a dorm. it would suck but you could stay there until you get that better job. or look for a very cheap apartment.

Yeh thanks man. I could move into a real cheap apartment, but I'm afraid if I do that now, I'll have to work more which will take time away from getting my masters.
Obviously I'll have to do what I gotta do, but if I could find some sort of career in pysch.. anything, I think I'd be in a much better position then staying in my job now and moving out.

I'm just so fvckn lost right now I have no idea what to do..

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by TJ09

Hey man thats life im 29 and had to move home again when me and the ex broke up, I know it sucks not having your own place but it will come, im just trying to save hardcore right now, so I feel ya but I dont have to punch anyone out where I live lol

Yeh honestly I really wouldn't mind it that much living with my folks again, we get along great.
But my ego is gonna take a massive blow if I start going in reverse at this point in my life (when I'm 27 & should already be on my own).

I do suppose though in this predicament I really have no right to be picky right now about where I live..

**TJ09** · 10-04-2009, 10:16 PM

If you get along with them great I know its hard but swollow your pride and nevermind your ego think of the money you will save im guessing it will be cheaped then living with your bro and you'll probly eat like a king, not permanent just until you get your shit together bro, thats what i would do

**Vitruvian-Man** · 10-04-2009, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

A B.A.

And see this drives me crazy.
The entire time I've been in college it seems like 50% of people say "oh you'll be fine its not hard to get a job in psych you can do marketing research or blah blah blah" then the other 50% says "you really can't do shit in pysch unless you get a masters etc".

So what are you doing right now? If you don't have your masters yet? I guess its not related to psych?

Bachelors of Science in Biological Psychology.

I'm still in school. Researching for my thesis paper.

You'll see a thread about my paper in a couple of weeks

. lol.

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by Vitruvian-Man

Bachelors of Science in Biological Psychology.

I'm still in school. Researching for my thesis paper.

You'll see a thread about my paper in a couple of weeks

. lol.

Aha I'm doing the same thing!

Doing the same crappy research for my thesis. I've never read so many journal articles before in my life my head is spinning.

So I guess you're really not planning to start a career still after you get your masters?
I had a late start will college so theres always that extra bit of pressure to hurry the eff up. Especially now. I'd love to do counseling but I think with a B.A. I can get into marketing research for now.

Then after I finish my masters hopefully I can finally start counseling.

**lovbyts** · 10-04-2009, 10:45 PM

Yeah you need to get away from your brother at any cost, except your school. Find a way, make it work. Nothing wrong with moving back in with the parents for a while.

**Bojangles69** · 10-04-2009, 11:08 PM

Yeh thanks guys I feel a lot better now.
I've been reading about all the different things I can do with a psych degree and it really is A LOT.
Matter a fact, some places are saying a B.A. in pysch is one of the most versatile degrees in the job market, and I didn't really realize all the different things I can do just with a B.A.

So at least I feel like things will change when I graduate. I'll start a career and see how quick I can get through my masters. All in all I've come this far and I really could be much worse off.
I have 6 credits left and at least I know I won't be working some dead end job the rest of my life. So I do feel better now lol.. just needed some reassurance I guess!

**lovbyts** · 10-04-2009, 11:12 PM

OH btw i was 26 when I moved out of my parents house. My mom has wanted me back ever since and Im now 46. LOL I have ALMOST had to a couple times and I did when I was 32 due to divorce for about 6 months.

I still don't consider myself 100% independent. I think we SHOULD be more like other countries especially Asian counties and always try to take care of our family, at least the ones who deserve the help.

You will see 3 or more generations living under the same roof and they are usually VERY happy.

**stack_it** · 10-04-2009, 11:39 PM

I was anxious to grow up and be on my own. I moved into an apt at 18. At 19 I bought a house and a brand new vehicle. Now that the economy is shit I'm 24 without any of the things I worked my ass off for. Now I wish I would have never left home.

Btw for those who automatically think all that was handed to me. I lived with a single parent on disability and medicare so I worked for what I had but I was young and should have invested the money I blew on motorcycles and big tv's.

Bo you gotta get away from your bro. I'm sure your life would be a lot less stressful

***El Diablo*** · 10-05-2009, 01:11 AM

Yeah, think about what u want in life and slowly work towards it, and dont let anything come in your way.

**Friend** · 10-05-2009, 03:50 AM

I'm 24 and being fully independant is still a long way off!

***El Diablo*** · 10-05-2009, 03:56 AM

I paid my own school while working part time. When i finished A+ Levels at 18 i went job hunting and went into the insurance industry. Ive never looked back.. Im 27 with my car, bike, house, 2 pitbulls...

NS · 10-05-2009, 04:43 AM

There are a shit load of good jobs that just require you to have a degree that just shows you were are capable of attaining a certain level in said degree and didn't fail it.

Then these companies sit you through their own numerical and verbal reasoning tests and if you pass them then you are in!

**stpete** · 10-05-2009, 05:03 AM

Don't move back in with your parents bro. Do you think they'll enjoy hearing that you can't live with you brother and argue and fight to the point where you almost fight? Stick it out with your bro and put him in his place if it comes to it. Nothing wrong with living with your parents but this can be handled. Hell, you guys are brothers right? I fight with mine all the time.
Just my .02

**DSM4Life** · 10-05-2009, 05:05 AM

Bo , you can stay with me.

**rockinred** · 10-05-2009, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by stpete

Don't move back in with your parents bro. Do you think they'll enjoy hearing that you can't live with you brother and argue and fight to the point where you almost fight? Stick it out with your bro and put him in his place if it comes to it. Nothing wrong with living with your parents but this can be handled. Hell, you guys are brothers right? I fight with mine all the time.
Just my .02

I agree... you guys got in a fight over toothbrush and shit. Big deal, talk it out. Eventually you will have to get out, but do it when the timing is right. Brothers fight and make up all the time. Some to a lesser extent and others to a greater extent. I guess it really depends on your relationship.

On the job side, very few people finish off a degree and get a really high paying job. More than likely you are going to have to work your way in the field and pay your dues. My father-in-law is a counselor and it is not the highest paying field and very difficult to get good paying jobs. He has a masters and the pay is hard. The ones that make good money are the ones that go into business for themself. anyhiow, good luck. I think if you get into a treatment hospital or VA clinic for the government with a masters degree, you can make ok living. very tough field to get into, imo.

**rockinred** · 10-05-2009, 06:00 AM

Oh, and if you continue on with your Master's... the best thing you can do is get into your field of work and start working in it while finishing off Master's. That would be the best way to shave some time off. Even if the initial work is not the greatest of pay or funnest to do.

**lovbyts** · 10-05-2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by rockinred

I agree... you guys got in a fight over toothbrush and shit. Big deal, talk it out. Eventually you will have to get out, but do it when the timing is right. Brothers fight and make up all the time. Some to a lesser extent and others to a greater extent. I guess it really depends on your relationship.

On the job side, very few people finish off a degree and get a really high paying job. More than likely you are going to have to work your way in the field and pay your dues. My father-in-law is a counselor and it is not the highest paying field and very difficult to get good paying jobs. He has a masters and the pay is hard. The ones that make good money are the ones that go into business for themself. anyhiow, good luck. I think if you get into a treatment hospital or VA clinic for the government with a masters degree, you can make ok living. very tough field to get into, imo.

Dude, talk it out??? yeah if it's a normal person but someone with OCD you dont talk sh*t like that out. There is no explaining it and I can see his point, it would get MORE than annoying over time.

Unless you know someone with OCD or have been in his shoes your advise is invalid, sorry. Im sure it sounds like he has a short fuse but Im sure this is not something that started a week or even a month ago but has been going on for years.

That's like telling someone with ADHD or ADD to just read a book or someone mentally challenged to just study harder. It doesnt work that way.

**rockinred** · 10-05-2009, 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Dude, talk it out??? yeah if it's a normal person but someone with OCD you dont talk sh*t like that out. There is no explaining it and I can see his point, it would get MORE than annoying over time.

Unless you know someone with OCD or have been in his shoes your advise is invalid, sorry. Im sure it sounds like he has a short fuse but Im sure this is not something that started a week or even a month ago but has been going on for years.

That's like telling someone with ADHD or ADD to just read a book or someone mentally challenged to just study harder. It doesnt work that way.

Call it how you want... there is always two-sides to a story. I am sure Bo isn't a perfect brother either. They've been living together all their life. I can't stand some of the things my brother does, but I don't think it is anything beyond repair.

If this is such bad advice, let me ask you. Do you even have a brother or sister? What kind of relationship do you two have. Where i come from, we don't dis-own or dis-associate eachother because of a disagreement over stuff like toothbrush holder. We work through it.

If anything your advice seems to be that of a very shallow person. I don't think what i told him is bad advice, in fact I think the way they are acting is childish and they need to get over it. You act like you can walk away from your family member like it is no big deal over silly things like if it was some dude you met over the internet. Come on get real.

Oh, and your advice was for a grown ass 27 year old man to move in with his mom over a disagreement on a toothbrush holder when the brother was drinking and drunk? Really solid advice on your part.

**energizer bunny** · 10-05-2009, 08:04 AM

im 28 and not independent.......i live with my gran!!!.....just do the best you can with the situation your in.........

**Hazard** · 10-05-2009, 03:28 PM

I'm 25..... fully independant but about to not be LOL

Got married, bought a house, got a good job..... 2 years later - bout to get divorced, going to sell the house, still have a good job. If I leave her i'm going to have to move back in with my parents which is going to suck a giant asshole.....

~Haz~

**higherdesire** · 10-05-2009, 04:22 PM

Bo, I dont really have good advice, I got out of prison after doing 9+ years, at 28 years old, and retired at 39. I do run a small time property investment company still but dont work or have anything I am obligated to. I say that for one reason only brother, where there is no way, you can make a way. NEVER accept what is going on around you to dictate your life. Make yourself the force in your own life and influence yourself to your own goals through your own means.

If you remember the thread I posted about two weeks ago about making the coffee, go make some ****ing coffee bro. You are much too smart and capable to let any excuse steal your thunder or make you sway. Just do it son. BE.

Good luck,

HD

**Cloe85** · 10-05-2009, 04:56 PM

A few things:

move away from your brother, look on craigslist for a roommate or move back with your parents

work wise, you can always go into commercial debt collection... money isnt bad (thats what I do with a BA in Social Work, minor business - was a marketing major for 3yrs).

Good luck,
Chloe

**Tesla** · 10-05-2009, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by Vitruvian-Man

With a psychology degree? B.A. or BsC?

In either case... there aren't many options for you...

Hate to break it to you.

I'm currently getting my Masters in Psych.

I totally agree. Just today a co-worker was upset because his daughter decided to major in psychology. He stated that most psychology majors end up as administrative assistants.

Sorry man....psychology just ain't that great of a major.

**Friend** · 10-05-2009, 06:06 PM

I have $44 to my name

**Hoggage_54** · 10-05-2009, 07:30 PM

I'm 24, own my own house, vehicle, live alone, single income, only debt is my mortgage

**jbm** · 10-05-2009, 07:33 PM

got my independence when I was 26!

**redz** · 10-05-2009, 07:38 PM

I got a job selling Mercedes-Benz right out of college and bought myself a house pretty quick. Keep your head up things will get better.

**Bojangles69** · 10-05-2009, 11:38 PM

Wow its incredible to see just how differently things work out for everyone.

Some guys have houses at 25, other guys are 28+ and still at home. The weird thing is it seems like all of you are pretty motivated and busting your asses (except for Friend lol but that was hilarious buddy)

When I woke up this morning there was a 2 page letter on the counter scribbled in marker from my brother. He apologized and actually said a lot of nice things in it, some things that actually almost made me cry cause I never understood how insecure he really must be. (after acting like a macho man his whole life)

But things like "you've always been better then me and always will, I can't change that, I've always been jealous of how well you eat and I've always made fun of you for it, I was never smart enough to get through college but you are, I'll prob be stuck in this house for the rest of my life but you won't etc etc". (I actually saved the letter it moved me so much)

The list just went on and on and I actually felt like a fvckn piece of shit after I read it. Like I really have NO IDEA what goes through my own brothers head half the time. I felt like I didn't even really know him it was soo weird, almost disturbing.

But I havent seen him all day so we still haven't spoke. I guess it will just blow over but I still think its a good idea to start putting a bit more pressure on myself in terms of independence.

I guess I have a lot to think about. And thank you EVERY ONE who posted I can't believe how smart some of you sound..