The best jokes in the world!!! part 1.

[Friend]

Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day...

Great bro

[stack_it]

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?


Pregnant!

[tommy0677]

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

I like this version better:

Why did the woman cross the road?

who gives a f**k, what's she doing out of the kitchen and who gave her the shoes!?

[tommy0677]

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

My favourite Indian joke... umm... native american joke ha ha. and ya, I'm a chief myself lol.

[novastepp]

Two men walk into a bar...


I forget the rest, but your mothers a whore.

[terraj]

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'

[ranging1]

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

LMFAo

why do women have small feet?

so they can get closer to the stove

[Kibble]

Man 1: "I can have any woman in this pub."
Man 2: "How's that then?"
Man 1: "I'm a rapist

Q: How does an ethiopian woman know when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten

What's the difference between regular blood and period blood? You can eat period blood with a fork.

What's the fastest thing on Earth??
An Ethiopian with a lunch ticket

why didnt they turn the heat on in the swimming pool at the special olympics??



















They didnt want to boil the vegetables

[chuckt12345]

How do you make a 7 yr old cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dk on his favorite stuffed animal.

[MaNiCC]

My ex-girlfriend started talking about marriage yesterday.

Hence the 'ex'

[MaNiCC]

The ultimate dilemma:

Whilst having a wank when watching porn, do you;

a) Wear headphones and risk not hearing someone coming up the stairs

b) Put the sound on low and risk one of the girls moaning louder than you expected, thus alerting everyone in the house

c) Use just one headphone but run the risk of only hearing the bloke in the movie grunting

[MaNiCC]

Just as the porn video finishes loading a message appears at the corner of my screen:

"Battery low - 5 mins remaining"

Game on.

[alexISthrowed]

whats the worst thing about bald *****?


Putting the diaper back on

[wharton]

How do you make a 7 yr old cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dk on his favorite stuffed animal.

whats the worst thing about bald *****?


Putting the diaper back on

You 2 dont ever post again ever... EVER! ...

[chuckt12345]

You 2 dont ever post again ever... EVER! ...

yes i know its horrible but i had to tell it

[alexISthrowed]

You 2 dont ever post again ever... EVER! ...

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

a baby in a trash compactor

[semperfi16]

Blonde friend of mine texted me today and said "what does IDK mean?" I answered "I dont know" she answered "OMG! nobody does!!"

[semperfi16]

Same chic, I told her I went to a car accident the other day where 2 Brazilian guys died. She said "OMG!! that's horrible.... how many is a brazilian?"

[semperfi16]

I want to know who the first person was to look at a cow and say "hmmmm, I think I'm going to squeeze those dangly things down there and drink whatever comes out"

[semperfi16]

What's the only animal with an a**hole on it's back? A police horse.

[semperfi16]

Am I up to 25 yet..... 12 crap LOL

[D7M]

^Any particular reason you need to get up to 25 posts so quickly, Marine? hmmmm

[semperfi16]

Drunk guy in a bar goes to the bathroom. In a few seconds the bar is filled with a loud yell coming from the bathroom, couple seconds later another loud yelp. The bartender goes into the bathroom to see what the problem is. He opens the door and said "what the hell is going on in here, your disturbing the customers" the man says "every time I try to flush this toilet something jumps up and grabs my balls!!!" the bartender replies "well then get of the mop bucket you idiot??"

[semperfi16]

YES..... I'm shrinking LOL! need to look at some pics

[semperfi16]

What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they were both stuck up Bit**es

[semperfi16]

What did Bill Gates wife say to him on their honeymoon? "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

[semperfi16]

What's the German word for constipation?

farfrompoopin

[semperfi16]

Why is it hard for women to find a man that is caring, attractive, and sensitive? Because they all have boyfriends.

[semperfi16]

procrastinators of the world unite!!!!! .......... Tommorrow

[semperfi16]

What has 142 teeth, and can hold back incredible hulk? My zipper.

[semperfi16]

How do you make a woman pick cotton? Light her string on fire!

[semperfi16]

I hear Shaq is a cop now.... If he ever told me to stop or he'd shoot, I think I'd take the chance.

[semperfi16]

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not like the screaming passengers in his car.

[semperfi16]

How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry it!

[Hate Being Small]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.

:haha lol

[Kibble]

Farrah fawcet died and went to heaven. God gave her one wish. She wished all the children in the world would be safe, so God killed Micheal Jackson.

[Bojangles69]

I liked this one but you need to know NJ to get it:

A teacher in a Camden kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.


Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:








"Hands Up and FREEZE MUTHAFVCKA!!"

apparently there are no farms in Camden.. lmao

[ranging1]

I liked this one but you need to know NJ to get it:

A teacher in a Camden kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.


Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:








"Hands Up and FREEZE MUTHAFVCKA!!"

apparently there are no farms in Camden.. lmao

lol yea BO, definetaly felt awkward silence after that joke lol

[Tambit24]

Whats the difference between a white fairytale and a black fairytale?



The white fairytale begins with "Once upon a time". A black fairytale begins "Yo, you ain't gonna believe this shit"

[Bojangles69]

ahaa I love racial jokes keepm comin