Problems with my girl

**Knockout_Power** · 07-12-2010, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

And according to her with the insecurity issue i am "suffocating" her. So for now im not the one doing the texts or the calling. Im leaving this all up to her when it comes to communication because i can guarantee she will be complaining i dont do enough soon. That just an example of that double edged sword but i going to give her that "space" that she complains that i never give her anymore

whenever I see this, (and I really hate to be going back to the ultimate negative), but it tends to mean she has someone else or at least feelings towards womeone else and feels really uncomfortable when you get close to her... I hope to god its not true, but more often than not I see this in many relationships

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

I know about this too. I will say alright bye. And she goes are you mad at me and i say why. the she goes you didnt say you loved me. So i try to find that happy medium

there is none

**Knockout_Power** · 07-12-2010, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

So i try to find that happy medium

there is none

Im more for a medium rare kind of guy... cause like Cal mentionned, there is no medium, someone always have to give a bit more... sometimes a lot more to keep things going well. And if it is us, then they hate us for it.

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

whenever I see this, (and I really hate to be going back to the ultimate negative), but it tends to mean she has someone else or at least feelings towards womeone else and feels really uncomfortable when you get close to her... I hope to god its not true, but more often than not I see this in many relationships

I am starting to get that same feeling. I asked if this may be the issue and she flips out saying how could you ever think that (which i think can easily be a sign for it because they are quick to defend it rather than comfort you).

I just couldnt see this girl even hugging another guy without telling me.

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

Im more for a medium rare kind of guy... cause like Cal mentionned, there is no medium, someone always have to give a bit more... sometimes a lot more to keep things going well. And if it is us, then they hate us for it.

i could tell u stories on this but i dont wanna hi jack the thread

**Knockout_Power** · 07-12-2010, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

I am starting to get that same feeling. I asked if this may be the issue and she flips out saying how could you ever think that (which i think can easily be a sign for it because they are quick to defend it rather than comfort you).

I just couldnt see this girl even hugging another guy without telling me.

yah, someone who cares that you think this will not defend, they will try and make you believe you are the special one

**Knockout_Power** · 07-12-2010, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

i could tell u stories on this but i dont wanna hi jack the thread

yah, not here, start a "what makes Cal cry" thread

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

I am starting to get that same feeling. I asked if this may be the issue and she flips out saying how could you ever think that (which i think can easily be a sign for it because they are quick to defend it rather than comfort you).

I just couldnt see this girl even hugging another guy without telling me.

u Sure??? What i am trying to say is that there is this things they do when they pretend to tell u everything and if they didnt tell u something and bring that up later and u say..."u didnt told me that" 99% of the time reply will be "Oh i thought I did".

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

yah, not here, start a "what makes Cal cry" thread

kids in pain wanna make me cry....lets not go there

and Thats the only thing that I will cry FOR

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

u Sure??? What i am trying to say is that there is this things they do when they pretend to tell u everything and if they didnt tell u something and bring that up later and u say..."u didnt told me that" 99% of the time reply will be "Oh i thought I did".

Its not that she tells me everything that makes me think this, it is her personality.

She gave me sh!t for talking to another girl from a class because we had two in a row with each other then another together the next semester. Our talking was mostly about class and sometimes about social life but was never anything past that.

She saw my chat on facebook open because at the time i didnt think of it to be a problem because i wasnt trying to hide it. She went into tears thinking i liked this girl and told me how to her even just talking and becoming really good friends like we were seemed like cheating to her. I was trying not to laugh at the time and its crazy how insecure she was about that yet i am told how insecure i am now

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

Its not that she tells me everything that makes me think this, it is her personality.

She gave me sh!t for talking to another girl from a class because we had two in a row with each other then another together the next semester. Our talking was mostly about class and sometimes about social life but was never anything past that.

She saw my chat on facebook open because at the time i didnt think of it to be a problem because i wasnt trying to hide it. She went into tears thinking i liked this girl and told me how to her even just talking and becoming really good friends like we were seemed like cheating to her. I was trying not to laugh at the time and its crazy how insecure she was about that yet i am told how insecure i am now

And you are insecure?

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

And you are insecure?

Exactly? As long as she isnt having an excuse to be insecure at the time then all of this is just me being insecure

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

Exactly? As long as she isnt having an excuse to be insecure at the time then all of this is just me being insecure

just let it go for now...see what she is upto......dont chase her let her come to u.

**AlphaGenetics** · 07-12-2010, 11:14 AM

Sounds like she is looking for a commitment from you....she might not feel dirty about sex with a ring on her finger.

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by AlphaGenetics

Sounds like she is looking for a commitment from you....she might not feel dirty about sex with a ring on her finger.

I doubt it...she will have him by his balls if he gave her the ring..plus I also think like 98% of female population she is crazy.....

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

just let it go for now...see what she is upto......dont chase her let her come to u.

Thats what i was saying earlier. I am giving her that "space" that she wants and will see if she really does want me. I am not going to be the one initiating anything over the next period of time (not the one calling to talk, texting, going to try to not even come on to her though that may be a little hard on cycle) just to see what happens. Either she comes begging me for the attention and realizes what she will be missing or she isnt affected and i simply move on

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

Thats what i was saying earlier. I am giving her that "space" that she wants and will see if she really does want me. I am not going to be the one initiating anything over the next period of time (not the one calling to talk, texting, going to try to not even come on to her though that may be a little hard on cycle) just to see what happens. Either she comes begging me for the attention and realizes what she will be missing or she isnt affected and i simply move on

Good Go for it keep us posted.

**Shinalynn** · 07-12-2010, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

And according to her with the insecurity issue i am "suffocating" her. So for now im not the one doing the texts or the calling. Im leaving this all up to her when it comes to communication because i can guarantee she will be complaining i dont do enough soon. That just an example of that double edged sword but i going to give her that "space" that she complains that i never give her anymore

That is BULL SHIT! maybe it might be time to look to move on.

**calgarian** · 07-12-2010, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by Shinalynn

That is BULL SHIT! maybe it might be time to look to move on.

U have no idea how many times I heard this....

**jbm** · 07-12-2010, 05:47 PM

been there bro... just talk to her make her open up... then say everything that you feel...

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by jbm

been there bro... just talk to her make her open up... then say everything that you feel...

Im trying. I feel like there is still a shell around her that just wont open up. I have told her how i feel but i think she is holding back. It is as if she is just happy with the idea of being in a relationship rather than happy with who she is with

**armwrestler22** · 07-12-2010, 06:01 PM

straight up, she fvcked someone else, but she does still love you. You've lost your edgyness / badass attitude that once turned her on. You used to be your own man and now instead of you being the eagle that soars alone, every single time she's quiet during a conversation you are saying sh*t, like "baby whats wrong?", "are you ok?" , "what did I do?". The number one turn on for both men and women is confidence, if that wasnt the case, then how come the hotttest women on earth are always shacked up with just above average looking guys and not supermodel mimbo's? Its the moderatley attractive man, with the confidence and wits about him that gets the best women. Love is a beautiful thing, but in a relationship it has to be a mutual one. She's got you to the point where you dont even love yourself anymore and your confidence is in the toilet, no woman wants to date that guy. she is just not sexually attracted to you in the same way anymore. If you love your life and want to have a beautiful woman beside you, whether its to Fvck or to raise a family with, you need to go **** someone else or go flirt with some nice women to get your confidence back and get your mind off of you being Mopey-Smurf all friggin day. I BELIEVE IN YOU ! -best wishes-

**Noles12** · 07-12-2010, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by armwrestler22

straight up, she fvcked someone else, but she does still love you. You've lost your edgyness / badass attitude that once turned her on. You used to be your own man and now instead of you being the eagle that soars alone, every single time she's quiet during a conversation you are saying sh*t, like "baby whats wrong?", "are you ok?" , "what did I do?". The number one turn on for both men and women is confidence, if that wasnt the case, then how come the hotttest women on earth are always shacked up with just above average looking guys and not supermodel mimbo's? Its the moderatley attractive man, with the confidence and wits about him that gets the best women. Love is a beautiful thing, but in a relationship it has to be a mutual one. She's got you to the point where you dont even love yourself anymore and your confidence is in the toilet, no woman wants to date that guy. she is just not sexually attracted to you in the same way anymore. If you love your life and want to have a beautiful woman beside you, whether its to Fvck or to raise a family with, you need to go **** someone else or go flirt with some nice women to get your confidence back and get your mind off of you being Mopey-Smurf all friggin day. I BELIEVE IN YOU ! -best wishes-

Confidence isnt my issue. I work in a club and could have any of the women that are coming up to flirt everynight. This insecurity started after she started showing no affection and the never seeming to want anything from me. Sure i bet its not helping now but it was not the cause of this.

I have never questioned this girl before now. I said earlier i made the decision to back off to see what happens. It is either she shows the need for me or i leave

**ReX357** · 07-12-2010, 10:24 PM

F*ck buddy. What relationship number is this for you? 1? 2?

You're gonna hate yourself when it's time to be done break it off and think: "I should of listened to all the people that told me they were there before and already knew it wasn't gonna work"

I guess everybody has to make experiences for themselves.

You ever watch who wants to be a millionaire? You know when they use the "Ask the audience lifeline" and 95% of the audience thinks it's one answer. Would you agree with me that they're usually right?

Look at this thread, 95% of people here are telling you to break it off. I'd be willing to bet 95% of your friends you told about this situation are telling you to break it off and not look back.

Whatever it is that is the issue here doesn't matter, the reality is that no matter what, that relationship is doomed for failure. Somewhere along the line you lost the upper hand and the confidence you used to have when you first started going out with her. Now she will never look at you the same ever again.

Cut your losses now, break up and go find some *****. You're gonna be oozing manliness while your on cycle anyways, you'll find someone just as hot and also horny.

**n00bs** · 07-13-2010, 01:44 AM

People dont change, if you have problems now they will get worse...

I wasted 5 years of my life with the same problems as you...

In the end the intamacy got distant would kiss didnt want sex and i found out she ****ed my mate...

Im sort of over wasting time on people..

I need to find someone and like them for them how they are and not expect to change them..

Because

1. they will never change
2. you iwll never change.
3. you cant expect them to change
4. it isnt worth trying

**Neevor** · 07-14-2010, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by ReX357

F*ck buddy. What relationship number is this for you? 1? 2?

You're gonna hate yourself when it's time to be done break it off and think: "I should of listened to all the people that told me they were there before and already knew it wasn't gonna work"

I guess everybody has to make experiences for themselves.

You ever watch who wants to be a millionaire? You know when they use the "Ask the audience lifeline" and 95% of the audience thinks it's one answer. Would you agree with me that they're usually right?

Look at this thread, 95% of people here are telling you to break it off. I'd be willing to bet 95% of your friends you told about this situation are telling you to break it off and not look back.

Whatever it is that is the issue here doesn't matter, the reality is that no matter what, that relationship is doomed for failure. Somewhere along the line you lost the upper hand and the confidence you used to have when you first started going out with her. Now she will never look at you the same ever again.

Cut your losses now, break up and go find some *****. You're gonna be oozing manliness while your on cycle anyways, you'll find someone just as hot and also horny.

YEAH BUDDY! Rex has got the right idea.

After posting to this I came back to see how things turned out and to my suprise its still going! God when i was 24 I was such a ****in lame-o ***** whipped weenie. I'm a caring person but you gotta realize you're attention and effort is a commodity just like your time. You only have so much and you wanna give both effort and time to someone who really is gonna appreciate it. Now I treat 99% of them like hookers and once in a while a genuinely awesome one comes along and she gets gentleman Neevor. But it took lots and lots of experienes for me to be able to recognize the difference. You should go out and hump 20 or 30 chicks. If that doesnt work, try another 20 or 30. Eventually you're gonna start being able to tell the sweethearts from the effed up ones. You're young! have fun for the next 10 years then marry a 25 yo and start makin babies then. Pleanty-0-time for seriousness later homey!

**Knockout_Power** · 07-14-2010, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by Noles12

Confidence isnt my issue. I work in a club and could have any of the women that are coming up to flirt everynight. This insecurity started after she started showing no affection and the never seeming to want anything from me. Sure i bet its not helping now but it was not the cause of this.

I have never questioned this girl before now. I said earlier i made the decision to back off to see what happens. It is either she shows the need for me or i leave

if you are still considering her looking elsewhere just view how she gets herself ready... does she still keep herself wellmaintained? well "groomed", all done up? Cause if she does it is for someone... I know women say they like to do it for themselves to feel good, but its usually for the attention they get that feels good.

**Noles12** · 07-15-2010, 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

if you are still considering her looking elsewhere just view how she gets herself ready... does she still keep herself wellmaintained? well "groomed", all done up? Cause if she does it is for someone... I know women say they like to do it for themselves to feel good, but its usually for the attention they get that feels good.

She is 20 years old. I havent met a girl that age that doesnt get done up at all times. Its always competition here between girls. They come to 8 am classes done up more just to impress other girls it seems.

But she is insecure with her looks. She b!tches about her weight. She weighs 120 pounds and has very low bf%. She is insecure when it comes to this because she has twig skinny roommates who are smoking hot too. She is all about looking good as are all of her friends. I would never assume that as a reason for being unfaithful in this situation

But like i said i am not putting anything past her right now. Im not gonna be ignorant and say that couldnt happen. But as of right now she has been making an effort. She has finally stopped the birth control completely. I thought when she changed brands of birth control that she had the doctor do it for sexual reasons but she said she was embarrassed to bring that up. I guess she wasnt smart enough to think the gynocologist deals with sex issues everyday (maybe it had to do with the insecurities due to the family friend but it really doesnt matter what reason it was). So i told her jsut to stop it until she could actually get another appointment.

I really think it may have to do with hormones and the issues i mentioned in the start. But like i said if it hasnt changed within the near future im done wasting my time

**ultra40** · 07-15-2010, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by Noles12

We talked about that. She has been on yaz for over a year and i think it was affecting it She was put on because she had a five week period (very crazy time) it stopped the period and things were fine. Recently we thought that was it so she switched to a new one about a month ago and there was no change. So now she has tried to stop completely. But only a week into stopping she was having bleeding again.

I think its the BC (YAZ). Yaz did the same thing to my long time Gf and even caused some depression that had never been evident. Try having her switch or get off it completely for awhile that solved the problem for us.

**Noles12** · 07-15-2010, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by ultra40

I think its the BC (YAZ). Yaz did the same thing to my long time Gf and even caused some depression that had never been evident. Try having her switch or get off it completely for awhile that solved the problem for us.

Yep she was on Yaz and for the first 6 months-1year or so there was no problems but its been downhill since with it. I dont know what one she got switched to but she got it changed for the minor acne that started to show up that i guess yaz wasnt stopping anymore. so it could still be doing the same thing too because the doctor didnt prescribe her one with her sex drive in mind.

So i guess time will tell with the whole getting off completely thing. How long did it take for you to notice the sex drive coming back?

**NMacFar** · 07-26-2010, 01:13 PM

Buy a keylogger for your computer.

I was having similar problems with my ex fiancee. We shared a beautiful home, 2 cars and a dog, yadda yadda, the "American Dream" and we were only in our early twenties. She used to come home and leave her phone on the kitchen island... one day that stopped. She used to leave it around when she showered... one day she started hiding it. I even caught her hiding it in her pillow case at night. We were ****ing animals in bed and all that dimished around the same time unless she was drunk. I knew she was up to no good and I am not one to sit around and beat around the bush. I had to take action and thats what I did. I bought a keylogger and next thing I know she is having an affair with some scum that worked with her. So I took the keys to the house (in my name), the keys to her car (also in my name and purchased by me), took the engagement ring and MY puppy and sent her home to Mommy and Daddy, lol.

You can't sit around and wait for her to say "Oh i'm a lesbian" or "I don't love you" or the dreaded "I'm in love with someone else". Take your pride and run with it.