Can some woman really be all that intimidating to men?

[Kawigirl]

I gotta ask you men.....give me your honest opinions.

I've been somewhat....starting something with a long friend of 4 years whose adored me from the start.
Now....we've only gone out a handfull of times and I knew something was up this weekend and let him be.

In the end....tells me; he can't get over being intimidated by me and doesn't think he will.

I have to really ask......can't you men get over that issue? What is it about me or a woman in general that is soooo intimidating that it would stop you from being with a great woman? Is it such a huge barrier that you just would rather not deal with at all and walk away?

I know answers...but perhaps there's that one on this forum that might give me some new insight looking at it in a different light.


And, no.....for those who don't know me; I won't change or reduce who I am or what I do to make a man feel more secure; so not an option.

[9za4ck4]

How does he feel intimidated by you?

[Kawigirl]

My looks.........apparently. I'm sure theres more to it...regarding my strong personality though

[Hazard]

Just not the right person for you then..... we've talked before about stuff like this. I guess it really depends on why he's intimidated.....

If he's intimidated by your body type, work ethic, and/or lifestyle - he's not the right guy for you.

If he's intimidated because he thinks you're beautiful, witty, and/or intelligent - he can probably get over it with time.

A guy who is a "5" per se may feel very very uncomfortable around a female who is a "9" or a "10" - It's awkward for him. It can be a self esteem issue..... he may lack the social skills to hold a conversation..... who knows. Either way though..... if he's admitting that he wont get over being intimidated by you then he may not be the right guy for you.

chin up kawi

~Haz~

[Armani23]

And, no.....for those who don't know me; I won't change or reduce who I am or what I do to make a man feel more secure; so not an option.

people who are intimidated "I think" are not secure with themselves...and both men and woman who again I say "I think" change for someone to adapt to thier ways is not 100% TRUE to themselves...be who you are love what you are.....men and woman we all have issues that make us both suk...but the time comes when we have to ask ourselves ..what do we really want?? if we settle we get what we get..if we stick to our guns then we wait (and hope)for the right person to come along......

[Kawigirl]

Just not the right person for you then..... we've talked before about stuff like this. I guess it really depends on why he's intimidated.....

If he's intimidated by your body type, work ethic, and/or lifestyle - he's not the right guy for you.

If he's intimidated because he thinks you're beautiful, witty, and/or intelligent - he can probably get over it with time.

A guy who is a "5" per se may feel very very uncomfortable around a female who is a "9" or a "10" - It's awkward for him. It can be a self esteem issue..... he may lack the social skills to hold a conversation..... who knows. Either way though..... if he's admitting that he wont get over being intimidated by you then he may not be the right guy for you.

chin up kawi

~Haz~

He said he's tried to get over it....but doesn't think he can. I've just left it.....

You'd think after knowing me for 4 years....this wouldn't be an issue...but....

Thanks Haz....

[Hazard]

He said he's tried to get over it....but doesn't think he can. I've just left it.....

You'd think after knowing me for 4 years....this wouldn't be an issue...but....

Thanks Haz....

Yea..... he must feel like he's be dating "up" - he has some feelings that you are better than he is. Not necessarily better in life..... but you were blessed with looks, social skills, and talent. You're probably someone who he dreamed of dating..... but when given the opportunity he crashed and burned. It sounds like he can't handle someone of your nature..... he'd feel more comfortable with someone who will look at him and see themselves as dating "up" - it all boils down to selfesteem I think.....

~Haz~

[Hazard]

hmmmm thats weird..... I quoted your previous message and whats in the quote is different from what I see..... weird lol

~Haz~

[9za4ck4]

I agree with haz

[Kawigirl]

"dating up"? As in.....he feels I'm "out of his league"?

[Kawigirl]

Thanks for your 2 cents Armani23....very true

[Hazard]

"dating up"? As in.....he feels I'm "out of his league"?

EXACTLY......

~Haz~

[l2elapse]

lose the zero get with the hero..jk..kinda...Haz put it in the head...hes insecure and dating up

[Kawigirl]

lose the zero get with the hero..jk..kinda...Haz put it in the head...hes insecure and dating up

That made me chuckle...thanks l2elapse!

[stack_it]

More than likely he's insecure. Feels like your better than what he should have and can't handle the stress of feeling he has to constantly impress you or be on the very top of his game or he might lose you. Even though that's probably not the case as you don't seem like that type of girl.

You need a guy that is secure in himself. Only problem with that is we are usually assholes lol.

[l2elapse]

More than likely he's insecure. Feels like your better than what he should have and can't handle the stress of feeling he has to constantly impress you or be on the very top of his game or he might lose you. Even though that's probably not the case as you don't seem like that type of girl.

You need a guy that is secure in himself. Only problem with that is we are usually assholes lol.

ding ding..

[Kawigirl]

More than likely he's insecure. Feels like your better than what he should have and can't handle the stress of feeling he has to constantly impress you or be on the very top of his game or he might lose you. Even though that's probably not the case as you don't seem like that type of girl.

You need a guy that is secure in himself. Only problem with that is we are usually assholes lol.

He just said...its his own insecurities that he can't get over.

I guess I knew.......for some reason I'd still like to hear an honest answer than no answer at all. I'll give him props for at least having the respect for me to not drag me into the sack...AND than tell me NO.....

[calgarian]

he has to be really insecure otherwise if a girl is already with you she already like you why would he need to constantly feel the need to impress her??? WOW....u sure he is not bi-polar?

[Kawigirl]

he has to be really insecure otherwise if a girl is already with you she already like you why would he need to constantly feel the need to impress her??? WOW....u sure he is not bi-polar?

HAHA! No...he's not bipolar! lol

(inside joke people)

[calgarian]

HAHA! No...he's not bipolar! lol

(inside joke people)

was just making sure........

[Flier]

Listened to part of this audio soulmate seminar not long ago.
With Maryann Williams, John Gray, Debbie Ford, Claire Zammit, and many other speakers.

Don´t recall a whole lot, but there was a section on common mistakes women make when dating.
Like...being argumentative, challenging his opinion, correcting him, changing the restaurant he picked, in general being disagreeable.
This, ofcourse during the first few dates.
This is very general, right, but tells us (in general) men likes, needs to be "in charge". This may lay at our core cell level. The man being the provider, the protector, the strong sex.
If you (women) don´t let us be "the strong", we may feel belittled, weak, inferior, and we may pull away to find a woman that will.
Once we get to know each other, and built a bond based on love, I think this role play will be less significant.
This is why it´s called "The dating GAME".

Regarding you not changing....
Why not?
Don´t be stubborn.
We all change/adapt everywhere else in life At school, at work, on the bus, at the movies, on the beach, with friends, with family.
Sometimes we are quiet, when we like to speak. (called wisdom)
Sometimes contain ourselves when we rather would like to burst out in laughter.
Sometimes carry out tasks others has told us to do, when we know a better way ourselves.
Standing in line, when we would rather cut it.
Follow rules, even though they drive us crazy.
Telling a loved one that they did a great job...even though he/she did not.
All sums up to being diplomatic, transforming, and approachable.

In general, in order to be a part of something larger, we have to adapt/change.
So soften up, and be open to become someone else.
Life is dynamic. Nothing stands still. Everything is ever changing. So should/could you.

So if this is a great guy, read him, and try to adapt a little.
This has nothing to do with being submissive, or being less, or giving up who you are.
You wake up every morning, and create who you are anew every single day. Most of us just stay the same, even though it doesen´t work for us, because we don´t realize we can recreate ourself at any moment.

[Kawigirl]

I agree with changing First timer...but he's known me for 4 years...this is who I am....for all I've done, experienced and have goals to attain. I'm not adjusting my personality and who i am to make ANYONE feel more secure about themselves. That would be suppressing own identity which will lead to resent, anger....and not a good outcome.

If you can't accept me for who I am...entirely....than you make the conscience decision to move on.

If I make you feel inferior....YOUR issue...not mine. I'm a strong woman...but I'm also affectionate...giving....nuturing, intelligent and very intuitive to a man's needs.
I'm low maintenance...I don't argue...I'm not conflicting.....I don't correct....I'm a mature lady...NOT his mommy

[calgarian]

I agree with changing First timer...but he's known me for 4 years...this is who I am....for all I've done, experienced and have goals to attain. I'm not adjusting my personality and who i am to make ANYONE feel more secure about themselves. That would be suppressing own identity which will lead to resent, anger....and not a good outcome.

If you can't accept me for who I am...entirely....than you make the conscience decision to move on.

If I make you feel inferior....YOUR issue...not mine. I'm a strong woman...but I'm also affectionate...giving....nuturing, intelligent and very intuitive to a man's needs.
I'm low maintenance...I don't argue...I'm not conflicting.....I don't correct....I'm a mature lady...NOT his mommy

i am not intimidated by you......wanna give it a try?

[Kawigirl]

i am not intimidated by you......wanna give it a try?

I thought i did...??? lol

[calgarian]

I thought i did...??? lol

no u didnt ur "insecure" kinda interrupted that..... wanna try again??? want my BB pin

[Kawigirl]

no u didnt ur "insecure" kinda interrupted that..... wanna try again??? want my BB pin

Smart ass.......

[Flier]

I agree with changing First timer...but he's known me for 4 years...this is who I am....for all I've done, experienced and have goals to attain. I'm not adjusting my personality and who i am to make ANYONE feel more secure about themselves. That would be suppressing own identity which will lead to resent, anger....and not a good outcome.

If you can't accept me for who I am...entirely....than you make the conscience decision to move on.

If I make you feel inferior....YOUR issue...not mine. I'm a strong woman...but I'm also affectionate...giving....nuturing, intelligent and very intuitive to a man's needs.
I'm low maintenance...I don't argue...I'm not conflicting.....I don't correct....I'm a mature lady...NOT his mommy

I hear ya.
You know the dude, and yourself. Nobody else does.
And you should never make a change that makes you feel unhappy.

It´s just so interesting when someone claims to know "who they are".
We are who we are when we were born, then conditioning takes over, and we build a personality and opinions based on our experiences.
You have lived a life in Canada, but if you grew up in Colombia, you would have been a completely different person. So who are you really?
Since all your experiences what shaped you are all gone. Why should you be stuck with them, and make them define you.
So if we like we can give birth to ourselves every morning and let the experiences of the day shape us. And let the past experiences vanish from our personality like time did to the actual events.
Sorry,....not much to do with the OP, but I just find it so interesting that who we are and what we believe in is so insignificant.

ANYWAY...... After profiling Cal, I found he would be an incredible poor match for you. You would be very unhappy.

[Flagg]

No offence guys, but being a "asshole" doesn't mean you're "secure" in yourself. It's fine if you never want to grow out of the bad boy image for the rest of your life, but being a man is more than just being a jerk to women.

That said, humans are the biggest pussies in the world when it comes to the opposite sex. Animals dont have this problem, we do, and it's through hundreds years of social conditioning, made a million times worse by the media and what is expected of people.

Still it's strange that he's known you for four years and has a hang-up over you. Maybe like some people suggested, he doesn't feel like he deserves you. Perhaps because he's known you for soooo long and only now you guys have gotten close, he think's there must have been something wrong with him all that time. Maybe he feels like he cant measure up to your previous dates.

Maybe you should just flat ask him what the problem is.

[calgarian]

Smart ass.......

thats y u always liked me......

[Kawigirl]

No offence guys, but being a "asshole" doesn't mean you're "secure" in yourself. It's fine if you never want to grow out of the bad boy image for the rest of your life, but being a man is more than just being a jerk to women.

That said, humans are the biggest pussies in the world when it comes to the opposite sex. Animals dont have this problem, we do, and it's through hundreds years of social conditioning, made a million times worse by the media and what is expected of people.

Still it's strange that he's known you for four years and has a hang-up over you. Maybe like some people suggested, he doesn't feel like he deserves you. Perhaps because he's known you for soooo long and only now you guys have gotten close, he think's there must have been something wrong with him all that time. Maybe he feels like he cant measure up to your previous dates.

Maybe you should just flat ask him what the problem is.

Thanks Flagg; I do agree with your comments.
We've been friends...but never "close" friends where we did things.

He feels its his own insecurities. He's never seen ex's.....nor know much about them. It's about not measuring up to me.....

For all I've done....work wise, education, travel.....I'm fearless; and I think that places fear in him. I would have hoped he would embrace those positive experiences in making me who I am; strength...and weaknesses and take me for ME. As, I do for him!

[Kawigirl]

I hear ya.
You know the dude, and yourself. Nobody else does.
And you should never make a change that makes you feel unhappy.

It´s just so interesting when someone claims to know "who they are".
We are who we are when we were born, then conditioning takes over, and we build a personality and opinions based on our experiences.
You have lived a life in Canada, but if you grew up in Colombia, you would have been a completely different person. So who are you really?
Since all your experiences what shaped you are all gone. Why should you be stuck with them, and make them define you.
So if we like we can give birth to ourselves every morning and let the experiences of the day shape us. And let the past experiences vanish from our personality like time did to the actual events.
Sorry,....not much to do with the OP, but I just find it so interesting that who we are and what we believe in is so insignificant.

ANYWAY...... After profiling Cal, I found he would be an incredible poor match for you. You would be very unhappy.

I've done much in life and been through tribulations at my age that NO ONE should experience First Timer. I've traveled, opened my mind culturally, religiously...more than you probably think.

My life extends way past Canada....this forum....

I DO know who I am...why I'm here......believe it or not. And thankfully it didn't take me 70 odd years.

[firmechicano831]

Kawigirl, I think were both in same league and not intimidated by you're beautiful looks. Do you want to be my gf?

[Flier]

I've done much in life and been through tribulations at my age that NO ONE should experience First Timer. I've traveled, opened my mind culturally, religiously...more than you probably think. I believe you. And if your Homeboy has not, then that´s the problem.

My life extends way past Canada....this forum.... That´s why I said you would be a terrible match for Cal. The past Canada part would make him very insecure.

I DO know who I am...why I'm here......believe it or not. And thankfully it didn't take me 70 odd years.

This puzzles me, as I have no clue who/what I am myself. But we might be meaning different things on this one.

[stack_it]

No offence guys, but being a "asshole" doesn't mean you're "secure" in yourself. It's fine if you never want to grow out of the bad boy image for the rest of your life, but being a man is more than just being a jerk to women.

I wasn't saying being an asshole makes you secure. I was saying being secure tends to make you seen as an asshole.

Like myself for example. I am perfectly secure in my looks and attitude and have no problem talking to women. I don't let women run my life like most guys will just to get laid. I believe everything should be agreed upon between both parties. If a girl tries to play mind games and thinks I'm going to follow along and let her fvck with my head she is in for a rude awakening. As this is not the behavior of most men it makes me seem like an asshole. If I'm in a relationship I'm one of the best guys a girl could ask for. I don't cheat and the relationship is about "us" not her nor I.

That being said if I'm out on the weekend and just want a one night stand being an asshole is the easiest way to do it and I will use that to my advantage.

[Kawigirl]

This puzzles me, as I have no clue who/what I am myself. But we might be meaning different things on this one.

I have done much and been through tremendous amounts in my life already...and yes...I do believe it does cause him to think that he might not be on the same level as me.

He hasn't experienced all I have.....and perhaps that in itself is intimidating

[Flier]

Kawigirl, I think were both in same league and not intimidated by you're beautiful looks. Do you want to be my gf?

No, I really don´t think so. You are not her type.

[gixxerboy1]

Its not that women are intimidating. Its that he is insecure. And its really bad if he has known you for 4 years. I've been a little insecure about a woman before but that was when i first meet her. Lasted about 10 days.

[Flagg]

I have done much and been through tremendous amounts in my life already...and yes...I do believe it does cause him to think that he might not be on the same level as me.

He hasn't experienced all I have.....and perhaps that in itself is intimidating

Funny, I like confident women.

Anywho, it's not you perse, it's him. I'd bet that he is terrified that because you have done it all, and he hasn't, that you'll get bored of him. If you like him, maybe you should reassure him. If you don't like that sort of thing, or you don't think it's worth it, tell him you agree that it's probably best you remain as friends. No fuss, no muss.

[Kawigirl]

Funny, I like confident women.

Anywho, it's not you perse, it's him. I'd bet that he is terrified that because you have done it all, and he hasn't, that you'll get bored of him. If you like him, maybe you should reassure him. If you don't like that sort of thing, or you don't think it's worth it, tell him you agree that it's probably best you remain as friends. No fuss, no muss.

Just an update...I asked him flat out.....what he was feeling. He said Fear....I said fear of what? He said he's not sure...not fear of me...but an emotion he can't explain.

I asked fear of not being "up to standard"...."me leaving you"......

I haven't heard back yet...

I think all guys have a fear whether its....a girl taking his money....cheating....depending on his own individual basis. But, this one...I think a fear of not being able to be up to standards....

[MASTER]

Can't realy imagine being intimidated by a woman and I'm dirt poor, tho it helps that I'm dayum sexay.