Relationship lulls

[layeazy]

Its tough and hard to leave but it seems really your last option.

Sounds like you wanna hang in there but really theres nothing to hang on to....

Goodluck though...

[RaginCajun]

Attachment 116416

Engaged...I just got her another ruby/diamond for her b-day a week ago today. Made her a chocolate cake stuff some fresh yellow flowers in it for looks. Card with inspiring and how proud I was of her. I gotta hug! closed mouth kiss. She went work.....

OUCH! as much as you know its going to hurt, move on. get away for a while and see what happens. i hate to bring this up but do you think it could be someone else? if she is not being emotional and passionate with you, then it could be happening with someone else. and just another thought, has she had her hormones tested? she may have no libido at all. maybe try bringing it up and if you don't get any answers, tell her how you feel. if you don't feel any reciprocal feelings, get on with your life!

[lovbyts]

OK your problem is and it's hard because you are like many guys and you want to fix her and you think it may be something you are doing or not doing. STOP. Look at yourself. Are you who you think you should be? Are you in a good place, on track, a good person? If yes then you need to get away from her. It wont get better after marriage, it gets worse. I have to many friends in that situation. Dont kid yourself and it's 10x harder after you say I Do.

Just be up front. Tell her sorry but it seems things have changed, died. you dont blame her but you know it's not you also so it's time to change things and move on. She may say OK, she may get angry at you for destroying her whole life (Drama queen) or she may get pissed and try to ruin you like many do. Either way get out with as little damage as possible.

[dec11]

Been together 6 years, I know she still loves me, fire just gone. I can see she still cares in some of the things she does.

another view is that the hot sex doesnt last forever in any relationship (ive found anyhow, no matter how stunning she is), it naturally goes off the boil. us geezers are programmed to find new pleasures in new faces, but if ya love someone thats what keeps you from playin away

[PitMaster]

another view is that the hot sex doesnt last forever in any relationship (ive found anyhow, no matter how stunning she is), it naturally goes off the boil. us geezers are programmed to find new pleasures in new faces, but if ya love someone thats what keeps you from playin away

100% agree

OK your problem is and it's hard because you are like many guys and you want to fix her and you think it may be something you are doing or not doing. STOP. Look at yourself. Are you who you think you should be? Are you in a good place, on track, a good person? If yes then you need to get away from her. It wont get better after marriage, it gets worse. I have to many friends in that situation. Dont kid yourself and it's 10x harder after you say I Do.
Just be up front. Tell her sorry but it seems things have changed, died. you dont blame her but you know it's not you also so it's time to change things and move on. She may say OK, she may get angry at you for destroying her whole life (Drama queen) or she may get pissed and try to ruin you like many do. Either way get out with as little damage as possible.

Been engaged for 5 years, I guess I been making up excuses for not taking the plunge. Ive never been married..
Easier said than done.
I can handle my damage. Her I'm not so sure.

OUCH! as much as you know its going to hurt, move on. get away for a while and see what happens. i hate to bring this up but do you think it could be someone else? if she is not being emotional and passionate with you, then it could be happening with someone else. and just another thought, has she had her hormones tested? she may have no libido at all. maybe try bringing it up and if you don't get any answers, tell her how you feel. if you don't feel any reciprocal feelings, get on with your life!

Negative, no one else.
The hormones and libido: I definetely gonna bring this up. She had gone a whole year w/o her period and she's not on any birth control. She blames it on stress and I just figured the same.
Good angle to look at. Thx.

Its tough and hard to leave but it seems really your last option.

Sounds like you wanna hang in there but really theres nothing to hang on to....

Goodluck though...

Yep, I'll look deeper into the route of the problem, Thx.

[SilverBuilt]

PitMaster, it sounds that you have some un-resolved issues and probably not just the ones with your late girlfriend. In my own past experience, i've found that you have to take care of your unresolved issues before entering into a relationship. I think all to often we end up in relationships simply because we feel vulnerable or because we need some sort of emotional crutch. I wouldn't be suprised if it wasn't really her that you needed at all, but rather the safety of a relationship, even if it is'nt good for you or her. It is always hard to see someone happy with someone else or perhaps......without you. But perhaps you need to work on you for a while, and spend some time as a single guy that developes deep friendships. I know this sounds kinda strange on a site like this, where everyone is constantly working on the outside. I'm not saying that you should break up with your girlfriend, but if it does come to that, the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is to give them as much closure as possible or at least the opportunity to get closure. Keep in mind that it maybe that neither one of you has done anything wrong, and the most honest answer that they might be able to give you is that they just were not feeling it anymore and perhaps you stayed together more out of habit then anything else.

[PitMaster]

PitMaster, it sounds that you have some un-resolved issues and probably not just the ones with your late girlfriend. In my own past experience, i've found that you have to take care of your unresolved issues before entering into a relationship. I think all to often we end up in relationships simply because we feel vulnerable or because we need some sort of emotional crutch. I wouldn't be suprised if it wasn't really her that you needed at all, but rather the safety of a relationship, even if it is'nt good for you or her. It is always hard to see someone happy with someone else or perhaps......without you. But perhaps you need to work on you for a while, and spend some time as a single guy that developes deep friendships. I know this sounds kinda strange on a site like this, where everyone is constantly working on the outside. I'm not saying that you should break up with your girlfriend, but if it does come to that, the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is to give them as much closure as possible or at least the opportunity to get closure. Keep in mind that it maybe that neither one of you has done anything wrong, and the most honest answer that they might be able to give you is that they just were not feeling it anymore and perhaps you stayed together more out of habit then anything else.

I think we all have unresolved issues. That's what makes us human and so we can learn and progress. I definetely didn't just jump into this relationship after my last one. I stayed single for more than a year and played bachelor. I suppose when a man is single and bachelor long enough he finally wants something more. Then we you get it and that gets stale, you want to be single again.

[DSM4Life]

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

[SlimmerMe]

GF's age?

[Bryan2]

Its going to be very very hard but if you want to try to stay together you need mystery and new things....

You need to not stop seeing each other but limit it to 2 times a week. This will give you both time apart to experience new things separately. You will be amazed at how much you will want to talk to each other again and really care about what went on in each others lives!

You will start planning things to do together like in the past because it will be special again. The problem is you guys are around each other all of the time. If at all possible to not live with each other or if you have a good buddy to stay with for a bit. The key is going into the situation completely together and first recognize the problems you are having and both be committed to trying to fix things.

TRUST ME ON THIS....

You do NOT need to end things you just need to re discover yourselves and have independent experiences. You guys are so in the groove I bet that you don't have separate lives anymore.

Try to only see her 2 times a week tops for a couple months, during this time work on yourself, start new exciting things that may be different from the norm for you. Go out and do fun things away from her but when you do see each other plan something and make it special like it used to be.

If this doesn't work and it ends up going a different way you will be extremely glad you tried.

[lovbyts]

Its going to be very very hard but if you want to try to stay together you need mystery and new things....

You need to not stop seeing each other but limit it to 2 times a week. This will give you both time apart to experience new things separately. You will be amazed at how much you will want to talk to each other again and really care about what went on in each others lives!

You will start planning things to do together like in the past because it will be special again. The problem is you guys are around each other all of the time. If at all possible to not live with each other or if you have a good buddy to stay with for a bit. The key is going into the situation completely together and first recognize the problems you are having and both be committed to trying to fix things.

TRUST ME ON THIS....

You do NOT need to end things you just need to re discover yourselves and have independent experiences. You guys are so in the groove I bet that you don't have separate lives anymore.

Try to only see her 2 times a week tops for a couple months, during this time work on yourself, start new exciting things that may be different from the norm for you. Go out and do fun things away from her but when you do see each other plan something and make it special like it used to be.

If this doesn't work and it ends up going a different way you will be extremely glad you tried.

So what happens when you/they get married? How do you only see each other 2x a week? Separate bedrooms? LOL Yes what you say makes some sense but there is a lot more to it than that. Not everyone is meant to be together, not ever relationship is going to work no matter how hard you work at it.

You need to be your own person but also OK with each other. If she is not open to discussion, fixing things, being loving the cut the losses. Ask yourself why you want to stay with her? Because you love her is not an answer. Most of the time we love/want what we dont or cant have. Give real reasons. Ask her the same thing. Compare notes. It's a start.

[SlimmerMe]

A lot could be hormonal.

[lovbyts]

A lot could be hormonal.

Everything with women is hormonal.

[SlimmerMe]

^^ true.

It is all about BW!

[PitMaster]

Its going to be very very hard but if you want to try to stay together you need mystery and new things....

You need to not stop seeing each other but limit it to 2 times a week. This will give you both time apart to experience new things separately. You will be amazed at how much you will want to talk to each other again and really care about what went on in each others lives!

You will start planning things to do together like in the past because it will be special again. The problem is you guys are around each other all of the time. If at all possible to not live with each other or if you have a good buddy to stay with for a bit. The key is going into the situation completely together and first recognize the problems you are having and both be committed to trying to fix things.

TRUST ME ON THIS....

You do NOT need to end things you just need to re discover yourselves and have independent experiences. You guys are so in the groove I bet that you don't have separate lives anymore.

Try to only see her 2 times a week tops for a couple months, during this time work on yourself, start new exciting things that may be different from the norm for you. Go out and do fun things away from her but when you do see each other plan something and make it special like it used to be.

If this doesn't work and it ends up going a different way you will be extremely glad you tried.

I will try something like this through a trial seperation if I can't narrow things down.

So what happens when you/they get married? How do you only see each other 2x a week? Separate bedrooms? LOL Yes what you say makes some sense but there is a lot more to it than that. Not everyone is meant to be together, not ever relationship is going to work no matter how hard you work at it.

You need to be your own person but also OK with each other. If she is not open to discussion, fixing things, being loving the cut the losses. Ask yourself why you want to stay with her? Because you love her is not an answer. Most of the time we love/want what we dont or cant have. Give real reasons. Ask her the same thing.. Compare notes. It's a start.

I am gonna write things down like you and baseline suggest, easier to keep track of. My diet I was just making mental notes and have been loggin it lately, so much easier and helps me reach my goals. Thx.

GF's age?

25, about 105-110 if that's what the BW meant.

A lot could be hormonal.

This was suggested to me by ragincajun. This is what I wanted to ask some of the ladies about. She used to be on the depo shot years ago. After she came off it, it took a couple years to have a menstrual cycle again. Then just all a sudden it stopped again. Take in mind no birth control. In the last almost 2 years she had her M. Cycle about 3 months ago for the first time. This is not normal, Papsmere comes out o.k she tells me. Doc said related to stress and leaves it at that. I don't think this doc knows she used to be on depo..I think this messed her up and she hasn't recovered from it. The Cajun recommended bw with hormone test..I think it's a good place to start. She's got phobia of dr.s' but If she won't go then I'll have to lay it out in Black and White. I could be way off about this, but this does not seem normal. BTW she obviously likes not having PM cramps and whatnot.

[lovbyts]

I will try something like this through a trial seperation if I can't narrow things down.


I am gonna write things down like you and baseline suggest, easier to keep track of. My diet I was just making mental notes and have been loggin it lately, so much easier and helps me reach my goals. Thx.


25, about 105-110 if that's what the BW meant.



This was suggested to me by ragincajun. This is what I wanted to ask some of the ladies about. She used to be on the depo shot years ago. After she came off it, it took a couple years to have a menstrual cycle again. Then just all a sudden it stopped again. Take in mind no birth control. In the last almost 2 years she had her M. Cycle about 3 months ago for the first time. This is not normal, Papsmere comes out o.k she tells me. Doc said related to stress and leaves it at that. I don't think this doc knows she used to be on depo..I think this messed her up and she hasn't recovered from it. The Cajun recommended bw with hormone test..I think it's a good place to start. She's got phobia of dr.s' but If she won't go then I'll have to lay it out in Black and White. I could be way off about this, but this does not seem normal. BTW she obviously likes not having PM cramps and whatnot.

Ah yes, those damn birth control pills/shots/patches. Nothing but hormones and screw up a lot of women. Hopefully she will be open for some testing. Most women will not believe anything is wrong with them, it's all you.

[PitMaster]

Ah yes, those damn birth control pills/shots/patches. Nothing but hormones and screw up a lot of women. Hopefully she will be open for some testing. Most women will not believe anything is wrong with them, it's all you.

Sh*t I know where that whole "yes, dear" saying comes from. I barely bother arguing my logical point anymore, I just accept the fact I'm wrong it's impossible to prove I'm right. When all is said and done, I'll make sure to let her know that her hormones are whacked cuz of me, And that it 's my responsibilty to see her better. Lol

[SlimmerMe]

Have you read this thread about birth control and libido? She may have really messed herself up with what she took in the past. If anyone should understand hormones, it should be the men on this site.

http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...=#.TjbTCM00idM

[chuckt12345]

if your not happy now, more than likely it will get worse down the road. All relationships lose that the passion and spark but when it gets as bad as yours i would have a serious sit down and figure out what direction both of you need to go.

[PitMaster]

Have you read this thread about birth control and libido? She may have really messed herself up with what she took in the past. If anyone should understand hormones, it should be the men on this site.

http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...=#.TjbTCM00idM

OMG! That actually made me feel better reading that. At least now it's something to work with. I actually have some firepower now with real women first hand experiences and knowledge. I am gonna make her read this or I'm gonna read it out loud with her sitting anywhere near hearing range. I never knew men and women could be so much the same when our T levels and E levels are off.
I truly cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heartat least this gives me something to work with. I've never been a quitter, especially when it comes to someone I care about. Now I hope I can get her to go get tested. As soon as the results come back. I'll probably have to post it to help me decipher it. I'm not schooled in BW, but will be researching. If she won't go, I'll look into alternative testing and private labs. I never thought to look in the HRT section for answers.
For all other members I humbly thank you all for taking the time and sharing your personal experiences, views and opinions. I got much more heartfelt and honest responses than I could of ever imagined.
Thanks again SM

[SlimmerMe]

You are so welcome PitMaster.

Happy to hear the thread could help you. And I agree getting her BW done will be a great beginning to start unraveling your puzzle.

[Shol'va]

My motto is if a woman doesn't work out with ya try a man. What have you got to lose other than self respect, dignity, rumors talk behind your back, labelling you, getting attacked at night coming out of the wrong bars. On second thought stay with women.