Cancer care

**BigBadWolf** · 01-13-2012, 06:51 PM

Have any of you had to be a caregiver for a loved one with cancer? How long did it take you to get though it? Also when they say she's" in the act of dying now", how long does that usally last?

**alexISthrowed** · 01-13-2012, 08:02 PM

Never been in this situation man, I wish you the best!

**BigBadWolf** · 01-13-2012, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by alexISthrowed

Never been in this situation man, I wish you the best!

Yea thanxs man. I've lost a lot of friend and a few family but they were all fast and unexpected. I haven't ever had to watch someone die slow. It's a inhumane way to go and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

**SlimmerMe** · 01-13-2012, 08:27 PM

Not easy and when the docs say "get your things in order" you know it is getting very close. The blessing of it is that it gives you time to repair anything and heal and show one another how much you love them. And then there comes a point (yet hard to believe) that you kinda actually hope they go on and go to the other side for their own sake.

I wish you peace during this time. It isn't fun at all. And usually just a few months.

**gixxerboy1** · 01-13-2012, 08:32 PM

i watched my father go for about 6 months last year. It was very hard. When they finally put him in hospice it was only about 3 days. It will be a year he passed next week.

I feel for you.

**BigBadWolf** · 01-13-2012, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by SlimmerMe

Not easy and when the docs say "get your things in order" you know it is getting very close. The blessing of it is that it gives you time to repair anything and heal and show one another how much you love them. And then there comes a point (yet hard to believe) that you kinda actually hope they go on and go to the other side for their own sake.

I wish you peace during this time. It isn't fun at all. And usually just a few months.

Thanks. She has at most 3 days. And like you said, I wish it was sooner.

**BigBadWolf** · 01-13-2012, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

i watched my father go for about 6 months last year. It was very hard. When they finally put him in hospice it was only about 3 days. It will be a year he passed next week.

I feel for you.

Thanx and sorry for your loss. Its sad. How old was he?

**BrownGirl** · 01-13-2012, 11:59 PM

Oh I'm so sorry...My prayers are with you and your family...

**nikalexopoulos** · 01-14-2012, 02:29 AM

Had an aunty go through the same. Just help them reflect on a beautiful life theyve had and do urself and ur family a favour and stay incredibly positive. The last thing ur loved one would want is for everyone to show their sadness. Stay positive and at least allow them to pass remembering their beautiful life and family. Thoughts go to you.

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2012, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by Honkeykong

Thanx and sorry for your loss. Its sad. How old was he?

Thanks he was 77

**SlimmerMe** · 01-14-2012, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by Honkeykong

Thanks. She has at most 3 days. And like you said, I wish it was sooner.

My heart goes out to you now. And so sorry to hear this.

Please remember to:
Make sure you get outside for at least 20 minutes every so often. Take a walk around the block. You need some fresh air to keep your strenght up since you will have days of sadness all around you. You do not want to exhaust yourself. Like they say on the plane: give yourself air first. This way you can help others who are in pain. Other relatives and friends of the family need you. Those who come to town. Neighbors. Lots of activity surrounds this all of the sudden hence why keeping your health now is paramount. Many will rely on you.

Thinking of you.

**lovbyts** · 01-15-2012, 05:18 AM

I did very recently. My mother was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer last De***ber 2010. It was already in it's advanced stages and to late to do anything that would not make her sick from day one and probably kill her in less time. She was 86 when diagnosed. She survived for another 9 months. She passed away last September, 2011.

She started hospice care right away at home and it took her a while to fully understand, as well as us what that fully meant. She stayed at home full time until all the way to the end, it's what she wanted. We were lucky. For the most part she was pain free except for once in a while she would have short burst of severe pain. She was in 24/7 discomfort, some days worse than others.

The biggest problem was getting her out to do things and staying as normal as possible instead of being a recluse and afraid to go anywhere because she was afraid how she might feel or she might get sick. She looked and felt the best when we were able to get her to go somewhere and not focus on being sick.

Luckily she was pretty much self reliant up to the last few days. Typically it's not the cancer that kills them like in mothers case since it was pancriatic the tumors were pushing on different of her stomach and she slowly was not able to eat or digest anything so she slowly wasted away. In the end she just slept more and more. She was not hungry so it's not like starvation. She just ate less and slept more until she didnt wake up.

You need to get as much family and friends support as possible. Especially towards the end you need someone there 24/7 more for physiological support of the person than physical/medical support unless it is that way.

Dealing with other family members can be the hardest part sometimes and remember everyone deals with things differently. my brother who is supposed to be the smart one, logical, educated, level headed; he is the one who found no less than 10 miracle cancer cures each week. One of my sisters would say all the wrong things at the wrong time to or in front of my mom to just make her more stressed and i was basically left to straighten up everything and had to take care of most everything being the middle man.

Dont be afraid to talk about the legal, financial issues at some point, dont wait until it's to late. It will be a lot messier later if everything is not in order. Most everything was in order with my mom and we still had to discuss a lot and it's still a PITA. I am still dealing with the financial part 4 months later and have several months to go if not longer.

**Iamdetermined** · 01-15-2012, 06:12 PM

No I haven't had to be a caregiver but I have lost loved ones. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, stay strong for your loved one and be there for them in this difficult time, smile and laugh be the best person you can possibly be for them and remember they will always be with you no matter what in the flesh or as your guardian angel. God bless x

**Tigershark** · 01-15-2012, 07:31 PM

Both grandparents had cancer at the same time and were recieving hospice care over Easter weekend 3 years ago. My grandfather was asleep when my grandmother passed. She had been battling pancriatis cancer and he had emphizima for a few years. He woke up surrounded by family and my mom broke the news to him his wife of 63 years had passed. He cried for a minute or so then asked if she suffered? My mom said no she asked for a back rub and when she rolled over she let out her last breath. My grandfather then said,"If my wife can be at peace, then I can too." He then closed his eyes and never woke up. They passed 3 hours apart from one another.