This Always Gets Me!

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 01:46 AM

So 2 days after Christmas my x wife moved my kids 3 states away from me not long after she married a man in the military and he got stationed there. Mind you that I respect our military men and women greatly and am glad my x wife met the man she did for my kids same but the hardest thing I ever had to do was put my kids in that car and watch them drive away not knowing when I would see them again for sure. No longer than spring break but that was 3 months away at the time. I managed to get a flight out to break the time in between and see them and meet teachers and spend a little time but even a month is a long time. Court dates are set (taking forever) to settle the matter but in the mean time myself and my kids relationship suffer even though I call every day and talk or FaceTime.

Anyway I don't know why I'm posting this on here...maybe just a way to vent or let some steam off but either way I caught the tail end of Inception where he finally gets to see his kids again for the first time in a while and it just breaks me up every time I watch it. Both kids are close to the same age as mine which makes it even worse but its a great ending. One of the best I've seen in a while and I'm a stickler for endings. Ill post the link to the clip below.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XQPy88-...eature=related

**panntastic** · 03-03-2013, 01:53 AM

Tough break buddy
These things are always harder when kids are involved.
Hope everything works out in the end

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 02:01 AM

Thanks brother. We will see on March 15th how it's all going to pan out.

**red_hulk** · 03-03-2013, 02:25 AM

That's gotta be rough, sorry dude. Hope it all works out for you

**Lunk1** · 03-03-2013, 07:21 AM

Yeah...it is important to get a solid divorce decree with very set child cutody orders! Many are set so that the primary parent is not allowed to move out of the state or X amount of miles! Best of luck...I doubt they will make her move back now however

**lovbyts** · 03-03-2013, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

Yeah...it is important to get a solid divorce decree with very set child cutody orders! Many are set so that the primary parent is not allowed to move out of the state or X amount of miles! Best of luck...I doubt they will make her move back now however

^^^ and I dont really understand how she can just up and move when nothing has been settled. I can guarantee you if it was the other way around you would be charged with kidnapping.

**Lunk1** · 03-03-2013, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

^^^ and I dont really understand how she can just up and move when nothing has been settled. I can guarantee you if it was the other way around you would be charged with kidnapping.

Until there is a court order both parents have full rights to include leaving the state! I cldnt answer for sure what the situation is without knowing more of the facts!

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 10:47 AM

Yeah I never had it set in the papers nor did I even think to. At the time when we married she couldn't even live 2 hrs away from her mother with me and decided to move back. After 2 years of trying to make it work from a distance it finally just failed. My lawyer at the time made no mention of setting that in the papers. We were both so young and I had no clue about it.

Anyway i got my lawyer and he advised me to wait until we knew for sure she was leaving due to the fact that she kept saying she was and saying she wasn't. She informed me for sure that she was leaving about a month before she actually left with a letter from her lawyer because I sent her papers saying if she attempted to leave I would seek custody of the kids. We drew up papers for a fort hearing and had her served before she left on 12/26/12 but the court system is so backed up here that the earliest we could get in was 3/15/13. So there was nothing I could do to prevent her from leaving.

I just don't see how that's possible...in the papers or not to put a parents relationship with their kids in jeopardy like that. I could see if she moved to better herself and the kids were going to get some higher standard of living and education but she's only working part time now and my kids are going to a school that is tiny and old and is in a much much smaller town with no friends around. Not to mention the fact that in 3 years they could end up in another country.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 10:57 AM

I know it's a long shot that I might end up with my kids of even her moving back but I couldn't just let them leave like that and not do anything. I couldn't just sit back and watch it happen. My daughter is 8 and is a full blown daddies girl and she does not understand why she can't come live with me. I just have to tell her daddy's working on it and everything is going to be ok either way. I'm not going anywhere and that I love her but that's her mothers decision to make. I don't want them turned on her and I damn sure don't want her thinking I don't want her so that's the best way I know how to put it. My son is 5 and is pretty much oblivious to the fact of what's going on but he knows we're not seeing each other like we were before and they both talk about how much they want to come to daddies and visit for spring break and the summer. So at least I've got that

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 11:09 AM

Oh and by the way I didn't mention that right before they left she informed me that she was pregnant and they were having a baby. I don't know how that will play out in court but it def wont help me...I know that.

But anyway we will see how it all pans out in 2 weeks.

**Lunk1** · 03-03-2013, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

I know it's a long shot that I might end up with my kids of even her moving back but I couldn't just let them leave like that and not do anything. I couldn't just sit back and watch it happen. My daughter is 8 and is a full blown daddies girl and she does not understand why she can't come live with me. I just have to tell her daddy's working on it and everything is going to be ok either way. I'm not going anywhere and that I love her but that's her mothers decision to make. I don't want them turned on her and I damn sure don't want her thinking I don't want her so that's the best way I know how to put it. My son is 5 and is pretty much oblivious to the fact of what's going on but he knows we're not seeing each other like we were before and they both talk about how much they want to come to daddies and visit for spring break and the summer. So at least I've got that

Your only safe play IMO is to shoot for custody! There is no way the court will make her move back..they will simply set visitation and custody agreements! Had this been done prior to her leaving then YES the court could place restrictions on her moving! They still could but given she is married to the military it's not likely they will! This MAY help your custody argument...you might argue that you can provide a more stable enviroment with less chance of "uprooting the kids every so often!

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 11:24 AM

That's exactly what our play is in this is the stability they would have with me instead of having to move every some odd years to a new place and have to make new friends in god knows where. I hate to have to go after it that way but that's all I've got. Point is she's a good mother and I'm a good father. She makes dumb decisions and I make great decisions

...my opinion not here and we get along great. We're better off divorced and friends than married. And her husband is a great guy and we all get along...even my x and my fiancé which I thought would never happen. The wedge is the fact that she moved my kids. And I hate to go after someone's lifestyle they can't controls like the military. I understand they can't help where they get stationed but I can't worry about that when it comes to mine and my kids relationship. I actually almost unlisted and my x wife stopped me...she didn't want to have to move all around. Funny how things change like that over the years.

She was actually the one that got me to make the decision to move where I am now which was 2 hrs away from where we were at the time and get in the business I'm in now 7 years ago. Then she decided she didn't like it after 2 months and wanted to move back after I bought into this company and was finishing up my degree. But now she can move 3 states away and be completely happy with it apparently.

Does that mean I was a sucky husband

.

**Soar** · 03-03-2013, 12:50 PM

All that matters is that your kids know they have a daddy that loves them and will always be there. Spring break is coming shortly!

**warmouth** · 03-03-2013, 01:57 PM

I can tell from your detailed concerns that you love them unconditionally. This is what matters, so make sure they know it.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 08:07 PM

Trust me I make sure they know it every day and assure them I'm going to be a big part of their lives.

Yeah they mean the world to me. Funny how things go from terrified to have a child to going to not knowing how you did it without them.

**crazy mike** · 03-03-2013, 08:19 PM

Wow, I am sorry to hear this type of news. I love my kids like no other. They're grown now 42,34,32 and they are not as close as I would have had it. They all put me out some years ago due to my D & A addiction as well as my bi-polar I disorder. So I have to work on it all the time but I would never have been able to be removed from them when they were young. Love counts for so much. Love conquers they say, but stay close to them, call and write, call and write and don't miss a holiday or a special event. I pray that you have it all worked out for the benefit of the kids. Be cool with it all. To you good luck we're all here for you my friend.

...crazy mike

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 08:38 PM

Yeah that sounds like a rough time but its good to here everything is stable now and you and your kids still remain in close contact and have a relationship. Some fathers would have said the hell with it and chock it up as misfortune due to things that happened years ago but the fact is they are your kids and they are going to love you no matter what. And thanks for the prayers. I'm def going to need them. At the very least I think I will get more time with them than I did originally even if it is more spread out but technology is a great and growing thing these days so Skype and FaceTime make things much easier on your feelings when you can actually see them and they can show you their room and help them with homework.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 08:39 PM

Hear*...sorry stupid auto correct.

**crazy mike** · 03-03-2013, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

Yeah that sounds like a rough time but its good to here everything is stable now and you and your kids still remain in close contact and have a relationship. Some fathers would have said the hell with it and chock it up as misfortune due to things that happened years ago but the fact is they are your kids and they are going to love you no matter what. And thanks for the prayers. I'm def going to need them. At the very least I think I will get more time with them than I did originally even if it is more spread out but technology is a great and growing thing these days so Skype and FaceTime make things much easier on your feelings when you can actually see them and they can show you their room and help them with homework.

Very cool dude. Good attitude because you can't control anything. You can only take affirmative action and the rest is up to God. Not to personal on here, but, might I suggest you pray for God to help you handle whatever He decides to do with His will. Peace with Him will guide you with peace within.

bee cool and patient. .... what an old fart I am, mike

PS: I am serious about what I said. mike

**crazy mike** · 03-03-2013, 09:04 PM

Hey, keep us all informed with how it's going. ...crazy mike

**lovbyts** · 03-03-2013, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

Yeah I never had it set in the papers nor did I even think to. At the time when we married she couldn't even live 2 hrs away from her mother with me and decided to move back. After 2 years of trying to make it work from a distance it finally just failed. My lawyer at the time made no mention of setting that in the papers. We were both so young and I had no clue about it.

Anyway i got my lawyer and he advised me to wait until we knew for sure she was leaving due to the fact that she kept saying she was and saying she wasn't. She informed me for sure that she was leaving about a month before she actually left with a letter from her lawyer because I sent her papers saying if she attempted to leave I would seek custody of the kids. We drew up papers for a fort hearing and had her served before she left on 12/26/12 but the court system is so backed up here that the earliest we could get in was 3/15/13. So there was nothing I could do to prevent her from leaving.

I just don't see how that's possible...in the papers or not to put a parents relationship with their kids in jeopardy like that. I could see if she moved to better herself and the kids were going to get some higher standard of living and education but she's only working part time now and my kids are going to a school that is tiny and old and is in a much much smaller town with no friends around. Not to mention the fact that in 3 years they could end up in another country.

Let this be a lesson to you in the future; what is fair to her (or a lot/most women) does not work both ways. Always plan for the worst but hope for the best. EVERY man going through divorce or separation should have the basics do's and donts in writing such as NO taking the kids out of state even on vacation without written consent from the other parent.

Even if things have been civil up until now you need to protect yourself. ALWAYS have a witness with you during any meetings. Trust me or if not me read some of the 100s of post here from guys who have been fvcked over by their ex; if she feels things are not going her way for what ever reason she will or could easily enough make something up that could destroy your life.

Now tell me she is different, tell me she would not do something like that. She was OK taking your kids and moving out of state how many hours away from you???? Yeah that is something someone who is concerned about your rights in what way???

Just think about it. Like I said, plan for the worst, hope for the best.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 11:26 PM

Originally Posted by crazy mike

Very cool dude. Good attitude because you can't control anything. You can only take affirmative action and the rest is up to God. Not to personal on here, but, might I suggest you pray for God to help you handle whatever He decides to do with His will. Peace with Him will guide you with peace within.

bee cool and patient. .... what an old fart I am, mike

PS: I am serious about what I said. mike

Thanks for the kind words brother and believe I'm taking it all in. Ill keep ya posted on the progress.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-03-2013, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Let this be a lesson to you in the future; what is fair to her (or a lot/most women) does not work both ways. Always plan for the worst but hope for the best. EVERY man going through divorce or separation should have the basics do's and donts in writing such as NO taking the kids out of state even on vacation without written consent from the other parent.

Even if things have been civil up until now you need to protect yourself. ALWAYS have a witness with you during any meetings. Trust me or if not me read some of the 100s of post here from guys who have been fvcked over by their ex; if she feels things are not going her way for what ever reason she will or could easily enough make something up that could destroy your life.

Now tell me she is different, tell me she would not do something like that. She was OK taking your kids and moving out of state how many hours away from you???? Yeah that is something someone who is concerned about your rights in what way???

Just think about it. Like I said, plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Maybe I need to refrain what I mean when I'm referring to her. I just mean she is a good mother to my children and we get along better now (or before she left) than we did when we were married. Trust me my friend I in no way hold her on a pedestal or put her any higher than any other woman out there. And you are right most are only out for their own interests and could care less who they hurt or burden... Minus the select few out there for all you lades on this forum. I know there are some golden women out there that do take price in their lives and do the best they can so please don't think I'm woman bashing.

I have learned a valuable lesson through the divorce and it won't happen again. That's why I went and got the biggest SOB I could find and made sure I did it outside of the town the court will be held in. I don't want him going in there knowing her lawyer or being "old golfing buddies" outside of the court room. First thing I told him was I want someone who is mainly a litigator (which he is) and someone who's going to walk in there with me not trying to make friends and i want a court date set asap. I don't want any back and forth papers being sent and in don't want a mediation...I want him and I...her and her lawyer and a judge! When we went through our initial meeting where he went over my rights and we got acquainted with each other and he told me the angle we could go with and he was on the same page as me with walking straight into a court room I had no problem handing him the $4500 retainer.

I'm just ready to go and get it done with. But trust me I've learned my lesson and won't make the same mistake again. She took my kids away from me with not remorse so I have no remorse in what I'm having to do about it. Needless to say we prob wont be on good terms when we leave that court room but trust me my feelings either way will be much better knowing I did the only thing I could aside from kidnapping my kids and they will know I did it for them...always! I didn't let them go without a fight.

M

**Lunk1** · 03-03-2013, 11:45 PM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

Maybe I need to refrain what I mean when I'm referring to her. I just mean she is a good mother to my children and we get along better now (or before she left) than we did when we were married. Trust me my friend I in no way hold her on a pedestal or put her any higher than any other woman out there. And you are right most are only out for their own interests and could care less who they hurt or burden... Minus the select few out there for all you lades on this forum. I know there are some golden women out there that do take price in their lives and do the best they can so please don't think I'm woman bashing.

I have learned a valuable lesson through the divorce and it won't happen again. That's why I went and got the biggest SOB I could find and made sure I did it outside of the town the court will be held in. I don't want him going in there knowing her lawyer or being "old golfing buddies" outside of the court room. First thing I told him was I want someone who is mainly a litigator (which he is) and someone who's going to walk in there with me not trying to make friends and i want a court date set asap. I don't want any back and forth papers being sent and in don't want a mediation...I want him and I...her and her lawyer and a judge! When we went through our initial meeting where he went over my rights and we got acquainted with each other and he told me the angle we could go with and he was on the same page as me with walking straight into a court room I had no problem handing him the $4500 retainer.

I'm just ready to go and get it done with. But trust me I've learned my lesson and won't make the same mistake again. She took my kids away from me with not remorse so I have no remorse in what I'm having to do about it. Needless to say we prob wont be on good terms when we leave that court room but trust me my feelings either way will be much better knowing I did the only thing I could aside from kidnapping my kids and they will know I did it for them...always! I didn't let them go without a fight.

M

You do realize that currently you have as much legal right to them as she does? With no court order there is nothing saying you have to give them back from visitation or that stops you from taking them! I am not advocating this...just stating fact!

**ElectraMaddox** · 03-03-2013, 11:52 PM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

Thanks for the kind words brother and believe I'm taking it all in. Ill keep ya posted on the progress.

To be quite frank, I think you're handling this in the proper manner. I myself went through this as a kid, granted I was older than your daughter by a few years and the circumstances in which my father was given custody of me weren't the greatest conditions. Just consider that not everything may pan out as expected. My dad was awarded custody of me but not my siblings... So anything can really happen.

The court system looks at it as what is best for each one of the children. I also remember that each one of us had child lawyers that represented us in court b.c. We were all too young to be present. They would make us have meetings with them to tell them about our lives, our relationships with our mom and dad and who we wanted to live with. They did this for all four of us and we were 15, 13, 10 and 8 years old.

I hope the best for you and that it works out.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-04-2013, 12:09 AM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

You do realize that currently you have as much legal right to them as she does? With no court order there is nothing saying you have to give them back from visitation or that stops you from taking them! I am not advocating this...just stating fact!

My divorce papers state that it is my responsibility to pick up and take back the kids sighing certain times and that's kind of what I was going by. Ill have to look into what your talking about though but I wouldn't want to rock the boat as far as the court is concerned. Plus I won't see the. Until after anyway so we will know for sure but then.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-04-2013, 12:24 AM

Originally Posted by ElectraMaddox

To be quite frank, I think you're handling this in the proper manner. I myself went through this as a kid, granted I was older than your daughter by a few years and the circumstances in which my father was given custody of me weren't the greatest conditions. Just consider that not everything may pan out as expected. My dad was awarded custody of me but not my siblings... So anything can really happen.

The court system looks at it as what is best for each one of the children. I also remember that each one of us had child lawyers that represented us in court b.c. We were all too young to be present. They would make us have meetings with them to tell them about our lives, our relationships with our mom and dad and who we wanted to live with. They did this for all four of us and we were 15, 13, 10 and 8 years old.

I hope the best for you and that it works out.

Yeah it's def a sucky situation. I def got shafted in the divorce trying to be accommodating and being the nice guy which I won't be this time.

I also went through a divorce with my parents when I was very young. I want to say 2 or 3 and it is still know as the biggest custody court case in the county but that was back when it was like pulling teeth to take children from their mothers.

I know what you mean by the decision being based on "best interest of the children" that was based on a court case that actually took place in Atlanta called bodne vs bodne I believe is how its spelt. Anyway that court case changed the court systems views on "well the mother is the mother and therefore she should be the main are taker". It changed the parameters of the court systems views all together. All though there is still a sway in the women's favor it did give a little more lead way for the father because now the court system has to obey the law so to speak when it comes to these decisions and not take prejudice over one or the other because of gender or "the old way"... It's what lifestyle best suits the children's needs of the children.

I would never split them up though. I have been told my daughter is old enough at even 8 to come into the court room and say who she wants to live with and that would weigh heavily in my favor but it wouldn't work with my son because he's only 5. They still do child lawyers though. I was advised of that if I wanted to go that route. They are more of psychiatrists now days though I believe and document kids activities and question them kind of like you said but we divided against it for the time being. We will see how court goes first. This is the prelim so it will just be a temp thing this to around.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-04-2013, 12:32 AM

With all do respect to women that is

.

**Jaxon0408** · 03-04-2013, 12:38 AM

By the way sorry for all these out of context words. My auto correct is killing me.

**lovbyts** · 03-04-2013, 03:50 AM

good to hear you are looking at things logically and protecting yourself now. Still be prepared for anything including accusations of mental and physical abuse and even the hinting at you molesting the kids or out right accusations if things do not go her way. Dont think it cant happen. It happens in well over 50% of custody cases. I have seen it more times than not and been through it myself. Luckily I was prepared and she and her mother came close to going to jail.

Think about it, all these accusations that come up during divorce proceedings, if they were true dont you think they would have been the 1st thing to come up instead of mid divorce? The court doesn't care when it comes up but once it does it is a game changed and 9 our of 10x the man folds and is forced to settle for a lot less than he would have including custody and limited visitation.

No one really expects it to happen and are caught off guard so just watch your back.
I also agree, not ALL women are like this. I'm not bashing anyone only saying be prepared.

**Lunk1** · 03-04-2013, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by Jaxon0408

My divorce papers state that it is my responsibility to pick up and take back the kids sighing certain times and that's kind of what I was going by. Ill have to look into what your talking about though but I wouldn't want to rock the boat as far as the court is concerned. Plus I won't see the. Until after anyway so we will know for sure but then.

Scratch what I said then...that is court ordered custody, therefor you should not do as I mentioned prior

**cherrydrpepper** · 03-04-2013, 09:06 AM

No kids no marriage so I have no context to relate with but just wanted to lend my support. I can totally relate with the movie thing. I have seen Man On Fire probably 50 times usually while drinking.