Talk about shitty news.

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-29-2003, 10:26 AM

Well, I just had an eye opening phone call. I'm here at work and decided to call my wife at home to just say hi like I always do around lunch time. Well she's all quiet and I figured she must have taken her meds (long story, she suffers from manic depression among other mental issues) when she hits me with the " I'm not sure if we belong together anymore." Where the hell did that come from? I know we've been having our problems and bicker now and than, but no more than any other normal couple. She tells me that since my daughter was born (about 2 years ago) she's felt this gap growing between us and that now it feels like we're just friends instead of a couple in love. She agrees that things change once kids are brought into the picture but she just doesn't feel the same as she did when we first married. I don't even know what to say. I want her to be happy and if her leaving will make her happy than so be it. I just don't want to lose my kids. With all the mental problems she has I'd be terrified if she took the kids. We're hopefully gonna talk about this when she gets home tonight from work....she says that she just needs to figure out what she wants. Just when I think things are looking up, she gets a new job, i get a helluva raise, finally get a vehicle woth enopugh room for the kids and us. Now this bombshell dropped in my lap. I'm not sure why I'm even typing this, maybe the shock of my (almost) 5 year marriage going down the drain and the possibility of not seeing my kids everytime I wake up is scaring the hell out of me and I'm not the type to scare very easily. Please don't come on here telling me to "just leave the bitch or whatever" I mean come on guys I still love her and she is my wife and the mother of my two kids. Just needed to talk to someone about this..............

**Special "K"** · 05-29-2003, 10:39 AM

Hey Man...

I feel for you. I was married to someone bipolar. Although I had no children, I lost my marriage. Even though I knew it was for the best that we split, I was still devastated for 7 months.

The best thing I can offer is that if things end for you, and even if the pain you experience is unbearable for a long time...things will inevitably get better. You may also find that your life becomes better than you thought imaginable. You will recover, you will find love again, you will maintain the relationship with your kids, you will do anything you care to do. Life hands you a shit sandwich every now and then, and twists your arm and says "Start eating, motherfucker". But after that shit sandwich is gone...the taste of shit disappears and you go on. Life does go on.

Good luck tonight. Be strong. Accept what happens no matter what it is, and when you are ready, move on. Give yourself time to grieve, but never lose your self-respect.

spesh

**stryker** · 05-29-2003, 10:44 AM

maybe yall can agree on going to a marriage therapist.
It has worked wonders for people that i know of.

**painintheazz** · 05-29-2003, 10:54 AM

I am sorry to hear this. I really can't offer any advice because well I have not been in your situation and I don't know what I would do. So I will just say I am sorry to hear this news and I hope everything works out for the best.

Pain

**Screenz** · 05-29-2003, 11:06 AM

Hope everything turn out for the good bro

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-29-2003, 11:12 AM

Thanks guys, I'm ready to accept what happens. I understand that what she decides is out of my control. I have talked to her before about counciling but she refuses, saying that she doesn't need anyone telling her how to live or think or feel. If she wants to go she can go, I'm more devastated at the thought of not having my kids with me everyday.

**Madmax** · 05-29-2003, 12:03 PM

bro, im sorry to hear that but even if she did leave you and try and take the kids, if you took her to court you could probobally get full custody, since she has ssome issues with mental problems, it sucks when the person you love doesnt want to be with you, good luck bro...Madmax

**partyboynyc** · 05-29-2003, 12:05 PM

post pardum depression in high in alot of mothers who recently give birth.that and her current condition may just be too much for her to handle right now.i would bring it up to her doctor and make him/her speak w/ her about what is quite normal in new mothers.i think it's very worth it IMO

**halifaxsteve** · 05-29-2003, 12:18 PM

sorry to hear abour that bro, but i agree with partyboynyc, and madmax has an excellent point...

However, regardless of how this situation works out, i live by the idea that things happen for a reason. As f'ed up as this idea seems now, and i know its not apparent...but trust me...

keep your head up!
steve

**superjew** · 05-29-2003, 12:21 PM

That is horrible news, I'm so sorry bro! All I can say is that if you truly want this woman as your wife, than don't give up! Make a promise to yourself right now that you will give it your absolute all to keep this marriage together. As for the children, the courts are so in favor of women on this issue. Though it sounds as though her mental history might move things in your favor. Let's all hope and pray that it doesn't come to that point though. Good luck Tex! I don't have any idea if you're a christian, but you're in my prayers.

**956Vette** · 05-29-2003, 12:35 PM

Looks like you have your priorities in order. Keep your head up, and i wish you the best tonight. I also have heard of what partyboy said-look into that.

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-29-2003, 01:04 PM

Partyboy and Vette, she's been diagnosed with depression and the Post Partum too. She's already seeking counciling and being medicated for all of it. It's been getting better, that's why this is hitting as such a surprise. I have been giving this marriage my all. She's not an easy woman to get along with and have had to swallow my pride on several occasions as so has she. But for the past year it seemed to be getting so much better and we've been so open with each other and talking that I didn't even see this coming. All I can say is what happens, happens and life goes on. I will fight tooth and nail to make this work though. I've never given up on anything in my life and I'm not about to start now.

**ripsid** · 05-29-2003, 01:22 PM

Bro! I was in some similar shoes... my ex was bi-polar and we have 2 kids together. Especially after pregnancy dude it's multiplied by 5! The post partum + bi-polar = many many many troubling issues! unfortunately!
1st you should take into account your feelings for her man, if you love her don't let this go! You guys should talk to a pro bro. You haven't lost your kids man, and if it comes down to it (and I know you hate to say or do this) BUT you can play the "Mentally Unstable" card.
When someone Bi-Polar goes BI-POLAR it's a sad "what could we have done to stop it" moment! I have more but I have a meeting. Good luck brother!

**sp9** · 05-29-2003, 01:29 PM

Sorry to hear that info. I hope it can be resolved by having her talk to some professional help. If she has been diagnosed and medicated for all of this stuff maybe it is time to have that medication re-analyzed, re-dosed, switched, or something.

Keep trying to make it work. She knows she has those issues and she has to know that it has something to do with her feelings and that she should not be making any quick judgements. I hope it turns out the way you want!

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-29-2003, 01:29 PM

ripsid, Thanks bro. I remember you telling me about some of that. I know I have that trump card to play on if need be. I don't want to let her go, but I'm tired of holding on and dealing with her problems. I know it sounds sad, but if that's her choice, then so be it. I do hope and pray that we can work this out but if it happens... I feel now that I may be ready for it.

**ripsid** · 05-29-2003, 01:46 PM

bro trust me I know the feeling...
> walking in the house and not knowing what she's like!
Walking on egg shells.
> one minute she's so nice and your like wow that's the woman I know...
2 seconds later she's a raving lunatic with a F'n attitude and nastyness, but! you can't do anything because the kids will think your the asshole!
...
You know bro I can go on and on and on! It's one of the most difficult things in this life is people that have mental issues! and it's painfull too because you kids with her and you don't want your kids to think ill towards there mother because of how she is when she's manic...
Nothing makes you sadder then when your kids asks why is mommy doing this or doing that....
Stay strong bro! It'll all work out no matter what it is... I got your back bro!
SID

chinups · 05-29-2003, 01:51 PM

Sorry to hear that TEX. Just keep an open mind and have a nice sit down. Best

Chins

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-29-2003, 01:52 PM

I understand perfectly about the eggshells. ripsid I appreciate it, what you're saying is exactly how I feel. As this plays out I may drop ya a line from time to time if you don't mind.

**majorpecs** · 05-29-2003, 02:17 PM

Yo BigTexan..if you need a buddy to drink with...come on down and we'll go to the bar and order some ice waters!! Seriously dude...call me anytime..you have my numbers!!

**ripsid** · 05-29-2003, 02:28 PM

Big T...anytime! No shit! Like I said I got your back bro!

**OGPackin** · 05-29-2003, 02:54 PM

Hey BT, im really sorry to hear about whats going on! I feel ur pain bro! I went through something similar with my x wife. She had some issues she needed to deal with but didnt want to. It made things really difficult to say the least. I think going to see a therapist is a good idea. Explain to her ur not going there for someone to tell her how to live or act. Ur only going to have an outsider listen to whats going on and have them give their advice on how to make things better. But in the end she has to want to do it. If she doesnt theres really no way around the inevitable sorry to say. My x wife wasnt ready or able to admit she had some issues and it just went down hill from there. My big mistake was i didnt try hard enough. I could have done more to try and keep us together. But u know what, im pretty sure the out come would have been the same. Hang in there bro!! And if u need someone to vent on hit me up. Good luck!!

OG

***BIG TEXAN*** · 05-30-2003, 10:10 AM

Thanks, ripsid, OG, and major. You guys are truely good bro's. If this doesn't work out I will definetly be heading your way Major for those ice waters.

**big N** · 05-30-2003, 07:34 PM

hey BIG TEX bro ,i really dont know what to say man ,fuck this really fuckin blows and im sorry man,i hope she can overcome all these problems ,so u can see ur precious angels when u wake up ,good luck bro .

**BigGreen** · 05-30-2003, 08:04 PM

Damn....i clicked on this thread expecting to see an "ephedra's being banned, what shit is that?" or, worst case scenario, "I'm a credit short of graduating!" Of course, that's the shit that qualifies as bad news in my (immature) life. So many of you on this board have lived so much more of life than I have, some having to do with age, other things not having a thing to do with how long we've been here. This is certainly one of these instances that puts my problems in perspective and makes me wonder how i have the balls to bitch to my girlfriend about the fact that I don't like the idea of entering the "real world" this fall and how it might interfere with my movie watching, reading, video game playing and workout schedule.

If I have anything to offer, it is that I know on some level what you are going through (insofar as that's even possible). As some of you may remember from the "10 Things About You" thread, my father is dead, but when I meet new people, rather than explain a long complicated story, I tell them my mom is dead as well. The reason for that is more or less the same as what you're describing. My father worked harder than anyone I've ever known (and likely ever will know) to make sure that me, my brother, my sister and my mom would never have to worry about money, school, etc, etc. While he was doing all this, my mom had the gaul to claim her life was boring and she was depressed with the "normalness" of life. Long story short, she dropped that same bomb on him.

My dad worked just as hard as he had as a provider to somehow help her through this...even when she said it was over, he insisted on helping her out just so she would be stable. A court awarded full custody to my father and also determined that my mother wasn't owed a single cent in alimony...yet, till the day he died, he paid for my mom's mortgage, food and various other expenses. I never understood that and long considered it his one weakness...to which he replied that I'd understand some day.

Admittedly, I do not yet understand. What I DO understand, though, as a result of that experience, is that your not wanting to give up on this is not only a sign of your character (as I've come to see it was in my father) but an admirable act independent of your character altogether. After seeing what such a situation did to the strongest man I've ever known, all i can do is wish you the best of luck, as, sadly, you're gonna need it.

While I don't have anywhere near the world experience of yourself, if you ever need to bounce some shit off a know-nothing "kid" who, while he might not have the world experience, does his best to to be a good conversationist, just let me know.

**Farm boy** · 05-30-2003, 08:34 PM

Bro my heart goes out to you. if you need somebody to vent on, pm, or email me. if that does not work, email me, i 'll give you my number and you can call me and really vent. sometimes talking to a stranger is one of the best ways to get it all out. i hope and pray that everything goes your way.

***BIG TEXAN*** · 06-02-2003, 09:15 AM

Guy's............ reading all these posts.... all I can say is, I'm touched. Yet we talk almost everyday on here, we still remain strangers in the sense of the word, yet you all still reach out to help offering what you can. BG, you claim to be an unexperienced kid but your words say otherwise my friend. I am in agreeance with your father in that one day you will understand his ways. Love is a funny thing and makes you do things that seem unclear to all others. I never knew my father and have many friends that grew up in broken homes and I decided long ago to never give up on the family I help create. As for this showing some of my character I believe it just shows what I truley am, a STUBBORN man. I refuse to believe one can just give up and walk away from something it took just 5 years to create. If it does come down to it, so be it, and I will live on. Thank you all for your support and understanding. If one day I may return the favor to you all, please don't hesitate or ask, just give me a call. As for my situation, she refuses to talk about it and when I ask her what she plans on doing or what she wants, or if she even loves me anymore she simply replies " I'm still here, and I'm still with you." So I hope this means something good. I'm trying to make a bit more "us" time for her and I to just talk, but as any of you know with 2 young ones this is proving quite difficult.

I hope this is working and it's not her just pretending everything is better as I feel that is what she's doing. I am currently looking for local counseling that I can get her into to see, as a couple and for her alone. Again thank you all, all of you are truely good people and I absolutely understand why this place is so great. Thank you.

**homeboy** · 06-02-2003, 09:42 AM

hey bro sorry to hear. like they said see a marrige therapist.talk about it go away together for the weekend.it's hard when there is kids involved.you really need to sit and talk to her don,t give up bro stay strong

**flexgolf** · 06-02-2003, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by BIG TEXAN
Thanks guys, I'm ready to accept what happens. I understand that what she decides is out of my control. I have talked to her before about counciling but she refuses, saying that she doesn't need anyone telling her how to live or think or feel. If she wants to go she can go, I'm more devastated at the thought of not having my kids with me everyday.

i feel for ya bro. only experience of loss ive suffered in my life was when i lost a girlfriend when i was 17......and i was devistated for a long time. i cant begin to imagine what what ur goin through.

a good possiblity may be to seek counciling without your wife with you. to get a different perspective on the situation for a professional who has definitely seen a scenario like this more than once. maybe he or she could give you advice and insite on ways to improve your marriage...bring some stability or simply ways smooth the waters for the time being. seek a woman therapist if possible...a lady would have a better view of the situation IMO.

best of luck...im here for ya big T

flex

**ripsid** · 06-02-2003, 11:49 AM

Big T, hey brother...
I totally understand the predicament you're in! My finacee and myself have been together over 3 years, we both have kids I have 2 and she has 1. We have gone out, by our selves now, over the 3 years including the night I asked her to marry me and our 1st date...no more than 8 times. Finding someone to watch the kids is impossible! my family's no help and hers rarely can either. The stress we get is unreal! No real time for intimacy or romance! It sucks!
Stay strong bro! Take it one day at a time and remind her of your feelings.
I'd watch your kids for you guys, but I'm up north here and drop off and pickup times could be alittle taxing for the both of us!

SID!

***BIG TEXAN*** · 06-02-2003, 12:09 PM

Thanks ripsid. My mom lives just a few houses down from us and has been our daycare so far. We used to set aside one night a week for just us but that was tossed aside a few months before my son was born. We're trying to start that up again and see how it goes.

**ripsid** · 06-02-2003, 01:32 PM

The more Together time for you guys the better. Maybe she just needs to be spoiled for a time, just so she knows? Just a rose here or there and all that happy pap!... I'm just guessing bro, I've been thinking about your situation, you're a good bro hate to think you're gettin all f'd up over all this, but you know women they're harder that chinese arithmatic!