Marriage counseling

**capetown** · 12-30-2013, 02:28 PM

Have any of you ever gone? Im pretty much at the point where I go with my wife or I leave. We cant agree on something as simple as what bread to pick up. She has been telling me for the last 2 years that i have lost my " get up and go" i admit i just feel nothing inside. But i do love her and the kids. I just dont have any energy.

**capetown** · 12-30-2013, 02:35 PM

She wants counseling do bad. Here is the kicker. She came to me and told me that she has been texting another guy. She said it was the only way that she could shoot the shit about her day and had someone to listen and be interested. She came to me because she says guilt finally took over and pleaded with me to go for help. I know how i have been but just cant get the fact of my wife texting someone else out of my head and i have a weight sitting on my chest. Am i being selfish for ignoring her pleads with me and just focusing on stupid texts? I have an awesome life and 2 great kids but feel 100 percent alone

**Lunk1** · 12-30-2013, 02:44 PM

Hey buddy. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Hopefully I can lend some assistance. First address the texting issue that is obviously causing you distress. Why do you think she told you this? What message is she trying to convey to you? Obviously it's attempt to get your attention and a plea for change. If she wanted to turn it into something more...she would not have mentioned it.

As for the counseling. It can be very beneficial if both parties go in with a positive attitude. The first and most important question you both have to answer is...do you still love each other and WANT to be together. The answer requires some soul searching and honesty.
If the answer is yes then find a counselor with high recommendations and I suggest a PhD.

If you want to pursue this further, I would be happy to help. Feel free to PM if your prefer.

**Hazard** · 12-30-2013, 02:46 PM

Man..... I feel for you. Here's my thoughts..... Take em or leave em.

She admitted to only texting...... Now if I was in her shoes and felt guilty - I probably would still stfu and not say anything. However..... She coulda have met with this guy and she's just lifting some weight off by partially telling you something. This may or may not be the case but either way she went behind your back.

Marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse. You're in a funk and I'm sure it's taxing on her but she fvcking signed up for it too. How would she feel if she wasn't putting out so u went and saw a hooker. You're sexual needs were being filled so u went to a place where you'd have no emotional involvement.

Her emotional needs weren't being filled so she went to another guy to get that fulfillment. It's bullshit if u ask me.

Counseling sounds like a great start if you want to make it work.

**DAAS** · 12-30-2013, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by capetown

She wants counseling do bad. Here is the kicker. She came to me and told me that she has been texting another guy. She said it was the only way that she could shoot the shit about her day and had someone to listen and be interested. She came to me because she says guilt finally took over and pleaded with me to go for help. I know how i have been but just cant get the fact of my wife texting someone else out of my head and i have a weight sitting on my chest. Am i being selfish for ignoring her pleads with me and just focusing on stupid texts? I have an awesome life and 2 great kids but feel 100 percent alone

Its typical to admit to something with smaller consequences to get relief from guilt. My guess would be it was probably more. A woman can lie straight to your face with dead eye contact and you'll never know. Do you want to go just because you now know there is someone else and that causes a fire in you? I've always been one to put every last drop of effort into saving things. that isn't always the best idea. But id go to consoling with her. If she told you at least that much, then you know she cares about you, even if she is cheating. Id say priority number one is to find out why you feel nothing inside. Is it her? or something in your life that is affecting her. Step one, buy her some flowers and just let her know something simple. Also figure out who the guy is.

**GirlyGymRat** · 12-30-2013, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by capetown

Have any of you ever gone? Im pretty much at the point where I go with my wife or I leave. We cant agree on something as simple as what bread to pick up. She has been telling me for the last 2 years that i have lost my " get up and go" i admit i just feel nothing inside. But i do love her and the kids. I just dont have any energy.

Have u had any BW done? U sound like those low t commercials. I think low t can cause some of these feelings you are having.

**DAAS** · 12-30-2013, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat

Have u had any BW done? U sound like those low t commercials. I think low t can cause some of these feelings you are having.

that was actually one of my first thoughts.

**diesel101** · 12-30-2013, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat

Have u had any BW done? U sound like those low t commercials. I think low t can cause some of these feelings you are having.

Very true GGR, I had the same issue when I found out My thyroid had quit working and had low T.
OP it made a huge difference in my life when I got everything straightened out.