How to tell the point when your being used

**gixxerboy1** · 01-11-2014, 03:24 AM

I have a good friend thats always asking for help. I try to help people and especially friends if i can. I have had friends help me allot when i needed it. But i really feel this person is pushing it. IMO they are irresponsible and thats part of the reason they need help allot. I'm getting tired of it, and when i say something about it i gat a guilt trip. IDK i dont want to be stupid and be used but i dont not help someone when i really know they do need it. This person has been stressing me out allot lately.

**DCI** · 01-11-2014, 04:50 AM

If you are helping them out a lit and mutual friends aren 't there has to be a reason for this. I have been caught a few times by friends when helping them out financially etc and when i mentioned it to others it turns out.

They did the same thing to them previous and refuse to help anymore everyone has a limit to how much you can take to help out etc and that is up to yourself where you want to draw that line

**marcus300** · 01-11-2014, 04:53 AM

If helping them causes you stress or discomfort then its time to sit him down and talk to him and tell him how this is effecting you. Its a two way street so try and talk to him but wrap the negative around 5 positives which will make you feel better but most of all you wont lose the friendship

**gixxerboy1** · 01-11-2014, 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by DCI

If you are helping them out a lit and mutual friends aren 't there has to be a reason for this. I have been caught a few times by friends when helping them out financially etc and when i mentioned it to others it turns out.

They did the same thing to them previous and refuse to help anymore everyone has a limit to how much you can take to help out etc and that is up to yourself where you want to draw that line

The person in kinda new to the area , year and a half. They have no family. I woukd say im their only good friend, rest are social friends.

Btw its a female. So i think thats why i feel worse about leaving thrm helpless.

Marcus, thanks that is good advise.

**Oki-Des** · 01-11-2014, 07:16 AM

I am a successful inventor. But, because of it you have no idea how many people where I live approach me for help on their ideas. You have to find a way to force your friend to do some work themselves. If you push them towards reading the forum for example, when they ask you a question you can say I know that information is there. And, if they care enough about what they are asking about they should be willing to do the research and work to figure it out. At some point you have to start calling them out on their failures. If they want to get bigger and you have given them a few pointers but it didn't work you have to tell them that they did not listen to the last advice you gave. Tell them that you giving them answers is not going to do a darn thing if they don't have the ability to listen and follow through. The more effort they put into learning the more effort they will put into following through. It is a tough lesson I have learned and can certainly understand your frustration. This has worked for me and I hope you find a way to get it to work for you as well. Good luck.

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

I have a good friend thats always asking for help. I try to help people and especially friends if i can. I have had friends help me allot when i needed it. But i really feel this person is pushing it. IMO they are irresponsible and thats part of the reason they need help allot. I'm getting tired of it, and when i say something about it i gat a guilt trip. IDK i dont want to be stupid and be used but i dont not help someone when i really know they do need it. This person has been stressing me out allot lately.

**austinite** · 01-11-2014, 07:27 AM

Helping how? Financially? It's been a long while since I had any friends that needed financial help, but when I did, I helped once or twice tops. After that, I had no problem saying "Sorry, you know I don't mind, I've helped you before, but I just don't have it to spare right now".

What's funny is that the only person that's ever burned me and never paid back was my brother! lol. He must not know me very well because I would have refused the money back, but the intention to pay back would have been nice.

**Igifuno** · 01-11-2014, 07:29 AM

I have a couple friends like that, and to be honest one of them is barely a friend anymore because I simply don't talk to him. The other I still talk to you often but I will not help them anymore.

Same as you described, they're irresponsible and would often get themselves in a bind, and I hate to tell them no but there just comes a point where you have to ask yourself do you really need help or do you need to stay home on Saturday night?

Same with gear, they would always ask me to get stuff for them and I would but then they wouldn't have the money to pay me for it. So I would spot them and then it would take forever for them to pay up. That does not happen anymore because I don't do it.

I have always been the first one in line to help a friend that really needs it, I love my friends and want to see them succeed, but if you're being used your being used, and Gixx, you got a good head on your shoulders trust your intuition.

**Brett N** · 01-11-2014, 08:19 AM

Pretty simple, if you are asking this question here, you already think you are being used to a degree. I'd say something to her to let her know she can't rely on you so much. She needs to stand ion her own and quit leaning on you for so much help.

**pitweiler** · 01-11-2014, 09:30 AM

Depending how well I know this person, depends how much I lend them. If I lend anyone money and they don't pay me back. That's pretty much the last time they'll get any money from me

**kelkel** · 01-11-2014, 12:53 PM

It will never stop if you keep enabling them. Like Marcus said, time to talk.

**GirlyGymRat** · 01-11-2014, 02:16 PM

Seeing that it's a female, she may realize your kindness as your weakness. I have watched other gals use men, especially the 'good' guys who fall for the damsel in distress. Beware. If your feeling used you probably are.

I have helped a person alot financially until it got to a point when I realized it became expected that I would be making such contributions. Meanwhile I am conserving my money and they are going to professional sporting events while i am watching on TV. Facebook helped me discover just how generous I had become. I had to cut it off. They would always mention how they needed cash for essentials and I would offer and then I realized I had been played.

Ppl use each other but if only one way, then u are likely being used.

**satisfaction1822** · 01-11-2014, 03:42 PM

Just got out of a situation like that. A bud lived on my coach for 2 months. I got to see what he was homeless. He worked 3 nights a week As a bouncer and got paid enough to sustain him, but instead he wasted money on stupid shot like getting his beard trimmed and buying stupid cloths so I finally said he had to go. We are still friends but I refuse to hang out with him until he gets his shit together. (He's currently living on someone else's coach)

**Oki-Des** · 01-11-2014, 03:49 PM

When you help someone like that they will remember it the next time they need help! Ha ha.

**thegodfather** · 01-11-2014, 06:45 PM

I hope its not a stripper broad Gixx....

Anyway, I know chicks like this, they all fit into a pretty predictable profile. They are SUPER needy, minor incidences are ALWAYS the end of the freakin world, and they are usually surrounded by a plethora of drama. Usually they're in tumultuous relationships with guys. They probably can often be heard saying things like "Oh my god, I'm so sick of all this drama.", or "I always get crapped on for trying to help people.", or "My problem is that I'm too nice.".... Essentially, they are always 'too nice to people,' they are NEVER the cause of the drama(not), and they are always the VICTIM.

If the chick fits most of that aforementioned description, no amount of help in the world will 'help' this chick. In my estimation, these chicks are like a poisoned well, nothing more for you to do except to go find your water somewhere else. Seldom have I ever seen chicks like this change.

**DCI** · 01-11-2014, 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

The person in kinda new to the area , year and a half. They have no family. I woukd say im their only good friend, rest are social friends.

Btw its a female. So i think thats why i feel worse about leaving thrm helpless.

Marcus, thanks that is good advise.

You are like me. Can be too kind if even that is a bad thing. Sometimes you have to have chat as marcus said to make things clearer etc.

I'd be of the same opinion as the rest of the posters just take a step back and if you feel you are being used you probably are