relationship problem, advice welcome.

[hawk14dl]

So here's the cliffs, I'm 28, gf is 25. I have a daughter. Me and the gf been together 2 years+ and live together.

She's always treated my daughter like she was hers. Wanted to be a mother to her. Understood that being a patent meant you didn't get to party all the time or go out. We went out pretty often on the weekends because my mother would watch the kid.

My mom passed away in November. It was kind of unexpected. Our go-to sitter is now gone. So we don't go out as much, still at least every other weekend and sometimes we get a break and get to go out more.

Lately, she's been wanting to go out with friends. Alot. one night she came home at 2 (week night) another night she got so drunk couldn't drive passed out in her car. We had a talk and I told her that would not happen again, we would be over. She understood. I told her I didn't mind her going out with friends, but week nights couldn't happen (I wake up too early for that) and she simply couldn't get that drunk. She understood.

So after all that, she goes or on Sunday to do Valentines shopping. Just so happens to run into a friend from college (right) and says she's going to have a couple of beers. I say that's fine just don't stay to late, and she didn't. Then yesterday she says Hey so and so wants to have some drinks after work, and I blew my mind.

So, am I being too smothering? My thought is, she knew what she was getting into stepping intothe role of a parent. And if she can't handle the fact that parents can not just go out any time they want, she needs to leave.

Fwiw, I haven't had a night out with the guys in over a year.

Need some help guys. I don't want to feel like I'm asking too much but damn on the same hand I gotta do what's right for my daughter first and foremost

[Lunk1]

Is the childs mother involved at all (visitation)? She is 25 and not ready to be a full time mom, especially to a child that isn't hers. She is bored and seeking excitement. You have 2 choices. Feed her need or find someone more compatible to your situation.

[Hazard]

Holy shit..... You're living my life. Ill be 30 in may - my daughter is two. I've been with my gf for two years and she treats my daughter like her own. I'm not kidding...... She has taken on the mother role 110%

We both really don't want to be out without the other. I work 6 days a week and when we get the chance to go out - we go together. There shouldn't be a problem with that if you're really in love.

That's not to say we CAN'T have guys and girls nights but we just rather spend the time with each other.

It's hard enough being a parent..... The last thing I'd want to worry about is if my gf was out getting drunk to the point she passes out while I'm home sleeping.

Being a parent doesn't mean the fun has to stop but it means the child comes first. No exceptions. You being her biological father means she's with you all the time...... Regardless of what any chick wants to do. She can decide to leave anyway but you still have a child to take care of and put before yourself. If she's serious about wanting to be with you - she'd cut the shit with the weekday drinking and the over drinking.

Just my .02

[Hazard]

Is the childs mother involved at all (visitation)? She is 25 and not ready to be a full time mom, especially to a child that isn't hers. She is bored and seeking excitement. You have 2 choices. Feed her need or find someone more compatible to your situation.

Lmao spot on

[redz]

You are doing a ton wrong here ultimatums don't work. She is not and never will be a mother to your child that is a mistake for to put that on her. She is having trouble and dealing with it by drinking and you are pushing her to it even more.

[hawk14dl]

child's mother has every other Saturday visitation. Hence why WE at least get to go out every other weekend

[hawk14dl]

Redz I'm not the one that put that on her. She willingly accepted the role and even wanted it. I guess it's really add simple as, that's what she wanted then, but she doesn't want it anymore?

[JohnnnyBlazzze]

If you're having to tell her she can't be out late and you have to monitor her drinking then it's not worth it imo. Sooner or later she's going to get to the point of hiding it from you since it keeps causing issues.

Either deal with giving her a curfew and treating her like a kid or find a more mature woman. Question is, how good is "it" haha.

[Lunk1]

Please, for the love of god and everything holy, do not take relationship advice fro Redz LMAO!

Seriously, it sounds as if you need to have a long talk about priorities and the direction of your relationship. EO weekend is better than most anyone with a child and some without. If she can't respect your situation then she may need to re-evaluate her priorities and you yours.

[Hazard]

Please, for the love of god and everything holy, do not take relationship advice fro Redz LMAO!

Seriously, it sounds as if you need to have a long talk about priorities and the direction of your relationship. EO weekend is better than most anyone with a child and some without. If she can't respect your situation then she may need to re-evaluate her priorities and you yours.

^^^^ this

[diesel101]

You are doing a ton wrong here ultimatums don't work. She is not and never will be a mother to your child that is a mistake for to put that on her. She is having trouble and dealing with it by drinking and you are pushing her to it even more.

And now you are an expert on relationships?

[redz]

No but I can see that the op is trying to make someone his kids mom it just doesn't work that way.

[capetown]

Please, for the love of god and everything holy, do not take relationship advice fro Redz LMAO!

Seriously, it sounds as if you need to have a long talk about priorities and the direction of your relationship. EO weekend is better than most anyone with a child and some without. If she can't respect your situation then she may need to re-evaluate her priorities and you yours.

Baahaa. You got that right

[diesel101]

No but I can see that the op is trying to make someone his kids mom it just doesn't work that way.

And you are just trying to make every woman a mom! j/k

[DontTaseMeBro]

everybody and every relationship is different, but from my experience, I'm afraid that the wanting to go out drinking with friends until all hours of the night on a regular basis is serious reason for concern. Been in that situation from a number of perspectives and there was generally mischief in the making. This is especially true for someone that's 25 and probably still wants a little more out of life than quiet family life 24-7. Nobody can say for sure, but its best to monitor that situation closely. Best wishes.

[RaginCajun]

when she just up and out of the blue says i am going out with my friends, just say that you are finding a baby sitter and coming with her. judge her reaction and you will be able to tell what she is up to. as the others have said, sit her down and talk. you should be able to tell if she is in, or already on the way out

[redz]

For the record I have only came in 2 women over the last year and I was only trying to impregnate one of them.

[capetown]

Its nothing new man. It is common for woman in there early to mid 20s to be with someone a little older that appears to be more grown up than them and have responsibilities. They want that grown life. Once they are in it for awhile they start to miss the fact that they are 25 and dont have the single independence they should. Everytime this happened to one of my boys I would just tell them that they have no choice but to let her play this out and figure out where she wants to be. I have seen too many guys promise the world and shower with with gifts to keep them were they wanted them. Not once did it work out for the guy in the end.

[Igifuno]

For the record I have only came in 2 women over the last year and I was only trying to impregnate one of them.

Your relationship advice privileges are revoked redz!!

Op, some good insight in here. My .02 is that you cannot force anything. You shouldnt have to bring awareness to restrictions (implied or unimplied) in a healthy relationship. As alluded to above, if she wants to be home with you she will be, if she wants to go out to hang out with friends, she will. If you restrict her, resentment will be established.. I promise you this.

My best advice.. coming from a 37 year old who has been through ALOT with respect to relationships, let her do what she wants, however if it gets to the point where you're unhappy, it needs to end.

In all honesty though.. you gotta let em run around a little bit. Don't suffocate her. Long term relationship suicide bro...

best of luck to you.

[hawk14dl]

Ton of good advice guys. Thanks. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that's ever gone through it.

I'm gonna back off the slack. If she's on her way out she'll find her way out. There isn't a way around it. Who knows maybe she'll have her run at the night life and decide being home is better. Guess I'll just have to play it out and see.

[RaginCajun]

Also, plan a guys night out, sounds like you are over do

[hawk14dl]

I have seen too many guys promise the world and shower with with gifts to keep them were they wanted them. Not once did it work out for the guy in the end.

Probably the best bit of advice in here honestly

[JAB1]

You need to loose her, sounds like she is cheating. If not she still does not have her priorities straight, which should be the kid, thats what she signed up for. In my single days I slept with alot of taken girls, and the stories they used to get out sound mighty familiar to your post!!!

[DAAS]

As long as her friend from college isnt a dude, youre fine. but it is.

[austinite]

She's 25. What did you expect? Magic or a miracle?

[Gaspari1255]

Sounds like you have two daughters you have to babysit. My gut feeling has been right 100% of the time when it comes to women, shadiness, and cheating. Keep an eye on how protective she is with her cell phone. That will be one of the biggest indicators....

[Honkey_Kong]

It's time to dump that broad. It's obvious she wants to go out and party. She's young and that's what young people do. She's probably cheating on you too. Because you know how she gets when she drinks the wine.

All giving her an ultimatum will do is drive her away and she clearly doesn't want to be "Mom." Otherwise she wouldn't be going out partying all the time with her friends.

And just so you know, there are plenty of single mothers out there who are in the same boat as you. It might be worth looking in to.

[capetown]

Lots of good advice here man. Just do what your gut is telling you. Remember, she is probably trying to figure life out as well. At some point all young females in a serious relationship are going to go thru this. Some might right away, some will later. But they have to figure something out for themselves that is way above our little men minds. Lol. If you want here just let her run the course. I know you are going to hear most guys say right of the go that she is out cheating and dont trust her. Thats a guy response. She very well could be but she could also just be trying to figure out what she wants. Just sit back and be the cool one. She could just need to get this out of her system and then be back were you want her. Dont accuse her of anything that you arent sure of or she will be gone for sure.

[Gaspari1255]

What does she in terms of work? Is she in school? Does she have a solid career? I only ask this because from my experiences, the women who work as career bartenders, waitresses, cocktail servers, make up artists are generally the ones that go out all time time and party. Unfortunately, they are usually the ones who cannot remain faithful in a relationship and trust me - with those jobs and looks - they WILL find a sugar daddy. It just seems like women who don't have a good career or are not trying to pursue one are just waiting around for some rich guy to sweep them off their feet. I don't know how a woman can be in community college for 10 years yet only have 30 credits. Avoid those type of women like the plague, trust me...

[DSM4Life]

Have you tried choking her in the bedroom?

[hawk14dl]

Might be worth a try. Except I just started trt tonight. I'll have to wait a few weeks before I can get into that

[hawk14dl]

Bronze, I know the type your talking about. She actually just took a job as an emt, is in school going for her paramedic license.

When we met, she had a bachelors and an associates degree. And was in school about to finish another associates. Thats what got the attraction started, she had a plan and was going for it.

I told her to go out last night. She wanted to, so if she didn't she would have held it against me. She came home at a decent time, mostly sober. I didn't give her any grief at all, actually asked if she had fun and so on. Ib think she's still confused about that

[austinite]

Post pictures of her.

[DSM4Life]

Post pictures of her.

On top of you.

[Lunk1]

Does she want sex when she comes home drunk. If not then she is fkn around lol.

[RaginCajun]

Does she want sex when she comes home drunk. If not then she is fkn around lol.

I think she is anyways.

Just not sure if it is a chick or not yet

[Lunk1]

I think she is anyways.

Just not sure if it is a chick or not yet

In all seriousness, she isn't committed to the relationship. Nuff said!

[austinite]

nude pics. do it.

[diesel101]

nude pics. do it.

Revenge is a dish best served on the forum for all of us to see!

[Gaspari1255]

OP, Read the following blog: Knowing When to Break Up with a Girl | Girls Chase

It's lengthy but the author makes some amazing points. I just broke up with my ex about a month ago, and I can totally relate to it. I bet it will really open your eyes.