Relationship woes…

[tommy0677]

Here's my deal:

Me and the woman been together for quite sometime, 3 step kids (not mine). Well we've been separated for over a year but I'm always over. A couple months ago I go over to get some of my tools and bam!!! A guy comes out of our bedroom. I don't lose my sh!t because I'm with my goddaughter. Find out it's been going on for a bit and now she wants us to see if we can work us out.

I know it's not all on her, I'm not perfect by anymeans. One of her wh0re friends had her believing I was dating other girls. I'm a bit of a flirt, I've always been one, as it's easier to deal with some girls like that. To me it's nothing but after her friend starting the burn she started reading it wrong.

Sure I love this woman but I'm not sure if I should fix this or just cut out. I can see her point of view thinking I'm a dog, hindsight is 20/20 after all. I love the kids like they're my own.

Is it worth trying to fix???

No trolling bs please. Just some opinions from unbiased people.

[davidtheman100]

It really depends on intentions. You're making it sound like she did it out of the fact that she wanted to subliminally get back at you for POSSIBLY dating someone else... In which case she loves you very much and genuinely wants to work things out... So if your scared of the fact that she may not be loyal that should give you a little comfort?? (That would be my opinion, anyway) On the flip side... If it's been happening for a while and it has nothing to do with the fact that she wanted to get at someone before you did, you may be in the presence of someone who has EMOTIONALLY moved on.. Physical things keeping you together like the relationship with the kids and past memories/still being friends i think if it is closer to that situation i say get away while you can and be a little selfish because there is MUCH MORE you could be doing out there especially if you really aren't dating other women..

[tommy0677]

Thanks for the reply David.

We're supposed to go out and talk in a few days and see. I honestly thinks it's because she thought I wasn't faithful to her. I've never had a trust issue with her before. I'm just beat up emotionally over this. If I cut & move on I'm gonna take some Tommy time, gotta heal the heart. I'm not too old yet to start over.

[djgreen]

Iv been through a similer sitiuation and honestly looking back it would have been better to just break it off because now you will always be wondering if she is cheating and thats no way to live but thats just me i feel for you man an hope you get through it

[tommy0677]

Thanks djgreen. I'm thinking that too but on the flip side, how long was she thinking that about me?

[tommy0677]

I told her if this guy makes her happy that she should stay with him. I don't wanna force her to choose.

[djgreen]

something i have learned about woman most of them have no idea what they truly want out of life (most not all) the onley thing you can do is what is right for you is be selfish like david said. because she made an adult decision to do what she did and it wasn't her friends fault or anyone else's. also just think if you haven't walked in and found out how much longer would this have gone on?

[BG]

You cant make a decision until you know the other persons true feelings, then see how you feel after that. Right now your guessing. Short talks over a few weeks to feel each other out, both of you can think about each others intentions, then make a decision.

[Brett N]

For me, I am not a forgive and forget type person. I would most likely never trust her again and even if I thought I could I would still bring it up once in a while in a fight.

Whether she did it because of love or hate has nothing to do with how it affects you. You were separated, did that mean there was 0 commitment? Were you both free to date? What made her first relationship with the kids father end? Is this typical behavior?

Leopards can't change their spots even if they're really really sorry and aren't in love with their spots. Just the negative shorty way I look at things. I apologize if it's not what you want to hear

[jolter604]

Personally if I was younger and jumping my own fences, it would depend on how hot she was. Now I'm older to the curb......

[Buster Brown]

I told her if this guy makes her happy that she should stay with him. I don't wanna force her to choose.

If she was with soneone else it's because a need wasn't being meant. Your problems were pre existing and those are what you both need to decide if you want to put in the effort or not. It's not easy bro.......I am separated myself with three of my own.

[lovbyts]

Personally I dont believe in separation or at least on a trial type bases. Separation to me is nothing less than a formality in splitting up. I dont like the back and forth games. Once you have gotten to the point of separation then there is no going back, to me.

That being said I have known a couple of people who have had similar situations and been able to work thing out and many years later they are still good. I dont know that they are better for it like some would say. Maybe better than when they were at their low point but if the sh*t hadn't happened I think it would have been better.

You really need to do some soul searching and figure out what you and what she wants in life, in the future.

[Buster Brown]

Personally I dont believe in separation or at least on a trial type bases. Separation to me is nothing less than a formality in splitting up. I dont like the back and forth games. Once you have gotten to the point of separation then there is no going back, to me. That being said I have known a couple of people who have had similar situations and been able to work thing out and many years later they are still good. I dont know that they are better for it like some would say. Maybe better than when they were at their low point but if the sh*t hadn't happened I think it would have been better. You really need to do some soul searching and figure out what you and what she wants in life, in the future.

Well......I think when there are young children involved it's better to separate then have your children exposed to their parents fighting. Obviously if a couple has reached the point of separation then they didn't work on the areas of the relationship that needed work. Sometimes the symptoms of unhappiness go unaddressed to long.....and sometimes with a lot of hard work it can work. One thing is for sure ..... At some point you need to make yourself happy (You are your responsibility) and find what relationship is right for you.

[lovbyts]

[Buster Brown]

<img src="http://forums.steroid.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=157442"/>

Lmao........now that's poetry!

[tommy0677]

Lot of great opinions here, both positive & negative aspects, which is what I needed to know. We are starting to talk now and feeling it out.

We both make sure the kids are sheltered from the harshness but kids aren't stupid, I'm sure they know there's more to what we tell them.

Time will tell I suppose.

Thanks everyone 👍🏼

[lovbyts]

It's good you are able to keep the kids out of it or at least them not seeing the agreements. That's better than what most of us can do, not an easy task.

[Buster Brown]

Lot of great opinions here, both positive & negative aspects, which is what I needed to know. We are starting to talk now and feeling it out. We both make sure the kids are sheltered from the harshness but kids aren't stupid, I'm sure they know there's more to what we tell them. Time will tell I suppose. Thanks everyone

Smart to keep the children away.....regardless of what they may or may not think (and yes, they don't miss a beat) you are doing the right thing. We could roast this old chestnut forever but one things for certain everyone is an expert on everyone else's problems. She's an expert on your faults and vice versa. The only way to move forward is by talking and the both of you making changes if you love each other that much. All the best!

[SnaX]

As you said, time will tell. If the guy walking out of the bedroom never happened, where would you stand on things? What were the underlying issues beforehand that caused the separation? Are THOSE things addressed? Are they things you are willing to work on?

Now coming back around to what you saw. If it was happening for a while and you were kept in the dark, I'd say there is an issue with that, especially now that she wants to work things out. Whatever her actions may have been, out of loneliness, vindictiveness; whatever the case may be- She is responsible for her actions. Furthermore, being together for so long, regardless of what her 'friend' says, she should know by now that you have never been unfaithful. So as to whether or not you want to except her excuse/reasoning... it's your decision.

And a little Tommy time is ALWAYS a good thing! Don't rush into anything, take your time. Do not accept ANY ultimatums if she presents any.

And not to be insensitive, but if you do decide to work it out. Go together and get tested because, hey, you never know.

Keep us updated and stay strong brother!

[Armykid93]

Nope, if she cheated dump her and move on. If she has guys over dump her and move on. Not worth it all in my opinion.

[tommy0677]

The more I think about it the more I have thoughts of not being able to ever trust her again. That's no way to live. I know she still sees this guy, to what extent I don't know? I never caught them red handed, just the guy coming from our bedroom when she wasn't home.

This may seem cold but maybe I should just cut out on all of them and save myself issues of trust. I was lost after finding out and I know emotionally I'm pretty effed up still. I had to start seeing someone to help cope. Someone in a clinical sense.

We're supposed to have a sit down on Monday and lay it all out. My problems with her, her problems with me. I'll go from there I think.

[Armykid93]

Your smart to seek any treatment you need. I'll say again. Save yourself the heartache and cut ties. Be happy to have had the experience, you gained wisdom from it.

[SnaX]

We've all experienced some sort of heartache at some point in our lives. It's shitty to experience this.
We live in these tumbling blocks of experiences. You've been settled in this situation for too long, and the universe is snapping you out of this rut. It's been decided that you're obviously meant to do more. A new journey is ahead. Know your worth.
Onward and Upward brother!!!

[tommy0677]

It's a tough choice to make and I'm beating myself up with it. I love this woman but can't stand the thought of another guy being in my bed. I think I'll just try and work out the financial stuff with her and go on my way.

She chose to cheat, not me and I deserve better than that. I wasn't perfect in the relationship but never slept with another woman. Hopefully I'll find someone with better morals and start my own family with kids of my own.

[Hazard]

It's a tough choice to make and I'm beating myself up with it. I love this woman but can't stand the thought of another guy being in my bed. I think I'll just try and work out the financial stuff with her and go on my way.

She chose to cheat, not me and I deserve better than that. I wasn't perfect in the relationship but never slept with another woman. Hopefully I'll find someone with better morals and start my own family with kids of my own.

Coming to that conclusion..... And I mean..... Finally deciding and stickin with it - relieves a lot of weight off your shoulders. I been there albeit with a different problem. I decided to leave after thinking about it for over a year. I've never looked back and I'm happier than a pig in shit today

[Brett N]

After my first marriage ended. I thought I made a horrible choice. 18 months later I meant a women that almost seemed like a fake because we clicked so perfectly. We have a hard time trying to think of something to argue over.

Things happen for a reason and the fact that you have come to this conclusion is simply a way of telling yourself that she was not your perfect match. It doesn't mean either of you have failed at anything really. It just means that you don't work great together.

Best of luck moving on. It won't be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is.

[RA]

[lovbyts]

Sounds like me and my 2nd girlfriend, we dated for 5 years and I say we had 2 arguments in that time although I only remember one so I'm just adding another for good measure. lol

I decided to break up with her because I felt like I needed someone who would be more of a challenge.

[tommy0677]

Well... we tried having a sit down talk today and it went to sh!t pretty quickly. She started in on the financial issues we have together, her focusing on some bad choices she made since I found out about the guy, how her choices are affecting her daughter negatively and zero remorse for her being with this guy. I told her all the bad things happening right now have one thing in common and that's her. It was all orbiting her pretty much during the whole talk, how she's not doing good and stuff like that. I asked her if she ever thought of what its doing to me? She couldn't answer that, so I told her bluntly.

I think it'd be best to deal with the financial things and just cut all ties with her and the kids. How can I ever trust her again? I came close to spitting in her face today, but held back and it took quite a bit of effort. I think in the end karma will look after her and this guy.

[lovbyts]

Dont let your emotions get the best of you and do anything stupid. There will be enough that will happen when she turns vindictive because of course SHE will be the victim at some point and it will be all your fault without actually giving her any ammunition.

Just deal with what you have to and walk away. If you feel at any time she is getting vindictive them do yourself a favor and always meet in a public place or take someone with you as a witness. You may think nothing could/would ever happen but I have never had anyone regret taking my advice on this.

[Mr.BB]

Lose her.

Get a 20 year old for a few weeks (or as long as you can take it)

At the end of it you will not look back.

[lovbyts]

Lose her.

Get a 20 year old for a few weeks (or as long as you can take it)

At the end of it you will not look back.

Why a 20 yr old?

Thats a little old for my taste.

[tommy0677]

Dont let your emotions get the best of you and do anything stupid. There will be enough that will happen when she turns vindictive because of course SHE will be the victim at some point and it will be all your fault without actually giving her any ammunition.

Just deal with what you have to and walk away. If you feel at any time she is getting vindictive them do yourself a favor and always meet in a public place or take someone with you as a witness. You may think nothing could/would ever happen but I have never had anyone regret taking my advice on this.

That's exactly what I did, I met her someplace public just in case either of us lost it. Even when moving out I brought a friend with me just in case as well. We'll see what round 2 brings, but I'm done with her BS.

[Mr.BB]

Why a 20 yr old?

Thats a little old for my taste.

Hehehe

Miss the last 19 year I "dated"

Just make sure you know from the start its just for fun for a few days. Basically healthy "fast food"

[lovbyts]

Hehehe

Miss the last 19 year I "dated"

Just make sure you know from the start its just for fun for a few days. Basically healthy "fast food"

I miss her 18yr old younger sister.

[Mr.BB]

I miss her 18yr old younger sister.

Nice

Need to see if I can dig some old photos lol

[lovbyts]

Nice

Need to see if I can dig some old photos lol

DAMN, cant believe it's been 6 years already. Hmm her little sister should be about 19 now.

[Hazard]

I miss her 18yr old younger sister.

<img src="http://forums.steroid.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=157477"/><img src="http://forums.steroid.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=157478"/>

Snuck a tricep flex in there for good measure lolol

[Brett N]

Hey Tommy, I know it sucks for now but it will get better.

One recommendation if you want to get some anger issues taken care of. Go shoot a round of golf. Even if you never did it before. I played my first round yesterday and yelled at my ball, thew clubs, the greens, the fairway and even some clover that looked so much like my ball that I couldn't find it. You might take 16 strokes to finish a par 5 but who gives a shit. When the game is over and all the yelling is done you will realize that it was just like your relationship. You will have had a few awesome moments where things just clicked and it went perfect and a few moments where no matter what you do the god damn ball goes in the water hazard three times in a row. When you drive away from the course it is over and you can go do anything you want.

Stay strong!

[lovbyts]

And there is no better place to learn to play golf than Thailand. A cure female caddy cost $10 for 18 rounds.