Another thing my disability took away from me

[JohnnyBreeze]

I recently noticed just how many people seek to get their products tested with mass spectrometry. Before I took my leave of absence which ultimately ended with me leaving my career and going on disability, I was a supervisor at a laboratory. The company that bought us from another sought to make some serious investments in the lab, and two of the many pieces of new equipment we bought were a GC/MS and an LC/MS. They were ordered and on their way when I had to take my leave of absence.

I already had plans to test things after hours that didn’t apply to my vocation, but that would have been small potatoes on what I could have done just from this board. I could have considerably undercut the competition (who as far as I can tell is just one), reimburssed the company for the consumables used (hypothetically probably or I’d get questions as to what I was testing), and still probably made more than my salary and bonuses combined.

Uggh, sorry guys, I’ve just lost so much because of the wreck that I’m feeling sorry for myself right now. Oh well, I guess that could have technically been embezzlement since I’would have been using company resources for profit. It sure would have been a hell of a good time though, lol.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

because of the wreck

Like a car wreck?

[JohnnyBreeze]

Like a car wreck?

Sorry in advance for the long post. I was just going to post a link to my intro where I went into great detail, but it’s no longer there. Another reason most of my posts are long, is because I’m so fucking bored with having so much time on my hands.

Yes, I was run over by a truck when I was younger and since have had 7 spine surgeries and brain surgery. Those are the majors, I’ve had quite a few others as well.

I made a full recovery (it took about 6 months) after spending 3 weeks in the hospital, and I was able to do everything I could pre-wreck. Then in late 07’, I was rear ended in a very minor fender bender. Neither cars were damaged except for a small dent in the other guy’s bumper from hitting my trailer hitch, I wasn’t hurt, and my adrenaline wasn’t even pumping (when it is you can be hurt and not feel it). I really thought nothing of it, but then three days later I woke up in an unimaginable amount of pain. I had never felt anything like it, and couldn’t even really describe it. The easiest way is this, when they ask you to give a number from one to ten, ten being the worst pain you’ve EVER FELT. Well that ten prior to this wreck, was now about a three to four. It was a whole new perception of pain.

Somehow I was able to hold on to my job, slowly get better (not great, but better), and even get promoted down the line - until Feb. 2015. That month my pain skyrocketed and wouldn’t return to “normal” levels. I always had flairs lasting a day or two to a week, but this didn’t go away. It turns out that one of the fusions in my thoracic spine broke, and since it was only a bone graft with bone glue (no metal cage), my back was broken. I have no idea how long it was like that because I didn’t feel anything snap or pop.

So, the same month I had to take a leave of absence was my 10 year anniversary with the company. I had just received a plaque, 4 weeks vacation a year, and a really nice gift. Not to mention, myself and 3 other people in the lab had just spent the last year working really hard on researching the best new equipment, and submitting the most efficient layouts for the new building that we would be moving in to. All of that was tough, but the fact that I can no longer work at all is even worse. I really would give anything to just be able to work, even as a waiter or some other kind of entry level job.

Of all the new equipment we were getting (if I remember correctly it was somewhere in the area of $2-3 million worth), I was most excited about the GC/MS and LC/MS (gas chromatograph and liquid chromatograph mass spectrometers). I wasn’t on the board then, and couldn’t exercise, but there were tons of things that I wanted to play around with on my own. Not to mention having experience with that equipment on my resume’ would have been great.

I was searching the board a few days ago, and one of the threads I clicked went on for a few years with people looking for places to test their gear. Those two machines will tell you every compound that’s in whatever sample you have. Forget trying to make it a side hustle, I think I would have been happy testing just to help out. Every now and then, especially when I’m hurting more than normal, I get stuck in “what if mode” where I daydream about what I could do if I I didn’t feel this way. I came up with all kinds of ways to get information out to the most amount of people efficiently.

Hopefully one day I will be able to work again. That’s the whole reason I got on this board. I hoped that by losing weight and getting in better shape, my pain would decrease and I could get back to work. If that does happen, fingers crossed, maybe I can get back in a lab with that kind of equipment.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Obviously if you have a real bodily impairment then there's no amount of mental conditioning that will grow back a foot or insert a vertebrae, but I still would try to make the best of any situation and try become more able mentally to withstand my situation.

Have you tried any alternative therapies or anything like that?

[DustMan]

I get that you're just trying to vent your frustration and find people to listen to you, but have you considered growth hormone ? If anything is going to help you feel better, I would guess GH is the one.

Goodluck getting back in shape for work. I feel the same way, when I have no job or a shit job it really fucks up my day to day and brings me down. Having a job that matters to me makes all the difference in my mental health, going someplace everyday where my particular skills and efforts are required and valued makes me feel like I'm making a positive impact in the world. I hope you figure out a way to manage your pain soon and can get back on the job.

[slfmade]

I know your pain...well, to some extent anyway. I fell 24 ft from a tree 5 years ago last week. I had multiple burst fractures (vertebrae exploded) some they pieced back together with glue, some artificial. Resulted in a 10 level fusion. While I have open prescriptions for heavy duty narcs, I've been able to manage a 5/10 pain score with tylenol 4 daily. Sleep is severely impacted as the meds wear off throughout the night. Every single day of my life I wake up at a true 8 out of 10 pain. I often wake up in tears. My Tylenol 4 sits on my night stand and I take it 30 minutes before I need to start moving. After 30 minutes later I quite literally crawl to the bathtub to soak in hot water for an hour before I finally get loosened up enough to get to that 5/10 and start moving. This continues everyday 365 days a year. What drives me mad is people that get judgy and have no f'ing clue what real chronic pain entails. I once had a teacher in nursing school that was dead set against opiates tell me that when her son broke his arm she refused pain meds in the ER and how she refused an epidural during childbirth and that people need to suck it up and learn to deal with pain. I'm like first of all, F you, you're a bad parent. He's not going to get hooked on drugs due to a one time dose of Percocet in the ER....the kid has a compound fracture and his bone is sticking out of his body. Give the poor kid some pain relief. 2nd...there's a mountain of difference between sucking up pain for an hour or a day or a week - and knowing that your pain is going to be there with you everyday every minute 365 days a year for the rest of your life. It physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. If somebody told me right now that they could take my 5/10 daily pain away for the rest of my life and all I had to do was suffer intense 10/10 pain for a short period of time...(think popping both nuts by hitting them with a sledgehammer) Id ask where the closest hammer is. I have to plan vacations or even shopping trips around my back. 30 minutes on my feet at one time is about all I can take before I need to sit down for a bit. Squats are obviously a no-go. I can't stand in line with my kids for any extended length of time so we've had to put off trips to places like disney world. Luckily my job lets me sit a lot. I mean, I still get 15,000 steps a day, but I never have to go longer than 5 minutes without sitting. So I feel for you man. I wish there was a solution for guys like us. You sound like you have it worse than I do but and I fear that as I get older a similar fait is in my future. Maybe sometime in the next 20 years they'll get something figured out with stem cells or advancements in surgical procedures. Perhaps a new drug that will eliminate all pain without health consequences. I wish you the best. You're not alone and while it may sound cliche, it could always be worse. There's absolutely no reason that I should be walking but I am. I gladly take pain but with the ability to walk as opposed to being dead or paralyzed.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

I wonder if suspensions would help:



Physical pain causes mental sufferring, but you can weaken the link between physical pain and mental sufferring -- you can condition your mind to not care as much about physical pain signals.

Also you could try channelling this woman who feels no pain: