all i think about is fucking

[partyboynyc]

i decided to stay in this weekend to stay out of trouble.i knwo i have serious issues about women for some reason.i have no idea why?i think it's just a control thing, but who knows?believe me when i say that you guys, especially cyc, ron, diesal, frankwhite, DOCMD (all the guys i've known on here for years) are truly good guys for looking out.i'm gonna be good about the protection thing as i see it's really my only downfall to what i'm doing besides a future lonely existance.
funny that blocroc brought up brett easton ellis.my ex and my friends call my american psycho and PB (short for mr. bateman).i use to model myself after the character as weird as that sounds, minus the killing part,haha.i'm a freak ,but i'm too good of a person to go anywhere sooner than i have to because of stupidity like the kind i have displayed all these years.i sincerely thank all of you guys for looking out.

[RON]

Hey bro what really changed it around for me is I turned 25 and starting wondering if thats really how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Its really a lonely way to live. Plus I love kids and I wanted some of my own. That same year I met my wife. The next we got married. I still think about it 24/7 I just don't act on it.

You always sounded like you really cared about your ex and I hope you can pull it together for her. Professional help might not be a bad idea. If you ever need anyone to talk to drop me a PM bro. I'm there for ya.

[partyboynyc]

Hey bro what really changed it around for me is I turned 25 and starting wondering if thats really how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Its really a lonely way to live. Plus I love kids and I wanted some of my own. That same year I met my wife. The next we got married. I still think about it 24/7 I just don't act on it.

You always sounded like you really cared about your ex and I hope you can pull it together for her. Professional help might not be a bad idea. If you ever need anyone to talk to drop me a PM bro. I'm there for ya.

that's my thought process now.do i wanna keep living this life?sure, it's a great ride while it lasts, but someday i'm gonna wake up and the old and alone.oh, i love my ex.she's my best friend. i want us to be together in a way, but i keep reverting back to being an idiot and fucking around all the time.she wanted to get together tonight w/ me and her gf to go to a club and i said no.i stayed in because we have hung out in the past few weeks more and i can't stop thinking about sleeping w/ her.i never looked at her like that before.i always loved her as a person and her being beautiful or being loaded financially was never the fist turn on.
that's why i stayed in.i didn't want to go out w/ her and take her home and sleep w/ her.i know she would not because of the sex , but becaused she loves me.i didn't want to hurt her and be out next weekend screwing around.my bday is coming up and i know that's gonna be mayhem!!!
you're a great guy ron and we've always been tight on here.i appreciate your help.i'm trying to pull it together.

[partyboynyc]

today is my mother's bday.so went to see her and take her out to dinner. we had this bangin little waitress so all i did was have a big flirting game going on w/ the waitress the whole dinner.like my mother wasn't even there. i was leaving and she came over and told me what a nice son i was for spending time /w my mom. so we talked for a few minutes and she's like, "call me.we should do something".i told her i had a gf (and i'm completely single!!) because i knew i'd just wind up fucking her at some point and just throwing her away.i have actually been trying to be good.if i stay in i'm good.if i go out, forget it.so i'm staying in until my bday so i can trying to put some perspective on this.

[RON]

You'll be alright bro. Maybe you should go to your ex and tell her how you feel. Let you know you have an addiction and your trying to over come it for her. I think her support and understanding would really go a long way.

[partyboynyc]

i'm definitely keeping this from her.she will slap me into next week if she even knew i cheated on her like eod for the entire 10 years we were together.she thinks i'm nuts enough w/ out knowing all that to call me american psycho, haha.this will drive her away in a heartbeat