Three Worst Chinese Tortures

[seesamplay]

The Three Worst Chinese Tortures

Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where to stay, no food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard brushing the floor answered the loud, clanging gong. Harry begged for a place of shelter, and the old man pittied him and let him stay. At dinner the old man introduced Harry to his daughter, Naomi(i moan backwards). She was the meaning of beauty, and Harry instantly fell for her - mostly because he hadn't done it in a while, due to his disposition of starving and homeless in a forest. - ANYWAY - The old man saw Harry eyeing his daughter and said to him, "If you touch my daughter, I will subject to you the three worst Chinese tortures."


That night Harry snuck out of his room and into Naomi's. Having been cooped up in this old mansion for so long, she had no objections.


In the morning he woke up, and after 10 minutes decided that something heavy was on his chest stopping him from breathing properly. He opened his eyes to find a 50 kilo rock on his chest with sign on it that said "First Chinese Torture: 50 kilo rock on chest." Thinking that it wasn't that heavy he picked it up and threw it out the window. As the rock fell out the window he noticed a sign on the bottom that said "Second Chinese Torture: Rock tied to right testicle." In a panic he jumped out the window, what man wouldn't? Unfortunately he looked up and saw the sign on the bottom of the window sill "Third Chinese Torture: left testicle tied to bed post."

[monster.]

Haha...funny story.... Ouch.... lol

[hoss827]

Holy mother of God.... That was funny shiat. Keep it coming. . Poor poor, Harry.

[Jack87]

[TheDfromGC]

lol ouch

[hoss827]

I wonder what that guy was thinking....you know, "Maybe if I turn this way really REALLY fast, it will only rip it out of the sack, and not off!" or if he just thought "jeeeeeeeeeesssseeee Louiiiiiiiiiseee this is gonna hurt!" lol

[saboudian]

Actually this reminds me of another torture ironically called the Vietnamese Rose. I forgot how it was done, but they sorta tie your penis somehow so that when you get an erection, basically blood goes in, but it doesn't go back out. So eventually your penis explodes.

Boy would i like to see your face when you read this.

[groverman1]

I wish I could say but my post would be deleted.

[cjp85]

Reminds me of that part in the movie Old School with the cinderblocks.