
Originally Posted by
Times Roman
I feel your pain. A very close female friend of mine whom I've known very well over 30+ years has a similar pattern, although not caused the same. She too has negative feelings about sex and had very poor role models growing up (mom slept with her, dad in the other room). She is sometimes willing to give oral, but thinks receiving oral is dirty or wrong. She experimented watching porn when she was younger, but thinks it's wrong now, or is at least very uncomfortable with it. She has some serious fidelity issues. The stars and the moon have to line up for her to be in the mood for sex.
There are two possibilities:
1) She is like this anyways, and him touching her is inconsequential, or...
2) There is a direct link (cause and effect) between him touching her and her being "cool" to you.
What I do know is that this isn't something she is going to "grow" out of, or some kind of a phase. Again, there are three possibilities:
1) She will NOT go to counsilling and will NOT change.
2) She will go to counsilling and will NOT change.
3) She will go to counsilling and WILL change.
The beginning of any relationship I call the honeymoon phase, like looking through rose colored glasses.... both are in new love, only see the positive, not the negative, eager to please, everything is still exciting... this could last up to 18 months. This is when she was more willing, eager to please, playful. But after the 18 months, things started settling down, got more comfortable, and the real her started coming through. This is pretty much how she is going to be. This is the steady state phase.
Anyways, you have some thinking to do. 1) Are you OK if she doesn't change? 2) If you are lucky enough to talk her into counsilling, chances are, you will have to go too. Ready for that? 3) If 2, then what happens if no improvement?
From what I've seen, this is going to be a fundamental change. And even though fundamental change is possible, it only happens in a minority of cases, and only for those that seek change.
You got your work cut out for you bro'