Quote Originally Posted by NACH3 View Post
Wow... It's amazing how many of us land in the same boat(with pain killers) it's almost like the members I met here have torn their bodies up and obviously so!

I really thank you for sharing and like Cape stated it all starts with steps... At any time you feel the need to share or ask or just rant please do - this thread is for everything life throws at us and how we're willing to help one another get thru these times b/c this place has really helped me stay on track(i.e.; just not wanting to let down the people I've come close with and now call friends)!!!

I'll share a lil bit as to where I ended up... After my 3rd shoulder surgery I was up to 15-20 30s a day - after my accident 15 80mg oxys a day they couldn't even knock me out for surgeries anymore or I'd wake up in the middle of them... So having the accountability you did and kept yourself at you did things as best you could and I really respect that... I quit! I Just wanted to feel numb... However, when enough is enough, you know like I do and many others do, we come to that conclusion ourselves and it has to be that way, Otherwise we won't stay the course.

I'd love to get that relief from(even now I'd need 4-6 30s a day) to start just due to past tolerance which is a big kick in the balls... And you touched on something that not many do... I felt(and I was compared to you) an addict very addicted to these drugs just to function! But when the Drs that give it to you turn on you and make you feel like the lowest of the low and the worst criminals out there... In reality we did not choose this life I know I'd give my pancreas(since no spleen lol) to have a normal shoulder of just a RC tear lol... I'm running out of organs hahaha j/kn, but you know how it is!

I'm really happy u shared and all the best to you and your family just give it time - know that the sleep will be the hardest part and last part that comes back, unfortunately! If you ever need anything just ask I'll pm you and we can talk some more brother! In the mean time stay the course which I believe your already there with your attitude and fortitude!
My biggest issue is how the Dr's make me feel. They make me feel like a junked out addict, which I'm not. You will never meet anyone in my life that'll ever tell you that they've seen me intoxicated. Once that tolerance goes up, it's only a matter of time before one either quits or goes full blast. Keeping it in has been hard because some of my family, wife included, don't know how addiction is. I could easily take 150mgs a day and still function, but I don't. I won't. But when I've been on them daily for over a decade there is going to be a habit formed. While I don't have any accountability right now being in secret, I do have the willpower to know the least I can take to live normal, how much I need for actual pain relief, and how much is too much. 40mgs keeps my from going into WDs, 60-80mgs gives me just enough to work with no serious pain, over 100mgs would be about right, but I won't go there due to trying to keep tolerance at bey. That's why I saw very open with my dr last week. She's a very very close friend of my parents and she knows me and has since I was 10. She knows I've never been into drugs or trouble, but I told her there is risk in me getting them illegally. So she is working on a solution. I don't want more than I need because that's playing with fire. I want just enough that I can manage my pain. And getting then legally, I can have my wife lock them down and dispense whatever my dose will be for the day. Voila! But that's ideally. The feds getting involved in big pharma has hurt those of us that need the meds. And the ones that abuse the system of course.