Senior Member
I took vows, for better or worse. I took those vows to heart and they mean everything they say. Things are def on the worse side and I don't want to look back in 10 years and say to myself "I wonder if I just tried that one last time if things would have worked out". Even if they don't work out I gave it my all and that I can live with.
Female Member
Ok, let me try to get it to where yall understand it. I am a female, and I know where she is coming from. If she still loves him like she says she does, and he still wants it to work, I am saying there is still hope.
Cal - I am not saying be a bitch, I am saying be her bestfriend.
Dec11- I am going to be nice, and simple as possible, so if this comes off as bitchy please keep in mind this is the nice version... I didnt say what she did was right, as a matter of fact I said she was wrong for what she did, HOWEVER I want to support Stigs decision to work it out, and gave tips from there. REREAD what I wrote..
Knowledgeable Member
were u the only one who took vows...dude u r a rare bread....Originally Posted by Stigmata101
Senior Member
Yah and so far she hasn't talked with him, on the phone at least. I don't think she knows I have access to them. However there has been a drastic decrease in text traffic with all her friends as well....So now I'm wondering did she get another phone??? It's just like you say cal, I'll always be wondering, suspicous.....bla bla bla. But I am not one to give up so easy.
Female Member
Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back
'everything louder than everything else'
my point is that you dont duck off with every tom, dick or harry the moment something gets tough, but because she's a woman you say she needs emotion and that part justifies it, if it was the other way round you'd be callling him a bstard, admit it
Sapiens Fingit Fortunam Sibi
...x2
'everything louder than everything else'
mate in all seriousness, you need to be strong and give her the boot
Female Member
Someone please read my post to this guy...he OBVIOUSLY isnt getting it.
Female Member
IS it easier to read now?
Knowledgeable Member
male, female, dog, cat...who cares...a liar is a liar. a cheater is a cheater. just because you took your vows seriously doesn't mean she did. there are plenty of honest people out there. find one.
edit: i wish you happiness.
Knowledgeable Member
ok fair enough.....Just to make sure u know what i think I will re write it. She is living with him out of pitty. You cant make anyone fall in love with you. She already said that she is not in love with him and u r telling him to be her best friend arent you telling him another words that try to make her fall in love again I dont think its possible plus SHE is his wife she shouldnt be dick around....Emotion are funny thing when we show it we are week and when woman show it its Woman.,...
'everything louder than everything else'
right love, this is the bit that troubles me, why post that? complete BS, now with regards to my reading skills, i think they are pretty much ok
Last edited by dec11; 07-28-2010 at 10:16 AM.
Knowledgeable Member
ok dude ...but i think there is nothing left to give up plus she work with him...didnt she......
See thats the classic sign of u becoming paranoid even if this thing workout she will keep blaming u for being nosey and make u feel bad.
Here is thought go through her car when she is sleeping I bet u will find a phone there.......she is not stopped talking to him.......
Female Member
HA! OK, I read where she said she still loved him, and where he wanted it to work. It started when he stopped being there emotionally for her. ITS HARD!! I was in a marriage for 5 years with NO emotional support. I stayed with him bc I was married, since he was never there it was easy for my love to die, ALSO I really didnt want to be a divorced twenty somthing girl. So I stayed until I was so depressed that I slept over 14 hours a day. It is called emotional abandonment..I had to go to a councler to get out of depression.ok fair enough.....Just to make sure u know what i think I will re write it. She is living with him out of pitty. You cant make anyone fall in love with you. She already said that she is not in love with him and u r telling him to be her best friend arent you telling him another words that try to make her fall in love again I dont think its possible plus SHE is his wife she shouldnt be dick around....Emotion are funny thing when we show it we are week and when woman show it its Woman.,...
HAD my es stopped and looked at me, and seen who I was.. We may still be together today. This is Stigs chance to stop and see who she is and bring back the love they had for so many years. I am looking at the hopeful side..
Senior Member
Maybe Im just hangin on to find that conclusive piece of evidence (like a phone) to prove to her that I know she is still involved with the guy. I don't know. Most of you say give her the boot, but like I said part of the problem is/was me. And if you met her maybe you would understand why Im giving her this last chance. But I have a feeling that I will come back here one day and say you were right and I was wrong.
Female Member
Not toand I know its long..but its worth the read...maybe then you will understand what I am talking about.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
of what I am talking about..
Knowledgeable Member
k....ur story is little different..First he didnt ignore her for 5 yrs just one year. other thing is u were depressed and slept but u didnt go d!ck around with another guy. Plus from the things u tell abt ur ex seriously he was a dick and I am being polite but he is not like that for her to do this to him on TOP telling him she is not in love with him and he STILL try to make it work.....doesnt it tell you something?
Senior Member
I guess I am looking on the hopeful side too. But the guys are right, I will be suspicous for a long time, maybe forever. But she told me she wants to try and work it out so I have to try like you say. A part of me really wants to find a second phone so I can prove something to her. just don't know what exactly that something is.
Knowledgeable Member
ok one last then u walk away correct???
Female Member
mm maybe I missed the one year part..one year really isnt that long. N ya my ex was a piece of work... I am a firm believer of thick and thin.. I dont think she was right in anyway.. It may not work, but if he wants to give it another shot and so does she, who am I to keep telling him to move on?
'everything louder than everything else'
amen.........
why is when i woman does it, the rest will say, 'ah but he wasnt there for her'?
fvckin BS
Senior Member
yes I am ready to make that decision
Senior Member
good point, but in this case I wasn't.
Knowledgeable Member
But honey this doesnt apply to him he didnt find any Jane his Wife found a JOHN and he is still trying to work things out.Not to
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
of what I am talking about..
Female Member
the point of that was, he never knew she had cancer..she didnt go mess around on him.. My point to everything, was go back to being bestfriends to stay together, the little things.. I posted the story to push my point on how easy it is to get side tracked and not know the person you sleep next to every night. If they want to work it out being bestfriends is key.. This has been my point from my first post.
'everything louder than everything else'
mate, ive had a few ups and downs which affected my current relationship, making me distant and sometimes unapproachable for the simpliest things, but the girl has done nothing but support me and helped me thru things. thats what a true loving woman does.
Knowledgeable Member
u didnt pay attention to most of the thing he said..did u?
why HE has to try to work things out when SHE is the one cheated on him? Even after she said "she is not in love with him"...she has to now sit back and see who will be the biggest bitch for her and she will go with him...I am sorry as i said before Love make u pvssy and No pvssy worth that much ...i learned it hard way......
He is just so freaking nice I cant believe him if someone would said that to me that she is not in love I will be out of their live so fast u wont believe it....what happen to you Shina was different in terms of his wife situation......
Knowledgeable Member
simple question....u tell tai i am not in love with you after he neglected you for one year and then you cheated on him...what should he do? (its hypothetical so dont get offended please)
AR's Whore D'Oeuvre
Stig,
How old are you and your wife bro? I am going thru a divorce thats probably not going to end up pretty, and trust me - I too made vows for better or worse and meant every single word of them. But, in the end, it takes two my friend. She is looking a way out, and sooner or later she is going to find it. She may be telling you I wont do it again I promise, but this is probably to just buy her time.
Read everything you have said in this thread. Now if it were someone else going thru this, what advice would you give them?
Like I said, I am going thru the same thing, feel free to PM me if need be.
Senior Member
I was never this nice before I met her. Bad attitude, fighting, hating. But I fell in love. I know cal you could walk if a girl said that to you. But I can tell she still has love for me. And like I said, I would like to find that second phone in a weird way. The whole situation is all fvked up. Or maybe it isn't and I just can't think clearly. fvvvvvvvvvvvvvk
Knowledgeable Member
Dude ur situation is worse cause u have a kid involved but i am just glad that the kid isnt here otherwise he will stay with her no matter what...
Knowledgeable Member
ok..u know what I give u points for trying but here is the thing what u r trying to prove after u found the second phone? that she said she wont talk to him and she still is? didnt that already happened? she said more then once that she wont yet she still did.......ok u know what have it the way u like it but then if u r wrong walk away...there is always someone out there.......
Senior Member
I am 36 she 30. I would say the same things most of you are saying. If we get divorced I will lose my ranch and everything else I have worked so hard for. Sure I will walk away with some good cash but even that hurts
Senior Member
I know cal, and I appreciate your advice. I don't know any of you personally but you all seem very genuine.
Knowledgeable Member
Just looking out for the Brother in need....I am 35 ,,,,,so we should get along fine
"Even sexier than Siggy"
Im not going to lie, I havent read half the postings in this thread but here is my take on cheating is that if it happens once (hopefully its just once)... and the couple "works things through" to stay together... it usually means it will happen again cause there were no serious reprocautions the first time so subsequent affairs are made easier... and no matter how much you want to forgive and forget, trust is not something that just re-appears.
"Even sexier than Siggy"
Yes, I have seen some relationships blossom after a "mistake" was overcome, but I see far more that turn into a cheat fest as it seems like the ok thing to do as long as you were mad at each other, taking time off from each other or just cause they wanted to get some new action... it seems like a horrible outlook, but yah, reality does bite sometimes.
Knowledgeable Member
also you dont forget and forgive you actually forgive but never forget. then come insecurities and all the other shit woman accused us of
Female Member
wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.
I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believer in two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote