Alright. This log is going to be boring as fuck. But I need it. I am at the end of my rope and grasping at straws. I've been yoyoing between 20-25% BF for 2 years now. Seriously about to give up on trying to become a bodybuilder. IDK, the gym and training is the only thing that keeps me sane these days. It's the only thing that, for that short period of time while at the gym, relieves the weight of the world from my shoulders (funny how adding actual weight, relieves metaphorical weight). But insanity is insanity. Doing the same thing.. results... blah blah blah. It's ridiculous. One last push will decide it. A little over a month, I am fucking trowing the kitchen sink at it. DNP , clen , tren , fucking everything. If I dont hit my goal (180lbs) by Jan 18th... idk... I am going to have to re-evaluate shit.
The main thing is, I am question if I have the discipline required. When the week goes well and my routine isnt fucked up, I am great and stick to my diet. The weekends I fucking go off. I outeat the DNP 10 fold.
Last Thursday I was 200.8. All this is just my dinner, I had normal pwo meals, post wo meals, lunch, and snacks on top of that.
Friday I went out to all-you-can-eat sushi late (1 Rice ball, 3 Crab Rangoons, 3 Dumplings, About 40 pieces of sushi, 2 maki rolls). So before hand I had a small dinner (8oz chicken and broccoli). Then got cupcakes and ate the whole pack and a protein bar.
The next night (saturday), I ate a large pizza, 2 pb&js, 1 peanutbutter and banana sandwich, blueberry bagel, 2 protein bars
Last night (Sunday), I ate a whole pizza, whole calzone, and 5 doughnuts.
This morning: 209.4 lbs. I will diet all week (again), and Thursday I will be about 200lbs flat.
NORMALLY, this would only happen one night a week. So I can maintain my BF pretty easily. Making progress is the difficult part for me. DNP is a bitch, your body craves carbs, so you eat a shit ton, but it just makes you hot and uncomfortable and you still crave carbs. So these cheat meals are not doing what a cheat meal is supposed to be doing. Which is why it's 3 nights a week as opposed to one. But it's also what has allowed me to burn off all that shit and still make a little progress. I just need to get my act together and I can make a lot of progress.

IDK what this log is going to be, I just know its necessary. If I do post what I eat, it will seem off, but thats not what I would normally eat, it changed because of the DNP (ie lots of fruits and fast acting carbs instead of complex, or very little carbs that are only fruit, etc). I do not post pics of myself online. My workouts are full-body A or B MWF. Steady-state cardio TuThSa. Abs Tu and Sa (used to be on all cardio days, but started to cause an imbalance). I dislike the routine (doing cardio and fullbody workouts), but fat-loss is the goal. I probably wont post those because they never change and I NEVER fail to get to the gym. I just need some accountability on the weekends I guess. I track my weight on my phone, but it may be good to post it here too. Fuuuuuck. Like I said, grasping at straws here