05-28-2004, 11:40 PM #1
Anyone ever have this experience with an "ex"?
Did anyone else out there beside myself every have an ex that just never seemed to leave your life?
My scenario is... My first love has been in my life for over 5 years now which is weird seeing as how we broke up 2 years back and don't get me wrong there was down time where we didn't talk... But those times never lasted more then a month. I won't lie when I tell you this that I loved that girl like no other and she the same with me. I don't think it is even possible for me to love that strong and care free ever again in my life... All because of how it ended and there was the whole healing process which only made me have a bad case of being untrusting of girls which I never will kick(Nor do I want to kick it) Because being full blown in love can have it's repercussions if it doesn't work out. I'll always keep the backdoor unlocked incase there comes a time when you have to leave... So many times ppl forget about the back door and end up devistated... I vowed it would never happen again.
But my ex has been in my life like I was saying for the last 5 years and it's almost like we deny our feelings for each other kind of... and when they do get brought up it always starts with how good things used to be... but ulimately ends on how bad they had gotten around the end, neither of us can really get passed our past which is kind of a kick in the a$$. But even now I've had a new girlfriend the first real girlfriend I had in over 2 years... I dated like mad and then finally found one I liked enough to stay with and she's great! But my ex always has and always will have my curiosty, There will always be "is this all happening for a reason" going on in my head... Because other then the fact that we were together for 3 years there is no reason for us to keep in touch the way we do... Because now she lives 5 hours away... But the way things go with us it seems like she is just minutes away... It's weird because no matter how many Hot girls I went out with after her and no matter how many guys she went out with after me... We never were happy the way were with each other and we both know it.
I guess it's just a tale of first love and all and how you'll always remember your first... But it's at the point now where i'm wondering if someday we'll ultimately end up together or if its all just a phase... But if it is a phase it is a very long phase... This was kinda mushy I know but i'm just wondering if anyone else has had this happen... Because i'm a lot older, mature, and see things in a different way then I used too... But she has been the one constant that has never changed with me... I guess i'm crazy
05-29-2004, 12:05 AM #2
i feel yeah bro but its the other way around with me. iam the one always in her life. shes had other guys, ive had other girls but i want her like anything. i think she still feels the same way but wants to turn every stone to make sure its me. so much for being settled on!
Last edited by Spoon; 05-29-2004 at 12:17 AM.
05-29-2004, 12:10 AM #3
Nah that's the thing.. I want her or least sometimes I think I do... Sometimes I think it's better off left how it is... Other times she's all I can think about... I Love my girlfriend now... I just don't know if that can ever compare and I guess in a way it shouldn't because i'm wiser in my ways and can't fall head over heals the way I did that one time... I miss that feeling though. If I was to only fall head over heals once... I'm glad it was with her.
Originally Posted by Spoon
05-29-2004, 12:17 AM #4Originally Posted by GeoQuadzilla
05-29-2004, 12:19 AM #5
thats strange, you loving your gf but feeling an entirely diff love for your ex, i guess it happens to the best of us. i havent been in another SERIOUS relationship since my ex. i havent given myself a chance seems like everyone i ever went out with couldnt compare. i guess thas being unfair to these new girls but i cant change my feeling for my ex. i hope it would just go away! i
05-29-2004, 08:19 AM #6
Yeah it is strange... My girlfriend now is great and showed me it's possible to be in a meaningful relationship again... after years of just dating like crazy and having meaningless sex so i'm glad I found her because I was starting to think you only got one kick at the can. Mind you it's not as intense as my first, Nor will any girl be that intense in my life again... Only that my ex sticks around and keeps our intensity from the past alive in some sence... It's a weird situation that is on my mind a lot... Yet i try to think about it as little as possible because i'm in a relationship and trying to give her all I can.
Originally Posted by Spoon
05-29-2004, 08:34 AM #7Originally Posted by GeoQuadzilla
i hear ya bro! we will always have a special place for our 1st loves. or at least i do. its only fair that we give other people a chance because in the long run, we may never know what are missing. i am yet to find someone i can trully consider someone Worth being with. i know people say dont look and you will find but im just darn tired of being single. count your blessings bro! treat her right and you have good things to look forward to.
05-29-2004, 08:42 AM #8
I'm the same way....No matter how hot the new girl is, or how much better she COULD be for me than the ex (and believe me, the ex is no good for me as all my friends tell me), I still find myself thinking about her more than any other girl....ever....and I thought I was the only one that couldn't get the first love out of my head.
05-29-2004, 08:44 AM #9ttuPrincess Guest
ok I'll try to do as I always do , and give the feminine side to things....
What I have learned is that relationships can go like this....
You meet that ONE.. fall head over heels, and then it ends... your heart is broken into a thousand pieces and you feel like your never gonna love again... (sound familiar??).. so you build up a wall around your heart to protect yourself..... then you meet someone new.. you have that wall, but its only knee high right now.. then you get hurt again.. wall comes up a bit higher now, about waist high.. this is a countinuious cycle.
So baically, after each heartbreak it takes even longer for you to break that wall down when you find someone you feel is worthy of it... and by this I mean... hum.. im trying to find a way to express this...
say you opened up with the ONE after a month, then next it may take 4 months, and the next girl a year. Understand what I'm saying?
And each time the hurt and pain is a bit more realistic because it's deeper.. you never heal from the 1st one, just stitches, and with each one piling on, the stitches break and the cut gets deeper.
Now you have this new girl, and you really like her, but you don't have the butterflies (adrenaline, whatever) happeneing. This is because you have that wall up.. it's gonna take sometime for you to break that wall down and with her given that time, you need to expect her to be reluctant to cross over once you have broken that wall down.
Once you yourself have broken that wall down one brick at a time, those feelings will start to come and you will start to feel what you once had.
It's comfortable fo ryou to have that ex there, just incase this one fails to, maybe it is fate, maybe, but probably not.. but if you have that ex as a "Safety blanket" your prepairing yourself for the fall, and you will fail in this relationship.
I know it hurts jut sometimes, and always with love, you have to take a flting leap out of that plane with the chance that your parachute wont work... its all in the name of love..
Good Luck, and don't sell this new relationship short because of someting in your past.. reflect on the past, Live in the present, Live for the future.
05-29-2004, 09:01 AM #10
holy sh-t im going threw the same freaking thing. me and my ex were together for 4 years, and then now havent been together for 3 years, but we still have feelings for each other. her whole family knows we should be back together so i just play it real safe and just be super nice to her. we actually went out to dinner last week and had a great time. she's just sooo **** scared that i havent changed. when we were together i was real immature and just a dick sometimes. i tell her that im not like that anymore but she doesnt really believe it or she doesnt want to get hurt again. she has been my only GF ever in my life, and i was her first (for everything except kissing) i know she loved me so much and i pretty much just sh-t on it. i know what i lost and know ill never ever do that again. relationships suck bro. there's nothing to do but just let things happen. even her mom told me last week that she thinks me and her daughter arent finished, and i for one hope to god that we arent. its even harder cause her brother works for me, and i sub her dad work sometimes so im always over her house and stuff like that. then she relys on me to take care of problems she has, its like she wants me to act like her BF but not be it. i dont know, i told her that im willing to wait forever and if it mean that im single the rest of my life then so be it. it sucks when you know for a fact that you could never love a person the same as her.
Last edited by jcstomper; 05-29-2004 at 09:03 AM.
05-29-2004, 09:01 AM #11Originally Posted by Jeremy34
05-29-2004, 09:24 AM #12
I agree with some points you said here... with the "wall" and all this is true... Mind you I don't use my ex as a security blanket, it's this situation reversed. She seems to have me as a security blanket... Since I moved on with my life she has been in it more then ever... Now she's the one always trying to contact me now more then any time in the last 2 years. This has been going on for the last year or so... even last summer she told me "I can't see this being the end of us" but shortly there after the past came back and we pretty much dropped it. It's so weird because she'll deny feelings for me in a relationship way but on the other hand is always in my life... Talking to me the way we talked before we went out in the first place... It's all kind of strange and I think she is really confused about not only what we had... But she's confused in her own personal life... and now that I have had a gf for over 7 months now it seems to make her more confused.
She told me the other night her mom asked if she wanted her to throw out our old pictures and stuff... and my ex said "No not at all" so I don't really know what's going on in her head and I try to think about it as less as possible... But with all the Things she'll say, then deny, and actions she'll make it's all really weird... Sometimes i think she wants to be with me again and so do a lot of ppl... But there is sometimes when she wont even talk to me... God only knows
Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
05-29-2004, 09:27 AM #13ttuPrincess Guest
"you want what you cant have" and "you dont know what youv got until it's gone" is how I would relate to this girl..
is she/has she dated anyone seriously since ya'll?
05-29-2004, 09:34 AM #14Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
05-29-2004, 09:36 AM #15ttuPrincess Guest
makes tons of sense... love is very tricky
05-29-2004, 09:39 AM #16
Yep shortly after we broke up... She went out with some dude for a while but then that kind of backfired... I kept my dating life low around that time and took the time to get over her. After they broke up I dated a lot for about a year and then settled down with a girl last summer which was serious for about 3 months... that's when she gave me the "I can't see this being the end of us" and also her mom said "I hate to say it but I haven't seen you happy since Her and myself were together" So that died off... and that little relationship ended. I found my new gf a few months later and we have been going out ever since... Now more then ever my ex is around and we talk about old times and all that jazz because it's cool to reflect in my eyes... Yet she never was one for that so that's strange... She also many times would come up to me at bars when we were both single... and make like she was going to whisper to me... then she'd kiss me on the cheeck, I'd ask her why she did that and she'd say "Because I wanted to" I ended that after a while because it was getting to be a little too much for me and when I did she started to cry... and I felt terrible... But she was kissing me infront of everyone and we weren't going back out... So it just didnt make sence to keep doing it. Then finally what I thought was the end of everything... I said lets just have one last kiss and go our seperate ways and end this on a happy note... She agreed and we did... and it was really nice... Never was the end of things though because she has been in my life more since then... The more I think about it the more i'm confusing myself
05-29-2004, 09:47 AM #17ttuPrincess Guest
humm.. im at a loss.. i really dont know what to say.. maybe you need to sit down with her and say look.. what we had was great, but you need to decided what you need and want.. but right now im in a relationship and I cant be here for you like this.
This isnt fair to your current g/f and if your ex can respect that your taken then shes not at all who you should be around.
05-29-2004, 09:50 AM #18Originally Posted by GeoQuadzilla
05-29-2004, 10:13 AM #19
I am too... Mind you nothing in my life has been clean cut... There has always been weird circumstances that surrounded my relationship life, especially with her... I don't think it is even possible to be in love more then we were but that ultimately was our downfall because a lot of the relationship turned to jealousy which is what killed it in the end... All i'm ending all of this with is this. I Love my girlfriend and she gets all of the attention I can give, My ex is always going to be the "?" in my life since she'll never quite be gone I don't think... I think someday our pathes might cross again... maybe not. Time will tell in this case... She was the first girl that I ever seen that I was totally taken back by... Like i said, I never was head over heals since then... Don't think I ever will be again... What we had was truely special... I'm just going to look at this situation with this quote "What is meant to be will be" It's often the most easiest answer that ends up being true.
Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
05-29-2004, 10:14 AM #20
"Get over it or commit suicide"
05-29-2004, 10:16 AM #21
This is true man... I have control over this situation in my life... I don't let anything she does hold me back... It's just a situation in which I had more answers because I think it would make us both happier if things were just set in stone... Either together or not... Doesnt seem like that is going to happen anytime soon though... Time will tell. Good luck with things bro
Originally Posted by Spoon
05-29-2004, 10:17 AM #22
Hahaha yeah... I'm gonna swan dive off the top of my house tonight Nah i'm just playin
Originally Posted by juicehoe
05-29-2004, 10:17 AM #23Originally Posted by GeoQuadzilla
thank god for the gym, porno and my playstation2
05-29-2004, 10:19 AM #24Originally Posted by GeoQuadzilla
05-29-2004, 10:28 AM #25
LoL it's not even a problem I have here... Just a weird situation thats been going on for some time now... I thought the quote was funny as hell... Believe me all the heart broken stuff was over with long ago... This is just what is going on and what is going to come next
Originally Posted by juicehoe
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