Dont Go or We break Up!!!

[HeavyHitter]

About 10 of my buddies planned a trip to Las Vegas and have invited me. I have a girlfriend now for a lil over a year now. Ive went to Acapulco for spring break within the first couple of months of our relationship and have gone on a handful of college road trips w/ my buddies to visit friends.... over the year....

Recently Ive been turning my friends down (South beach, FL twice, couple of colleges, etc) b/c my girl didnt want me going. This time I dont want to listen!!

Her reasoning: LV is a stripper filled, orgy fest and your going w/ a bunch of guys who are only lookin to bang everything in site. Why would you even want to go??? She is disgusted that i even bring it up and says she will break up with me if i book the trip.... She is one of those Italian hard heads that basically does everything for me!!

As of now we are broken up b/c i snapped when she threatened me!! But she is one of a kind and makes me happier then ive ever been!! What to do.

Keep in mind she is 27 and i am only 24. Please help me out. I feel like i know the right thing to do but at the same time I dont want to lose my "freedom" to a relationship. (and when i say freedom that has nothing to do w/ cheating b/c i dont cheat)

thanks guys

[solid-d]

thats pretty rough.. Do you love her, do you have any intentions on hooking up after a few drinks.. How would you feel if you did hook up with someone.. Its your choise, you know your senerio better than anyone here would

[fitnessNY]

tough call, depends on how you feel about her and how long you have been together.

[HeavyHitter]

tell me about it guys.... I know i love her and its only been a year but ive never experienced anyone like her. But, it always comes down to sh1t moving to fast. like i said i still wanna do my thing.... the only thing im scared of is regret!!!

[kloter1]

man just go and have a good time. youve been with this girl for a year. id say move on. theres plenty more fish in the sea.

[Juggernaut]

It's a matter of trust...either she trusts you or she doesn't......and from the way she's reacting (based on what you've posted) she doesn't trust you to be alone in the candy store. How about a compromise....she lets you go and you do something for her or let her go one a "girl only" trip? I doubt that will be of any help or the fact she'll go along with it but it's all I've got.

Keep in mind you're in a relationship now so hanging with your single buds is coming close to an end soon.

[jonnytour]

Age means nothing....I am 24 and my wife is 27. I have broken up with girls because they didn't want me to go somewhere. I do have a question though: Why can't you bring her, or is it a guys only trip? If your relationship is gonna work it has to be built on trust. First you have to EARN the trust. If you have earned it then she has to trust that you will be faithful. If you are not planning on being faithful, then you have to tell her and then you can go on your trip. Any of this making sense?

[BigGreen]

That kind of ultimatum and those kind of bargaining tactics means that you have someone on your hands who is insecure and probably desperate. That likely combination leads to relationship hell 10 out of 10 times. Basically, if it works here, she realizes (and justifiably so) that this particular bargaining chip is a valid one. She'll continue to pull it whenever she desires a certain outcome and one of two things will happen: 1. you'll stay together forever but your life will be one that is largely controlled by someone else. Or, 2. you'll eventually break up as you become sick of this little tactic and you'll be left at least a little bit hurt, but, more importantly, having missed out on a number of great opportunities as a result of her approach to relationships.

About the only shot you have at salvaging anything here is to sit down and talk it through with her, find out what she's so afraid of and ameliorate those fears...but I personally wouldn't waste my time.

[OSTIE]

Man, your young as fck. You have atleast a good 30+ years still to have a serious relationship, get a house, family, etc. You only have a few years to get away with this kind of stuff. IMO, its no question, if she is in it for the long haul, she will understand. If she doesnt, think what demands she will be putting on you when your 35.

Like I tell my friends who are my age(21) and are already making extreme sacrifices.... When we are all 60yrs old and all we have left are the stories to tell other people, the only stories you will be telling are the ones of all your friends because you were never allowed to go.

[needmorestrength]

well dude.. if your scared of regret.. your going to regret losing her for some stupid 5 day trip? I wouldnt have to think twice about it.. I'd be pissed as hell that she threatened me but there is other ways of dealing with that

[Tock]

Your call.

She might dump you if you go.
Of course, she might continue to control you with similiar threats in the future even if you don't go.

If she's used the line, "You wouldn't do that if you loved me," then ya, she's being manipulative, and you'll be better off without her. If this is the first time she's raised this issue, then you need to think long and hard about going out to party with your pals. Are you ready to settle down? fine, do so. Are you not ready to settle down? Fine, go out and play. Either way, understand what your underlying motivations are, and make sure both you and your girlfriend are clear about them.

Good luck . . .

-Tock

[goodtobeapimp]

If you could trust her going to vegas with 10 of her friends,then you have a reason to be pissed. If not,shes just the same as you. Talk,talk and more talk...That's all you can do to come to a decent compromise. Acting alone in situations, while you have a significant other will only leave you alone in the long run.

[jonnytour]

well dude.. if your scared of regret.. your going to regret losing her for some stupid 5 day trip? I wouldnt have to think twice about it.. I'd be pissed as hell that she threatened me but there is other ways of dealing with that

I wouldn't listen to needmore. He has all the relationship experience of a fruit fly.

[GQSuperman]

vegas trip with the guys = once in a lifetime opportunity (trust me, as you get older, you're buddies won't be able to all get together for atrip like that again)

chicks who give ultimatums = a dime a dozen.

if she loved you, she wouldn't pull that ultimatum ****. it's a sign of bad things to come. only regret i would have would be not spending enough money in vegas to make it memorable.

[HeavyHitter]

That kind of ultimatum and those kind of bargaining tactics means that you have someone on your hands who is insecure and probably desperate. That likely combination leads to relationship hell 10 out of 10 times. Basically, if it works here, she realizes (and justifiably so) that this particular bargaining chip is a valid one. She'll continue to pull it whenever she desires a certain outcome and one of two things will happen: 1. you'll stay together forever but your life will be one that is largely controlled by someone else. Or, 2. you'll eventually break up as you become sick of this little tactic and you'll be left at least a little bit hurt, but, more importantly, having missed out on a number of great opportunities as a result of her approach to relationships.

About the only shot you have at salvaging anything here is to sit down and talk it through with her, find out what she's so afraid of and ameliorate those fears...but I personally wouldn't waste my time.

Im honored to be apart of this board bros..... I feel much better knowing that you guys understadn where Im coming from. All your remarks were what i needed.... BigGreen- thats basically what my pops told me, so im going to have alil sit down with the girl and tell her how it is... but in a good and sensitive way while condoning my trust and love for her!!! sound good??

[Rob]

put yourself in her shoes...would you care if she would be going to vegas with some girlfriends?

[HeavyHitter]

put yourself in her shoes...would you care if she would be going to vegas with some girlfriends?

I told her I understand why she is upset and that if it were reversed i would be going crazy too!! but no way would i ruin a great thing b/c my GF wanted to go away with her friends for a weekend!!!

And i would have no problem bringing her although it is a guy only trip 10 guys and her... wouldnt work!!

[spywizard]

Do you like your testicals???

Do you wear a skirt???

Who is the alpha in this realtionship...???

see what i'm getting at??

[Commando_Barbi]

I don't agree with a woman giving ultimatums about what you do with your time. I could see if you were married or living together. You are a single adult and what you do with your time and $$ is still your business. If you continue to not do things because she doesn't want you to....it will only get worse. I just came back from Vegas and both the men that were there with me were perfect gentlemen and I think they managed to have a good time without hooking up with hookers/strippers.

Bottom line...either she trusts you or she doesn't. If she doesn't ... after two years... either she's not capable or you have given her reason not to. Either way....it WON'T get any better without a lot of work and time. If and when you ever married her...it would probably get worse.

There has to be compromise. Sounds like you already have....now it's her turn. Just remember....she may turn around and want to go off with her friends at some point and you better be prepared to suck it up and trust her.

Good luck.

[decadbal]

id go, nothing says the relationship will last anyway, and vegas is vegas, if she trusts you an wants you to be happy, she knows what is up.. she dont tho, so go and forget her

[Big Slick]

I'd say go. But my girl is kind of being dumb right now. If you think you might spend forever with her, you might want to think twice. I'm sure if you tried real hard, you could ease her worries and convince her you won't hook up (if that is the case). But I've found every relationship (thus far) will end at some point, and my friends are what is really important, and you cant keep turning them down It a tough spot bro. Good luck

[ironfist]

I'd go, she'll get over it...

[Jdawg50]

Go bro if she dosent trust you then you need a new GF
I was planning to go down and kick it with OG in Miami in two weeks, my wife gave me the hall pass. You just need to make sure you fill out the appropriate paperwork for the hallpass. As long as she trust you, she should let you go. End of story.. If you have given her a reason in the past to not trust yo.... welll

[Rob]

after all...what happens in Vegas...(finish the sentence)