I dunno i dont usually post personal **** unless ive basically hit a wall....i just dont know what to do

basically ive been with this girl for 14 months......the first 6 months were great...there were a few problems that i had to work on such as jeliousy, shyness, understanding etc.....but i worked on it and things were great....well that brought us to the end of summer....and we come to school again...we live together at home like 15 from each other, although she spends the summer at the shore as a lifeguard, so at tops an hour away, but we go away to school 5 hours away from home together as well......

well we come back to school....and since things kinda have gotten iffy...like basically shes in a sorority and is tryin to do pharmacy, so right there she has VERY little time for anything else.....well id say within the past 3 months, we have broke up twice, right now is our third time......and its all basically over the same ****....problems SHE needs to work on...honestly are both great people, we wont cheat on each other, good morals etc...and she as well as i both agreed its always been me puttin soo much more into the relationship...but she and i both agree...the problems are things she needs to change...she just has very little time to do things togehter, which also entails her having less time to plan things and do things for me...the first breakup lasted 5 days...it got to the point where she realized she needed me and wanted to be with me and that she was gonna try and make time etc......well the first week was great, but then things kinda slowly got back to the same spot....the second breakup came a week before midterms...where she was really stressed with school and stuff and with her having less time for me, that ends up upsetting me and makes me feel she doesnt care for me and doesnt show it, and doesnt really take MY feelings into consideration....and all that entails me puttin more stress on her and she just couldnt take it....well that time we got back together in 3 days...

and personally i dont feel that because we got back together so quickly, that necessarily affects us coming back to these same spots...we took the time that was necessary to realize things, we took the time that was needed...it just happened to not take long and the feelings to get back were mutual and thats that.......well id say for the past month and a half things have been shaky.... id say about 5 weeks ago, she went away to go home for easter with some girl i hate, and i hated the idea cuz it left me here alone, but she DID have these plans for awhile...and whether she was right or wrong for going, its beside the point. The next weekend i went home with a friend of mine....the following weekend she had sorority stuff ALL weekend and wasnt allowed to go drinkin or hang with guys although she did come over 1 night......now we usually try and hang out during the weekend cuz its hard to find time during the week...so that kinda entailed us to kinda try and force time that just wasnt there...cuz i needed to see her and kinda told her i needed to and kinda "forced" it on her...which lead to more fighting....the following weekend(2 weekends ago) she had her formal for her sorority and the night started off okay but one thing lead to another and i walk across her crying her eyes out to her sister...basically she came home to talk about it and shes sayin how she just doesnt know what to do cuz she isnt happy, nor am i, and she feels like we should break up cuz of this, and because things have been up and down for a month at that point.......well i told her to sober up cuz the alcohol was gettin to her emotions...well we talked the next day and agreed to give it a couple more weeks cuz school will be over and alot with change and get better with summer...so thats what we did

well the next week, things just felt fake...like her hugs kisses etc. seemed forced and not heartfelt, or even when i made the effort to go to her sorority football event, where i stand there by myself feeling awkward and like an outsider, but i know shed like me there so i went...3 days straight....and even then its like Thanks for coming i appreciate it...thats it...it kinda felt like im some kid from class who stopped by....well i talked to her thursday night and we were like sayin things just arent right right now and we need to take a break, well friday came around and it was the same thing and we made it official....although i went over afterward to do laundry and watch a movie together, and like she laid on me, i laid on her, she kissed on me and such and she even passes out on my chest....

saturday i wake up cryin for about 2 hours cuz it just hit me hard...i ask her to come over cuz honestly i have noone here at school...all my friends have either graduated or transfered and i have noone close anymore but her...so she was the only person i could turn to for comfort, so she comes over and holds me, and she starts cryin etc, AS WE ARE LAYIN IN BED HOLDING EACHOTHER...and she still kisses my forhead or cheek wahtever...and everyonce in awhile a couple on the lips....well she leaves cuz she had something to do...the night rolls around...i go to pick up the rest of the laundry and i drop off her ****.........and i go to walk out and shes like well do u wanna hang out for a bit in the othe room and talk....and considering i dont have a roomate and im gonna come back to my apt by myself....obviously im gonna stay....well its the same ****....shes holding me crying...im holding her crying...kissin on forhead cheek etc....and i told her that this break seems necessary to let things cool off and give us a little space, but it just doesnt seem right...well then i basically left....but at this point we agreed we need to stop talkin and seeing eachother to give the space to think and see what we need and want...she ended up going to a party we were supposed to go to...that smae girl from before who i hate...its her bday party....we had plans to go together for a couple weeks, but because of the circumstances, i didnt go...she did....althought she cried to me and tol dme she wanted me to go but because i didnt know anyone there, she didnt wanna have to hang with me all night cuz id feel soo outofplace...so i told her i wasnt going

well i talked to a girl that was there...sayin how she just didnt even dress up..it was a cocktail party and she wore jeans....and she basically drank more then she usually does and just looked really really upset and kinda just did her own thing

sunday night rolls around....she sits 2 pues behind me at church on the opposite side of the pue....so i keep my back to her the whole time...well she goes up for communion and passes me as i go to kneel at the end of my pue and touches me on the shoulder...i look at her really really quickly, fake smile..and look away....then mass is over and she is waiting there for me outside bull****tin askin how i am, what im doing for the night, tellin me hwat shes doing ....i didnt look at her the whole time...i oculdnt....then she leans over and kisses me on the cheek...i decide to do the same after she leaned back...then we hugged and it just seemed soo heartfealt and perfect......


monday night rolls around and we kinda talked and she said how she couldnt sleep...well i told her id run her over a tylenol pm, i didnt mind...so i did....well i handed em to her...walked out...she stopped me and was like can i get a hug...so i was like okay....then i kinda walked to the door as i was huggin her, picked her up, and carried her1/3 of the way to my apt as a joke...then i carried her back...she smiled and laughed the whole time being like are you serious haha bla bla...etc...........well then we started talkin and i proposed going to the bar toinght with acouple of her girls because ive never been there for the event they hold on tuesdays and we had plans for 2 weeks to go...and i told her to just think baout it and get back to me later....but honestly to follow her heart and what she feels is right....and not be unfluced by all her sororoity girls tellin her is prob isnt a good idea....well i get back from class today and basically she said none of the girls were gonna go...and that it woulda just been me and her...and it woulda been awkward and she iddnt feel it was right to go so she didnt wanna go....and i kinda raged a little bit and threw **** across the room...but it was more that i was really really upset then me being mad...i had no rite to be mad..but it did hurt cuz i kinda was getitn optimistic about things...she talked to a friend of mine and said to her that she was plannin on hangin out sometimes this week anyway, and that she loves me and could see us getin married bla bla but right now just isnt the time...and my friend was lke well i think youll be fine and work things out, and shes like yea its just a matter of when....she also had lyrics in her profile from brian mcknight back at one...and john legend ordinary people...they were only 1 liners...but everyone i asked said she implied the whole song...so rather then me go into why they make me optimistic...if u really want you could check out the songs....but then with her sayin she didnt wanna go tonight it kinda made me feel like we took a step BACK kinda...

and thats where i am now...i just dont know where to go with things....its like honestly ive never felt this before...i tought i was inlove once...and this girl just puts that to shame....like the breakup with THAT relationship and this breakup, like the more i think about it, the more my chest and stomach hurts like i can honestly inflict sickness on myself...and i never had that with the other relationshiip....and i mean there are reasons why i definately should just walk away...but im definately deeply inlove with her....but her and i both have said there is alot of potential and could see it workin....it just comes down to whether or not she will change...and that right now with finals beeing a week away again(maybe its just her way of dealing with stress like the 2nd breakup) she just doesnt think its right right now....its hard to just throw it away...cuz i know i am deeply inlove wit her and that puts all the reasons why we should break up to shame.... and i dont wanna give up...and we both see the potential...and we both want the same things out of the relationship and life in long term....i mean we decided saturday that we needed to stop talkin and seeing eachother but we havent gone a day yet without doing that.....but then again, thats me initiating...but i have atleast realized im done initiating....i kinda feel like its her turn...im puttin it on her......if she wants to call or see me its on her...cuz its always been on me

any insight at all would be really appreciated

i just have noidea what to do or how to take this

sorry i know its really long but without some background i feel like any opinions cant be real