Trouble at the DMV, starring Rassis

[stayinstacked]

In our last journey, Rassis and I went to work out at a local YMCA that was
over run with queers. We brought along Coleman, our newly purchased rotty
from the flea market to join us. The gym was over run with queer
construction workers who harassed us repeatedly, prancing around singing
Elton John and the Village People, ruining our boombox music, and then
proceeding to whistle at us as we did bent over rows. We became forced to
engage in an all out bloodbath in the locker room, where we single handedly
took on about 30 queers trying to attack us w/ weapons. We broke bones,
cracked skulls, and took out a few w/ a homemade explosive device I quickly
put together w/ some pool cleaner supplies and some aluminum foil. Just as
we thought the army of homos had the best of us, none other than Coleman
the "Got test?" Rottweiler busted through the sheet rock and took out the
rest of them with fierce bites to the neck and groin area. We ran out w/ the
Braddock: Missing in Action theme song playing on our boombox, and went
home and decontaminated the dog and ourselves for fear that one of us,
even the dog, may have contaminated an STD from all the blood.


Well today, as some of you have already assumed by now, we got into

another altercation, only this time at the DMV. Rassis has been working hard

at a new job lately(the lumber yard) and has managed to purchase his first

automobile. It's a beat up '88 Buick Skylark w/ rims, but it runs good

mechanically. So we went to the DMV earlier so he could take his road test

and written examination and get his drivers license. We put Coleman in the

back seat and took along some kettle bells and a boombox, knowing how busy

the DMV can get, and we thought we may have had to do our workout there

in the office. We pulled up in the parking lot w/ our system blasting, and a

few police officers immediately took notice, giving us dirty looks. We got

Coleman out of the backseat, Rassis grabbed the canvas sack w/ the

kettlebells and the boombox, and I walked the dog on his alloy steel, heavy

duty, come along leash. As we walked by the cops, Coleman growled

frantically at one of the men, and reached out to snip him at the groin area. I

tried desperately to pull him back, but my efforts were failing so I was

forced to anchor off to a post and retract him back with the come-along

ratchet system, as his feet became bloody from pulling against me. "Why is

your dog wearing a bloody "Got test" T-shirt the cops asked? Because daz

what da mutta****a wants nigga', said Rassis, wearing his 80's style cheap

black sunglasses and a boombox on his shoulder. The police then just stared

speechless as we walked past them into the DMV. The place was full of

nothing but pregnant mexicans and fat truck drivers arguing over a license

revocation. I knew we'd be there all day. A couple kids tried to pet Coleman

but backed away quickly as he turned to show them his missing eye and then

showed his teeth. It seemed like we were waiting there forever, Rassis was

becoming extremely impatient, and the dog had already taken two dumps on

the floor. "Shit Stacked, what da' **** takin' so damn long? said Rassis. "I

dont know man, DMV's are like this sometimes, I said. Shit man, we goin' miss

our ****in' lunch, and dis nigga' got an injection to take!! as two older women

in front turned around startled by his profanity and steroid talk. Coleman

looked up at them and showed his teeth, quickly turning their heads back

around and leaving one woman grabbing her chest. Rassis pulled out a

Kool-Aid Koolburst mixed w/ some horse serum and began chugging his home

made energy drink. "Excuse me sir, you cant have that in here, and no pets

allowed!!" said a man. "Dis my ****in medicine, and dis my seein' eye dog, so

backda****up, yelled Rassis. "Sir, are you aware your dog has only one eye,

said the man. "If da mutta****a had both he'd be my seein' eyes dog, but he

only got one so he a seein eye dog, and I a blind mutta****a, so leave a

nigga alone fo' I knock da' black off yo' ass, you lil' skinny Clay Aiken looking

bitch!!" Aright, aright, we dont want any trouble, the man said. As Rassis

finished his kool Aid he pulled out some Kettle Bells and plugged in the boombox to a wall outlet. The music of choice for today was Project Pat, and we proceeded to warm up with some kettle bell exercises. "Excuse me, SIR!! You cant have all of that in here, yelled a woman. "Docta' say I dyin, and I gosta stay strong yelled Rassis, backda****up!!! Aright, aright, we dont want any trouble, said the woman. Rassis's name was then called to the desk. "Rassis Beuford Bleu!! Next!!! Rassis approached the counter in his wife beater , "yes' ma'am" said Rassis. Ok, take the glasses off and tell me the letters on the board. "Ugggh, uhh, A, uggh D, E, ugggh U." Ok, now come over here and take the written test. Have a seat here, its 25 questions and you need an 80% to pass Mr. Bleu" Rassis took the test as beads of sweat trickled down

his face and onto his wifebeater. He ended up passing it because he copied

off some Mexican kid, but if he didnt I doubt he had the brain power to pass it on his own. "Ok, now its time for your drivers test, go over there to Mr. Dickson and he'll instruct you on what to do." So Rassis and I walked over to

Mr. Dickson and asked him what we needed to do. Mr. Dickson was a

corporate looking man, who was dressed in some Banana republic khakis, a

pink shirt, and a tie w/ some coke bottle glasses on his face."Yo, nigga' what da **** it be?" What do you mean what it be? said Mr. Dickson. Yo, lemmie just take dis test and git da **** on my way aight?" Well ok genteman, are we all fired up, ready to get our drivers license? as he tried to excite us. Yeah, lets just get dis shit rollin' said Rassis. Mr. Dickson looked at me oddly as if something were wrong with my freind, "You heard the man, lets go, I

shouted. He quickly two stepped out to the parking lot w/ his clipboard as we followed. "Ok ,fellas, we can either do this in the city car or your own vehicle, what'll it be? Shit, lemmie show you my ride, lez do it in my whip! yelled Rassis. "Excuse me? A whip? Just get yo ass in da ' ride and grade a nigga'



son. We put the man in the backseat w/ Coleman, as the dog stared at him the entire time w/ exposed teeth, and growled everytime Mr. Dickson went to write on the clipboard. Rassis turned up the system to some old school "Dre

Day" and we started hitting corners like it was a high speed chase. "Slow

down, yelled the man over the loud music and squeeling tires. As Rassis took

a sip of his Kool-aid/horse serum solution, he nodded his head side to side,as

if to tell the man "You dont tell me how to drive" A couple of kids in their daddy's Mercedes pulled up next to us at the stop light, and one looked over and snickerd "nice piece of shit" to us. What mutta****a, what mutta****a? How bout I take yo ass at dis light cracka'? We both revved our engines, and Coleman barked w/ excitement, as he stuck his head out of the small tinted back window. "Now gentleman, gentleman, please control yourselves, this will not give you a passing MARK MR. BLEU!!! "Shut da' **** up and hold on Marty Mcfly I shouted. The light turned green and we were off like a prom dress. The teenage boys started taking us, but not before Rassis rammed the car a few times w/ his Buick. Mr. Dickson had pissed all over himself, and the dog was going nuts. We went over a small hill launching the Buick into the air, and the car then came crashing down. "You guys are out of YOUR ****ING MINDS!!! Yelled Mr. Dickson. The car was stopped, radiator fluid was all over

the road, and steam came out from under the hood. "Sir, you my freind have

failed, and I am calling the police right now. But as he pulled his cell phone

out of his khakis Coleman took it w/ his teeth and bit it in half, growling at

the same time. "You know what yo' problem be nigga?" You aint git no pussy. Stacked, lez take da' man into the strip club right here and show dis nigga how to be coo'. "No sirs, I refuse to ruin my values w/ your poisoned lifestyle!!! I grabbed the man and held open his mouth, "Rassis, pour some of that Kool aid in his mouth, lets fix this nigga right now!!" The man struggled but was unsuccesful as Rassis dumped a Kool burst full of horse serum down his throat. The man shook around violently as if having some reaction to the drink, and then passed out. He awoke shortly, and his first words were "LEZ GO GET DAT PUSSY NIGGAZ!!!" The Kool aid serum solution had impacted the mans test levels so much that he went from dork to cool within minutes. He ripped off his pink shirt and tie and put on a spare wife beater we gave him, and a bandana. Coleman licked his face as to approve of his coolness and



comfort level. We walked into the strip club, and were soon approached by

this hot waitress. "Can I get you guys some drinks? she asked Make it a bucket of Corona bitch!! said Mr. Dickson, as she looked shocked and angry, Mr. Dickson pulled out a $50 and said "keep it real and keep da' change ho!!" the woman smiled at him and then gave him a kiss as she said "thank you daddy" Mr. Dickson had become one cool dude from the horse serum. Shit niggaz, lemmie get another shot of that horse piss, said Mr. Dickson. He took

down another shot and became even worse. "I got $100 bucks, wich one of

dese ho's wants to suck my nuts!!? As he waived his Benjamin around. A

bunch of hot hunnies came running over and were all up on him like bums lined

up at the meals on wheels van. "I can take you in the back and suck your nuts Mr. Dickson, a hot blonde said. "I'll be right back my niggaz, said our instructor. He was back there forever it seemed, he came out with the biggest woody sticking out of his khackis. "so, how was it? I asked. Shit, I ****ed the bitch, said Dickson. We high fived him and congradulated him on


his coolness. We had to catch a cab back to the DMV. We gave Dickson a

case of Kool aid to take w/ him to promote the coolness, and he gave Rassis a 100% on his test, his license, and a hug. "Hey, you guys dont know how much I appreciate this, thanks again, said Dickson. We'll catch you niggaz on da' flipside homies, and we got back in the cab and drove away into the sunset.

[RuhlFreak55]

yes........these are soo awesome

[Prol]

HAHA .....COol story

[Prol]

i haven't enjoyed reading something so much in along time

[kloter1]

its worth reading?

[RuhlFreak55]

they're always worth reading.....pretty cool shit....and they have a one eyed rott!!!!!!!!!!!! that's ****ing sweet

[QuieTSToRM33]

stacked .......... another classic thread

[stayinstacked]

"BUMP" yelled Rassis, bump bump bump dis shit

[Teabagger]

[GunTotingHipGangster]

haha bro you should get this sh!t published...i dont know in what tho

start your own magazine perhaps

[AnabolicAndre]

Redic. I love it!!!

just write a book, Im sure some one will publish it

[ManWhore]

[firmechicano831]

Is this shit real? I'll believe it when you have a picture of him with you.

[ManWhore]

of course it's real...

[stayinstacked]

**** yeah it's real, here goes his pic right here, he's the one on the right

[stayinstacked]

bump

[QuieTSToRM33]

hahaha ........... he puts up a pic of D-bo

[Wrath]

man...these shits are too funny. rasis has good taste in music...old project pat, 'ghetty green' and 'mista don't play" get me amped.


"Shut da' sh@t up and hold on Marty Mcfly I shouted. The light turned green and we were off like a prom dress"

[firmechicano831]

shits funny and good.

[RuhlFreak55]

bump for sweetness