Different race dating...Cant believe im posting this...

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 12:38 AM

I cant believe im posting for advice on this but I am... I will give a "prequil" to my situation, so i hope people who want to give serious reponses will read... To be HONEST, im lookin for advice for those who are serious with a hispanic or different race girl...

background - I live in a very whitetrash, kinda poor, area... where every family works in two factories but everyone works hard in sh!tty factories... 2 miles down the road is the hispanic ghetto( another 4 miles is all african american area because milwaukee is ghetto but segregated(sp?), and we have choice schools so I was raised in a very racially mixed community cause the city would bus kids from VERY VERY poverty families to our school and most familes moved here since our area was the first to offer disegrated options an its cheap... Our "Community" newspaper posted an article about how our area of town is 60% white but the average income is less than 20 g's a year,...

My parents*both got booted from their parents houses at 17, just how it is.. and they have worked very hard to get were they are and I consider them very well off because they dont take anything for granted, they save, and they respect everyone... My best friends are mexican and puerto rican... ive grown up with them and their families like im one of their own and my parents consider them family.... ive learned my half ass spanish because their parents were close enough to teach me like im a son... I cant explain how much we all consider eachother family along with all our parents

SOOO, race is indifferent to me and my parents which is AWESOME to me, especially in this day and age... my friends parents who are of different races feel the same way... I cant ask for anything more... but we all are exposed to different media outlets where this sh!t still exists...

HERES THE TWIST... I dont "date" much cause of the college scene among other insecurities I see people of my age have... BUT im about to take the plunge...

The girl im seeing now was born in mexico, but is very well educated... her parents were big political figures in mexico, but raised the second half of their kids here and they are now teachers in Milw.... this girl has only had one BF and has only had sex with this one guy before me... she comes from a strict family...

She has openly admitted she is seing a white dude(me) to her family after her one and only controlling mexican ex BF... but she has yet to introduce me... from what she has said, her family is really cool with her dating a white dude especially based on my schooling, family, goals, etc...

She has met my parents and they think she is great.... but I think we are both cautious about takin it to the extreme BF/.GF level where we meet eachothers extened family and I want to hear opinions of what to expect...

This is the only thing holding us back... I dont think either of us are scared of our extended families being racist... but it still has to be handled with velvet gloves...

I have a big family party coming up, some of which havent been exposed to the*innercity like her family and mine have been exposed too, but im excited for her to meet my family and she is too, but there are obvious precautions... I am going to insist she meets the rest of my family which will mean the world to her i think and seal our deal in a serious relationship, but it could break us...

Im just lookin for some advice on what to expect based on some of ur guys experiences and maybe how to handle those who are in our families and except it, but take cheap shots at us at the same time... because If i hear even jokes from them(which may be just joking) i will still lose my temper because i think its unappropriate and will snap on them which wil be ackward because im starting fights with family for any comment they make that will make my girl feel uncomfortable...

SORRY for the long post... im just lookin for others who were/are in the same situation, because I want to make this work, she wants it to work, but we are young and influential by our surroundings no matter how strong our initial relationship is...

Give me tips on what to expect....

Thanks

-OST

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 12:41 AM

DDD@@@MMMNNN... that was long... sorry guys... i dont post anything on relationships... Im not posting this cause of relationship problems... but I just need to hear other members opinions who are in the same situation...

For instance, SWOLE, arent u married to a hispanic girl... u seem to be solid with her... thats what I want... just lookin for some heads up on obstacles u and other members have faced...

thanks again

**guest589745** · 06-06-2006, 12:48 AM

If you love each other, TRULY love each other.....

FU*K EVERYTHING ELSE

Be yourself and let her be herself as well. Thats all you need to do. If anyone has a problem with it they can kiss your, mine and anyone else who agrees ass. WHo realy gives a shit about what her family thinks of you or vice versa? If you think about it, it doesn't matter.

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by Skullsmasher

If you love each other, TRULY love each other.....

FU*K EVERYTHING ELSE

Be yourself and let her be herself as well. Thats all you need to do. If anyone has a problem with it they can kiss your, mine and anyone else who agrees ass. WHo realy gives a shit about what her family thinks of you or vice versa? If you think about it, it doesn't matter.

U are the man for that response... thanks... Im not even close to anyone in my extended family tellin me NOT to date this girl, but whether I want to think so or not, the older generation(my elder family members included) may still crack stupid jokes... and I will NOT take that with a grain of salt when they say that in front of my girl... and im lookin for alternative ways of handling it based on others experiences without hittin my own family members

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 12:56 AM

I guess I just gotta not think about it or make assumptions until it happens... I gotta keep an open mind... im sure, even though this girls family is happy she found a solid prospective white dude, they still may crack jokes on the white race even though they dont mean it...

I guess im just lookin for others experiences and how they handled it, if that makes sense

**guest589745** · 06-06-2006, 12:57 AM

Just simply tell it like it is:

"ya know, I love you guys but, have some respect for her. I care about her very much and those kind of comments arent welcomed. If you love me you'll understand and respect that."

easier said then done but you may have to man up and say things that need to be said. I wouldnt let anyone say something like that in front of her. I would stand up for her if you feel it in yer heart.

**guest589745** · 06-06-2006, 12:59 AM

Sometimes they really may mean no harm by their jokes so just breath deep man, re-fukin-lax, seriously. Theres nothing to worry about, worrying doesnt change or help anyone. Be yourself, I cant say it enough, just let it be.

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 01:09 AM

Ya, I guess im being a pussy... cause I am considered the social butterfly joke master... and I know no matter what happens, no one can say anything bad about the future relationship that will convince me differnt... BUT when it comes to family its different I guess....

I know no one will be pissed, they will welcome her with open arms, but at the same times, they are still subject to bein dumb whitetrash with their jokes, and they may let their jokes slip (even though they dont mean it) but if they let it slip in front of her, I WILL CONFRONT them, and we are a physically confrontational family... i guess im expecting the worse and dont want to have to beat the fck outta my cousins or uncles and split my family into sides.... I over analyze shit but thats why me and this girl are good together... cause we bust anyone out with opinions...

like i said, i may be a pssy and answered my own question since my parents, brother, and obviously my hispanic bestfriends dont think twice, BUT its a big thing for me to bring a girl to my extended family especially one of a different race, so i over analyze sitations and prepare for the worst

**scriptfactory** · 06-06-2006, 01:19 AM

Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you. Hold on to the ones that care about you, in the end they will be the only ones there.
--Anonymous

I was married to a Mexican woman before and a white (German) woman now. I can honestly say that you shouldn't worry about anyone but the people closest to you. People are racist. It's a fact. Almost every single person has negative preconcieved notions about at least one other race. There will be jokes made and you will probably get angry but if you truly care about this girl a few stupid jokes are like water under the bridge. Just realize that people are stupid. You caring about what they have to say isn't going to change that or make you feel any better.

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 01:29 AM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you. Hold on to the ones that care about you, in the end they will be the only ones there.
--Anonymous

I was married to a Mexican woman before and a white (German) woman now. I can honestly say that you shouldn't worry about anyone but the people closest to you. People are racist. It's a fact. Almost every single person has negative preconcieved notions about at least one other race. There will be jokes made and you will probably get angry but if you truly care about this girl a few stupid jokes are like water under the bridge. Just realize that people are stupid. You caring about what they have to say isn't going to change that or make you feel any better.

You are right that most people have a preconcived(sp?) opinion on different races... and like i said... I know FOR SURE that no one in my extended family will be pissed, but i hear stupid comments every so often and if it happens infront of this girl, i feel I have to bust them out... and Im pretty sure they will be hardheaded and will physically push the issue that they were just joking, but if it makes my girl feel uncomfortable, I will WITHOUT HESITATION stick up for her because sh!t like that shouldnt be mentioned in the first place and it may get ugly...

I feel based on my families location and upbringing, even the extended family, are NOWHERE near racist, but like u said, everyone still busts jokes or comments and even though they may think its innocent, if it makes a girl who a care about alot uncomfortable, i will not hesitate to let them know its not appropriate infront of everyone...

BTW... yes Im fallin into racial profiling, but u gave good advice and I hope u know im not racist, but I like to analyze all comments, SO my question to you is... are you african american????

**J.S.N.** · 06-06-2006, 01:49 AM

dude a mexican GF/spouse is nothing compared to a gay son, and one of my best friends's bother is a homogay. so like tell your family about him and tell them to be glad that's not what's going on.

**BARLOW** · 06-06-2006, 01:50 AM

my first girlfriend was was black, im from white trash area.....u know how that goes.......98% white in the surrounding 100miles...... i didnt care...her family met mine, bla bla, all was well.....who cares bro.....just dont take things people say personally.....just shrug it off......all u can do......cuz u know wut u feel and that ur right in wut ur doing.
ok can i go bed now?

**scriptfactory** · 06-06-2006, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by OSTIE

BTW... yes Im fallin into racial profiling, but u gave good advice and I hope u know im not racist, but I like to analyze all comments, SO my question to you is... are you african american????

I'm a black American.

**Pooks** · 06-06-2006, 06:25 AM

I tried getting into this hot hispanic Lesbian chicks pants ... but after a lot of courtship..i decided i couldnt live around someone who checks out chicks asses more than me..her googlin of other chicks was actually embarassing, cause she'd get caught staring at them a lot... so eventually, i decided to pursue easier chicks..

wait a minute this got nothing to do with this thread at all..

**zimmy** · 06-06-2006, 07:55 AM

dude... i'm hispanic...but my sister's fionsay is a white dude. Not everyone isognna make a n issue of it. None of us care...never made one joke. So don't think worst case scenerio ya know?

**DamnYouMSN** · 06-06-2006, 08:31 AM

i don't think you got anything to worry about. especially since both your family and your girls family are open about it.

**biglouie250** · 06-06-2006, 08:50 AM

i think you are blowing the situation out of proportion. everything is in place for this relationship to work. parents give their blessing, you both like each other, both are respectful of different cultures. everything else really doesnt matter. take the relationship one day at a time.

**squatdaddy** · 06-06-2006, 09:19 AM

I think the responses you got are the one's I would expect... it doesn't matter about race or anyone's perception... as long as your happy that is ALL that matters!!
I dated a columbian girl for a while... she was HOT... we were good together, my parents loved her... she came to this country when she was 17 yrs old...
the only problems we ever had was one of culture... she had hers, I had mine and sometimes the two didn't always see eye to eye... when you date someone, you also date everything about them, how they were raised, their value system, their beliefs, their way of life... sometimes those don't always work, could be true of any race, including your own race ... but remember... not trying to throw out steriotypes but you mentioned that you aren't close to extended family, most mexican families I know are very-very close knit to all family... that may or may not work for you... this was my problem... not an extended family kind of guy, actually very private where Marley was very entrenched in her family, extended family, and friends... for me it was tough to deal with ALL THE TIME, but for her, it is her value system... we are still awesome friends and I will always love her, just two different worlds... make sure everything fits or make sure you are both happy with the compromise... (course I guess that was just long winded because it can relate to any dating senerio... )

**Prada** · 06-06-2006, 10:31 AM

Wow. I've always lived in major urban centers/citites. Paris, NY and so on. It is totally the norm of interracial relationship because besides the color/tint of skin infact the individuals are, after all, "americain" "Canadian" "French" and so on. It is a fact of life with globalization that we cannot fight against.

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by OSTIE

I cant believe im posting for advice on this but I am... I will give a "prequil" to my situation, so i hope people who want to give serious reponses will read... To be HONEST, im lookin for advice for those who are serious with a hispanic or different race girl...

background - I live in a very whitetrash, kinda poor, area... where every family works in two factories but everyone works hard in sh!tty factories... 2 miles down the road is the hispanic ghetto( another 4 miles is all african american area because milwaukee is ghetto but segregated(sp?), and we have choice schools so I was raised in a very racially mixed community cause the city would bus kids from VERY VERY poverty families to our school and most familes moved here since our area was the first to offer disegrated options an its cheap... Our "Community" newspaper posted an article about how our area of town is 60% white but the average income is less than 20 g's a year,...

My parents*both got booted from their parents houses at 17, just how it is.. and they have worked very hard to get were they are and I consider them very well off because they dont take anything for granted, they save, and they respect everyone... My best friends are mexican and puerto rican... ive grown up with them and their families like im one of their own and my parents consider them family.... ive learned my half ass spanish because their parents were close enough to teach me like im a son... I cant explain how much we all consider eachother family along with all our parents

SOOO, race is indifferent to me and my parents which is AWESOME to me, especially in this day and age... my friends parents who are of different races feel the same way... I cant ask for anything more... but we all are exposed to different media outlets where this sh!t still exists...

HERES THE TWIST... I dont "date" much cause of the college scene among other insecurities I see people of my age have... BUT im about to take the plunge...

The girl im seeing now was born in mexico, but is very well educated... her parents were big political figures in mexico, but raised the second half of their kids here and they are now teachers in Milw.... this girl has only had one BF and has only had sex with this one guy before me... she comes from a strict family...

She has openly admitted she is seing a white dude(me) to her family after her one and only controlling mexican ex BF... but she has yet to introduce me... from what she has said, her family is really cool with her dating a white dude especially based on my schooling, family, goals, etc...

She has met my parents and they think she is great.... but I think we are both cautious about takin it to the extreme BF/.GF level where we meet eachothers extened family and I want to hear opinions of what to expect...

This is the only thing holding us back... I dont think either of us are scared of our extended families being racist... but it still has to be handled with velvet gloves...

I have a big family party coming up, some of which havent been exposed to the*innercity like her family and mine have been exposed too, but im excited for her to meet my family and she is too, but there are obvious precautions... I am going to insist she meets the rest of my family which will mean the world to her i think and seal our deal in a serious relationship, but it could break us...

Im just lookin for some advice on what to expect based on some of ur guys experiences and maybe how to handle those who are in our families and except it, but take cheap shots at us at the same time... because If i hear even jokes from them(which may be just joking) i will still lose my temper because i think its unappropriate and will snap on them which wil be ackward because im starting fights with family for any comment they make that will make my girl feel uncomfortable...

SORRY for the long post... im just lookin for others who were/are in the same situation, because I want to make this work, she wants it to work, but we are young and influential by our surroundings no matter how strong our initial relationship is...

Give me tips on what to expect....

Thanks

-OST

If you love her and are serious with her tell your extended to family to **** off. You can't live your life based on what they approve and disapprove of. If they say something out of ignorance ignore it. If they say something directly offensive to insult your girl I would say something about it.

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by J.S.N.

dude a mexican GF/spouse is nothing compared to a gay son, and one of my best friends's bother is a homogay. so like tell your family about him and tell them to be glad that's not what's going on.

Your level of stupidity amazes me.

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by Prada

Wow. I've always lived in major urban centers/citites. Paris, NY and so on. It is totally the norm of interracial relationship because besides the color/tint of skin infact the individuals are, after all, "americain" "Canadian" "French" and so on. It is a fact of life with globalization that we cannot fight against.

Exactly.

I live in NYC and I feel the same way. I think I have dated every *race* and brought a few home to meet my parents. Color was a none issue.

**scriptfactory** · 06-06-2006, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Prada

Wow. I've always lived in major urban centers/citites. Paris, NY and so on. It is totally the norm of interracial relationship because besides the color/tint of skin infact the individuals are, after all, "americain" "Canadian" "French" and so on. It is a fact of life with globalization that we cannot fight against.

It seems that people only understand this in larger, multicultural cities. Since I've lived in Germany (which is predominately small villages filled with white people and Turks) I've noticed a much more widespread stigma towards interracial dating/marriages.

My woman talked to a man that worked in some German office and asked him what he thought about racism. The man said he totally disagreed with it. My woman asked him what he would do if his daughter brought home a black guy. He said, "I don't have a problem with those people, but I couldn't let my daughter date one. I would be too scared..."

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

"I don't have a problem with those people, but I couldn't let my daughter date one. I would be too scared..."

**Prada** · 06-06-2006, 10:57 AM

I guess we take it for granted that our domiciles are in major citites. IT never ceases to amaze me how.........conservative parts of America are, still. Carlos, Script,et cetera. Correct me if I am wrong but we are all former americains no longer in US but rather Europe, I guess we have a different atmosphere.

I mean this in no shape, size or form to the thread starter but his experience left me with a foul taste.

**OSTIE** · 06-06-2006, 11:34 AM

Thanks for the responses.... I over anyalyze sh!t wayyy too much sometimes... I realized im not worried bout anything now that I took a step back to look at things

**USfighterFC** · 06-06-2006, 11:34 AM

I live in a pretty well off area and i dated a puerto rican girl from the projects who was a stripper and who had a 3 year old son and didnt even finish high school. Imagine introducin your parents to that one. Your pretty good bro I doubt you have anything to worry about.

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by Prada

I guess we take it for granted that our domiciles are in major citites. IT never ceases to amaze me how.........conservative parts of America are, still. Carlos, Script,et cetera. Correct me if I am wrong but we are all former americains no longer in US but rather Europe, I guess we have a different atmosphere.

I mean this in no shape, size or form to the thread starter but his experience left me with a foul taste.

I moved to Madrid and came back because of a good job offer in the US. I still want to live in Madrid though.

I'm staying here long enough to save money and find a great job there.

**J.S.N.** · 06-06-2006, 10:23 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

Your level of stupidity amazes me.

once again your inability to comprehend irony is hilarious. in fact it proves you to be quite stupid.

which is obvous(ly) hilarious as well.

**Carlos_E** · 06-06-2006, 10:33 PM

Originally Posted by J.S.N.

dude a mexican GF/spouse is nothing compared to a gay son, and one of my best friends's bother is a homogay. so like tell your family about him and tell them to be glad that's not what's going on.

Originally Posted by J.S.N.

once again your inability to comprehend irony is hilarious. in fact it proves you to be quite stupid.

which is obvous(ly) hilarious as well.

You think it's a problem having someone gay in your family.

Each time you make a racist or homophobic comment you claim it a joke. It's not funny when no one eles is laughing but you.

**scriptfactory** · 06-07-2006, 12:55 AM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

You think it's a problem having someone gay in your family.

Each time you make a racist or homophobic comment you claim it a joke. It's not funny when no one eles is laughing but you.

Exactly. I didn't find it particularly funny, either.