100 Things You Need to Know About Women

[Mizfit]

You know not to forget her birthday and that her favorite flowers are purple tulips. But you need the complete list. Please use it responsibly.

I am going to address each one

Maxim, Nov 2005

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you. I don't know what PMS is and i really do think it is amde up

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line. I have to agree with this

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her. YES

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible. Yup and they will take pictures or make things seem worse when she goes out with them

96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift. not for me i don't wear any, cept a necklace

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world. underwear is fine, but socks.. hmm take em off boy

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean. i think this is a little over board.. sometimes we spend a little less time with female friend when we are attached.. but if she has no friends.. she might be clingy

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not. i don't love sports, but i can stay quiet for most of a game if you give me something to entertain my self with

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile. i don't really understand what the writer is getting at

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
Yup

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
No way, will you drive my car till i know you.. but you can drive your own car


89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
No idea what fortunoff is, i would have to research that before i make a decisions


88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27 Call me sunday, i don't think monday is desperate, and sunday im chilling

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion. They natter about stupidity and waste alot more time doing nothing


86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard. AHHH sweet


85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled. who cares


84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed. EWWWW


83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.
I do.. i admit it.. but fuk i can tell when you lie u dumbass

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men. I want to cuddle, and for u to sleep in the wet spot


81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship. My rule.. if you go there, you ain't coming back here


80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it. no

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.I disagree.. maybe she is gifted, or maybe your giving her an empty compliment


78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Erin, 21 depends if it is a stinky sweat or his natural smell

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married. i dunno

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you. I will watch, im ok if i got something to amuse me

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash. no dog here

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31 Porno is fine, but this is just wrong to me

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10. hahahaha, man is this the way a man thinks.. see this is why i dont have male friends

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice. i sometimes pretned to get more excited than i am

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26 ewww

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians. I think ugly women r the ones to worry bout.. not the pretty ones.. the ugly ones try harder

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it. I don't look because ims cared i will find something

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females. so?

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.” YAH

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense. I sometimes have to agree..

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win. NOOOOOO

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes. That's my ideal or green hazel

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon. SUREEEE

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent. That explains why i am 30 and not married

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions. not true, i like solutions, but often i ask questions i know the answrs to when i have a problem

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas. Man handle me if i belong to you

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35 Whoopi


58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29. cheating suks

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash. i'm a bad driver. i got plowed, i hit curbs.. kay enough said

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year. lipgloss tastes good

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22. I think there is no such thing as a sex buddy one alwasy eventually wants more

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004. So?

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair. I agree - short hair can only be pulld off if a girl is decent looking..

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “****ing awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed. i love being called cute.. but i think most women hate it.. adorable is cool too

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand. nope not me

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal. nope

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure. what in the hell does this mean

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers. i agree in canada as well

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps. YUp

45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women. yah

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal. This is a dumb term- i think alot of women will if u ask.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion. lie

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble. dumb

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it. dumb

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet. dumb

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s. TRUE

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28 I can't do it.. i am afraid of what i will find

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds. i kinda like a bit of protectiveness to be honest..

34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long. I sing alot..

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta! Not true, if it is ewww

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat. YA

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP. and hide the magazines

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21 true

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat. i do, im hungry

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know. My padding in my bra brings me up to about that i think...

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage. not true i am not an idiot... i got my ways buddy

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice. chocolate maybe

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you. hahaha and if you need to bleeive this, drop down a notch and remember if you think this i might wanna sleep with one of your friends..

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements. We love your flaws

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often. I love my butt

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time. i will need evidence..

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat. YAH

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way. Of course

19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it. No comment

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it. sure

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.depends what it is about

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.kink is good

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys. YES

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early. I'm not into concerts

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28 Yup

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps. i don't like whimps

11. She likes one of your friends. i think i said it's a possiblity, but your friend might hit on your girlfriend - as long as no one acts on it.. humans are attracted to each other

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason. i don't like ugly girls.. I like all my firends to be pretty because when you go somewhere you all standout for something

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last. nope, just what u look like naked

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent). sure

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid. haha

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.) haha ouch.. no comment

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives. and

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?huh

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.” be honest buddy

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out. haha

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12. I know most women lie so this is true

[stunner5000pt]

i think the list needs to be increased to a billion or so things you need to know...

[Timm1704]

hahaha that was great

[Katelette81]

Every woman is different...

[BIGAL73]

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

[JohnboyF]

haha that was funny !!!

[shortie]

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile. i don't really understand what the writer is getting at

Due to hormonal changes during ovulation this is the most likely time for a woman to be amorous thus increasing the likelyhood af a "random hookup" resulting in pregnancy.

[heavyrotation92]

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12. I know most women lie so this is true

Great....thats ironic...thats what my girlfriend said...... 5.

[Mizfit]

Great....thats ironic...thats what my girlfriend said...... 5.

well.. i won't call her a liar and neither can u..

i give a range.. when i am asked this question.. but see i have had 3 long relationships so i guess it's easier for me to do.. but do the math.. ask a chick about her past and use reasonable common sense..

[chest6]

Good list...liked the commentary

[PeteyK]

My A.D.D. kicked in when i only got to 70. Maybe ill come back to read the rest later cuz i know its gonna come back to kick me in the butt in the future if i dont.

[GREENMACHINE]

NIce post Mizfit.

[no1snowman]

I would like to add a warning sticker to this..

[SVTMuscle*]

Actually there is only 1 thing you need to know about women

[cfiler]

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
Why? Get rid of that junk. I don't keep panties of girls I've slept with, why keep that stuff?

[cfiler]

I think the most important point was missed. "Women have boobs."

[no1snowman]

yes boobs are nice....

[Phreak101]

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

I made the mistake of telling my g/f I love ass...can I get an A for effort at least?

[spywizard]

I think the most important point was missed. "Women have boobs."

You know what they say...

once you've seen one pair of boobs..











































you want to see them all..

[Timm1704]

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
Why? Get rid of that junk. I don't keep panties of girls I've slept with, why keep that stuff?

i have a friend i used to work with, he was in the paratroppers for awhile, and made a point of stealing/keeping the panties of every girl he slept with. he had a box full of soiled ladies underwear.... the feind!

[G-1000]

I'm going to be a dick on this one.

If it bleed for 7 days and does not die. It is pure evil.

[SVTMuscle*]

I'm going to be a dick on this one.

If it bleed for 7 days and does not die. It is pure evil.

I beat you to the 1st dick in the thread.

But i highly agree with you

[Mizfit]

I'm going to be a dick on this one.

If it bleed for 7 days and does not die. It is pure evil.

hmm im gonna be a smart ass.. and say a lot of womne don't bleed this long and if your body fat is so low.. u don't even worry bout it period

[RA]

I just want to know one thing. How to get them under me naked. Can you answer that one?

[G-1000]

hmm im gonna be a smart ass.. and say a lot of womne don't bleed this long and if your body fat is so low.. u don't even worry bout it period

This is what i learned from my wife.


yes dear i know.

[Mizfit]

I just want to know one thing. How to get them under me naked. Can you answer that one?

Well what have u tried?

[RA]

Well what have u tried?

Wearing a tight shirt and making my pecs dance.

[G-1000]

1. walk up to girl.
2. ask girl her name.
3. tell girl your name.
4. ask girl for sex.
5. get slaped.
6. walk a way with head down.

[RA]

1. step walk up to girl. ]
2. ask girl her name
3. tell girl your name
4. ask girl for sex.
5. get slaped
6. walk a way with head down.

Thats my normal method.

[Bojangles69]

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her. YES

i always make a concious effort to not get hard if i notice shes rubbing it over the jeans or trying to get some friction going and giggling like a tease (which is what shes tryn to do whether she realizes it or not, women get turned on by teasing, some men go straight for the gold and f_ck it up) so ill push her hand away and smirk at her like "i know you want it but im gonna make you work for it". but yeh that depends on the situation, if your not hard after the teasing stage, than you are gay imo.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile. i don't really understand what the writer is getting at

thats because you dont know when your most fertile, either do men. but theyve took women when they openly admitted to being more inclined to cheat, did tests, and found they were in a highly fertile state. A woman is less likey to have sex with her partner when shes fertile than with another man. cause when a womans fertile an evolutionary biological system activates that makes her search for "the best DNA" she can find, which often isnt her partner but some random guy who she can collect good genes from. doesnt matter why you think your doing it, but thousands of years ago a womans job was to collect sperm from the alpha male, and the alpha males job was to fertilize as many young, healthy attractive women as possible. (if we didnt behave this way there would be no such thing as evolution) we might be smarter now but our biology can a lot of times be a lot more influential than our intellect will ever be[/QUOTE]

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Claire, 27 Call me sunday, i don't think monday is desperate, and sunday im chilling

straight from the movie swingers, anyone who follows this shit must be really frustrated with thier sex life. when you get a womens number, you call her ASAP. because in 2 days some other joe shmo is tryn to get with her and the emotions you created in her are now being transfered to some other tool. you MUST always strike when the irons hot. but this is for men who want to get laid, not men who are persuing relationships. shes not gonna pick up the phone the very next day and think "oh this guy must be desperate" .. unless.. you ready for this.. YOU SOUND F_CKING DESPERATE!!!!!!! You can call her in 2 weeks and shell think your as desperate as day 1 just by the tone of your voice. So drop the f_cking bullshit people. a lameass timeline is not gonna get you ass. YOU WILL or YOU WON. simple as that.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year. lipgloss tastes good

wow.. wonder what kind of other things they're swallowing

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal. nope

your a liar, youve always dreamed of it : P

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.depends what it is about

see #49
honesty is not mizfits best policy, but if bo catches you lying about the time of the day, pack your bags and get the f out my house beyotch.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last. nope, just what u look like naked

thats just creepy.. but not surprising

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12. I know most women lie so this is true

men only blame yourself for this, cause you had to invent words like "whore" and "slut".. dumbf_cks.

[freakinhuge]

Mizfit great thread, very funny.

[AnabolicAndre]

Bojangles took the words out of my mouth good call brother.

[Bojangles69]

Bojangles took the words out of my mouth good call brother.

thank you sir!!

[Mizfit]

wow.. wonder what kind of other things they're swallowing

Sometimes food is good

your a liar, youve always dreamed of it : P

I have nitemares of a lot of things

see #49
honesty is not mizfits best policy, but if bo catches you lying about the time of the day, pack your bags and get the f out my house beyotch.

I'm actually very honest - what imeant by this comment is that i will not tell my boyfriend that that zit on his forehead really is as bad as he thinks it is. I was being honest with my answer. When it comes to the meat of relationships - there is nothing without honestly.

thats just creepy.. but not surprising

Well why is it so bad that i picture a guy naked.. at least i admit it.. see above HONESTY

men only blame yourself for this, cause you had to invent words like "whore" and "slut".. dumbf_cks.

and sadly because most women do lie.. we all get told we're liars

[Bojangles69]

/\ /\ was talking about picturing a mans kids, not him naked. i never really picture women naked, unless im about to SEE them naked or will try to get them naked in the real world. just me. but i do stranger shit like go off into fantasies in my head and ill dress her up like an ancient greek godess or some european princess with gold and silver around her head, and ill be the barbarian who rescued her or some shit, or im about to be murdered by a gang of the kings servants and i kill them all and take her away. i dont know maybe im weird..
and yes (for the last one) there are lots of misogynists men out there who are sobbing little mommas boys that couldnt transfer thier mothers love and nurturing to a real woman when they became independent men, so now they call women all sorts of names... but still love thier mothers to death (which is fine to love your mother, but not to deface the gender she occupies) and only wind up making it easier for the 2% of men who are nice to women.
which just opened up another can of worms. all these men claiming to be "nice guys" listen to yourselves when the women ARENT AROUND. Or maybe its only every single man ive ever met in MY life, i could be wrong. But noone ever called me a nice guy, just one who never contradicted himself. ok bo lets shut up before ppl get angry.

[Mizfit]

all these men claiming to be "nice guys" listen to yourselves when the women ARENT AROUND. Or maybe its only every single man ive ever met in MY life, i could be wrong. But noone ever called me a nice guy, just one who never contradicted himself. ok bo lets shut up before ppl get angry.

hahaha i agree with you there.. if a guy has to tell me he is a nice guy...

If he's truly alright i will be able to see it myself.. If you got to toot your own horn, it must be that it doesn't sound loud enough all on it's own.

The nice guy thing seems to be a line of today...

[Bojangles69]

"im a nice guy" is lamer than can "i buy you a drink", cause most men you can take the drink and leave, but a "nice guy" will chase you down and break the bottle over your head.

[spywizard]

[quote=gsxxr]1. walk up to girl.
2. ask girl her name.
3. tell girl your name.
4. ask girl for sex.
5. get slaped.
6. walk a way with head down.[/quote] not always

[G-1000]

[QUOTE=spywizard]

1. walk up to girl.
2. ask girl her name.
3. tell girl your name.
4. ask girl for sex.
5. get slaped.
6. walk a way with head down.[/quote] not always

No, tell me one story were that worked for you.